601. I'm calling in with stomach
problems, I can't stomach working today.
602. Took this call from a co-worker
on a 10-hour shift: He called two hours before the shift, "I'll be
in two hour late." Three hours later, same employee, I'll be
another two hours late." Then called in half way through shift,
"I'm not coming in tonight." The person was at a BBQ two hours
distance from work and kept deciding to stay. Supervisors never did
do anything about it.
603. A co-worker called off because
her horse was ill and she had to take care of it, even though she
was a co-owner of the horse with three other people.
604. I worked with a woman who lived a
bohemian lifestyle on a farm. She often called in sick but her best
excuse was: She said her horse had been bitten on its penis by a
snake and she was therefore far too traumatized to come to work!
605. I used this one last summer when
I wanted a few days off: "Sorry I can't come in today and cook, I
was standing on my bed trying to reach my shelf and I lost my
balance, fell off the bed and landed onto the rounded metal end of
the TV cable cord and I had 10 stitches put into the bottom of my
606. True story.... A girl I use to
work with called in sick one day because her butt was burned. She
said she went tanning naked and couldn't sit on it.
607. I had a guy come into work one
day for about 30 minutes. Started his job, decided to walk across
the street to the gas station and proceeded to call me at work and
say that he couldn't come in - he was sick! Needless to say - I
608. Say Your stepmother's uncle
passed away and you have to be there for your dad in another state.
609. Sorry boss, I won't be in
tomorrow. Last night I ate chicken at the local KFC store and
contracted food poisoning. I have had diarrhea and have been
throwing up all night and I'm sure I won't be in any shape to come
to work tomorrow.
610. A former coworker called in to
say that he had a strange reaction to his acne medication which was
preventing him from coming to work. He was in his late 20's.
611. Actually Used And Worked... "I
cant come in to work today... its Friday the 13 and I'm really
612. Well... right now I feel like
ass... I went home and ate a couple of hamburgers in the fridge that
I thought my roommate had grilled out for dinner... turns out he
cooked them three weeks ago and had just rearranged the
refrigerator..... to clean it out today.... so .... food poisoning
on top of a hangover is a lot of fun!
613. I worked in a produce section of
a supermarket, and called in sick saying the I hurt my back
yesterday, so I can't come in to day!
614. A coworker of mine didn't show up
for work one day when the boss called to find out if he was coming
in he said hold on one minute let me ask my mom after a few second
he state "my mom said no" and hung up.
615. I once worked at a car dealership
where we had a manager who was notorious for being late and/or not
showing up at all. Over time he became very creative with his
excuses, but as he ran out of ideas he became sloppy. One day he
was calling in late, or sick (I can't remember which) and while he
was on the phone with my manager giving his excuse he screamed a
four letter word related to dung and then there was the sound of
aluminum cans clanking around. A few seconds later he came back on
the phone and said, "OH MY GOD! Did you hear that?!" My manager
asked him what happened and the man replied that a bolt of lightning
came through the phone line and knocked him back about six feet into
a bunch of empty cans. (beer cans I assume) I am not a scientist,
but I would assume that if that were to really happen,
a.) There would have been a loud cracking sound of some sort that
both parties would hear.
b.) He wouldn't be able to hear within the next 1/2 day or more much
less the next 3 seconds.
c.) the phone line would have been dead. Oh yeah not to mention he
would probably be dead or unconscious by getting struck from
lightning. To my amazement he showed up to work the next day and no
reparation was given.
616. I had an employee give a whopper
of an excuse after being gone for almost 2 weeks. He came into work
with a bandage on his head. When questioned he stated that he was
in a very bad car accident, and his brain had swelled. He stated
that he had a hole drilled in his head to relieve the pressure.
When asked about the lack of IV marks in his arms he stated that
they did not have to give him an IV while he was in the hospital.
He informed me that his doctor told him that he needed to take three
weeks off to heal. I told him to take his tools with him and not to
come back. I called him at his new job the following week to
request his uniforms back. He sounded fine.
617. When I was in college I worked
maintenance for the dorm I lived in when I wasn't in class. One
morning I was getting ready to leave for work when my door wouldn't
open. I called my boss and told him I couldn't get out of my dorm
room. He didn't sound like he believed me (can you blame him). He
came up 15 minutes later and got my door open. Seems someone had
put pennies in the space between my door and the door jam putting so
much pressure on my door it wouldn't open. He finally got them
dislodged and apologized. Seems I wasn't lying after all.
618. I actually (and honestly) used
this one: Boss called in wondering why I hadn't shown up for work.
I told him that I forgot I was working and was having a huge party
at my house. "I cant work because no-one else will make sure the
carpet stays clean," was the cherry on top of the cake. (probably
wouldn't work for a 9-5er. Also Australia has very worker-friendly
termination of employment laws!)
619. I am a staff worker in a
hospital. I've heard a lot of excuses over the past 18 years. One
of the best (worst?) excuses came from a woman that called
frantically to say, "I won't be in to work today because my dog has
to have emergency cataract surgery!" I said "Cataract surgery isn't
even emergent in people!" She said "I know, but he also has
Another good one... Employee calls to say that they have a flat
tire. I say, "Why don't you just change it and then come to work?
Employee retorts, "My battery is also dead!!!"
Lastly, Employee calls in, "I can't get my car started. It won't
even turn over." I ask, "What are you going to do?" Employee
states, "I'm calling AAA". I say, "Well, give me a call when you
find out when you will be here." She says, "What? I can't hear
you?" I repeat it. She then says, "Wait a minute, I still can't
hear you. Let me turn the car off." I say (with large question
mark over my head!) "I thought you said the car wouldn't start!?"
She replies, "It won't, but I have to turn the radio off." I say,
"Well, if it won't turn over, the radio shouldn't be working." At
that point she exclaims, "Oh, it's a miracle. The car just
620. A co-worker of mine has more
excuses for not coming in or leaving early. The latest one was that
she had to drive to Chicago to bail her brother out of jail. Seems
he was on a lay over there (he drives a truck) and he went to the
bar and got drunk. He went back to the truck and left it running
because it was hot and he needed the A/C to sleep. The cops knocked
on the window and when he got out of the truck they arrested him for
being drunk and impounded the truck.
621. My boyfriend and I both used this
one to get out of work in the same day. We can't come in because
our cats got on to the microwave, knocked over our utensils, and
turned on one of the burners, the container that had the utensils on
it landed on the burner and as it heated up it, our wooden spoons,
and plastic spatulas caught fire. If my boyfriend didn't come home
when he did, he found major smoke in our apartment. There was
extensive smoke damage. The whole apartment building could of gone
up in fire. It really happened got the pictures to prove it. Also
both our bosses believed us, we needed the day to clean all of our
stuff. What a mess, still cleaning.
622. I'm not coming in today because
yesterday I was helping a farmer chop some wood and I got into a
nest of spiders.
623. A female called her French boss
Jacques at work and told him. "Hi Jacques, I am sorry but I will be
running late today, the cat puked on top of my car and now I have to
wash it. Sorry." :o)
624. Actual excuses used by a
coworker: Couldn't get my taxes done because my computer broke
down. He had been out of work 6 months prior to that date. Food
poisoning, cap fell out, headache, sprained thumb and I'm not
supposed to travel on the medicine. Best of All: I'm emotionally
625. I can't come into work today
because I just stared new medications for my insomnia yesterday and
they made me really dozy so when I got up this morning I
accidentally amputated my finger in the coffee bean grinder, so I
have to go to the hospital before the ice melts which is keeping my
626. I got some goop in my right eye
and I rubbed it and now I can't open it, so I won't be in today!
627. The electricity is off at my
place and my car is in the garage and I can't open it, so I'll be in
after the electricity comes back on.
628. My kitty hasn't pooped in 5 days
and is very constipated and I need to take it to the veterinarian to
give it an enema!
