The Mother Of All Excuses Place

School and Homework Excuses

1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.
2. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
3. Dear School: Excuses
   Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
4. Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.
5. Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.
6. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
7. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
8. Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.
9. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
10. Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.
11. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
12. Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
13. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear.
14. Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
15. Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
16. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.
17. Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
18. Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
19. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.
20. Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor.
21. Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night.
22. Please excuse Bob from school from Sep. 1 - Nov. 1, he had to attend a religious sacrificial giving ceremony on Indian grounds .
23. My brother used this in real life..."the only reason that I do bad in school is because I'm near and far sighted."
24. Please excuse my son from school yesterday, he has gangrene and cock itch.
25. Please excuse Jackie for not having her homework she was a little under the weatherman, and there was a big flurry in Central America.
26. I didn't come to school yesterday because I was feeling like I was going to be sick, but thankfully I wasn't!
27. Please excuse my daughter for being late. Her broom won't start so I had to send it back to Salem for repairs!
28. I'm sorry but my baby sitter flushed my homework down the toilet.
29. I'm sorry Tyler can't go to school today because his hormones are raging.
30. I'm sorry I can't come to school today because I have toemonia!
31. A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said, " What about extreme sexual exhaustion? ", and the whole classroom burst into laughter. After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, " Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."
32. My son Michael won't be in school today, he caught his thing in his zipper this morning while dressing and is in lot of pain!
33. In my school district and a few around us we have a senior skip day. The seniors get to take a day off without being truant. But our new principal decided to change some rules this year and made senior skip day a truancy. All we had to do to make it excused was bring a note from a parent or doctor or something. So my mom wrote, "Please excuse my son from being absent, it was senior skip day," and they accepted it as excused."
34. Please Excuse Eric from school on May 5th thru May 19th, he was waiting in line for the new Star Wars film, you will be happy to know he got tickets for next September, when he will be missing another week of school while he waits for the perfect seat.
35. My mom called my school this morning and told them that my face was very sunburned and swollen so I couldn't go to school today or tomorrow, which is true and they accepted it as an excused absence.
36. Actually used - by me, the teacher.!! I am sorry your exams are not all marked. The cat got jealous as I was marking instead of petting him and after I went to bed he attacked the test papers. Those of you missing entire sections will be credited full marks. If I can see your answer through the tooth mark holes, I'll mark what you wrote down.
37. Again - this actually happened to me - the teacher! Sorry your books are being returned late - my briefcase was run over in the middle of the Fraser Highway after it fell from the roof of my car. I apologize for the tire tracks on some of your pages. The tire tracks will not detract from your marks for neatness.
38. Please excuse Casey from school. It was Take Your Daughter to work day. I don't have a job, so I made her stay home and do housework.
39. Please excuse my daughter from school yesterday and P.E. forever. She had a very bad asthma attach running in P.E. because the coach made her run too much. Please excuse her from P.E. even though the doctor says she needs it.
40. For school if you have a worksheet or something here is one thing you can say: I was doing my homework like a good little girl (or boy) and my dad wanted to check it, I gave him the paper and he forgot that he had it, he got a call from his boss saying that he had to pack now because he was going out of town, well he was so much in a hurry that he packed my homework in his suitcase, he won't be back for another 3 weeks...does that mean that I can get an extension?
41. When my husband and I first started dating, we got this great idea to have a bunch of us to go on a picnic on this beautiful spring day. I would have him write the excuse for me and have him sign my stepfathers name as I had never turned in an excuse from him and they did not know his handwriting. After our wonderful day with our friends picnicking he wrote the note, without looking at it, I put it in my purse to turn it in the following morning, which I did first thing I got to homeroom. After a few minutes the teacher called me up to her desk. She asked me, "Who wrote this excuse?" "My stepfather" I replied. "And how was he feeling when he wrote this?" "OK, I guess." not knowing what she was getting to. She handed me the note to read. The note my boyfriend had written said, Please excuse Sharon for being absent as she was feeling good yesterday. The excuse was accepted because they thought I wasn't stupid enough to hand in an excuse like that if it wasn't real.
42. For School: Tell your mom this.. Mom, My stomach hurts. I had diarrhea all night. Now I feel like I am going to barf. Next day, school time: I wasn't sick yesterday Mom, can you tell the school I was home taking care of you when you were sick?
43. Oh, sorry [teachers name], the cafeteria food made me delirious.
44. My locker is jammed and I can't get my homework out of it. I actually used this one.
45. This was actually used- Dear Coach, (students name) could not make it to the game at (time of game) because the battery in my car was dead because my headlights were left on and I needed a jump from the neighbor. Please excuse (name), it was my fault.
46. A student does not hand in a paper on time. The next day she calls me in my office and says: "I was going to hand the paper in on time, but yesterday my roommate's horse died, and I had to stay up all night with her."
47. As a college instructor for 15 years, I thought I had heard them all until.... a student told me he could not take an exam one day because he had a vasectomy yesterday and he could not think.
48. Al was not in school yesterday because he was didn't feel like going.
49. Please excuse Ryan's absents he has smoked too much weed over the last few days and is extremely tired.
50. My youngest daughter couldn't turn in her homework because her younger step-brother had stolen it, filled it in and turned it in to his teacher to prove how smart he was.
51. True story: My daughter couldn't turn in her homework because her dad had used it to start a fire in the wood stove.
52. Actually received at a high school attendance office: "Johnny was late today because of a shallow gene pool."
53. I was late for class because the bell rang before I got here!!
54. I won't be in class because my dog chipped my tooth.
55. I was absent because I got my head caught in the power window of the car.
56. My friend actually used this homework excuse: "I didn't do my homework because of my eyes.....I couldn't see any reason to do it."
