101. Officer, I saw your high beams
and thought you were a deuce , lingo for drunk driver, so I sped up
to give you some room.
102. I assume you are American (sorry
if you're not..) and I don't know how your public transport systems
work so this may not be relevant, but I have a well tested excuse
for being caught without a ticket or having a concession ticket
without a concession ID. Anyone wanting to use these should
rehearse, as they rely on convincing acting.
1. For use when caught without your ticket/concession ID while
a. Look in your bag/pocket and mutter to yourself something like
"oh not again" or "where's my wallet".
b. Stand up and make a great show of searching through all of your
pockets and bags several times.
c. Lie. "Oh no, I'm terribly sorry sir but it seems I left my
wallet on the station. I had it out to write something (have a
something ready in case you are questioned) down. Now I'll have to
cancel all my cards, not that that does any good for the cash that
was in there." Crap on for a while until they leave you alone.
The second excuse is similar, but it's modified for when you are
inspected leaving the station. Just make out like you left your
wallet on the train. In my experience acting isn't as necessary
here.... not sure why.
103. The night before my wedding I
was on my way to my bachelor party. I was running a little late and
speed thought a yellow/red light. Of course I got pulled over by
the local police. When asked where I was in a rush to I told him the
truth. His reply was "I'll give you the choice, either I can let
you off with a warning or take you in and you spend the night in
jail. You won't be out in time for your wedding." I was
dumbfounded but replied, "I'm sure I will regret this later in life
but I'll take the warning please". The cop started laughing his ass
off and said, "Have a nice night". Well 12 years later I still
don't regret it.
104. During rush hour evening traffic
in Alexandria Virginia, I was inch by inch trying to make my way to
I-95 and noticed a cop standing at the interstate looking over all
the cars that approached I-95. When I pulled beside him, he said,
you have a mighty slick tire on the front of your car. I said that
I had just had a flat and that's my spare. He said, you must have
had two flats because here is another slick one. I got ticket for
105. I was leaving work and ran into a
police roadblock. The officer said, I know you didn't think that a
leaf over your expired inspection sticker would work. I told him
that it had worked for the last six months. He laughed and gave me
106. A few friends of mine and I had
been out all night and suddenly got a craving for some Krispy Kreme
donuts. Among the four of us, we managed to come up with barely
enough to buy a dozen (we had just been to the mall and blown all of
our paychecks). We had just pulled back on to I-264 (speed limit 55
mph) and were doing about 75. Being as we were trying to pry open
the box, we didn't notice the Camaro sitting on the shoulder of the
road. The cop pulled us over and walked over to the window. Before
he could say anything my friend said, "Good evening officer. Would
you care for a donut?" The cop didn't say one word. He just took
the whole box from my friend, got back in to his car, and drove
off. Needless to say we were relieved to have not gotten a ticket,
but the guy could have at least left us a single donut.
107. This happened last year when I
was driving to my hometown somewhere in the middle of Belgium. I
was driving a little too fast when a police officer forced me to
stop. When he came to my window, I opened it (off course...) and
asked him (I wanted to be funny) : "You haven't stopped me for the
body in my trunk?" Suddenly he dragged me out of my car and asked
me to open my trunk. When he noticed that there wasn't a body in
the trunk he pointed his gun at my head and kept asking "What did
you do with the body?" It took me almost 10 minutes to convince him
that I was just trying to be funny. I succeeded, but I expected a
large fine. So I was very surprised that he decided to let me go
with just a warning.
108. Excuse for expired tags: Just
simply state to the officer that you refuse to have another
birthday, therefore your tags can't expire.
109. Strange as this may seem it could
only be done by a person like me. I was driving home one night from
a party, a little, well, should I say a lot inebriated and was
pulled over. The police officer asked for the reasons I was driving
so slow and with no head lights on. I told him that my car was
bright enough with out my head lights on cause I didn't want to
blind other drivers and that I was hiding from people that may
recognize my car. The police officer look at my license realizing
that he knew my dad and escorted me home. Boy did my parents freak
when I was brought home by the police, they explained what had
happened and the police officer laughed and told my parents that I
was only looking out for the safety of other drivers.
110. I was pulled over once by a
Sheriff's Deputy, the only cop in his small Alabama town. He asked
me what I was doing driving 80mph on "HIS Highway". I told him the
truth, that I was delivering some tools to the guys at work in
Mississippi and was on my way back home (about 2-3 hour more) and I
was trying to get there before it got too late and I got sleepy. He
said he'd never heard that one before, ran my license and told me to
be careful. He didn't even tell me to slow down!
111. One of my friends just got a 1992
Pontiac Grand Am and he was going to lunch one day during school and
he was doing 115 mph in a 65 zone. When the cop pulled him over his
excuse was, "I was just trying to see what my car could do, I just
got it 2 days ago." The officer didn't see this as a good excuse and
gave him a ticket.
112. One evening as I was leaving our
beach, I gunned the engine on my truck so as to impress my friends.