629. I was in the service when this
one happened. Mind you I was the king of excuses in my time and this
was the Air Force. If I didn't have a 3 day weekend at least every
other weekend I wasn't doing my part. On Monday this Airman did not
show up to work. He did not call in either. Everybody wondered what
had happened. His parent lived about 100 miles away so when he
showed up on Tuesday he gave the Sargent a note from his mother
asking that they excuse him for Monday, as he was not feeling well.
All they did was yell at him for a little bit and let it go.
630. A lady I work with had to leave
work because a large thunderstorm had hit her neighborhood and had
caused a lot of damage. She calls in 30 minutes later and says that
their neighbor (who works at the same company) needs help, so she
will not be coming back to work. About a half-hour after the phone
call the neighbor comes into work to get ready for her shift and is
surprised to learned the she needs help. (The neighbor did not need
631. When I was 17, I worked at Burger
King. My parents went on vacation to Hawaii, leaving me and my
younger sister at home. I was out of school for Spring Break, and
didn't want to miss any party time, so I had my sister call work and
tell them that I had been arrested for DUI, that I was in jail in a
neighboring town, and since my parents were out of the Continental
United States, we had no money to bail me out! This worked for
about four days, until a co-worker saw me driving down the street
and told them, which led my boss to call all the jails in the county
to see if I had really been arrested. Needless to say, I got fired!
632. "Please excuse me from work
yesterday due to a vision problem. I just couldn't see myself
coming to work." My chief actually gave me an excused absence due
to my creativity.
633. Both me and my friend were
working one day and we really wanted off so we told the supervisor
that we gave each other herpes and we needed to go to he doctor.
634. True Story: I am in the Navy
stationed in Italy and a few of my fellow sailors went up north to
go skiing and so much snow had fallen in the night before they were
to leave and come back to work that the only road from the small
village was closed. Needless to say they missed 5 days of work
while they were having the time of their lives skiing.
635. I would come in to work today,
but I just don't like you.
636. A new guy at work walked out one
day and said his dog died and he had to go burry it, he never
637. On my way to work I had a car
accident. This wasn't just any accident. I was running late so I
had to hurry. I had to yield at the end of a street, a big bush was
in the way so I couldn't see very far down the road. (There was no
stop sign there.) Just my luck a big old pickup truck comes
barreling down the road and hits me just as I barely yield. If it
wasn't for the last very light snow on the street (just in that one
spot) he wouldn't have hit me. He lets me use his cell phone to
call into work. A hire-up employee comes out to the accident scene
to see if I'm alright and I'm sure to see if it really happened.
After all that I still can't go to work until my insurance agent
opens up. That day I was about an hour and half late for work.
This happened to me about 2 years ago.
638. I came to work at a 7-11 store
late one day and told my manager that an airplane landed on the road
and I stopped to help the people get out before fuel tanks exploded,
then I asked if she had heard anything about it on the radio. She
knew I was joking, but was not mad. The next night, I was working
the 11PM - 7AM shift. My car broke down and my sister stopped by
and picked me up at my house, we drove to her house and I used her
car to go to work. On the way to work, there had been a car
accident and the police stopped traffic in order to land a
helicopter to take one of the drivers to the hospital. This caused
a delay of about 35 minutes. When I got to work, I told the manager
(yes, the same lady) that I had to stop for the helicopter to land,
but she didn't buy it. (It really was true!)
639. I can't come to work today
because my car Key broke when I turned it. I have to call the key
makers to get another one. Works especially well in the winter.
640. After "working" all night, a
co-worker told us, "sorry I didn't do anything last night, I got my
nails done for a wedding next weekend and can't do ANY work for the
next three days".... It worked and we had to make up the work that
she didn't do.
641. My retired parents have taken a
road trip to <town 5 hours away >. Their car broke down near <town
3 hours away>. They've cancelled their road trip and urgently need
me to pick them up as the car is in the garage being repaired in
<town 3 hours away>.
642. Actually used: I won't be in
today because I was out fishing and fell off a bridge, I think my
arm might be broken.
643. Entirely true story - last month
it was really hot here where I live, about 100 degrees. I went on
my lunch break and right before going back in I thought I would put
a little extra deodorant on. I kept the deodorant (the gel kind) in
my glove box, and from the intense heat of my car being out in the
sun all day it had melted to pure hot wax. I popped off the lid and
spilt hot wax all over my arm and my pants. I rushed home and
called in to tell them I would be late. They did not believe my
story until one of my co-workers told them she had really seen me do
it and speed out of the parking lot.
644. I had A real bad hang over, and
had to be at work at 7:00am. I work in a nursing home their was no
way I would be able to make it through the day. I had to have a
doctors excuse or get fired. So I went to the doctors gave him all
my symptoms which were vomiting, diarrhea, and a head ache. I just
didn't tell him I was drinking. He gave me an excuse for food
poising. Two days off work and a prescription. ALL FOR A HANG
645. A: I can't come into work today
because the tranquility fountain I bought isn't working and is
rreeaalllyyyy pissing me of right now.
B: Or I can't come in to work today because the tranquility
fountain I bought is overflowing and flooding my house.
646. This was used by my boss: "My
power went off at home so I have to go home and try to fix it."
647. I used to drive semis hauling
lumber in Southern California. I came back late from a delivery
one time and the dispatcher asked me why it took so long. I told
him that my left turn signal didn't work, so I had to make all right
turns. He never questioned me again. This is a true story.
648. Actual one given by a coworker:
Have to leave now, I just remembered I left the iron on (on the
floor) and I have to go and turn it off. (had been at work only 2
hours that day).
Another coworker started a weightlifting program the other day, and
I think I pulled some muscles, my entire body is sore, and I can't
get out of bed!
649. I couldn't come into work today
due to the fact that my eye lids were stuck together because of so
much cold in them. By the time I got them open it was already 10am
and I'm due at work at 8:30am, so I just took the rest of the day
650. "I won't be into work today
because I have a broken finger nail and a sprained eyebrow."
651. My co-worker put in a request to
take a couple of vacation days or at least not work nights because
his parents are going out of town. He is 20 years old and has no
siblings, why does he need off? His dogs, he has to baby sit his
dogs. They sleep all day but he has to be there at night to be sure
they don't tear the house up. The bad part... we are the managers
of a fast food joint, so he is a boss and never accept an excuse
from an employee.
652. I used this one AND it's true.
Not being an American citizen I have a green card (they're actually
blue), and, as anyone who travels a great deal knows, you MUST have
your green card on you to re-enter the country, but not to leave.
Simple enough, until I went to Puerto Rico. Knowing that Puerto
Rico is an American colony, I foolishly assumed that I wouldn't need
my green card on this trip. Upon arrival at the airport, to return
home on a Sunday, someone noticed that I have an accent and asked if
I was an American citizen. The rest is pretty obvious, I answer no,
get asked for my green card, I answer no again, then get told I'm
not allowed on my flight back to America. I soon realize that I'm
stuck in paradise, so I'm not too upset. I call my boss on Monday
and tell him what's happened, explaining that my brother has now got
to get my green card, mail it to me and I have to find another
flight home, so it'll probably be 3 or 4 days before I'll be back at
work - let's just make it next Monday to be on the safe side. Don't
know, or care, if he believed it. This excuse WILL be used again.
653. I can't come in work today as my
Gran has taken a turn for the worst and keeps on calling me Rupert,
I am very upset!
654. I lost my American Express card
and just can't leave home without it. (an old AM commercial)
655. A women I work with called in
sick because she had a pimple.
656. A man I work with called in one
day saying that while driving to work he realized his shoes were to
tight, so he turned around and went home. Once he got home he
noticed that his armpits were really sore.