57. I once told a teacher that my dog ate part of my homework. I was able to provide proof since I handed in what was left of the paper (for some reason my dog decided to eat a corner of my paper).
58. My sister had an incredibly difficult paper due in an intense class. She also happened to be house sitting for my aunt. The morning of her paper's due date, she toiled away endlessly. After she'd typed everything (remember pre word processor?) she sorted all the papers on the floor. Along came my aunt's ill Dalmatian, Love, who ambled past, fell over and went into full- blown seizure--blasting diarrhea all over the floor and *all over the paperwork!* That was her actual excuse. She offered the instructor the soiled paperwork.
59. My dog has mistaken my homework for that GOSH DAMN newspaper.
60. I actually was late for a college class for this reason. I had to drop my daughter off at the babysitters (my sister), who lives on a no outlet road. While I was there a tractor trailer came back that road hauling a new house trailer to be put on a lot. While trying to back in the lot, the rig got stuck! The trailer was blocking the only road in or out of my sisters house! I felt like a redneck explaining that to my professor, but I did make it to another class of his later that day.
61. One day, after a rough night of studying for exams, I had forgotten to do my homework for Chemistry. When the teacher came around to see if we had the homework done, I told him this excuse: "I don't have my homework because our family just got a new paper shredder, and I just had to test it out, and I accidentally shredded my homework." It worked! I got off, scott-free!
62. I was late for school 5 days in a row when I was seven. My excuses were a flat tire four days in a row, and on the final day, all the clocks in the house stopped at once, and I was unable to tell the time.
63. As a University professor I hear too many excuses, but this I used myself. I'm sorry, my cat ate your homework. My blind cat likes to chew things such as hair, string, and especially staples including the paper around them. One night when I finished grading a paper, I put it on the floor until I finished all the grading. When I looked down at the stack of papers, my cat had chewed all the stapled corners into a big, icky, soggy mess. I didn't make the students take their papers back.
64. I was unable to hand in a final paper in a college course because I was proofreading it while holding my infant son who is prone to eating paper ... he ate my final.
65. I am a principal and received this excuse about a student who was 2 hours late for school. Please excuse Henry for being late for school. He was stuck in the bathroom without any toilet paper.
66. Oh well ý had a good excuse for not attending the class but ý forgot so please excuse me for forgetting my excuse for not attending the class!
67. My husband wrote an excuse for my son that read: Please excuse my son for being absent from school yesterday as he was home sick with the flue.
68. I used to write my children excuses stating that they were absent because they had things like the black plague, bubonic plague, schoolitis or had to go to historic district to study history for a authentic history presentation. Teachers loved them but made kids mad at me. I did call school with real excuses but children didn't know.
69. I have written countless notes for my kids for being absent from school over the years, but the two I remember best are as follows: "Please excuse ______ for not turning in his homework. We just got a new puppy and he ate the homework. _____ is re-doing the work and will turn it in tomorrow" (puppy really did eat the homework) And then: "Please excuse ______ for being absent yesterday. He didn't feel like going" (true note. I was fed up with my son trying to get out of school and making up excuses for him.....so they got the truth as to his absence)"
70. I really used this excuse at school: "I was late because when I woke up there was a bat flying across the ceiling of my bedroom, so I ran out of my and waited until it flew away!" They didn't believe me.
71. One of my community college students was repeatedly late for class with a different excuse on each occasion. I vowed that one more violation would result in administrative withdrawal from the course. When the student appeared 1 1/2 hours delinquent for lab, I asked what it was this time, the student replied, "My mother died on the train this morning on the way to school, so I had to go to the hospital with her." I asked nothing more. 2. While in high school, friends and I would often have coffee at Perkins Pancake House through first period, arriving at school about an hour late. One day we decided to rub engine oil on our hands and clothing for a convincing effect, reporting to the Principal's office that we needed to go home for a fresh change of clothes before attending class. On our way back to school several hours later, we in fact did suffer an automotive breakdown which caused us to report a second time to the Principal who refused to believe our explanation and suspended us for two days.
72. True as it happened to me while at University. Could not make the test today as I woke up to find my wedding ring had been thrown out accidentally while cleaning up my desk. Had to go to the dump to look for it as I was unable to catch the garbage truck on its rounds. BTW, I found the ring!
73. I am sorry I didn't finished my homework but we visited my Grandfather this weekend and his house is so old and dirty. Anyway I brought my homework with me and when I finished it I left it down on the floor. Unfortunately rats and strange insects really ate my homework paper and it was well destroyed. You understand I have to write it over from the beginning.
74. I could not make it to school today because my sister went into labor as she was driving me to school. Enclosed is a picture of my new baby niece Alexa. (They believed me because the picture I gave them was of her just coming out of the birth canal. I didn't mean to give them that one but they believed me.
75. Teacher: Why do you not have your homework? Student: My dog ate the disk my homework was on.
76. Teacher: Why don't you have your home work? You: I'm leading a protest on tree abuse, what did the trees ever do to you?
77. I could not turn in my homework because I was finishing it on the way to school and while passing a big truck it blew out the window.
78. Please excuse Mindy for being absent yesterday because she went to the doctors with me .They did accept it as excused.
79. My Grandma wrote this excuse for my uncle when he was a sophomore in High School: Please excuse Ricky from school yesterday. He had spilled gasoline on his stomach and was afraid he would explode.
80. Home-work excuses:
    1) My sister ate it... (I don't really recommend you to use it.)
    2) I got mugged on the way to school and they took my Bag with the homework in it. (It actually works!)
    3) I Forgot to take my dog for a walk and he just [Pissed] on my Homework.
    4) My Snake Died and I just wasn't in the mood for thinking.