The beach is about 1/4 mile long and the parking lot is only grated
dirt. Though it's a 5 mph zone, I hit the pavement at the end at
between 45 and 50, just as a cop pulled in from the other
direction. He followed me and pulled me over a mile down the road,
after I had promptly slowed down to 25 at the end of the dirt, the
road's speed limit. Upon reaching us, he asked me if I knew how
fast I was going and what the speed limit was. I answered that I
didn't know either. He informed me of the 5 mph zone on the dirt,
but was forced to let me off with a warning because he couldn't get
my speed, because he had been coming towards me until I had slowed
113. Last Thanksgiving week, I was
extremely sick. It being the holidays, I couldn't go to the doctor
and so had to suffer through it on my own. One night I had a fever
of 102 and was coughing and nauseous, the works. I ran out of cough
medicine and couldn't sleep, so I drove to the all-night grocery in
town. It was 3 a.m. and this is a very small town, so there were
very few other cars out. As I was pulling out of the grocery, I got
caught at a light which is notorious for taking forever to turn. I
checked to see if it was safe to turn and, seeing no other cars, ran
the red light. I made it about a block before I saw the blue lights
flashing, of course the only other person out that time of night
would be a city cop. He pulled me over and and we went through the
usual routine, and I told him the truth, I was very sick and had
gone to get medicine. He asked for my registration and I looked for
it, took everything out of my glove box, but couldn't find it
anywhere. I tried to explain to the cop that it must be at home,
but I sneezed on him at just that time. He wasn't impressed so he
went back to his car. I sat in my car for about 20 minutes,
freezing in the rain, and was suddenly gripped in a fit of nausea.
I leaned over and puked harmoniously on the passenger side floor.
Just as I was wiping my mouth the cop came back. We both looked
rather embarrassed. Apparently being sick (and having proof) wasn't
a good enough excuse, because he gave me an $80 ticket for running
the red light, although he let me go on the registration (I found
the registration stuck in the back of the glove box the next day
while looking for a map).
114. I was speeding one morning on the
way to school and got pulled over. The cop said, "I have been
waiting all morning for you." I replied, " I'm sorry, I got here as
fast as I could." Somehow that worked and I got out of a ticket
115. My cousin (26) was driving while
my aunt was holding the baby and a police officer stopped us and
started to come over to their car. He was a fair way away and as he
was walking over, she started slapping the baby (just enough to make
it cry) when the police officer asked why it wasn't wearing a
seatbelt. My cousin said, "Oh, oh, she was choking! poor, poor
baby". The officer let them off and walked away.
116. When questioned by an angry
police officer as to why I was speeding. I said, "I was speeding
because I did not see the radar."
117. When the cop pulled me over, I
tried to explain but he started it, Judge. "Your eyes look stewed;
have you been drinking?" DESERVED "your eves look glazed; too many
donuts?" I got off!
118. Person to police officer after
being pulled over for speeding: "I'm sorry officer, but I was trying
to blow a leaf off my windshield".
119. I was speeding back to work one
morning because I had forgotten the breast milk I had pumped that
day for my infant. I was in a school zone, no seat belt, expired
tags on my car and had to of been driving at least 45 mph in a 25
zone. When the officer pulled me over and asked if I knew what was
I was doing, I simply said "oh my gosh officer, I have a very upset
breastfed newborn at the sitters, I am trying to get home to nurse
him and just realized I left my milk that I pumped at work at work
so I have to rush there to get it or he will starve tomorrow when I
work, and now he is crying even more because I am delayed." The
officer said, well then Mam, you had better get going, I know how
those little ones are demanding when its time to eat. Just drive
safe and don't forget your seat belt and to renew your license
tags. Off I went!!
120. I once worked with a girl who was
a little on the heavier side. One afternoon, we were driving in the
city, and happened to get pulled over by a police officer. She
quickly looked at me and said, "Just play along with what I say!"
Being a little nervous myself, I agreed. As the officer approached,
her breathing got a little bit heavier. She rolled down the window,
and before the officer could utter a word, she let out a blood
curdling scream. The officer stood there startled, as she told him
that she was in labor, and needed to get to the hospital that
minute! The officer quickly responded by telling her that she
needed to follow him to the hospital. As we drove off in the
officers direction, I began to panic. She told me not to worry and
to keep playing along with it. "It's not like the police officer is
going to follow me into the delivery room!" As we reached the
hospital, I took my cue, jumped out of the car and told him that I
had it from there and thanked him for the escort. As the officer
left the parking lot, my friend and I walked toward the entrance
door of the ER, and watched as he drove out of site. That had to be
the most weirdest, yet craziest excuse I had ever heard or gotten
121. I got pulled over one day for
doing 80mph in a 60. The cop came up and told me how fast I was
going and asked why. I replied, "Because I'm running late for work
and if I don't make it there on time I will be fired!" I explained
to him that if he was to keep me there to write me a ticket I would
be late, get fired, wouldn't be able to pay the ticket, and end up
in jail. Surprisingly he let me go with a warning.
122. Police officers hear plenty of
excuses from people caught speeding. Once I stopped a woman for
going 50 m.p.h. in a 25-m.p.h. zone. When I asked if she knew the
speed limit, she answered correctly. Then I questioned why she was
going so fast. "Oh, I just pulled out of the car wash," she said.
"I was blow-drying my car."
Borrowed from Readers Digest
123. This is one my brother "the smart
ass" used. One day it was raining real bad, and as he came up to a
stop light he noticed a cop behind him. Being the person he is, he
intentionally ran a red light. The police officer pulled him over
and asked him if he knew why he was being stopped. My brother
blatantly replied, "yes because I ran the red light." The officer
asked him why he ran the red light and he responded, "Because I
wanted to see you pull me over and get your paper-work wet trying to
write me a ticket." As you probably know this one didn't get him
out of the ticket.
124. When I was 16, I was returning by
bike with some friends after drinking some beers (approx. 10-12 per
person). We were stopped by the police driving along the canal and
the policeman sneered at one of my friends, "Your front light is
not working. Get off your bike!" Answer: "Will that help?"