657. I won't be in to work today,
someone stole my steering wheel last night and I have to call the
658. I used to have a tiny little
yap-dog who would dart between my legs while I was trying to walk.
One day I was late and ran down my hallway in two-inch heels. The
stupid dog, of course, ran between my feet and I stumbled trying not
to step on him. My foot didn't stay on the sandal when it fell
sideways, and I broke my foot. I had to call in to work saying that
I fell off my shoes.
659. My boss of the time was the
biggest excuse inventor of all times. He always had an excuse for
not coming to work: He was waiting for a repair man, his car
wouldn't start, his roommate's car rolled into his in the drive way,
his back hurt, his knee hurt, etc, etc. So one Tuesday I called in
to work to take the day off because I had rolled my car over the
night before, spent 6 hours in the emergency room getting X-rayed
and having fifteen staples put in my head, and so couldn't make it
in today because of all things I had to get done. He said if I
rolled my car how come I was out of the hospital yet? Obviously he
didn't believe me so that Wednesday when I came back to work, I had
great satisfaction in showing him the pictures of my upside down,
smashed in car, the really gross staples in my head. It was a few
months before he called in with a hurt this/hurt that excuse for
660. This is totally true. I called
in one morning to tell my boss I wouldn't be in because during the
night a tree limb had fallen off the oak tree right outside my
kitchen window and was leaning against my trailer. I had to cut the
limb in pieces before I could get it off. That thing was over
thirty feet long and it took me and my dad all day to cut it up and
move it. It was within inches of smashing my trailer! If you think
this was just an "excuse", believe me going to work would have been
661. I met my best friend at the gas
station one morning on the way to work, and since I know she starts
work an hour earlier than I do, I just had to know her excuse. She
said she has her alarm clock set to a radio station and when it
turned on that morning the radio station was off the air, so there
was nothing to wake up by!
662. Sorry I'm late my dog got eaten
by an alien jelly fish and we had too go too the flying saucer too
get it back. (I have actually heard this one used)
663. (To be used when you want to
leave work early or stay home and preferably used by a teen.) I'm
having some relatives over and my parents are going out and they
said if I don't stay home/go home and watch their kids while they're
gone I get my car taken away. It works really good trust me!
664. I will not be in to work today as
I am taking my cat in for a sex change operation.
665. I couldn't come in to work I had
24 hour cancer/aids.
666. I actually heard this from an
employee in 1988 while working in Wisconsin. It is the best excuse
I have personally heard in my career: "My pig died last night and I
have to dress it out before it rots."
667. "I will be two hours late today.
I have taken a laxative and I must wait for it to cool off."
668. One employee of mine no showed
and when asked the next day why he didn't show up, he claimed to
have left a message on our answering machine which would've been
great if we had one!!!
669. Here's one I used jokingly but
the boss actually took me seriously! "Sorry I'm late for work. I
witnessed an accident and had to give a statement."
670. I once had an employee tell me
that the reason she was late was because she got almost to work and
realized the cat was on top of the car and she had to turn around
and take it home.
671. An excuse I have actually
used.... I missed work without calling in (a big no-no) and when
confronted I told my boss (a female) that I woke up and found a rash
on my testicles and that I was freaked out that I had a disease that
I went to the doctor and I was too embarrassed to call in with that
reason. Her face was so red after I said that, no one questioned
why I wasn't there!
672. Really good excuse for New Mexico
residents, Southern Colorado residents, Southeastern Arizona
residents or Southwestern Texas residents. (excuses intended for the
no call in, no show, couldn't call to tell you reasons.)
I went to Roswell, N.M. on a mini vacation, and was abducted by
aliens. I had no control over my ability to function, for I was at
the mercy of aliens and couldn't call or contact you. (1 or 2 day
excuse, not calling in to inform boss.) Then, I was admitted into
a mental hospital/ institution for a couple of days and they do not
allow any outside calls. Then I was released, but the FBI got
involved and you know them, they won't allow you to contact
outsiders or talk about sensitive top secret info with anyone but
them. (3 to 7 day excuse, no call in excuse. Usually good to use
this excuse if you were planning to not go back to this job, got
other employment or was looking for other employment, and then for
your own reasons, decided you wanted to work there again (other job
didn't work out or couldn't find another one in enough time ?
huh?.)) I probably won't be in tomorrow either, or most likely
never, because once the Feds. find out I told you, they will take me
back into custody and hold me for sometime for leaking top secret
info to you, and then I probably will be placed in prison or they
will force me to change my identity and place me in some other state
so their top secret secret of aliens really do exist, will not get
out, for the USA could not handle this magnitude of reality, and our
country would fall into total panic and hysteria, if they found
out!!!!!!!! (permanently gone, never coming/going back to job.)
673. I am the manager of a Network
Operations Center that is open 24 x 7 x 365. I am on call all the
time, so if someone calls in sick... I'm lucky enough to get a phone
call in the middle of the night. The best excuse I ever heard for
not coming in to work came from a guy we were about to fire anyway.
I answered the phone from a sound sleep and heard a frantic voice on
the line. " I can't come in to work tonight because I was actually
on my way to work and I had to pull over to the side of the highway
because I saw a UFO. Really, I saw a UFO! And it's still here and
I think it's coming after me." I informed UFO-boy that unless they
abducted him, he better get his butt into work. He didn't come in
that night because he was "too upset." But he did come in the next
day... to be promptly let go. I haven't seen him since so I'm
hoping they came back for him.
674. A friend of mine had a rather
bovine excuse; "I can't be in at work today because I have to help
the state troopers get my cows off the highway!"
675. I used to work with a girl who
was always calling in for some reason or another. Here are three of
my favorites, several times during the course of a month she hit a
deer on the way to work (never in her own car). She also called in
to say that her hot water heater had blown through the roof (her
husband is a plumber, remind me never to hire him). Her neighbor's
niece is sick (huh??).
676. There's a sinkhole in my driveway
and I can't get out.
677. I'm pinned down by gunfire and I
can't make it in.
678. Actually used by a female
employee of mine. "I can't come to work today because I wiped
myself with colored toilet paper and I got a yeast infection. I
don't want to be at work scratching my crotch all day.
679. My husband probably has kidney
stones and I need to take him to the hospital because he is in a lot
680. I work at pottery barn as a sales
rep and I always need to keep up my appearance while working there
to make the best impression on customers. Well, one night I wanted
to go to a concert instead of working so I called in and said that
while I was walking my dog I got sprayed by a skunk and that they
probably didn't want me to come in that evening.
681. This actually happened: A girl
was late for work and her excuse was her husband took the alarm
682. (For a job that drains you):
"I'm sorry, but I sprained my spirits and need to stay home and keep
683. (True story) We found a baby deer
in our driveway and I had to stay up all night taking care of it.
684. While managing a restaurant I had
a waitress call in to tell me that she would not be in. Being the
concerned boss I asked her why. <never should have> She told me that
her ovaries were swollen and very painful. <Too much info at this
point> About a week later I found out the truth. Her boyfriend had
just come back after being out to sea for 6 months. <he was in the
685. I live in Alaska and a co-worker
who liked to backpack into the mountains to camp during the winter
gave this excuse for being late on Monday morning: "The weather
changed last night and I had the wrong wax on my cross-country
686. I got sprayed by a skunk and I
can't come in to work today.
687. Years ago I worked in lower
Manhattan in a Federal Government office. Best excuse for not
coming in I heard was from a man who said; "I can't come in today
because my monkey died during the night and I need to arrange for
his funeral. " About 3 or 4 days later the same man; " I can't come
in to work today because my cat's acting crazy and I think my monkey
might have bitten her before it died."
688. I have actually used this one on
more than one occasion: My security alarm company called and said
my alarm is going off at my house. I have to run home and wait for
the police to fill out a report. It works especially well if you
don't live near your office.