    5) My baby brother threw up on my home work.
    Use these incase you are late to school.
    1) I got stuck in the elevator.
    2) My Alarm clock didn't work.
    3) I had to piss and it just took too long.
    4) My mom forgot to wake me up.
    5) Didn't You feel The Earthquake?
81. Please excuse my sister/daughter from school. We told her that her mother is her grandma, her sister is her mother and daddy is still daddy this weekend and she hasn't come out of the bedroom since.
82. My 16 year old stepson got detention the other day. When my husband asked his teacher what the problem was, he was told that his son swore under his breath in the hallway. My husband said he didn't think that was such a big deal that he should get detention for it. The teacher agreed, and said the detention wasn't so much for the swearing, as it was for his excuse...which was "I only said Jesus Christ because I saw him standing there outside the window."
83. Once, we had a mouse in our house, and it managed to bite a small hole through the bottom of my backpack and then eat the edges of my chemistry work. In chemistry the next day, my teacher noticed it and kidded, "Did you get hungry?" I laughed, but then she continued, "But, really, do you have a dog or something?" I've used this for not having done French homework - it works: "Mon chien mange` mon travaille." (I can't do the accents on the pc though). It can be used for various other languages as well, ex: Spanish - "Mi perro comio` mi tarea."
84. During my senior year in high school, I took to skipping my first few classes (sometimes days). I set a record by skipping my 2nd period class (Independent Living) for 15 straight school days. In my school, you needed a note from the office to get admitted back into class after being gone. To get a note from the office, to back into class, you have to provide the office with a note from your parents. Being male, and not having good penmanship, I typically relied on my girlfriend to write my notes. On one particular day, my note read "Please excuse Robert from school yesterday, he had a obstetrician appointment". What it was suppose to say was "Please excuse Robert from school yesterday, he had an optician appointment". A number of months later, I was called back into the office to explain my abundance of absences. Laid before me, was all the notes that had been forged, with varying styles of handwriting. Of particular interest to the counselor, was the obstetrician note. Needless to say, I found myself making up some of those missed days of class over the next few Saturdays. The moral of the story: Don't let your girlfriend write your notes for you.
85. Please excuse Dan Druff from school today. He is having a bad case of Lice.
86. As an attendance clerk at our high school I hear a lot of them but my all time favorite goes like this: Why are you late? Well, I was out trying to save the world from the mad monkeys. Really? what do you mean? Well, the mad monkeys were chasing us all over the place so we stopped and tried to kill the little *!!#*!! This is for real. Needless to say, it went unexcused but you have to love the creativity! Especially the way the two told it, they both got into it and spun a tale that had us all laughing.
87. This is an excuse I had to use because it This is a genuine excuse for being late for a late morning college class. Sorry I am late. I couldn't get to class sooner because I didn't have anything acceptable to ware to class. Someone used all the working driers in the apartment building. It took too long to blow dry something. they don't want anyone leaving stuff in the machines besides so I couldn't just leave.
88. I actually used this once, and believe it or not, it is not entirely fabricated: I told my biology teacher that my futon bed broke this morning while I was sitting up to turn off my alarm clock. The supports busted and the whole thing caved in and trapped me inside. Lucky for me my phone was still on the bed so I could call my mom to come home from work and rescue me.
89. Someone I know actually used this excuse: I couldn't do my homework because it got dark outside.
90. "I didn't hear the bell" I actually used this one once for being late for Visual Arts.
91. My medical transportation didn't show up on it's scheduled time > (fake) crying & saying while I get kicked out of school for this 'cause I really want to go! < which's is an entire falsehood on my part but it's believable when I talked to them. :>)
92. rue Story: In 8th grade one morning my dad left for work long before I woke up and when I did there was about 3 feet of snow on the ground! I decided that it was too harsh of weather conditions to walk 3 1/2 blocks to my bus stop- so I just stayed home. When the attendance secretary called me at home around 9:30 I explained the whole situation to her and told her that the only way I was coming to school is if she was going to come pick me up. All she said was "this is the first and last time your going to do this!"
93. I used this as an excuse when I didn't come to school for 24 days- "I was walking past the stairs and this really fat girl rolled down them and hit me. I broke my 2 rigs, my legs, and fractured my wrist." The teacher laughed and gave me an A.
94. Little Johnny was late again, teacher ask why? Little Johnny said: "It was a sign down the road." Teacher ask: "What has a sign got to do with it?" Little Johnny replied: "It said, school ahead go slow."
95. As a teacher in the local high school, I had once received a note from a boy in my 10th grade homeroom. It read: Please excuse John X. from school this afternoon, he has an appointment with his gynecologist. Mrs. X. (John's mother)
96. This was used by a lady in my Philosophy class. She came to class, said she wouldn't be in that day because after she had parked her car, and was opening her door, another car came by and ripped her car door off. (after investigation, it was discovered to be true)
97. Tell everyone around you about the large car accident (*wink-*wink) on the road, it cleared up only as we got to school.
98. Please excuse John for not being in school yesterday. He had diarrhea - the shits.
99. Overheard in a school office - girl " I don't have an excuse for being late, but here is the phone number of the man whose mailbox I hit...."
100. Sorry, my daughter Heather was not in school yesterday because we had to put our dog asleep. he was very old....
101. This actually happened!! One of my classmates was late for school one day. His excuse was that he was stuck behind a slow-driving semi. The funny part: He had the semi driver write him a note that said he was going slow.
102. About a week ago I had to write an excuse for my son not having his homework. I wrote it on the outside of an envelope so I could put the leftover pieces inside, it said, "The dog ate my son's homework. Since I know this is a time-honored excuse, I put the leftover pieces inside. He did complete it though."
