Kids, we all have been one sometime in our life or have them and kids make up the craziest excuses ever. So it's time we have a page dedicated to all the kids out there. Kids say the darndest things!

• 1. My 2 1/2 year old daughter says that she cant pee in the potty because she is too busy!!
  
   
• 2. Mom I'm sorry but I did it on accident!
  
   
• 3. Kids say that they just can't wait for something because it's not their style.
  
   
• 4. Whenever you tell a big fat lie to get away with breaking an ornament, vase etc.  Tell your mum, dad etc. that it threw itself off of the mantle piece, table etc and then add in that you always believed that there was something out there!
  
   
• 5. But all my friends don't have a bed time!
  
   
• 6. Mom:  Where's your report card?  You:  Um, mommy I'm really sorry and everything.  But I didn't do it or anything but you know how I walk to school?  Well, the bell rang and I went to my locker to put it in my backpack and some very mean kids took it and started playing monkey in the middle then someone yelled that there was a big fight so the kids dropped it and ran outside.  Then, I was walking home & was looking at it and a dog chased me and got it and chewed it up!  Sorry!
  
   
• 7. I have legal custody of my little brother and sister ever since both my mom and dad died in a car crash (I am 19).  One day several minutes after stopping a fight I heard screaming coming from their room, my dear little brother with tears in his eyes informed me that, "She hit me back!"
  
   
• 8. But Mom that's just not fair!
  
   
• 9. I do what cheerios tell me!
  
   
• 10. I didn't do it!
  
   
• 11. It wasn't me! 
  
   
• 12. It was my brother who did it!
  
   
• 13. "I didn't mow the lawn cause I had to go eat with some friends."
  
   
• 14. Mom, you know you love me!  You can't possibly be mad at me!
  
   
• 15. Mom:  Why didn't you clean the litter box?  You:  Um... I fell asleep... and I just woke-up!
  
   
• 16. Well my brother, he is (13), was stealing smokes from my step-dad and he took them down to the skatepark and smoked em bla bla and my mum found out he had been stealing smokes so his excuse was....  the older kids threatened me to get the smokes for them or they will beat me up...... he totally gets away with everything.
  
   
• 17. Pretty pretty please mum, I really really want it please!
  
   
• 18. Mom:  Where have you been?  I've been looking all over for you.  You:  Our teacher said for homework to play ball at the park and uhhhh.... understand.. gravity. yeah that's it!
  
   
• 19. Someone threatened to threaten me!
  
   
• 20. "What do you mean my room is a mess, (look horrified) this is a work of art!" 
  
   
• 21. Mom: How did this vase get broken!? You: It came down!
  
   
• 22. My four-year-old niece and her mom were visiting for Christmas Eve.  My niece said to her mom,  "We can't go now.  Santa isn't here and I haven't gotten toys."
  
   
• 23. You can't be mad at me.  You gotta love me. I'm the Baby!!!!!!!!! 
  
   
• 24. Parent:  Will you clean your room already?  Child:  I would... but I just don't want to.
  
   
• 25. If you hit your brother and he hits you back you run and tell your mom or dad before he does.
  
   
• 26. My granddaughter and I (she just turn 2) were watching Elmo's world, when she said to me,  "Nana go get dolly in my bedroom."   I said to her,  "You go get dolly" her answer was, "Nanaaa I'm too busy"
  
   
• 27. Mom, I can't go to bed because I'm too wired to go.
  
   
• 28. First annoy your brother/sister and they will hit you and get told of.  Hit them back and run inside the bathroom and lock the door.  Then hey will start banging on the door and get told of for that.
  
   
• 29. I did not do it it was my sister!
  
   
• 30. Whenever I would get in trouble when I was a kid my I would look at my mom and say, "you're right, I'm wrong, sorry."  It worked every time.
  
   
• 31. Mom: it looks like a tornado came in here! Child: I know I'm practicing tornado drills.
  