689. My boss left work one day (after
being there for about 45 minutes) saying that his girlfriend just
called. Their dog had fallen into the lake and didn't know how to
swim. It was true, and he was obviously freaking out, but we all
had a good laugh.
690. A girl from work called in Friday
and said, "I won't be in Saturday and Sunday due to my arthritis
not letting me even sit down.... but I will be well enough to come
691. " I won't be able to come in
today. I took my hair off to wash it and my daughter picked it up
while it was drying. Unfortunately, she went to school already and
I can't imagine where she put it."
692. Once an employee of mine chose a
really unique way of quitting--she vanished. After a few days of
not hearing from her and not getting any answer when calling her, I
went to her apartment and knocked on the door. No answer. I got
really worried and even phoned the police. They told me I couldn't
report a missing person unrelated to me, but they went and knocked
on her door anyway--no response. About two months later she came in
to my store and explained. She'd been too depressed to get out of
bed for three weeks. I didn't rehire her.
693. I didn't wake up on time this
morning--I had a dream that I was running from my alarm clock to my
cell phone to my watch, because I heard this annoying alarm sound
going off, but none of the three was actually going off; as I'd get
to one it would sound like one of the others was going off. Then
when you called my house phone it woke me up and there was my alarm
clock buzzing away. I'll be in as soon as I can. --True story, and
it worked because I'm NEVER late and NEVER miss a day.
694. I can't come in today, because my
2002 Nissan Altima won't start.
695. If your alarm goes off in the
morning and you realize you haven't slept well, the morally correct
thing to do is start fresh right then and there and do it over.
Just stay in bed and keep at this sleep thing until you're sure
you've gotten it right. If this makes you late for work or school,
you should tell the person in charge, "Hey, I was trying to sleep
last night, but between 3 a.m. and 4 a.m. I just didn't get the job
done. In order to make up for that non-productive sleep hour, when
it got to be 7 a.m. I forced myself to stay in bed and go the extra
mile to make up for lost time. It wasn't easy, but it seemed like
the responsible thing to do."
696. This is one I used about 2 weeks
ago when I called in late for work. I get out of school about 30
minutes before my start time at work and I am at least 30 minutes
from work. One day the line at Starbucks was bad (I know we didn't
have to stop but I was in major need of caffeine) and so we were
running a little bit late. My mom (who is the queen of excuses),
called up the lady who does scheduling and told her this story:
"Sorry we are running late but I couldn't get on Amanda's school
campus. They had a planned gang confrontation so they had a full
lock down for 15 minutes with police cars and everything! They
wouldn't let me on campus or her off campus without i.d." and the
woman my mom was speaking to believed it!! Not only did I get
excused for being late... but I got my extra incentive bonus that I
would have gotten for being on time!! I love mom!
697. Um, Um, I can't come in today,
because my windshield wipers flew off while I was driving and it was
raining and then the heat went out and then my steering wheel caught
698. Our receptionist called in to say
that she had shaved her privates the night before and now had such a
bad rash that she couldn't make it in that day.
699. I used this one and it worked. I
told my employer that my hamster was in the middle of giving birth
to her babies and that I had to take her corpse to the vet to remove
any remaining babies she may still have inside her. The funny part
I I don' own a hamster.
700. I have used this one... I had
some back problems and got some Perocet. Well I got off it fine. I
just wanted some time off from work I told them that I was addicted
to pain killers and had to go for a month rehab. It worked...
701. I have pink eye-and it is
contagious for a few days so I can't come in.
702. We work with this woman (and I
use that term lightly) who is absent and late all the time (we think
to an expensive drug problem) and has finally run out of boring
excuses. Her latest one (from yesterday) is that her Rottwiller dog
killed her neighbor's rabbit so the neighbor and her daughter came
over and beat the crap out of her and she was all shaken up and
didn't get to work till lunchtime. Wait ... it gets better. She
called this morning to say that she thinks her ribs are broken from
being battered yesterday by the owner of the dead rabbit and must go
to the emergency room for x-rays. Well she calls an hour later to
say that she's home, has two hairline fractures in her ribs and will
be in tomorrow. Doesn't anyone besides us realize that nobody, I
repeat nobody, goes through the ER at a local hospital, has x-rays
and gets the result and returns home all within ONE HOUR, especially
when the nearest hospital is 30 minutes away!!! Can't wait to hear
her excuse tomorrow!
703. I had to be quick on the draw one
Saturday morning when I was hung over and out of excuses. I called
in and told my boss that I was bitten by a camel while at the zoo
with my girlfriend.
704. This was from a co-worker and
should get an Oscar. It was, in fact, all bullshit. In fact, it
brings the art of B S ing to a whole new level. "Hello all, Monday
evening at 6:30 p.m. I received a frantic call from my mom
detailing how my closest aunt, and second mom, had been rushed to
the hospital in a fight for her life. Out of pure panic, fear,
anxiety and love I immediately left for Fresno to see her. When I
arrived at the hospital at 10:00 p.m. I was not allowed into her
room, but spent the entire night in the waiting room with my
parents, my uncle and several other family members. It was one of
the longest nights of my life. There were practically no words
spoken as we leaned on each other for support, only tears of fear
and hopelessness. I finally was able to see her yesterday morning
and when I walked into her ICU room it was all I could do to not
break down sobbing. There were more tubes in her than I could
count, everything around her was beeping, she needed a machine to
breath for her and she kept slipping in and out of consciousness.
And the crazy part is that no one knows what is wrong with her. As
I approached the bed I said a silent prayer when I grabbed her
hand. It was not until that point that she lifted her eyes to me.
Thankfully I still found love and life in her eyes. That was the
last time that I saw her. I spent the remainder of yesterday and
yesterday evening at the hospital. I am very blessed for the family
that I have and amazed at how we have come together for this.
Several of my relatives just arrived this morning into San Francisco
from New York and will hopefully be by her side soon. She is still
in ICU and hopefully I will receive some good news soon about her.
I called Emma Monday evening on my frantic drive home, but don't
know if she received the message. I apologize if this caused any
inconvenience, but there was not a choice in this decision. Family
has and always will come first in my life, especially if I believe
that it may be the last time that I ever see them. Thank you for
705. Could I come in later? It's too
cold to come in to work now. This guy lives in California and at
the time it was only getting around 30 degrees Fahrenheit.
706. This is true and it happened to
me. My son's hamster got out of his cage and managed to chew the
cord on my new refrigerator and I had to call in late to wait for
the repairman to come over and fix it.
707. Had a co-worker call in one day
saying that the new airport they were building sucked all the power
out of his apartment. This same man called in to reschedule his
interview with our work because he stepped on his cat and messed up
its back and had to take it to the vet.
708. Late... I'm sorry I'm late. I
got in the car and noticed I had 2 different shoes on. (She lives 5
minutes away, and was 1/2 hr late!) I questioned another employee
about being 1 1/2 hrs late, and she said her panty hose twisted, so
she had to go home and fix them. When she got back to the bus stop,
the next bus didn't come for another 1/2 hr.
709. For people who have pissed off
their boss and are looking a few days off work: Falsetto voice over
phone: "Hello, may I speak to the senior manager? Yes, I am afraid
my son was knocked off his bike by a reversing car... no, no...
nothing serious. A slight concussion, but he is very badly shaken,
poor lad. Are you his boss? Yes, he speaks very highly of you...
Well, thanks. Bye!
710. Sorry I wont be in today because
last night my next door neighbor brought over some pot and we smoked
it all up now I'm having an out of body experience. Mentally I will
be there but my body will be in bed.
711. I live next to a lunatic asylum,
and there was an escape last night, and the sirens were blaring out
all night and kept me awake. When they eventually stopped I fell
asleep and didn't wake up until mid-day.
712. My flat mate won't be in today
cause I gave her a couple of Panadene Forte for period pain and
can't seem to wake her.