103. Sorry I was late but I have to pass farms on my way to school and there was a herd of cows crossing the road! This was used successfully by me on several occasions.
104. Excuses for homework - I bumped into Shania Twain last night and she thought my essay would be a really good song, so she took it, and will be returning it soon.
105. School Excuse for no homework, I actually used this, and it worked, Sorry, my dad was mad at me because I exploded a pen on him, so he wouldn't let me use his computer, and mine doesn't have a printer.
106. Last year, we had a huge ice storm and all the schools in the state except for the city were closed. When my son went back to school several days later, I had written this excuse for him: Dear Teacher, Please excuse my son from being absent from school Friday. Some stupid school superintendent wouldn't close the schools due to the ice storm and even though we live across the street from the school, I wasn't about to send him out and have him break his neck falling on the HUGE sheet of ice on the ground. I wasn't about to go out with him to help him to school and fall and break my neck either!
107. Sorry I was late to school. When I got up this morning, my medulla oblongata just felt really funny.
108. According to the art of Feung Shui, my desk was creating a negative energy space...so I ditched it. - My lawyer is advising me to respond "no comment" regarding the ware bouts of my alleged homework at this time. - My little sister used my Encarta CD as a teething ring.
109. When my daughter was in kindergarten, her father (my ex-husband) was in a relationship with a woman who lived several hundred kilometers up the NSW coast. One day I had to send a letter to her school that went " Sorry my daughter was not at school all of last week, but her father picked her up for an access visit and did not return her for six days. If you want to know where she was, you'll have to ask HIM as I still don't know." This actually did happen to me, but I can't believe more single parents don't think to use this when they're desperate for and excuse.
110. My favorite school excuse goes something like this (true story) Student: Honestly this time I have a good reason for not turning in my essay!! Teacher: I'm not surprised. Student: Yesterday I had to go sandbagging as a service project to help protect some of the homes by the foothills from the mudslides. We finished around 8PM but HAD to stay to be interviewed by 6 different television crews. Do you know how LONG it takes to do 6 different interviews in one night. Of course I taped the interviews for your convenience, and I'd appreciate it if you could accept it as my essay. Most importantly this excuse worked for all my classes. I even got extra credit on top of the essays/reports.
111. I must go to the MOST, outrageously strict nursing school in the United States. I came to school one Monday morning with a black patch on my eye. I was 35 minutes late. As I sat down, everyone in class started asking me why I was wearing the patch and why I was late ( I had never been late to this class before). I explained that I had this extremely unsightly sty, that had caused my entire left eye to swell shut. I had to lift the patch to prove that I wasn't faking! Then I was told I would have to make up the 35 minutes I was late!! After seeing the doctor that afternoon, I brought a note from the doctor ordering bed-rest and alerting my instructor to the possibility of me having a systemic infection that would require a short hospital stay for I.V. antibiotics. She said, "If you go over your allotted hours, you'll be dropped from the program. The instructor even knew my Dr. as she had taught there also!!!
112. I will not be able to attend my Keyskills class this week because of the Duke of Edinburgh. What she meant was the Duke of Edinburgh Awards scheme, which among other things, include weekends in the Lake District walking up mountains.
113. This one was actually used by a (not so intelligent) boy in my class who didn't really feel like having P.E. "Frank's leg is hurting friggin bad. From Mum." It did not work.
114. If you are in a Band. Well sales are down and we have been under a lot of pressure and been real stressed so I just couldn't think about the homework.
115. Ok, this actually works, or at least it did for me. I sat in class one day, not doing any work. When my teacher asked me why I hadn't done anything I told him, "I'm on strike, which disables me to do ANY work that I don't want too." He told me that he strongly recommended that I go off strike for the next day. I have been on strike in that class everyday since, except for when we do fun activities and take tests, then I have fun and don't get bad grades.
116. One time, as my professor returned our tests, we noticed that the tests were water damaged. The professor explained, "I apologize. You see, I have a two-year-old son, and he found the papers I graded, and he urinated on them."
117. Used by my mom to get me out of last period study-- (My name) will be dismissed early today. I feel study is a waste of my time and her brain!
118. I went to a college that was a attended by a lot of pre-med students. The administration was very strict about rescheduling exams and papers in the typical pre-med classes because of the extreme competition among the students. My advisor freshman year was Chairman of the Biology department and told us the most creative excuse he ever heard from getting out of a biology exam was a girl who admitted that she was having an abortion a few days before the exam, and that she could not wait to have the abortion because she was too many months along. She told the professor that her doctor advised that she would be bleeding too badly to take the exam. She got her exam postponed.
119. One time in primary school my mate came in late and used this excuse: 'Sorry I'm late Miss, a van crashed through my house!' I went down to his house to see if he was lying, but he was telling the truth. There was a van half way inside his house, sat in his living room!
120. I was a Senior at a High School in rural Alaska where dog mushing is a common sport and my father was then active in. I had stayed up late one night watching TV, instead of studying for my final in Social Studies. The next morning I just could not wake up (my parents were out of town), so I made my way into school sometime that afternoon. At the end of the day I pulled my teacher aside and asked if I could take the test the next day to give me time to study. Of course, he said "No", that I must take it now or never. I being a student who took pride in her grades freaked out! So this is what blurted out: "But you have to give me tonight to study! I couldn't yesterday because...because my dad's dogs have lice and all their hair was starting to fall out in clumps, so we had to de-lice them last night in our tub one at a time... and he has almost 60 dogs so it took all night!.....I didn't get any sleep...." He looked at me with an arched eyebrow which spoke 'Do you really expect me to believe that?'.....I said "You can call him! It's true!" He either appreciated my earnestness or imagination, because he honored my request, and I got an A- on the test :)
121. In Britain, if you forget your PE kit, you must do it in your pants. So I told my teacher I wasn't wearing any and I got off with it.