   
• 32. My 9 1/2 year old daughter:  But mom I can't play soccer today because arm hurts.  (she's a forward not a goalie)
  
   
• 33. When I was little, I cut up my sheets, my excuse was, "Jesus did it!"
  
   
• 34. CHILD:  I didn't Do It I swear!  MOTHER:  Then why were you standing next to it..?  CHILD:  Uhh First a ghost knocked it over then uhhh he picked me up and put me over here!  MOTHER:  OH who did it?  CHILD:  I told you Frankenstein!
  
   
• 35. The clowns made me do it! I sware!
  
   
• 36. 1 of my kids actually asked me this:  Kid: Mom would you punish me for something I didn't do?  Mom: No  Kid: That's good I didn't clean my room like you told me to!
  
   
• 37. The lawn was too wet to mow it.
  
   
• 38. I used this excuse a lot as a kid.  I didn't because I was dead at the time.
  
   
• 39. Excuse for breaking vase ,china cup etc.  I was trying to use my ESP to lift up the book but my sister jogged me and made me lift up the (whatever you broke) and then it fell down.
  
   
• 40. Mum/Dad: Why did the vase smash?  You: Because it was brittle.
  
   
• 41. Fire fighter:  Ok, I think we got everyone out!  Little Girl: Help! Help!  Firefighter: Hey! Kid! While I instructed you on your way out of the fire, why the heck didn't you grab your sister?  Little Boy: Because I was to busy trying to get my computer!
  
   
• 42. Don't look at me!  I didn't knock over the expensive vase that you told me not to go near to and bury all of the pieces I could find in the sand box.
  
   
• 43. BEFORE PARENTS LEFT Parent:  Are you sure you can stay here alone?  Child:  Of course I can.  WHEN PARENTS CAME BACK  Parent:  What happened to the kitchen... and the bathroom... and... and everything?  Child:  I remodeled the house so it would look like a tornado came threw here so I wouldn't get punished for making a mess in my room.
  
   
• 44. It wasn't my fault, it was the alligator!  He chased me into it, I swear!
  
   
• 45. I didn't do it on my own free will, my brother hypnotized me to do it!
  
   
• 46. Mum:  Where is your puppy?  Kid:  Ummm... I kinda left the gate open and she went outside and now she is in the street.  I think you call it road kill! :(
  
   
• 47. Child:  Mom I did not break the vase (what ever you broke).  Mom:  Then who broke it ?  Child:  It was my the evil side of me!
  
   
• 48. Mom:  Why didn't you clean the bathroom?  You:  Mom I didn't clean the bathroom because dad got their before me, and he left his mark.
  
   
• 49. But, mom if I clean up my room that means that I have to do work and you and I both know kids don't work.
  
   
• 50. My sister really did this...  Mom:  Did you draw on these walls Rei?  Rei: Um, nope my friend Elsie did.  Mom:  You don't have a friend named Elsie.  Rei:  She's standing right here. She's 'invisible' so you can't see her!....
  
   
• 51. It was the aliens I tell ya!  It's the aliens!  I was sitting and they came and put me in their spaceship and flew off came back blew up the cat threw me down.
  
   
• 52. I said I would take a shower mom, but you said I could take one next year.  REMEMBER!
  
   
• 53. My wife told her 8 year old daughter to go check the mail, daughter said "I can't, my feet are too sweaty!"
  
   
• 54. Mom /Dad. Why did you go potty on the floor MeMe (MeMe is 3) MeMe.  I did I was on the big girl toilet and Rosie couldn't hold it.  Mom:  Who's Rosie 10 year old sister walks in and says : Rosie's her imaginary friend I made up for her.
  
   
• 55. Mother:  Son could I talk to you for a second?   Son:  It wasn't me, I didn't draw all over the walls.
  
   
• 56. I didn't make the cat run away.  Little green aliens abducted her.
  
   
• 57. It wasn't me!  The dog ate your Birthday cake! (You have crumbs and icing all over your face)
  
   
• 58. MOM: Why didn't you make your bed?  SON: Well I figured I didn't have to because I will just sleep in it tonite and make another mess of it!
  