125. Well, I had to pick my two
friends up from home to go to a marching band parade. One of my
friends washed his band t-shirt, but never dried it. So as we were
driving to school, he said, "Just keep driving around the school, I
need to dry my shirt!" So we made about 5 circles around the school
and got pulled over on the 6th. Two officers approached and asked
why we were driving around the school. I said, "We're helping him
dry his shirt out the window." This was followed by a long laugh
from the police. One officer turned to the other and said, "Hear
that, that's a new one, drying his shirt out the window!" They let
us go, because my other friend and I both had our shirts on. That
was funny though.
126. I'm a cop in a small town, and
this really happened - to me!
I was standing on the opposite side of the road when I saw a car
heading northbound, and something told me it wasn't going to stop.
It didn't and it slammed into the back of my cruiser. The driver
wasn't hurt and, when I asked for his driver's license, told me he
left his wallet at home and handed me a state issued ID card. In
this state, ID cards are not issued to people who have driver's
licenses, and if you have an ID card and get a driver's license, you
have to turn the ID card in, so I knew the driver had no license. A
quick check told me why he was lying, and he was promptly arrested
and extradited to the neighboring state from which he escaped while
being sought on a charge of Attempted Murder.
Moral: When running from the law, don't run into the law.
127. True story: My friend was
driving late at night and was stopped at a red light. He was
waiting to make a left turn and got annoyed because he was the only
one on the road, so he decided he would just make the turn and blow
the light, turns out a cop was just pulling out of a parking lot
near by and pulled him over....when the officer asked him why he
went through the red light he said, "I didn't see a no left turn on
red sign".....the officer found the answer amusing and let him
128. No Excuse.... JUST A LECTURE....
My Sister is LARGE woman, and in addition has health problems that
make use of seat belts difficult. She had an exemption from her
doctor, but thought it had expired and had not renewed it. One day
while riding with her, an Iowa Highway Patrol we were meeting on a
two lane highway, decided to cite her for no seat belt. The
patrolman made a U turn, swung in behind several cars following us,
and then proceeded to pass and pull her over. In doing so, several
on coming cars were forced to swerve to the shoulder and brake to
avoid a head on crash with the patrol car. My sister was so
furious, that the instant the patrolman approached her car, she
leaned out the window and screamed at him... "WHAT IS WRONG WITH
YOU... DIDN'T YOU SEE THOSE CARS COMING... YOU COULD HAVE KILLED A
LOT OF PEOPLE... Sis continued to scream at the cop and lecture him
and then told him she damn well had an exemption but it had expired
and that she would have it renewed on her next visit to her doctor.
She then shoved it in his face and he handed it back to her and
Thanked her. Later, she looked at the paper and discovered it had
not yet expired, but the patrolman probably didn't care anyway...
It was pretty funny seeing a very Angry Large Lady scream at a
Highway Patrolman like he was naughty little boy... I would never
have had the nerve she had!
129. It was late one night on my way
home from work. I knew that I was going 75 in a 25 but never
expected a cop to be anywhere near. As I am rounding a turn I see
him hidden behind a carwash. I slammed on my brakes and knew I was
done for. I looked in my rearview and saw him creeping out of the
parking lot. So I just pulled over right away. He never put his
lights on. He comes up to my window and says is there something
wrong? I said, "No officer I know I was flying and figured there
was no chance in you not pulling me over so I figured' I would save
you the trouble." He laughed and questioned me where I worked at
and where I was going and let me go! I had tripled the speed
130. My Uncle lives in California and
found a book of excuses gathered by the California Highway Patrol.
The best we found was a woman that was pulled over by speeding. She
told the cop that she was late on her way to the airport to pick up
her Mother Superior and Sisters. She has a Nun's Habit laying on
the back seat. Needless to say, no one questioned the authenticity
of this woman's story and let her go on her way.
131. Returning from a trip to visit my
grandmother in Canada, I was stopped by a state trooper in New York
for exceeding the speed limit. Grateful to have received a warning
instead of a ticket, I gave him a small bag of my grandmother's
delicious chocolate-chip cookies and proceeded on my way. Later, I
was stopped by another trooper. "What have I done?" I asked.
"Nothing," the trooper said, smiling. "I heard you were passing out
great chocolate-chip cookies."
132. I was speeding down the highway
when I saw a cop turn around so I quickly let off the gas and acted
like I was looking for something. When he stopped me he asked me
why was I speeding I said my gas pedal got stuck under my floor mat
and it worked no ticket.
133. This worked for me and I knew I
was speeding and I do believe about 14 miles over the speed limit.
When a State Trooper coming at me turned around and pulled me over .
I told her I was not watching how fast I was going, but that I was
watching the road instead and did not know I was speeding till I
seen her turn her flashing lights on. What was she going to say.
"Well you need to be watching your speed not the road." She said I
should use my cruise control and let me go.
134. One night When I was driving up
the interstate in Denver to meet my friends who were camping it was
around 12:30 am and I was going 110 in a 55. Well needless to say I
got pulled over and I got the whole speech about the dangers of
driving too fast by this young cop. After about five minutes of
hearing that from him he asked me what I had to say for myself. I
explained to him that my friends were camping and that I had a girl
up there who wanted me and if I didn't get there soon my friends
would drink all my beer. I guess he was expecting a big long
explanation or something because after I said my piece he just stood
there for a minute then started laughing and let me go with a
135. Officer I wasn't really speeding
but my air conditioner is broken and I was trying to fight off heat
exhaustion by making a faster breeze. You wouldn't want me to pass
out behind the wheel and cause an accident would you?