713. This really happened, but it
sounded so lame... I had a garage that was made out of wood, and
when it would rain the garage soaked up water and wouldn't open. So
I had to call in to work and let them know my car was stuck in the
garage, and I cant get it out.
714. I have to take tomorrow off I
have to go to the embassy and prove that I was born. Actually used.
715. I won't be into work today
because I woke up with my eye swollen shut, and it appears I have
contracted a case of pinkeye. (The advantage to THIS excuse...
pinkeye doesn't heal for days)!
716. On my way to work, I was already
on I-5, well my mom called me she was crying and so I turned around
and went to her house and I cant come in to work today, my mom (age
58) was on a chair cleaning a chandelier and she slipped and fell
and hit her ribs on the table so that is why I am not coming in, I
had to take her to the hospital, she has 2 broken ribs.
717. One of my co-workers used this a
couple of days ago: "I can't come in to work tonight, I went to the
county jail to bail out a William G. Smith and they let out a
William "J" Smith. I have to go get my friend out and then find the
other guy to get my money back."
718. I took a sleeping pill last night
and I just can't wake up enough to drive to work. I will try to be
there in a couple of hours. This was an excuse I received from a
nurse just before her shift was to start.
719. I can't come to work today
because the people in the apartment next to mine are moving out.
They have the moving van parked right in front of my living room
window and the dog doesn't like all this activity. I have to stay
home and keep him quiet so we don't get evicted because of all his
720. This is a true story. When the
new lady missed her first day on the job, I asked one of her
co-workers what happened. She replied that the new employee called
in and said that she "dropped her false teeth, and they broke." I
replied to the co-worker, "I wish I had a nickel for every time I
heard that excuse."
721. This excuse is old, for it is for
those who feel guilty for lying. Take a small ball, like a tennis
ball, go to the phone to "make your call", and when you are talking
to your boss... take the ball and toss it up in the air as you are
saying... "I'm sorry, but I can't come in work today because I am
throwing up!" This is not a lie because you are "throwing up" the
ball. (get it)
722. Why I was late 4 work: I was
driving round the round about when this lady in front of me gently
bumped the guys car that was 2 cars in front of me. This man
slumped on the wheel and the horn went off there was bloody
everywhere. As it turns out he was picking his nose and when the
lady hit his car his finger went rite up his nose and caused him to
723. Someone who worked for me once
told me she was late because she had slept late and didn't realize
it because she was having a dream about being at work.
724. "I can't come in today. I was
mowing the lawn and spilled gas filling up the mower, my cat got in
the way and when my wife picked it up her cigarette dropped on the
cat and started little Mew Mew on fire. My wife threw the cat and
it landed in the bushes in front of the house. The fire trucks are
here right now!"
725. My boss was trying to keep me
busy, so he told me to clean out the supply closet. I told him that
I was locked up in a closet for 8 months as a child and that small
places sometimes give me violet flashbacks.
726. Sorry I did not come into work
yesterday. I woke up late and went on the internet to try and find
some good excuses for not coming in. Since I knew that the real
reason: I took some sleeping pills last night and didn't wake up
until 2 pm, wouldn't work.
727. The route that I take to work
every day was closed due to an accident. The nice police officer
pointed me in a unfamiliar direction. Since I am not familiar with
any other route to work, I got lost. I eventually found someone to
give me directions back to work. However, by then I was late.
728. I won't be in today, my dog puked
on my uniform, and I haven't got any clean clothes.
729. I've called out of work so many
times with so many excuses, it's hard for me to think of a decent,
but believable excuse anymore. The last time I called out I told my
boss I had been stabbed in my side outside a bar by some drunk
punk. It wasn't so much as a stab as it was a slice. Well, to be
honest, it wasn't so much a slice as it was a scrape that pool
tables sometimes inflict on me when I fall after too many tequilas.
An oversized bandage and some dried ketchup from the top of the
bottle make for a very convincing wound. I called out that day to
heal, later that month I called out after they apprehended the perp
for identification, then again for the prelim hearing. And I still
have to take off for the trial. Get a lot juice outta this excuse.
I think I convinced myself that I've really been stabbed. Thank you
pool table, Thank you tequila.
730. I cant make it in today because I
sprained my back which prevents me from bending over and sticking my
head up my ass so I can be on the same level as everyone there.
731. My wife works with a girl that
used this excuse. "My mother-in-law slipped in the bathtub and
there is nobody to watch my son except his father."
732. My boyfriend got tired of being
at work one day so he had me call and say a family member had been
in a wreck so he could get off early that day. He said his mom
(mama) was in the hospital. The next day someone he worked with
just happened to know his mom and dad so they called to check up on
her and see how she was doing. His mom told her, no that she had
not been in a wreck and didn't know what she was talking about.
After my boyfriend talked to his mom and found this out, he had to
think up another lie to cover up his first lie. So he called work
to talk to his boss, lying saying that he said it was his grandma
(mama) instead of his mom. He made it all sound like it was just a
misunderstanding. The funny thing is they believed him and he still
has a job.
733. True story - I just started a new
job at a buffet place (the easiest job in the world) one of my
co-workers called in and said she had made a bet with her boyfriend,
and lost, she had to reward him, so she wouldn't be in to work. the
reward.... a blow job!!!
734. Really Happened: I used to drive
a limousine in the Chicago area, and one day I went to get a haircut
at a salon that was located in a strip mall. There was a bank about
three doors down from the hair salon and there was a possible
hostage situation, which meant that I could not return to my limo
because it was in the possible line of fire of the perpetrator
inside the bank. The hostage situation lasted about six hours. It
turned out that there was no hostage. It did get great coverage
from the news media, though.
735. I once worked with a girl that
called in late because her best friend was going out of town and
needed her to baby-sit his sick snake. She claims he did not come
over till the nite before it took all nite to set up the habitat.
She was 4 hours late to work. The very next day she called claiming
she had to take the sick snake to the vet and since she did not
have an appointment would have to wait for an opening. She did not
make it to work that day. The very next day called in late because
she had to pick the sick snake up from the vet by a certain time or
be charged an additional daycare fee. Later that day she called and
said that on her way home from picking up the snake the snake peed
on her and now she had to go to the cleaners and hope that she had
something clean to wear to work. Yep you guessed it no clean
clothes and could not make it into work that day either. This girl
did not get fired or disciplined.
736. My boss uses these excuses when
he doesn't want to come into work or go home
1. I stepped on a nail a year ago and my foot still hurts.
2. The nose of my 1999 truck fell off when I hit a bump so I won't
be coming in today.
3. I took my dog to the vet to be neutered and he has diarrhea
really bad so I am going
to stay home to take care of him.
4. I won't be in today I have to go buy a new mattress the one I
have I cannot sleep on.
5. My wisdom teeth are hurting me (at age 26) and I am gonna be
useless today so I am going home.
6. My girlfriends tooth hurts so I am gonna stay home and take care
7. I got caught behind a slow driver.... that's why I am late....
this happens like 3-4 times a week.
8. My license is suspended so I am not gonna risk driving to work.
This guy is the
king of excuses... and the funny part is he comes up with them
9. And the best one yet from my boss as to why he will not be in
today. "My daughters babysitter's mom may have been exposed to
Hepatitis, so I cannot leave my house till the hospital confirms
that we have not been infected" Now that's original.
737. Hello, this is _______________ I
can't go to work today since they placed my
father in the hospital and they want all the family to be there.
738. I am so sorry, I am not going to
be able to make it to this weekend. My boyfriend and I have to go
to his parents' house. My boyfriend's mom found their cleaning at
the bottom of the basement stairs. She's old and they were gonna
operate but they couldn't. (?) Enough about that, I really feel
bad, but I really need to be there for them as things have been bad
between me and the family.