   
• 59. My sister never shuts doors behind her and it really aggravates my mum so the other day my mum goes why don't you shut doors were you born in a barn?  And my sister goes no I was born in a hospital with swing doors!!!
  
   
• 60. Parent: Billy why did you hit your brother?  Billy: She tried to kill me with her teeth so I punched him in the eye.
  
   
• 61. You know dad, I was going to work at that new fast food joint down the hill this summer, but it never got built so I can't work there anymore.
  
   
• 62. Mom:  How did this glass get broken?  You: It fell down.  Mom: I'm sure it didn't get up and jump off the table!  You: I don't know, I wasn't watching it.
  
   
• 63.  Mom:  Where have you been?  Child:  um..um.. um.. look Brad Pitt.  Then run and hide.
  
   
• 64. One day my uncle spilt some juice on the floor, while looking for a cloth to clean it up his daughter called out and blamed the mess on her brother...  an obvious lie, but my uncle played along anyway and when he was questioned he automatically blamed it on his sister...  "It was Emma I saw her do it"...  ha ha.  Neither one was guilty of making the mess but was punished all the same for lying.
  
   
• 65. Mom: Time to do your chores.  Kid: (Starts to get up but limps a little) Mom my ankle hurts, can I do my chores when it feels better and can I have an ice pack or something.  (This excuse works 4 me SOMETIMES)
  
   
• 66. Tony Fluker's odd shaped head distracted me.
  
   
• 67. This is what my little brother (8 years old) told me when he broke my Favorite lamp, "Well first I heard a *HSSSS*, then a *THUMP*, and then a big scary *KABOOM!!!*.  So I came to your room and it was already broken!"
  
   
• 68. I'm not farting I'm just burping out my bum.
  
   
• 69. You: Mommy I didn't clean my room because I was sleeping.  Mom: What were you dreaming about?  You: You cleaning my room for me. :)
  
   
• 70. Mom, you know I'm crazy right?
  
   
• 71. Mom: Where have you been all this time?  Child: Well, I was walking down the street, when Leonardo Dicaprio stops me and starts talking to me, then he and Britney spears and Justin Timberlake took me out to eat at burger king.
  
   
• 72. This is for kids excuses~  "I swear it wasn't my fault!  The devil made me do it!"
  
   
• 73. Mum: Why didn't you clean your room?  I've been telling you to for weeks.  Kid: I was just too busy.  Mum: Doing what??!   Kid: Getting a shower, making my bed, rubbing your feet, eating my veggies, going to bed, leaving the toilet seat up for you, and loving you :) ( then give her a kiss) (trust me it always works):0
  
   
• 74. "It Wasn't Me, the evil monkeys who flies down to Earth every night at 7:16 made me do it but I was too quick and nimble, all that I had to do was..."  After you recite that, you slowly walk to your room and claim that you don't know the person that you were talking to.
  
   
• 75. Bob did it I know that you found the broken vase with grandma's ashes.  But she was trying to get out, she didn't like it in there.
  
   
• 76. But the leprechauns shoved me in a corner and forced me to!
  
   
• 77. But Mom it was like that when I got here I swear!
  
   
• 78. I should not get in trouble for something I did not do.
  
   
• 79. My dad use to work late and we always saved him dinner for when he got home, my brother use to eat it as a snack before my dad got to it.  BROTHER: I didn't eat it, the dog did.  DAD: The dog opened the fridge and took out a covered dish, uncovered it and ate it?  Then put the dirty dish in the sink?  BROTHER:  Yup, told ya she was smart!
  
   
• 80. I didn't do it!
  
   
• 81. My Mom Said that I shouldn't because you keep the Trapeze set to high.
  
   
• 82. I didn't do it and if you don't believe me I'll break my arm and call C.P.S. on you!
  
   
• 83. Mom: (angry) Why didn't you clean your room?  Kid: The voices in my head told me not to.  Mom: (unconvinced) Who are these voices?  Kid: (with a serious face) Kids who say it's against the child labor laws to do anything that even *looks* like work.
  