136. I was driving down the road and
all of a sudden I was pulled over for speeding! He asked if I new
what the sign said back there and I said it said 85mph. The police
officer said it said 65mph so I touched my face and said I don't
have my glasses!
137. I was at a party and we were told
that the cops were on the way. I was to drunk to drive , so I let a
co-worker drive my Very large 4X4 truck. As we pulled out, a cop
pulled up and followed us. The steering was Real sloppy due to the
large tires so we were all over the road. We got about 3 blocks
before the lights came on. The driver got out and met the cop at
the back of the truck. I could hear the conversation through the
window. First he asked where we were going , and the guy told him
that he was taking me home. Then the cop asked for the guys
license, he told them that he didn't have one. The cop asked if he
just didn't have one with him , or if the State had them , to which
he replied that the state had them. (At that point I knew we were
going to jail.) The cop replied that he was going to have to take
us in. The guy said, "Please sir, My daddy will beat me". The cop
said ok , I'm going to let you go, but I had better not see this
truck back out tonight. We left , and spent the night sleeping in
the truck in a pasture so I would not have to go home drunk.
138. "I was coming back from my
ex-fiancé's at 1230pm, leaving Charleston SC. I was coming off one
of the huge bridges that ships go under, well anyways I got up to
about 80-90 mph, in a 55 mph zone, and then I see a State trooper
sitting on the break down lane as I was coming off the bridge. His
lights came on well before I passed him, and I really thought I was
screwed. He comes up to the window and says ,"you going a little
fast back there", and I told him " Ya coming off of a big bridge
gets the best of me sometimes, and it just seems like its made to go
faster". He just chuckled and wrote me a warming, and told me to
put my foot on the brake next time I came over the bridge. It
worked once, ever wonder if it will work again?
139. I pulled a speeder over coming
into town over an overpass. She was 30 kilometers over the speed
limit. When told that she was speeding, she said of course she
was. She was going downhill and had over a thousand pounds of dog
food in her van. Needless to say gravity is not a justifiable
excuse for speeding.
140. A few summers ago, I got pulled
over for having expired tags on my car. When the officer asked me
why I didn't get my tags renewed, I simply pointed to my newborn son
in the back seat and told him that I had been rather busy lately!
He let me go but only after giving me directions to the nearest DEQ.
141. I was thinking that when I get
pulled over I can scheme my way out of it using this excuse: As we
all know the signs say, "speed limit." Well, a limit can be a
maximum or a minimum. So for example when the please officer says,
"Why were you driving 45 when the speed limit was 30?" I can reply
with this clever retort, "I thought that meant that the minimum
speed I could drive was 30. If you really wanted me to dive 30 the
sign should say 'maximum speed 30." If the officer is smart or has
a sense of humor I should be able to get off with a warning.
142. Just south of Las Vegas Nevada is
a dry lake bed. A few years ago, I was driving past it on my way to
Arizona. I decided to pull off and have a little joyride. As I
tore across the desert, I saw a state trooper pull of the highway
and start in my direction. I slowed down and brought my car around
so I could pull up, driver's door, to driver's door, with the
officer. He asked me if I knew how fast I was going. I replied
that I honestly didn't know because my speedometer only went up to
120 mph, and I had gone beyond that. He told me he had clacked me
at 136 mph. I was impressed. Not bad for a four door family
sedan. He let me go saying I should be careful, and if he ever
caught me going that fast on his highway, he'd just shoot me.
143. When pulled over for speeding: I
was almost out of gas and I was speeding so I could get to a gas
station before I ran out.
144. My 18 year old son had just
bought a 1976 Cadillac. Around 3 am and driving 30 mph faster than
the posted limit, he was crossing a 3 mile long bridge and a cop was
waiting on the other end for speeders. When pulled over the cop
asked my son, "Do you know what the speed limit is on the
bridge?!". My son kept a straight face and replied, "No, I was
going too fast to see the sign". The cop started laughing so hard
he let him off with a warning ticket, of which he proudly showed to
me the next morning.
145. Me and my ex ( wasn't my ex at
the time) were trolling for prostitutes in the drag area of town
late one night when a police officer pulled us over. He came to my
side of the car ( I was driving), and asked us what we were doing.
I explained that we were on our way to a friend's place in the
area. He then asked us for a cigarette. We obliged. He let us go.
Before we left, we watched him pull another car over. We had a good
laugh because we realized that he was having a nicotine fix. He was
asking the other car's occupant for a cigarette. We drove straight
146. This is not an excuse...it's a
true story. One night my uncle was driving home, he's a very bad
driver that sways to the music, and was pulled over by a cop that
thought he was a little more than drunk. He was totally sober and
of course passes the test, the officer couldn't give him a ticket
and instead told my Uncle that he (the cop) wanted my uncle to start
drinking and driving so he would have a legal reason for getting him
off the road. I don't think he knows that the rest of the family
still get a good laugh from this story, and it happened over 10
147. My wife was taking my 3 year old
daughter to pre-school one day, my daughter is kind of stubborn and
wanted to sit in the front seat. Well sure enough, a cop pulls them
over and comes up to the passenger side of the car, my wife rolls
the window down and the cop asks why the little girl is in the front
seat. My wife explains that our daughter was throwing a fit and she
got tired of fighting her to sit in the back seat. The cop looked
at my daughter and said that if she wanted to sit in the front seat,
he would have to arrest her, at which point he reaches for his
cuffs. My daughter launched herself into the backseat and refused
to sit in the front. The cop got a good laugh out of that one.