122. A true story. Every year in my grade school the eighth grade put on a play of the Stations of the Cross. Well, when I was in seventh grade, on the day of the play, one of the eighth graders comes walking into school at about 1:00 in the afternoon. Book bag on shoulder, coffee in hand, he says straight to the teacher "My mom forgot to wake me up so I just woke up a half hour ago and rode my bike to school" On any other day, he would have at least gotten in some trouble, but the play was in 15 minutes so the teacher simply told him to finish his coffee and get into costume. It worked once, though I wouldn't suggest using this one, for the simple reason that it's, well, stupid.
123. This excuse came on a regular basis from a rather large young lady: Please excuse Angele....she had to go to the hospital for testes.
124. I dreaded waking up to go to school. Before my mother would wake up I would put a glass of water in the bathroom and hide it so that she may not see it. I would go into her room and tell her that I wasn't feeling good. After a few minutes, I would run into the bathroom, take the glass of water and I would make believe that I was vomiting. I would dump the water into the toilet to sound as if I were really vomiting. It always worked and up until this day, my mom still doesn't know! But hey, guessed who got to stay home?!?!
125. This was from one of our moms. Please excuse Brian yesterday, he had a bad cold to take to school.
126. School excuse for getting out of class said by a student. It worked, too! "My pants are too tight!"
127. I'm sorry I don't have my homework, but my niece was sick all over it, I've got the notes...
128. While attending Night school one of my co-students needed to leave early. He approached the tutor and said "my wife is going to have a baby so I need to cut class and leave early" The tutor agreed and the student left. The next night at another class I asked how his wife was after giving birth he replied "she isn't pregnant yet but is going to have a baby."
129. One I had like that was when I was starting a fire early one morning (we had a wood stove) and I tossed my homework in to start the fire. Actually happened...the first time. I tried it again a week later when I just forgot about the homework and got busted for it! :)
130. High school PE... swimming classes... male coach... all us girls always seemed to be there at the wrong time of the month - you'd think the coach would've caught on after 6 weeks in a row LMAO.
131. Early homework excuse.... "Homework? I was suppose to bring it back to school? I thought it stayed at home."
     Later homework excuse.... "Homework? my locker partner grabbed my stuff by mistake... I'm sure I'll have it to you tomorrow."
132. I once had this teacher in the 5th and 6th grade (small country school where they combined classes). She was a bit on the heavy side. This one day she caught me spacing off, looking out the window, or maybe I was staring at the love of my young life, Tina. Anyway, she called on me to answer some question or other and I missed it. She jumped my case about paying attention, which sort of irked me. About that time the bell rang for recess. I go out to the hallway where my friends were giving me a hard time about the incident and I say, "Mrs. Carroll is a fat pig!" Little did I know that the petite woman was RIGHT behind me and less than pleased to hear my opinion. When she called my parents about it I naturally lied. I said that it only _sounded_ like 'fat pig'. When they asked me what I actually did say, I thought a moment and said with a serious look on my face, "I believe what I said was, "Mrs. Carroll wears a hat big." Needless to say, no one believed me. Story of my life....! :-|
133. When I was in high school I was late for school that day. When asked why, I said my alarm clock started running backwards and the alarm did not go off. The principal didn't buy it, but I swear it's true! I think that electric clock was haunted or something. It would run fine and then all of a sudden start going backwards. The second hand would go backwards....weird! (true story)
134. Two true stories: Back in first grade we were one day doing a math test. I was never very fond of math back then, so I decided to give the teacher a hard time about me doing my work. I went on a math strike that day, by tearing my paper in half and pouting at my desk. The teacher tried to get me to do my work by saying if I did not do the work I would have to come back to the room after lunch and work on it during recess. Me, being the stubborn child I was, announced that I just wouldn't go to lunch and therefore would not have to do my work. Since I refused to budge from my desk when the other children went off to eat, the teacher had to call my Mom to come to the school and make me do my work! I never tried a work strike again, considering my mother grounded me when I got home from school that day.
     2nd story: In 3rd grade I decided yet again not to do my work, but this time it was home work. My excuse for not doing it?? I told my teacher that I had either left it at home or something spilled on it and the paper was ruined, and I told my mom that we had no home work due to we had "field days" and other fun kid activities that the school planned for us during our class periods, so no homework was issued. This went on for about 2 weeks until my teacher finally got off his butt and called my mom to find out where my missing work was. I am amazed that both teacher and Mom fell for my lies for so long.
135. Telephone call to School: I didn't come to school today because as I was walking through the doorway of my house, I fell over and swallowed a fly, this led to stomach pains and inflammation of my left testicle, the doctor said that I wouldn't be unable to talk for the next year.
136. I can vouch for number 121. I tried to use the excuse of I'd forgotten my PE kit to get out of games but had to do it in my briefs. In front of the girls. The excuse didn't work.
137. Late for school: My dad left the coffee pot on and it caught on fire. The fire department came and put the fire out.
138. While working a Jr. High School as the Associate Principal, I called a student into the office for having skipped the previous afternoon classes. When asked for a reason, he looked me in the eyes and said: "Mr. H........Wednesdays at Tower Plaza you can see the double feature for 1/2 price. How did you expect me to pass up a bargain like that!" Because of his honesty, I just sent him back to class and cautioned him not to miss school again---even if it was a good deal.
139. I once missed school because I was locked in my house. All the doors to my house had deadbolt locks that could only be opened using the key. The previous day I was in my mom's car and had put my keys in the glove box. Needless to say, when I went to leave for school the next morning, I couldn't. Eventually, my mom sent someone from her office with the keys to let me out.