   
• 84. Yup I actually SAY these things almost every day
  
  Why should I clean my room? If it's tidy, I don't have the feeling that there's someone living in here!
  
  My room is an organized mess.  I know exactly on which part of the floor is something I'm looking for.
  
   *crack (I just stepped on something)* And this IS NOT a part of my room! It's evil and it's trying to get me into trouble, it jumped underneath my foot I'm telling you!
  
  No, I won't clean my room! This is my way of expression and you wouldn't want to stop the child from expressing herself, right?
  
  Why should I make my bed?  I only sleep in it so I don't see whether it's tidy or messy, so it doesn't matter!
  
  I didn't clean my room cause I had smarter things to do.  Like what?  Messing it up.
  
  You're exiting a room and you close the door a bit too loud (in fact, so loud that the entire house echoes and shakes) and you yell: DRAFT!
  
   
• 85. I once went out with my friends, we were supposed to go shopping and see a movie and everything, but there was a *slight* detour and we ended up on the beach for a swim. I came back home with my hair all wet and my mum screams:  "Where have you been and why are you all wet?!"  And I say "there was a sudden shower!" and on TV the weather guy's saying how there's still no rain to be seen for at least a week. :)   I believe there's no point in telling you this one didn't work.
  
   
• 86. You're all grumpy and sad and you keep screaming at everyone and your mum yells "stop yelling at people, why are you so nervous?" and you say PMS (if you're a girl) or teen depression (if you're a teen).
  
   
• 87. Ok, this is my all-time best (or worst!) excuse from my childhood.  Back in my younger years, there was a "bad phase" I went through where I just loved to play with matches - and gasoline.   One time a friend of mine was over after school - my parents weren't home.  We took some tennis balls, cut them open, poured gasoline into them "lit" them on fire, and proceeded to kick them around in the street.  It was quite fun from what I recall (I do NOT advocate doing this though!!!  Looking back on it this was QUITE stupid...)  until my mother came home.  Despite the "lines of fire" all over the place from the gasoline leaking out of the flaming tennis balls, I think she topped it with her own fire as I had never in my entire childhood life seen her as furious as I did that moment of that day - and all I could say to her was, "Well - um - you see - um - we accidentally knocked over the gas can onto the tennis balls - and then they accidentally got lit on fire and we were only kicking them around to try to put the fire out - honest!".  Nope.  She didn't buy it.  I was in DEEP trouble!!!
  
   
• 88. When my 6 year old son was the ONLY first grade child returning from his class trip to the Natural Science Museum with wet clothing and hair in the process of drying he told me that it was REAL hot in the museum and it made him sweat all day.  Questioned further, he said that he and 4 others had gone outside (with their chaperone) for lunch and he got splashed.  When I asked him HOW he was splashed and with WHAT, he claimed that one of the other boys put his foot in a puddle and kicked a little water on him and when he tried to do it back, he slipped and fell in the puddle (it hadn't rained in over a week).  Turns out that the "puddle" was actually a large city fountain!!
  
   
• 89. Mom: I thought I told you to pick up your room.  Kid: It's to heavy!
  
   
• 90. I always ask my mother things while she's half sleeping, then she doesn't know what she's saying yes to.  When I tell her I am going out and she says no, I just tell her "But mom, you promised last night, remember?"
  
   
• 91. He started it!
  
   
• 92. Mom: Why didn't you get your stuff done like I asked you to?  Me: I'm sorry mom, I forgot!  (surprisingly this works a lot of the times)
  
   
• 93. One year after my little brothers birthday party he put all his presents in a plastic bag I thought it was rubbish and chucked them all away he got them back but they smelt of rotten cheese! lol!
  
   
• 94. I can't clean my room because I'm on steroid rage right now.
  
   
• 95. My niece once told her mom (my sister) "I can't do it, I'm too full of baloney!"
  