148. I'm a police officer, I was
working radar on a 40mph limit street when a car passed me doing
57mph. I stopped the car and the driver said, I'm sorry officer,
I'm in a hurry and my mind was going 90 miles an hour, I replied,
that's funny, your car was only doing 57. BUSTED....
149. Police Excuse Sorry officer, I
didn't know it was a law.
150. A friend of mine's mother was
once pulled over for running a red light. She and the officer
discussed back and forth for a few minutes about whether the light
was actually red or not. The officer felt it was and she, of
course, felt it was not. They couldn't agree, so they came to the
conclusion that the light must have been pink.
151. I have friend in college she's
always speeding I asked her if she ever got a ticket. She told me
no. I said well how do you get out of them. She told me, "I poke
the inside my nose with my finger nail so it bleeds then when the
cop gets there I tell him I'm sorry I was going to get some tissues
for my nose.
152. Whenever I get pulled over for
speeding, I just tell the officer that I was on my way to the
hospital to have surgery. When he/she asks why, I just tell them
that, "I'm going to have the lead taken out of my foot"! It always
gets a good laugh from the officer. By the way, the comedy traffic
school got a kick out of it too!
153. My girlfriend and I were driving
home one evening, down a country road. The speed limit was 35mph,
well she was driving about 90mph. We flew past a cop, and about 15
miles down the road we came upon a stop sign, the cop caught up with
us at the stop sign an pulled us over. He came running up to the
window of the car with his flashlight, yelled at us to get out of
the car. He asked us what "that smell" was in the car. We asked
him, what smell. He said it smells like you have been smoking
something, my girlfriend and I looked at each other and laughed. We
said yes sir, we have been smoking cigarettes. The cop didn't
believe us, he called for a K-9 unit, they searched the car and us,
and found a carton of Marlboro lights, and a bag of tootsie rolls.
Fortunately for us, the cop didn't have his radar on, so didn't know
how fast we were going, and let us go with a verbal warning. I
laugh every time I think about this.
154. My boyfriend got pull over by a
cop for speeding like his wheels were on fire (taking off to quickly
on a traffic light and since he just happened to purchase very
recently the vehicle he was driving, he was trying to impress me) he
told me not to say anything, so I looked out the window. Then the
policeman ask him why was he speeding? He told the officer that he
just got the car out of the car-shop (mechanic) and he was trying it
out since it was having a electric problem, and he wanted to make
sure it was running fine. The policemen after hesitating told my
boyfriend to be careful and not to speed anymore and he got off
receiving a big ticket for reckless driving. I just look at him
gagging still trying to contain my laughter. He was embraced and
the policeman was still driving next to us side by side. I told him
if it would of being me I would of got the ticket.
155. My cousin got pulled over for
speeding last year. She didn't want another ticket, so she told the
officer, "please don't give me a ticket. I have just escaped...
I've been abducted by aliens!" The officer had never heard that
excuse before and thought it was hilarious. It actually worked,
156. It was 11:30 at night, I was 200
miles into a 400 mile trip, I got pulled over for speeding. I
explained to the policeman that I wasn't getting any radio reception
(the antennae was in the front seat with me) and the only tape in
the car was the soundtrack to Star Wars. I was playing it to stay
awake, but every time the music from a fight scene or the bombing of
the Death Star played, I sped up. He followed me to a gas station,
where I bought a $2 Carpenter's Greatest Hits tape, and sent me on
my way. No ticket. No more speeding. Threw the tape out the
window at the state line....
157. "Officer, I know I was speeding,
but your not going to believe me, I know your not." The officer
asked, "just what is your excuse?" She stated, "it's that time of
the month and I'm headed to WalMart."
158. Ok here is my line I actually
used being a blonde. I'm sorry officer, but my blinker fluid ran
out and my boyfriend told me not to use them. And it works!
159. NO really the parked car ran into
160. Pulled over for speeding with
infant son in the child safety seat in back. Had changed his diaper
on the car's hood a few minutes before, when we left the mall.
Opened up the soiled diaper and shoved it under my seat. When the
cop knocked on my window, the smell came at him in a wave. When he
asked the usual "What's the hurry?" "He said 'potty' and I was
trying to get him to one before it was too late." "Isn't he still in
diapers?" "He's got some stomach upset, and we've used all the ones
in the bag." (The smell backed me up at this point.) He
apologized, and sent me on my way. Tears streaming from my eyes, I
161. A 19 year old male was speeding,
when of course, a police officer, was on his tail, the 19 year old
pulled over and when the police officer asked why he had been
speeding, he replied with, I just got my car washed and I was trying
to dry it! The officer let him go with such a creative excuse, but
the funny part was it wasn't an excuse!
162. Three girlfriends and I went
club-hopping about two hours away from home. On our way back, I had
asked one of my friends to drive my car as it was late and I was
really tired. She is known for swerving a bit, even when sober.
(You know how people pantomime driving with their hands? That is
what she does when she is actually holding the wheel.) Of course,
the police thought we were drunk and pulled us over. My friend
freaked out because she didn't even have her temporary license.