140. Student to teacher: "Teacher will you get mad at me for something I didn't do?" Teacher: "No." Student: "Promise?" Teacher: "Yes." Student: "Ok, I didn't do my homework."
141. My stepson had a problem with doing his homework in grade six, he had received a s tern warning about this and had promised that it would never happen again. Just a few days later he was found to have neglected his homework again, when confronted with his lack of home work he replied with out missing a beat that on his way home he had been walking through the gym and had slipped on some sweat and hit his head on the floor so he had forgotten to do his homework. The teacher was so impressed with his creativity that he telephoned us to tell us about it.
142. I was studying nicely when a heard of rampaging bees ran me over, and bit me...
143. I'm sorry I didn't turn in my homework because my turtle had a bad case of rabies and he started chasing me around my room, then I hid in my closet and it seems as if he had devoured my binder full of homework!
144. I taught class one semester in which one student had an attendance problem. When she came to class, her hair was a different color, green, orange, purple, quite a variety. Still, I had the impression her family was wealthy and influential. One day, she missed an important test. Her family was politically active and friends with the governor. Family pressure forced her to attend the inauguration, a two hour drive from campus. She attended, dressed in her finest clothing and sporting color corrected hair. Driving back, she hit a deer that had lurched across the road, and wrecked her car. She was uninjured, but stuck in the middle of nowhere. Finally a farmer pulling a large trailer of cattle gave her a ride to town. The truck was foul, outside and inside with cattle "residue," dirty straw, cattle feed, used chewing tobacco, and we don't want to know what else. Back in town, as she descended from the truck, she slipped into a slimy, greasy, greenish colored puddle of mud, face down. She was covered head to toe, front to back with unspeakable filth. Upon getting to her dorm, her roommate helped her remove her once elegant clothes and drop them in the garbage chute. She proceeded directly to the common bathroom to shower. Returning to her room, her roommate had locked the door and left. Of course, she had no key with her. Covering herself with paper towels, she went to the lobby for assistance. Did I mention this is a 17 floor, coed dorm? In the lobby, the University president, surrounded by VIPs, was presenting a plaque honoring a generous donor, and renaming the dorm after her--the governor's sister. The student probably could have made it to class in time, but by then she was a basket case. The campus newspaper covering the ceremony at the dorm, featured her in a front page story. It was complete with a photo of her (smartly dressed) standing beside the governor that morning, and another of her (nude) standing near the governor's sister. With that corroboration, I let her take the test on another day.
145. True Story: I once took an 8:00-8:50 AM college German class and had to be to work at a nearby job at 9:00 AM. However, twice I had been called in to work two hours early causing me to miss my classes, coincidentally both on test days. The morning of the third test I was relieved to know I wouldn't miss it. I left my house with German vocabulary words going through my mind, locked the door, then realized I had left my purse and car keys in the house. The only way to get into my house was to push in a basement window, but I forgot that my husband had recently moved his miter saw in front of the window. The window hit the saw, broke, and cut my finger. I was able to climb in and retrieve my purse and keys, but had to wrap a towel tightly around my profusely bleeding finger. Driving one-handed, I realized I needed stitches but worried that my professor would never believe I had a legitimate excuse a third time, so I first stopped at the college, entered the classroom where the students were silently working on their tests, walked up to the professor, unwrapped the towel and showed her my bleeding finger. She excused me to get the needed stitches. (Fortunately I was able to take all three tests.)
146. My sister's English teacher from two years ago used the following excuse for not returning the exams: She had graded the tests and placed them on her windowsill. A storm started, and a tornado came and blew away the tests. It's a true story, too, because her house, and half of the town, got blown away too. It had been the first tornado in over 30 years.
147. My friend and I had been late for school the whole term and we made a bet with our teacher that we would be on time the next day. To do this I said that I would pick her up. Well morning came and I was already to leave when my car wouldn't start. God Damn It, finally I got my dad out of bed to jump start it and by this time we were half an hour late.... I eventually made it to my friends house and we remembered that we hadn't wrote notes for being late so she wrote on her note, please excuse me from being late to school as I was having Netta troubles. I wrote please excuse me from being late to school as my car had a hissie fit and I had Mel troubles. When I was trying to explain to her that we were late because my car was having a hissie fit.... We got away with the excuses but still lost the bet with our teacher ~!~
148. (True story) One time in Eighth grade, right after my mom bought a cockatoo, I was trying to do my homework at the kitchen table. My mom had brought the bird out and put it on the table. Rose (the bird) came over to me and chewed the end of my pen up, then she hopped on my homework and pooped on it. In the process of trying to clean it up she managed to eat the edge of it off, and poop again. Luckily I was a teachers pet and after attempting to turn in my homework he told me that he would just give me a 100%.
149. I am an English teacher who often has more paperwork than I can fit in my backpack. On one such occasion, I brought work home in a cardboard box. It took several days to get to the bottom of the pile of papers. When I reached in for the last batch I detected a foreign yet familiar odor and noticed that the writing on the papers was running. It could only be the work of my cat Goober, who has a thing for sitting in and occasionally anointing cardboard boxes. Knowing the kids would think I was joking when I told them, I took the offending pages back to school. The kids laughed themselves silly when I told them what had happened, but they were happy to know I would have to give them all full credit. One skeptic still doubted me, so I invited him up to see for himself. One big whiff made a believer out of him. Now, if I could only get Goober to go on their interminable research papers! (-:
150. Tell a teacher: I'm late to class because on the way here there was a fight and they thought it was me.
151. 1st get a can of cream corn and empty it into a Ziploc bag and put some blue, red and yellow ,mostly yellow, food coloring in the bag. Close the bag and mix it up. Put it in your backpack and after about 15 minutes in school go to the nurse and say uhnnnnnnnnn. I don't feel to goooooddd.... uhn.... then hopefully she will lead you to that small sick room place. You know what I'm talking about. After she leaves wait 3 minutes and when she's distracted, say bloffffppppppand at the same time and dump the stuff on the floor in front of you and !!QUICKLY!! discard the bag, and I forgot to say, only put 1/2 the bag in the Ziploc. It should work every time. (hehehe)
152. I don't wanna go to school.
153. This actually happened in my first year as a teacher: I was running late for work one winter morning and when I got in my car, the emergency brake wouldn't move. It had frozen in place. My principal didn't believe me until I started crying, then she suggested that I get in under the car with a blow dryer to thaw it out. When I explained to her that I didn't quite have an extension cord that long, she finally decided to get me a sub for the day... I lived too far away for anyone to come pick me up.
154. Real excuse that worked used by me! Teacher: Where is your homework? Me: Lets just say I ran out of toilet paper.
155. I did my homework on the computer, but my dad thought I was messing around so he deleted it as a joke.
156. I was late for school today because I had a dream last night I was wearing a fish suit on the way to school, only when I woke up it wasn't a dream so I had to go home to change.
157. *True Story* My college roommate and I had a class together and we were only allowed to miss one day or we would flunk. One day we didn't go because we were sick (not!). Then towards the end of the semester I was in a bad car accident and was really hurt and unable to go to class. That morning, my roommate was going to explain to our professor what happened and while she was getting ready for class, she was cleaning her ears with a Q-Tip and poked it too far into her ear and had to go the the emergency room because her ear was bleeding. Just when our professor thought he had heard it all!!
158. Teacher: Robert, where's your homework? Robert: I was jumped by Jehovah witnesses who ran off with my homework. What? I SWEAR! The teacher gave him full credit for the assignment for thinking up something so stupid.
159. I don't have the original excuse anymore, but in Dec. '99, one of the parents in my class sent in a note stating that her son would miss a week of school due to the family attending a millennium survival workshop, "just in case".
160. TEACHER: Why are you late? YOU: Because the bell rang before I got here. (This is an old school excuse so don't think you wont get detention but its good for a laugh.)
161. I was late because last night I fell asleep in my nice bed and when I woke up I was in another house.
162. A friend of mine a few years back actually used this, unsuccessfully I might add. "I was late into school today because I was accosted by several heavily armed dwarves who felt vengeful about their lack of stature". He got two detentions, one for being late and the other for lying to the Teacher.
163. Strolling into English class 15 minutes late, my teacher pulled out a pink tardy slip, not even asking for my excuse. I suppose he was tired of hearing them since I was at least 5 minutes every day because I had to walk through a busy intersection of halls. So I quickly explained to him that when I was in the middle of that particular intersection the back of my earring fell out, and since it was a new piercing I couldn't just take the earring out. So I had to run around and find someone else who could let me borrow an earring back, and then I had to find someone else with sanitizer so I could make sure I wasn't going to give myself an infection. He jes' kinda looked at me and told me to go sit down, later placing the tardy card on my desk for me to sign. I guess he just doesn't like me, even though I had someone come in and say that I had borrowed their earring back.
164. I'm very sorry teacher, but I was in my bathroom and lost track of time and then I said to myself oh darn it I should've done this in the school bathroom!
165. This excuse was actually given to me by one of my students. "I don't have my homework because I put it down on the kitchen counter and my mother never cleans the house so my homework got lost on the counter and nobody can find it." Mother later corroborated excuse.
166. When I was in fifth grade, I had a puppy that liked to chew on everything. She ate half of my spelling book. My teacher didn't believe me so I pulled out the book. This is true.
167. Well my homework was on the outside of my binder when I was putting my binder in my backpack, it must have slipped out.
168. I don't have my book report in because last night when I was finishing it up, I spilled coffee on it and when the coffee dried there was still sugar on it, so the cockroaches ate it!!
169. One day I arrived at my 8am class to find the door to the classroom closed and my professor standing outside in the hall. He told us that class was cancelled because there was a bat flying around the classroom. Apparently the bat had been in the classroom before but it had been hanging in the corner not bothering anybody. On this particular day it was flying around the classroom so the University decided to call animal control so they wouldn't get sued since bats carry rabies.
170. One time during P.E., I got grouped with a REAL lazy person in my class called Paddy. We were going running and he was so lazy that he walked the whole time. I told the teacher to make him run and here's his excuse... ''I went to the doctors because my legs hurt whenever I run. She can't find out what's wrong with them. She thinks its something long beginning with l...'' I couldn't resist and said, ''Is it laziness?'' Any way the teacher actually took the excuse, but the lazy fat kid heard the lunch bell and took off like a shot, running! (true story)
171. The excuses kids give when they are late for school can be amazing. One kid told his teacher, "I was late because there are eight kids in my family, and my mother set the alarm for seven."
172. Dear Mrs. Teacher, please excuse Harry for not being at school for 2 weeks because he had all his hair cut off his head.
173. If you have forgotten your home-work [ or haven't done it! ] simply say that your dad must have picked it up with his paperwork and you will bring it ASAP!
174. I was so proud of myself for thinking this up! I had a BIG project due that required several papers that I hadn't completed yet. All of which were saved on a disk. My teacher told the class that if we didn't turn these papers in on time, it would lower our grades drastically. The last thing I needed was a lower grade so I took a perfectly good floppy disk, slapped a label on it, then crushed it and ripped the little disk inside. I took it to school the next day to prove that my work was "lost" and she bought it. I got an extension AND a good grade!!!