   
• 96. When my son was between the ages of 2-4 anytime he broke anything or made a mess if he was asked who did it the excuse was always "It wasn't me, my people did it"
  
   
• 97. When you've done something bad, just say to your mom or dad, " I know I'm pathetic and useless I cant help it I'm sorry!"   Then they will feel sorry for you it works every time!
  
   
• 98. My little sister (she's 11), when she's in trouble, says to our mum/dad or to me: "So what's your point?"
  
   
• 99. Mom: Clean your room!  Kid: I can't find it through all the mess!
  
   
• 100. Mom: I thought I told you to take the dog for a walk? Kid: I know but I have legs and walk on my own just fine, can't the dog?
  
   
• 101. Okay this works for me a lot when I come home late my mom ask me where I been for 2 hr. and I say that I was in a club meeting at school and she buys it. (it's still working)
  
   
• 102. Whenever you get in trouble go to where a picture of a younger you is and say "But look at that face in the picture! "Trust me it works.
  
   
• 103. When your mum tells you to do something and you forgot to do it say "I didn't hear you" always works.
  
   
• 104. Mom: Why didn't you eat the yogurt I packed you for lunch? Daughter: I telled you THREE (at this point, she stomps her foot and holds up 4 fingers) times that yomgur makes my feet slow.
  
   
• 105. Mom I learn from my mistakes and u know the saying u don't know what not to do until u do it well I think I have learned not to do it...I sorry!
  
   
• 106. The devil made me do it!
  
   
• 107. I don't know.
  
   
• 108. Well I was thinking about it until Marley came over. She thought it was stupid to do chores.
  
   
• 109. Mum: Why didn't you clean your room? Kid: Well, cleaning is work right? And according to the law, I can't work till I'm 14.
  
   
• 110. I am 11 and I have a weird habit of writing or carving messages onto things (anything!). but because I don't want to get in trouble I always put an A or write Adam because that's my brothers name which means he always gets the blame.
  
   
• 111. The platypus that's hiding under my bed told me to!!!!!!!!!!
  
   
• 112. Just tell the truth, then you can go to heaven and meet lots of angels.
  
   
• 113. I'm sorry mom but they had people serving free samples in the food court.
  
   
• 114. If your parents tell you to mow the lawn, run over a big rock so it bends the blade. Then, the mower will have to get fixed and they wont want you to mow the lawn anymore..... it worked for me, and I didn't even do it on purpose.
  
   
• 115. WELL, you see mama.....I meant to clean my room and everything but uh.... my teacher gave me so much homework and then I got distracted by the tv, and then I got hungry and made a sandwich and by then I just was too tired so here I am sleeping when you so rudely woke me up from my nap! (upset expression) so technically you can't blame me soooooo....you're forgiven. :) 
  
   
• 116. When I want to get away from the table I tell my momma I gotta go see u and run from the table real fast.
  
   
• 117. Heres one when I was ten I fell in my local stream (where I had been forbidden to go) I then racked my brain all the way home and I came u with this: I didnt do it mum a stray dog chased me and pushed me it. It didn't work.
  
   
• 118. Dad: How come you didn't make your bed!!!????!! Kid: don't make my bed! I sleep in it!
  
   
• 119. I Love your site!!!! My daughters & step daughters are fulll of excuses... I have been writting some of them down for this same occasion,,,lol,,, But as I was looking on the Kids excuse I noticed the mother of all excuses Kids use was omitted,,,
  "I FORGOT" Here's one from a teen... She's late coming home from a date on a Sunday Night,,, Her excuse " We got behind a logging truck daddy" OK,, they aren't allowed to run logging trucks on Sunday in our town,,,lol,,, BUSTED. And from older in debt youth... "I'll pay it with my irs refund" then the next one is "Oh, well, the irs kept my money" But yet they just picked up a new LCD TV,,, What do ya think?
  
   
• 120. I did'nt brush my teeth beecause I wanted to save water.
  
   

Well friends this is all for now.  I hope you enjoy this place and please go to the Submit Excuses page and send your excuses in!

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Madtbone