(All she had was the fake ID to get into the clubs, she wasn't about
to hand THAT over!) I told everyone to relax and just follow my
lead. As soon as the officer walked up to the driver window, I
didn't even give the poor guy a chance to say anything - I
immediately leaned over from the passenger side and started losing
it on him - "OH THANK GOD! Oh, officer you HAVE to help us, we are
SO LOST and we have to get home, we live in *****, please PLEASE can
you give us directions??" (The other three caught on quick and
chimed in about how scared they were and how they were going to be
soooo late and get in so much trouble, etc. We knew perfectly well
how to get home, actually) The officer nodded and said, "Oh, ok,
well you girls are on the right freeway, just keep heading west,
then turn onto this freeway and that should take you right into
*****. You were swerving a bit, I just wanted to make sure you
weren't drinking. Have a nice night!" He walked back to his
cruiser and left. He never even asked for a license or anything!
163. One time, I was pulled over for
speeding in my home town. When the officer (who looked younger than
me) came up to the car and asked what my hurry was - I panicked. I
did not want to get another ticket so I thought of the first thing
that came to my mind. I told the officer that I had just started my
period and that I had to get home as soon as possible! The officer,
flustered and red actually offered me an escort home...needless to
say, I didn't get a ticket and the officer has a story to tell his
buddies at the station....
164. One night I was riding with my
best friend to drop my boyfriend off. On the way back to pick up my
other friend we stopped at the gas station to put gas in his car.
When we got to the gas station the town cop was sitting in the gas
station eating and talking to some lady. When we left my friend
took off to fast and squealed his tires leaving the pump. Then he
squealed them again pulling on to the road. When we were leaving
town we noticed that the cop had followed us. When we got pulled
over the cop was so mad he didn't even ask for license and
registration, he just stood there with his hand out. When he
returned he had cooled down some and asked my friend why we were
speeding and he told the cop that my CD (which was sitting on the
center console) had fallen on to the floor while he was turning and
when he was trying to pick it up he accidentally hit the gas to
hard. The cop bought it but was still pretty upset that he squealed
the tires twice in a row and he got a $100 disorderly conduct with a
motor vehicle fine. (his 19th in 5 years) We thought it was pretty
165. I found out, this worked only
because the cop was in a good mood. I got stopped by a cop leaving
Houston, going to Austin. He asked me if I knew how fast I was
going, and I told him, that I had just washed my car, and can not do
a thing with it. He let me go on a warning....LOL!
166. After being a State Trooper for
16 years, writing traffic summons can become a little boring. Every
once in a while I will stop someone for speeding, put on my most
serious face and ask, "You know any good jokes?". I get that "what
the..." look, and I say to them, "tell you what, you tell me a good
joke and I won't write you". I haven't heard a joke yet, but
watching them struggle to come up with one is priceless. After a
few "umms and ahhs", trying to think of a joke' they get a warning
about their driving and we both leave smiling.
167. I got stopped by the cops here in
Scotland for doing 100 mph in a 70. He asked why I was driving so
fast. I explained to him that I just had surgery on my testicals
and I was in extreme pain so I had to hurry home to sit in cold
bath. He squirmed a bit then told me to hurry home, it works all
168. I'm from the south and I was in
Boston visiting a friend of mine. On the way home I was speeding on
the New Jersey turnpike and of course I got pulled over. The
officer came to my window and just started screaming at me for
speeding and riding in the left lane. His face was bright red and
his eyes were bulging. I thought I was in for it. When he finally
finished, I got all teary eyes and in my best southern accent I told
him that I was from a very small town and that I had never driven on
an interstate before. Would you believe it worked! I got off with
just a warning.
169. I was driving home on evening and
I slipped through an amber light. It was a 40 mph zone and I was
doing about 50 mph further up the road, I saw the flashing lights
behind me and pulled over. The copper said to me 'do you realize
that you were speeding and went through an amber light'. I replied
'Yes sir I realized I was speeding but I have the worst diarrhea and
you can follow me home to get the evidence if you want', needless to
say it worked and he let me off with a warning.
170. I'm a police officer. The
funniest excuse I have ever heard was from a man I stopped for
speeding near a hospital. When I asked him why he was going so
fast, he said he was taking his son to the hospital. I asked if
there was some kind of emergency requiring immediate attention, and
he said, "no, I'm taking my son to be circumcised!" I gave him the
171. One night when I was 18, two
girlfriends and I decided to drive from San Diego to LA. We pulled
into Oceanside and went through a drive thru for french fries and
soda, then I made a left into traffic, then a couple of blocks down
turned a right into the parking lot of a liquor store . The dancing
lights of a police car were upon us as we turned in. Two officers
got out, and came over to the car. The older one asked me "do you
always drive with your lights off?" I looked at him and said
without thinking, 'no, only when I'm in Oceanside!" The two
officers looked at each other and burst out laughing. They told us
to be careful, then got in their car and left. We could hear them
laughing down the block. That section of the road has many lights,
and at night it's like daylight. It was an oversight on my part,
and I thought my girlfriends were going to kill me for saying such a
172. Since my brother is a police
officer, my father is a retired police officer, my grandfather
before him was a police officer, I dated a couple of police
officers, and several of my friends are police officers; I tell
them since they were arrested in the first place they must be guilty
and therefore must go to jail.