739. This is a true
story that got me out of work for two weeks! "I'm sorry, but I'm on
my way to the hospital because I just dislocated my knee while I was
catching a water balloon at my friend's party." Too bad it wasn't
an excuse, and it really happened! Two months on crutches and
physical therapy! :( Good luck
740. I used this
one when I tried to dye my hair blonde and it turned out uneven.
"I'm sorry, but I can't get to work today because my aunt and uncle
went to Miami today, and I just got a call from my aunt saying that
my uncle was in the hospital of a heart attack. Since my mom is out
of town, and I'm here alone with my cousins, I have to drive them to
Miami (two hours away) to see their father or their going to be
hysterical. I'm sorry" Needless to say it worked! :)
741. I plan to use
this one tomorrow! "I'm sorry, I can't come to work today because I
went out to eat Chinese food last night, and woke up in the middle
of the night with terrible food poisoning, and I can't stop throwing
up. " I hope it works! :)
742. This is a true
story! I left for work early one day so I could B.S. in the break
room before work. On my way there, I met a donkey in the middle of
the road. I got in the passing lane to go around him. He in turn
got in the passing lane. I swerved back into the other lane and he
did to. This went on for about a mile and I ended up 5 minutes late
for work. When asked why I was late (I should've lied) I told them
and of course no one believed me. They all laughed at me and I never
did get into trouble.
743. I am so sorry
I will not be in work today. I have a bone in my foot.
744. I used to work
for a large technology company in the northeast. Here is a list of
actual excuses that I collected in a month. I took the names out of
the emails. Needless to say a month later this Internet Consulting
company was bust.
I have to leave today around 1 o'clock. I have matter that I have to
take care of. I should be back in the office before five. I can be
reached at my interactive pager.
He will be working from home. He will also be doing a lot of
errands. He can be reached on his cell phone all day.
He has some personal things to take care of and will be in after
He will not be in today due to a personal matter.
She will not be in today as she is having a bad allergy attack.
She is not feeling well today so she will not be in today.
He will not be in for the next few days.
I will be leaving at 3PM today. If anyone needs anything from me,
please see me before then.
I originally planned on being out of the office on vacation starting
Aug 23. Due to forecasted weather conditions, and to several pending
deadlines, I will be here on the 23 and 24, out Friday the 25th. I
will be in the following week, up to an through the 31st. I will
plan on taking Sept 1 off, if all is going well.
It is a Hindu festival today commemorating the birth of Krishna.
I'll be leaving by 4 pm with the hope of catching the festivities
later in the evening.
He will be in the office at approx. 10:30 am, this morning.
He will be in sometime this afternoon as he has a personal matter to
take care of.
Hi, I just wanted to let you all know that I wont be in on Tuesday,
Aug. 29th. Please feel free to contact me thru interactive pager if
I will be leaving the office at 3:30pm today to take my daughter to
a doctors appointment, nothing serious just a pre-enrollment
physical. Please address any requests in my absence. I can be
reached via pager.
He is not feeling well so he will not be in today.
I plan on being out of the office tomorrow (attempt at vacation). I
can be reached with the usual remote means (pager, RIM, cell phone).
I will be out of the office tomorrow while I have my cable modem
installed, but will be working most of the day from home (except for
the time Comcast kicks me off my computer). He will be taking over
just for tomorrow. If you have any questions, please either call me
or see him.
I will be leaving the office this afternoon at 3:15 due to some
personal matters. I will return to the office tomorrow morning.
Should anyone need to contact me, please leave me either a voice or
Just a reminder that I will be out of the office on Thursday and
Friday. I will also be leaving at 4:00 today), so if you need to see
me, please do so before then. Otherwise, I will be available via
I plan on (i.e. try) taking a second vacation day on Friday. I will
be in the area, and can be contacted in an emergency.
I'll be leaving the office early (about 4pm) on Friday. Hope
everyone has a great weekend.
I have to leave early today due to an emergency.. nothing sort of
I will be out of the office from 11-2. I'll be attending a sonogram
and trying to convince my wife that Gartner isn't the wonderful name
we first thought it was. Barring my wife going into labor I'll
return between 1:30-2:00.
He is having car trouble so will be in later today.
Please be advised that I'll be leaving the office early today
(between 4 and 4:30 pm).
I will be in around noon on Wednesday September 6. I am going to
school with her for her first day of school. I will reachable via
I will be out of the office tomorrow (09/6/2000), all day. Sorry, I
don't have contact number for tomorrow.... If anyone want to see me
please see me before the end of the day...
He had car trouble and will be in later this morning.
I will be leaving in the late afternoon for a couple of hours. I
will leave around 1:15pm and return around 4:00. If you should need
to reach during that time, please page me at the address below.
I just wanted to let you all know that I wont be in the end of next
week. I will be away on 13th, 14th & 15th of September. If you guys
need me feel free to contact me thru interactive pager
I will be out of the office on September 27th. The usual contact
methods apply (pager, cell-phone, etc.)
He is having plumbing problems at home and will be out of the office
today. He will be stopping in quickly around lunch time though.
I just made a Dentist appointment for tomorrow, sorry for the short
notice, but my tooth just started hurting last night. I will need to
leave at 3:45. I will have my cell phone and pager with me at all
times in case of any emergencies. I will log back in from home once
I get home (approx. 6:00). I can receive my work e-mail, and log in
to TeamSite from home. The only time I will be unreachable is from
5:00 to about 5:45. Thank you.
I have to leave earlier today around 4:45 due to home emergency.
I will be leaving the office this afternoon at 4:00 p.m. If you need
to see me please see me before then - after 4:00 you can reach me on
my cell phone
My dog has managed to chew a big hole in his tail, so I have to
leave early to give the vet lots of my money. I am beepable P.S: In
lieu of flowers and gifts, Max has requested that everyone try to
take out a squirrel or two on their way home from work.
Due to a bug in my cars interface (broken headlight) I need to leave
early before the QA people (police) take exception. My apologies for
the short notice.
Need to take a trip to the dentist at 1PM for a quick fix of a
crown. Will return on completion.
He will be leaving around 2 today as he has to take his in-laws to
They are going back to India today.
He called in this morning. He is running late and estimates that he
will be in around 11.
He is not feeling well today so him and his daughter who is not
feeling well either are going to the doctor. So he will not be in
I will be taking a floating holiday today (Wed 6/28) to attend to
some personal matters. If you need to reach me, you can do so. The
home phone is the best bet, as I rarely keep the cell phone on,
won't check my e-mail until later in the day and the pager is
temperamental. I have forwarded my extension.
I will be off on Monday & Tuesday. Due to my injury to my finger, I
will be leaving around 1 PM today. Thanks!
I have to go to the doctors and I may return depending on the time I
finish with the appointment.
I have a 4:30 PM Doctors appointment, so I will be leaving at 4:05
He might be in at 1:30 PM or may not be in today. (He will call in
later with a status).
I will be leaving by 3 PM today. Please see me prior if you need me.
He will be in late around 11am. His parents came in this morning.
He had to take his sister to the hospital for checkup, he will be in
He is still sick and will not be in today. If you need him you can
reach him on his cell. He will be going to the Doctor at 1pm
My car is taking them longer to repair than expected
(understatement), so I will not be in till about 11-11:30
I will be leaving today at 4:30 PM for the Jewish holiday (Rosh
Hashanah - Jewish New Year). Thanks!
He is stuck in ez pass traffic and will be in soon. Apparently, EZ
Pass is not too EZ
He will not be in today as he has to baby-sit his son, while his
wife is at the hospital with her sister who is having a baby.
I won't be in on Friday 20 October, Monday 23 October to Attend a
I will be out of the office on Monday, October 9th for the
observance of Yom Kippur.
He is having brake problems with his car, and advises he should be
in the office around 10:30 today.