175. It's the truth! I swear! I have a great story for you. I had taken some of my students' homework papers home to grade over the weekend. While the papers were sitting on my coffee table, my 2 year old Airedale/ Ridgeback mix sneaked up beside me and grabbed an entire stack. Before I could chase him down, he had torn them to shreds. Imagine my embarrassment when I had to tell my students that my dog ate their homework!
176. Sorry Miss, I was doing my homework, and suddenly my mum got caught up in a chip pan fire and I had to smother her with my homework so that she wouldn't die.
177. I am a junior at a vocational high school. A couple of months ago I fell down the stairs. My mom told the secretary at the school that I fell down the stairs and broke my butt so now there's a big crack in it...and the secretary wrote that on my "admit to class" pass.
178. On Friday the 13th - I don't have my homework here because handing in homework on Friday the 13th is considered bad luck.
179. When I was in the Third grade I had a teacher and a Para-pro (teachers assistant). I was actually able to tell the teacher that I had given the Para-pro my homework; at the same time telling the Para-pro I had given my work to the teacher. They thought they had lost my work for about a month and a half.
180. Teacher I was not here yesterday because I had to bury my dog, it died yesterday.
181. I got my homework stuck up my ass, if you don't believe me you can check if you want?
182. Bob will not be in school for the next week or so because he has got anal infestations and I'm afraid he'll spread them.
183. My homework must have dropped on the road as I was leaving home, sorry teacher.
184. I've done my homework, only I did it on the computer, and our printer's run out of ink, and I've lost all my floppy discs, so I couldn't print it of in the computer room either. (This usually only works if you are a girl with a charming smile, telling a male teacher)
185. I just didn't do it lady so leave me alone. (This was sooooooooo funny when I said it she didn't give me homework for a month)
186. Sorry Teacher I didn't go to school yesterday because the retiling you gave me as made my testicles grow to the point that they wont fit in my pants. ~ Bart Simpson
187. Excuse me, teacher. Although I know the subject of my final project since 3 months now, I could not turn it in on time, because I am not able to type so fast.
188. My dog ate my homework!
189. One day, a friend of mine and I were late for school, as usual, and we knew that the normal "alarm clock not going off" excuse would not work. It only works so many times, you know, so we came up with something a little different...
     We said that I left the headlights on my car on all night, and when we got up the next morning, my batteries were dead. Well, my friend then said that her car was in the shop, so we couldn't take it, and both our parents had already left for work. So, we said that my parents, who both worked close, were unable to leave work, and that the only person we could reach was her mother, who was at least 45 miles away. We then said that when she arrived at my house, we had NO jumper cables, so we had to go buy some so she could boost my battery and we could get to school. I think the Vice Principle bought it only because it was so outrageous.
190. This one is from Scotland and worked on more than one occasion: - I was revising on the toilet for my exam and I picked up what I thought was toilet paper and.......!
191. My homework slipped behind my locker in that little crack in the back of it and I tried to get it out but it cut my finger. ( Bite your finger really hard, Or if you have a recent cut on finger show them that and say "See!" )
192. I don't know if this qualifies, but my son said he wanted to show me a magic trick. Asked me to sign the top a a sheet of paper. He folded it and unfolded it and said something like Abracadabra your name. I laughed it off. That afternoon my sons sixth grade teacher said she wanted to talk to me about a forgery. I went to see her and she showed me the paper now covered with I shall not etc. I told the teacher I signed it, but, when I signed it the paper was blank. Guess who got busted?
193. My wife used to live in Alaska and claimed that in the spring she often missed school due to a moose cow and calf that would hang out in front of her house. She could not walk to the bus stop because cow moose are very protective of their young.
194. When you go to school and your teacher asks you where is your homework and you say I didn't do it. Then your teacher starts yelling at you, this is what you say to her: why are you yelling at me for something I didn't do!!!
195. Excuses for being late to school: I'd been shopping with my friends during lunch where one of my friends had purchased handcuffs. On the way back to school my friends ambushed me and handcuffed me to a fence forcing me to be late for my History class. I eventually made it to class & related my story in front of my class where upon I was not believed & told to sit down. I believe my teachers exact words when I asked if she believed me were "I Believe you believe it".... bitch! hehe
196. I didn't hand in my 3000 word essay because I spilled my senakot and had to wipe it up and I picked up what I thought was kitchen roll.
197. Sorry, while I was on my way to school I met an old man who thought he was my grandfather and kept trying to talk to me.
198. Sorry, I was taking a short cut through the market and a stall holder accused me of stealing a blue sweatshirt. He wouldn't let me go until he'd searched my bag. (this actually worked, I was about 30 minutes late for the lesson)
199. This actually happened in my Advanced Corporate Finance class in college. We had turned in extensive term projects that took the professor at least 2 weeks to grade. Instead of passing them back in class, he told us to come to his office where they would be sitting in a cardboard box outside his door. I went with a friend of mine to retrieve our project but there was no box sitting outside the door. Since class was only once a week, I returned a few days later to see if the box was there. NO BOX, I spoke with other students and they said there was no box when they went . At the next class session, the Professor said that he had to apologize to us for not being able to give out projects back. He had set the box outside his door as promised and the evening cleaning crew at the University thought it was trash and threw it away. The professor said he dug in to University dumpster but could not find them. He wrote our grades on a piece of paper and mailed them to us. TRUE STORY
200. I was rather late for school one day as I had gotten up precisely 15 minutes before I needed to be there. I live 20 minutes away even if I drive like a bat out of hell. When I got to school I told them, "I am late for religious reasons. I have recently converted to Hinduism and there was a cow in the road." They bought it but I think that the attendance lady suspected.

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