173. One evening while on a DUI
patrol, I was in a two man unit. We were patrolling a rural area in
a 55 mph zone when we observed a car coming at us at 68 mph. I
looked to my partner and said 68 what do you think. He said we'll
lets follow him and see if he might be drunk. We spun around to
follow and proceeded to try and catch up with the vehicle. The
vehicle seemed to be picking up speed. At this point we did not
have our emergency equipment activated. We continued to follow the
subject. We were going faster and faster up to 92 mph. I looked to
my partner and said 92 he said 92 and we proceeded to activate our
emergency lights and the vehicle pulled over. Just for information
this was a Ford Festiva 3 cylinder car. Upon interviewing the
driver it was found that he did not have a drivers license. We
placed him in the back of our patrol unit. I turned the rear view
mirror so I could see the subject, a 16 year old kid. Then I asked
him if he saw us turn around on him. He replied that he had. Then
I asked him if he knew that it was a police car and he again replied
yes. So I asked him why he was doing 92 mph. With a straight face
he replied " I thought you wanted to race". I had to get out of the
patrol car and regain my composure before issuing his numerous
174. Occifer, I swear to drunk I'm not
175. I heard that someone told a cop
"You are NOT giving me a ticket!" enough times until he agreed not
176. A police car pulled me over near
the high school where I teach. As the officer asked for my license
and registration, my students began to drive past. Some honked
their horns, others hooted, and still others stopped to admonish me
for speeding. Finally the officer asked me if I was a teacher at
the school, and I told him I was. "I think you've paid your debt to
society," he said with a smile, and left without giving me a ticket.
177. When a cop flashes you, you pull
over. When he approaches, keep looking around nervously and check
the mirrors frequently. Ask him (or her) if he saw the men in black
suits two miles back. When (s)he denies it, point at him and shout,
"You're one of them!! Oh GOD they found me!" And start confessing
your sins to God. Assuming they let you get this far, get out of
the car and kneel on the ground. Say "Kill me quickly." Of the
three times I tried this, I got one ticket, one incredulous look and
a warning, and one riotous laugh and a congratulations. Seriously.
178. One day I was driving down a road
in a small town. When all of the sudden a police car with his siren
going came up behind me. I asked the police man what I was doing
wrong. He said, "nothing personal mister but if I don't give you a
ticket I will be bored for another week".
179. One night while working patrol I
pulled a vehicle over on the highway. I could see the husband
talking to his wife and motioning with his arms. I approached to
vehicle on the passenger side and asked why they were doing 80MPH in
a 65 zone. The driver stated that his wife was having chest pains
and they were going to the hospital. The wife didn't seem to be in
distress, but I called for an ambulance anyway. Looking at his
drivers license and address, I asked him if he realized that he
lived 2 miles from a level 2 trauma hospital. He said yes, but his
doctor told him to go to one that was 10 miles away (level 3
trauma). When the ambulance arrived they loaded his wife up and
took her to the hospital. Price of a ticket: $120.00 Price of
ambulance/hospital: $600.00 + Look on his face: Priceless!
180. Patrol Sgt.
Chuck Buckingham heard one of his favorites after pulling over
someone going more than 70 mph. The driver claimed a grasshopper had
landed on the windshield as the couple in the car left town, so they
decided to see how fast they could go before the grasshopper blew
off. During the stop, the grasshopper was still on the car.
181. Trooper Sam
Winters pulled over a young man in Banner County who explained,
"Officer I have a hot date tonight in Scottsbluff, and if you'd seen
this girl, you'd be speeding too."
182. Some one
tried an understanding approach with Trooper Fred Bastron. Bastron
stopped a woman for speeding in a Lincoln Continental. She explained
with the car's 4.6 liter engine, it "just wants to go and go."
Bastron said the engine was the same one his patrol car had. "Well,
you know what I'm up against then," she said.
183. Lt. Howard
Cofer of the State Patrol said he pulled over a speeder doing 85
mph. The man explained he was trying to return the car early to
save $100. The fine for speeding was $100 plus court costs.
184. JUDGE: blaa
blaa blaa. ME: alright I did it! Well I didn't really but I'm gonna
say I did cos in jail they feed you right? Look I got no job, no
home, no money and my mom wont take me back! So just put me in jail
where I can get food for the first time in a week! Do this
emotionally and it works!
185. One time a few
years ago, my older brother was driving me to a Girl Scout meeting.
We were a few minutes late, and on a road with a speed limit of 25
or 30. He got pulled over doing 15 or 20 above the speed limit.
Luckily, I was wearing my uniform and had my handbook in my lap.
His explanation: "I'm very sorry, Officer, but I was taking my
little sister to her Girl Scout meeting and we're already 5 minutes
late." He checked my brother's license, and since he had no other
tickets, he got out of it. We still think that the only reason the
cop let him out was the fact that I was wearing my uniform.
186. My friend was
driving going 78 in a 55 mph zone, when a state trooper coming the
other way pulled around and pulled her over. My blonde friend being
the quick thinker that she is starts to get teary eyed. She gives
the registration card to the officer and explains that this vehicle
is her parents car and she hit a button and the car took off. She
said that she got so panicked that she didn't know what to do and
then she finally hit the brake pedal. The officer looked at her
console and asked her what button she pushed. He then gave her back
the registration and told her, "Ma'am that button was the cruise
control, the next time you get in a vehicle I suggest you know where
all the controls are, and how to use them, have a nice day." And
then he walked away.
187. I'm sorry
officer for speeding, but without my glasses I can't see the
188. Sorry officer
for throwing the beer cans out the window but I didn't want my wife
to see how many that I have drank.
189. I used this
one when I was only thirty seconds from my house and a little
intoxicated... Officer my wife jus called me and said she's about to
have the baby, so can I please get home!!! It worked.