I need to leave at about 3:00 pm today, to take care of some family
I'm going to see the dentist later this afternoon so I'll be leaving
the office at 12 today.
We will be leaving early this Friday (About 3:45). Questions???
I will also (hopefully, depending) be leaving early (around 4) on
He won't be in today. He's going to have some blood work done at the
He is also out ill. He won't be in until later today (if at all).
Due to a medical appointment, I need to leave at 4:15PM today. If
anyone needs to see me, please see me before that time...
He is stuck in traffic and will be here soon.
Paranoid about water still boiling I will be going home to turn it
off. I will be back by 4:00pm
He has a stomach virus and will not be in.
He is not feeling well either and will not be in today. He is off
tomorrow so he will see everyone next year.
If you need him for anything see me with numbers.
Drank some fluids saw my friend the Doc he said it was not virus,
maybe nasty fish. I'm here.
I have been waiting to see what the volume of work is this week. If
there is no pressing emergency, I plan on taking this coming Friday
off (Dec 29) to take care of some personal business. As usual, I can
be contacted via cell phone, pager, etc.
I wish to thank Steve H, A., Ryan K. and Nick for all offering help
with a ride back to South Orange.
Fortunately, I do not need to head back to South Orange. The repairs
will be okay without me.
All, I have an emergency at home to which I must tend immediately. I
will get back to the office ASAP. Thanks!
He is having car trouble so may be in late or he said maybe not at
He drives a Toyota!!! What's this world coming to?
He will be in late today as when he went outside to get in his car
it is missing.
In case anyone is looking for me, I’ll be out all day Thursday, no
not from the hangover but unfortunately taking a final exam.
I will be out next Tuesday and Wednesday, December 12 & 13th. I'll
have the usal contact means on me.
He is out sick today but will be calling in today. He still has a
congested lung that he is trying to take care of.
He will not be in today his daughter is sick.
I will be staying home today, as the sore throat I received
yesterday, transformed itself in to the common cold today. I can be
reached at home at 555 617 1881, or via e-mail. I will contact those
individuals I need to speak to separately in just a few moments.
Due to things finally settling down, I will be on Sabbatical with my
N-64 and Playstation tomorrow and Thursday.
I will be leaving a little early today for a dentist appointment.
He will be in the office by 11:00.
He is with his daughter at the pediatrician, he will be in the
office between 12:30 & 1:00.
745. I've worked in
the circulation department of our local newspaper for many years,
and I've noticed that our young carriers have become much more
creative with their excuses for not delivering the paper in the
My favorite was a young girl who always seemed to have an excuse
that left me speechless: "My goldfish is sick and I have to stay
home this morning to make sure it doesn't die."
"My brother broke his arm, and my mom says she's too worried about
me now to let me leave the house."
"I'm too sick!" (I phoned her back an hour later) "Can I do it
My dad is taking me to McDonalds."
And my all time favorite: "My grandfather is going blind, and he's
worried about me going blind too. He says it's too bright out this
morning, and I might hurt my eyes." I ask you, how do you argue
746. While waiting
for a interviewee to turn up, I received a phone call from him,
saying he couldn't turn up as he didn't want to get his expensive
suit wet in the rain and a brolly would spoil his image.
747. HI. I
submitted excuse number 741... and it didn't work because my boss
had overheard me say the day before I planned to call in sick that I
wanted to go out on the boat. BUT then next day my friends wanted
to go to the pool with me, so I talked this woman into calling in
sick for me, saying she was my mother, and telling my boss that due
to the fact that I was sick the day before, but still had to come to
work anyway and stand for 9 hours, that I had been up all night
throwing up, and wouldn't be able to make it into work. It worked,
and I got a wonderful tan to go with it! Good thing I was off the
next day! :) Also, the same friends (who I work with) were all off
at the same time (well, everyone except me of course!) and I wanted
to leave early so we could go out, but couldn't think of an excuse,
so I sat in the office in front of all three managers on duty, and
called my cell phone and pretended to talk to my mom. I suddenly
started sobbing and freaking out. When my managers asked me if I
was ok, I told them my cousin had been in a terrible car accident in
Miami, and was in ICU and they thought she might not make it. My
mom had already left for the hospital, and I had to drive myself up
there. Needless to say, I was wished a safe trip, told not to drive
while I was so upset, and had a great night! :) That one works!
748. Can't make it
Friday night, I'm going to the town Lightning Bug Catching
Tournament, only happens at night, therefore I am unavailable.
749. My wife is too
sick to get out of bed today and I am too useless to take care of
myself. So I won't be in to work today.
750. My 1 year old
locked himself in the car, and me out of the car and couldn't figure
out how to unlock the car. I had to call the police to get them to
call someone to unlock the car for me.... TRY EXPLAINING THAT TO THE
POLICE AND THEN YOUR BOSS.
751. This worked
FIVE times for me over a two year period at the same job. "The power
went out in my building/house, because my landlord/roommate was
doing some electrical work, therefore, my alarm never went off!" It
works, numerous times, trust me.
752. This is true!
Many years ago my best friend and I decided to drive to Dallas,
Texas from Oklahoma. While on our way back, the window fell out of
the driver's side door! I don't think my boss believed me, though.
753. True story One
morning in Kenai, Alaska, I went out to my truck to go to work and a
bull moose wouldn't let me into the cab of my truck. I called in and
754. My little
brother had a fight with my parents and stole their car. I have to
stay home in case he shows up here.
755. True Excuse:
I had to leave work early after a call from my daughter. I went to
my boss and had to state that there was a homeless man bathing in my
fountain in the front yard and my child was scared he would come
into the house after he was done!
756. The dishwasher
at restaurant I worked at phoned in and said, "I can't come into
work today." "Why?" "I was washing dishes and there was a bottle
of drain-o on the shelf over the sink and it tipped, when I looked
up some drain-o accidentally fell into my mouth." One week later.
"I can't come into work." "Why?" "I got stabbed in the leg and had
to go to the hospital." He showed up later with a bandage on the
outside of his jeans!
757. It was a
couple years ago (true story by the way) and my neighbors dog just
died. I got out of that nights work by the crappy excuse, I'm in
mourning for my neighbors loss! (I got nailed the next day by having
to make it up at recess.)
758. I cant come in
today because I don't want too.
759. Hey Boss
man... My grandma was gang-raped and she is now infected with
HIV/AIDS in addition to being pregnant so I have to stay home and
take care of her! You understand right?
760. Sorry I was
late I was typing out this layout draft for you.
761. I never really
called in sick to a job, (or really had to) this is one that you
have to set up ahead of time. I had done this while working at a
grocery store. Two days before New Years Eve (and, my Fiancée's
birthday) I had a shift to work. I wanted to be able to party with
him on his special day. I wanted to ensure that I would have the
Eve off. I went in and stayed the whole time gradually losing my
voice (wink wink). The next day, I went in with absolutely no
voice, and a letter from my doctor (or mother...) stating that I
should not speak whatsoever... They sent me home and felt very
sorry for me, and told me not to come back until it was absolutely
okay with my 'doctor'.
762. I called in to
the Games store where I worked a half hour before my shift. I
sounded mad and embarrassed.... I told my co-worker that, while
preparing my dinner, I knocked the knife off the cutting board, and
although I tried to dodge it, it insisted on planting itself firmly
into the soft skin between my big and second toes. I continued by
telling him that, as I could not stop the bleeding, I would be late,
because I had to go to the hospital to get it looked at. I arrived
for work one hour before the end of my shift, and got paid for the
763. I used to work
as a bookkeeper/secretary to a small truss plant, where, over the
years we employed many laborers. One of my favorite excuses was
from young fellow who said, and I quote, "I fell asleep at the
beach, and when I woke up I had hemorrhoids. (He obviously had no
idea what they were!) Another time the same guy told me that he had
fallen asleep at the bus stop while on his way to work and when he
woke up it was three days later. He must have been quite a heavy
sleeper.... And last, but not least, we had a very large Native,
who would sometimes disappear for days on end with no call. Once
when he came back I asked him, "where on earth have you been?" He
looked at me solemnly and replied, "Ah, too much firewater".
764. This one I've
really used. I can't come into work because I've twisted both my
ankles and can't make it up the stairs. How'd I twist both my
ankles? Well you see, I had this freak walking accident. I was out
getting groceries, and since I ride the bus I was quite loaded
down. It was raining outside while I was waiting for the bus, so I
was standing next to the coffee shop for a little protection. When
I saw the bus coming, I started walking towards the bus stop. But I
wasn't watching where I was walking, so I accidentally stepped on a
concrete block. Since I was so loaded down with groceries, and
wasn't expecting to step on anything, I quickly lost my balance and
twisted my ankle. I tried catching myself with my other foot, but
it couldn't support the weight of all the groceries and I ended up
twisting that ankle too. This all happened on a Saturday. I called
in Monday morning. While it was nice to get the Monday off work, I
really was in too much pain to walk up my stairs. I couldn't even
enjoy my day off!
765. This happened
to me last winter. I went out to my car to go to work (knowing we
had had freezing rain the night before) and found that the entire
car was COVERED in a thick icy force field. Try as I might, I
couldn't break it and my ice scraper was inside the car. I tried
everything to get inside, even breaking the ice around the door
frame with a knife but I finally gave up after half an hour. I live
out of town so I couldn't take a taxi so I went back inside and went
to bed until the sun melted the ice about 5 hours later.
766. I won't be
coming to work today, I've got chapped lips.
767. I broke a
tooth eating a marshmallow.
768. My wife
changed the toilet paper and I suffered friction burns on my ass.
769. Hi, Myself and
a co-worker are both volunteer firemen. One day my friend called in
sick to work, claiming that he had been hit in the nose with a piece
of wood at a house fire. I know this was BS because it was July 3rd
and they were prepping for their fireworks show on the 4th.
770. I won't be in
today, I need to go identify a dead body.
771. Have your
girlfriend call your job and say you can't come in to work because
you are tied to the bed and being a bad sex slave.
772. I can't come
into work because my girlfriend won't untie me from the bed, and she
won't untie me until she's teaches me some respect. By the way
she's wearing black leather and has a whip.
773. We have a guy
that we keep a list on. So far he is up to 215 reasons why he can't
come in or has to leave early..... The latest is: The roof of his
774. Can't make it
in today... having transmission problems... can't get my ass in
775. On 9/11/01, I
was on vacation in northern Michigan and supposed to be back at work
the next morning. When I went to get gas and head home that evening
most of the gas stations up north were either out of gas or had
lines that stretched for miles because of the panic of rising gas
prices. I called in the next day because I could not get gas.
776. I actually
used this while working as an UN-armed security officer. "Sorry to
be calling so close to my shift, but while getting the car warmed up
to head to post my sidearm discharged rather freakishly and blew a
hole through my floorboard, severing the braided fuel line on my
car, and since the car I have is not a run of the mill car I have to
special order the new fuel line and it's going to take two days to
get in. I should be able to get to work after my scheduled days off
though." The dispatcher bought it and it took another week for my
supervisor to remember that I didn't even carry a gun on duty.
777. "Art Project
gone bad" I was trying to make a mold of my boyfriend's torso when I
realized that the plaster of paris I was using had molded itself
around his chest hairs. The next day, I had to call into work and
tell them that I couldn't make it in because my boyfriend had a
chunk of solidified plaster stuck to his chest because of my
stupidity and I couldn't leave him like that. We tried everything
to get it off without ripping out all his chest hair. After 24
hours, he ended up having to get drunk to dull the pain and rip it
off piece by piece.
778. "Some guy in
my apartment complex died and the ambulance is blocking me in."
779. I think I
broke the bone in my penis. (Actual excuse used by a teenager I
780. I used to work
for a factory where most of the staff were lazy SOB's who never
wanted to work. My boss was plagued with so many absences every
week that it wasn't even funny. He was a little jaded, and prone to
not believing ANYTHING you told him. The following is a
conversation we had when I called in one morning at 7am. "Hey,
uhh.. I may be late or not in at all today.." "Oh really.. why's
that?" "Well, it seems that someone decided that my car wasn't
burnt enough.. so they set fire to it." "Are you kidding me?
You're saying someone set fire to your car?" "Yeah, that's what I'm
saying. At 5am I woke up to sirens and commotion and when I looked
outside my car was ablaze. They just got it out an hour ago and the
arson investigator is picking through the remains." "Listen, you
told me last week that you were getting a new car soon, so if you
think that by showing up here in a different car tomorrow is gonna
make this believable.." "Okay, you're on the internet right?" (he
was, always is) "Go to http://(personal website) in 10 minutes."
10 minutes later he phones me and says.. "Wow.. what a mess. Okay,
if you can't make it today no problem. Be here tomorrow." See, all
it takes is pointing your web cam out your window, standing in front
of the smoldering wreckage in your housecoat, and broadcasting live
pictures over the internet. He watched the firemen work all
781. One of my
employees is always suckering me into letting him leave early. He
just used this excuse today and I let him go before I took time to
think about what he was saying. I need to go home early so that I
can eat dinner with my fiancé before I go to see the new 007 movie
with my dad. I can't pass up a chance to go see a movie for free
because I am saving money for the wedding.
782. I have to
leave early today because my boyfriend and I are going to Vegas to
get married. (I didn't exactly do it, the next time I saw them I
told them that we chickened out).
783. I hate this
job... I am not coming in.
784. I was here 10
minutes ago but no one was here so I left and here I am.
called in with this one, "I sprained my wrist." Boss, "What did you
do?". "I was masturbating too much over the weekend." Oh boy, did
we get a lot of laughs!
786. The boss was
going to a fertility clinic, he was giving a sperm sample for
testing, because he was having a hard time getting his wife
pregnant. We knew when he was having the appointment, and was
teasing him about magazines and movies before he left. He called up
the next day after the appointment, told us that he was gonna be
late, he made too much of a mess, and had to go change his pants.
We made sure he didn't live that one down for a long time!
787. I actually got
this excuse from a fellow I worked with: I can't come into work
because my pants are wet and they are all in the wash. No kidding!!
788. An excuse of a
colleague: "X has a migraine that makes him scared of negotiating
789. #1 in rural
area: My turkey died. (actually happened 2 weeks before
#2 in rural area: I had cows in my front yard and had to corral
them. ~~excerpted from one worker's list of 23 excuses posted by
employer in work area for all to see.
790. This is one I
used a couple of years ago, and it worked like a dream until someone
told my girlfriend, and the truth came out (they had run out!) "I
am afraid I can't come into work today as last night I ate a
chocolate-covered scorpion, and I have been up all night running to
791. Sorry I'm
late, I was having rampant sex with my boyfriend all night and all
792. A girl rung my
supervisor with a hangover- I cant come into work today, I just cant
793. I cant come to
work today, I tripped getting off of the train and now I cant walk
on my ankle.
794. I cant come to
work today, I got bitten by a spider on my private part.
795. I cant come to
f**en work today, I have just been f***ing diagnosed with f***ing
796. I cant come to
work today, I am mentally unstable.
797. I cant come to
work today, for the same reason you wont promote me. There is no
798. I cant come to
work today because I cant stand that cow that you promoted over me.
799. I cant come to
work today..... customer service just ain't my thing.
800. I cant come to
work today, I have to stay home and watch TV.
Well friends we have many more work excuses
to go. The Work Excuses
5 page has excuse
801 thru 999. Enjoy
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