190. I was driving
home late one night when I got pulled over. I knew exactly how fast
I'd been going (between 75 and 80 mph). However, I drive an older
model Japanese car that really doesn't look capable of going that
fast, sad but true. When the officer asked me how fast I was going,
I played dumb and said, "I don't know, but since this car has a hard
enough time keeping up with freeway traffic, I figured I couldn't
possibly been going any faster than 60, maybe 65? The speedometer
isn't the most accurate, it's a really old car you see." I kept the
surprised look on my face when he told me how fast I was going. No
ticket, I think he felt bad for me. If I couldn't afford anything
better than what I was driving, I guess he figured I couldn't afford
191. These are
true, I was a Sheriff and these are some of the excuses I heard. I
actually wrote very few, about 1-2 a week, but when they came up
with really lame excuses, I just had to.
People who got the ticket;
Guy on a motorcycle doing 110mph at 1 in the morning "I was cold so
I wanted to get home fast"
Old lady doing 88 in a 25 zone "I was checking to see if my muffler
Vietnamese woman doing 45 in a 25 school zone "No speaka english"
After receiving the ticket "you son of a *&^%$, you wrote me a
People who did not get a ticket;
I paced a guy going 90 mph for about 5 miles. When I noticed he had
a radar detector on his dash (Yes, that's how close I was and he
didn't look in his rearview mirror once!) I reached over and
activated my radar. I saw his detector light up and he hit his
brakes so hard he skidded into the ditch! I was laughing so hard
that I couldn't write him, but I did call for a tow truck. He was a
Guy doing 70 in a 35 zone "I just won the lottery" He really did,
but he was heartbroken when I explained that the lottery office was
closed on Sundays!
But this guy was my favorite; I caught a guy in a Porsche Cabriolet
doing 125mph in a 65 zone. I told him to explain why he was going so
fast. He showed me the purchase papers for the car and said "I've
waited my whole life to own this car. I bought it yesterday and have
been driving it ever since. It was 4 in the morning, no one else was
around, and I just wanted to really open it up once, to see what it
I handed him back his license and said "That makes perfect sense to
192. My dad got
pulled over for drinking and driving. But what the officer didn't
know is that my dad really poured corn nuts into his mouth. The
officer felt so stupid he walked back to his car with out saying
193. Well officer
as I lit my crack pipe my gun fell off my lap wedging itself in the
gas pedal forcing me to speed out of control has not worked yet.
194. My dad is
French and when he would get pulled over for speeding he would say
it was a friends car and that he was leaving the country the next
day. This worked about five times until he got pulled over by the
same cop two weeks later.
195. I was driving
home from a friend's house one night and was in a hurry to get
home. I was driving 70 in a 60 m.p.h. zone and ended up getting
pulled over. The State Trooper asked if I knew how fast I was going
I stated yes but I had just bought these really *cute* boots and my
heel got stuck under the gas pedal. I got a warning for speeding
and to start wearing no heeled shoes while driving.
196. I was driving
on HWY 249 in Houston about 2 days after I got my license, I was
probably doing about 120 in my friends Jetta, as I was exiting the
highway I had two state troopers pull me over, as the officer came
to the window he asked to see my license and registration, so I gave
them to him, he walked over to the patrol car sat inside and talked
with his buddy and then came over gave me my license and said drive
the speed limit and left!! I have no idea why I didn't get a ticket
or why he didn't even ask me why he pulled me over but I was sure
197. We were
driving to Florida for a vacation one year and a State Trooper
pulled us over in Mississippi for following a car too close. The
trooper took my father to the police car and sat him down for about
15 minutes, when my father returned we asked what had taken so long
and my dad said that the office let him off in exchange for help
with his Spanish homework!!!!
198. This one
occurred when I was 17 years old. I was driving my brother to a
youth group party, going about 65 in a 35, in addition to a
multitude of other moving violations. I DESERVED to get pulled
over. Sure enough, I look in the rearview and see a blue light
flashing on the dash. My radar detector did not go off, so I
figured it was a detective or some other non-traffic officer. I
asked him what the problem was, and he informed me I was going 55
mph. "Are you sure it was 55?" I asked, incredulously as I could.
"Does a bear shit in the woods, son?" I had no response. "Just let
me make sure you don't have a case of beer or a pound of marijuana
in there" he said as he stuck his hand under the driver's seat.
Upon finding nothing (it was a Tuesday night, we didn't hit the
heavy stuff until Thursday back then...). Then he LET ME GO. I was
invincible back then....
199. I got pulled
over for no reason then the cop noticed I had people in my car and I
wasn't supposed to. Then he asked if I knew my limitations for the
first six months of my drivers license I lied and said no. He let
me go with a warning and sited me for no lights above my license
plate. Then I went and got it signed off and he got fired.
200. My dad came in
from a road trip looking a little shaken saying, "boy oh boy those
bumper stickers really work". What he was talking about was a
bumper sticker he got every year when he sent a donation in that
said, "I gave to the POLICE Benevolent Association" with POLICE in
huge letters and the rest in small letters. What had happened was
that he was driving down I-74 at about 90mph and went around an 18
wheeler doing the speed limit. As he blasted past he saw that a
police car was in front of the trucker. He said he thought "I'm
dead!" His exit came up just then and he proceeded down the exit
ramp. The cop car came down the ramp also. He was resigning
himself to his fate. He got to the light at the bottom in the right
lane to turn right. The cop car pulled up next to him in the left
lane. The cop looked at him, saluted, and turned LEFT going in the
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