Well I received a request for a new page
for excuses to tell an unwanted house guest to leave or you know,
like when someone you barely tolerate calls and asks if they can come
visit, or worse ... stays for a few days.
I glad to make this page, I'm sure many of you out there has had this
problem. So let's get busy and send in your excuses, people are in need
of your help.
1. Here's a good way to get ride
of house guests. Scream, "Get the f**k out
of my house!"
2. Here's a great way to get ride of an
unwanted house guest. Get them to go out in the backyard and then
lock them out.
3. This is really good for scaring away
houseguests. Come out in a robe with a knife and say, "Now it's
time to find a virgin to sacrifice, are you a virgin?"
4. When unwanted guests show up act like
you are doing a pagan ceremony in the living room and they will
leave. Works better if you really are a pagan.
5. Sorry you will have to leave, we are
having the house exorcised.
6. When unwanted guests show up pretend
like you are not home.
7. You have to leave because you are
driving me crazy.
8. When unwanted guests are around just
say "please leave me alone because I really don't like you!"
9. Last night I had to put my pajamas on
and brush my teeth just so the guy would get the hint that it's time
to go home! He had already said good night ten times.
10. For unwanted females: You can't stay
my son is in puberty!
11. "Oh I'm sorry, how could I forget!
I'm letting the house to a friend to film a movie! And they're
using your room. You'll have to leave for now."
12. Tonight my grandmother/father and
her/his friends are coming to my house for their annual orgy. You
have two options: Leave now or have sex with them. There's no way
they'd let you not participate, I know this.
13. For guests that don't know the way
home, take the guest out somewhere crowded (mall, the movies) and
when he/she's not looking run away.
14. To get someone to leave your house.
You have 10 seconds to leave, or I will call the police. If they
leave do not call the police, if they do not leave call the police.
15. Tell the person they have to leave
because the exterminator is coming that day to fumigate the
apartment to get rid of the cockroach infestation.
16. Look at your watch and say, "Boy, if
I were visiting, I would be thinking of leaving about now."
17. I've used this once and has actually
worked. When a houseguest would not leave, I suggested we should
watch a movie. I played "Tron" Houseguest left.
18. I've found when you have unwanted
guests, just start talking about a religion they don't believe in
and go on and on about it. They will soon decide they left the
coffee pot on or the cat in the house.
19. If a house guest won't leave, tell
them they will have to leave because your expecting a house guest.
20. I have a 40 year old persistently
unemployed, dysfunctional alcoholic houseguest who has been here for
6 weeks. Each week, when I say I can't do something for her, she
says "I am leaving next week, come on!" I live with my uncle, and
he's the only one who can get rid of her. He keeps buying her beer
and smokes, while she eats my food. My excuse was: I CAN'T AFFORD
TO FEED YOU. It didn't work. I (with my two cats who hate each
other) moved out of the house and into a guest trailer on the
property after I overheard my uncle telling her she should
permanently move up here. He could get rid of her easily by saying
I CANT AFFORD TO BUY YOUR BEER AND SMOKES. But alas, apparently I
am the houseguest now.
21. Honey, we have to go to bed, these
good folks want to go home.
22. Just had an uninvited unwanted house
guest who after two weeks showed no sign of leaving so eventually I
overcame my good manners and told her she had to go as I needed her
room back and we needed space as a family so she had to go.
Actually I just wanted to scream "fuck off and never contact me
again" She replied that she did not know there was a problem but
did not know if she could pack by tomorrow! I just said "you have
to go" and eventually she went. It has been one of the most
stressful two weeks of my life!
23. When you have an unwanted house guest,
and they want to stay for dinner say: oh gee your really going to
like tonight's dinner, it's fresh meat. Say, where IS my dog? It
scared my guest out!
24. If annoying guest are coming to my
house, (I very seldom do this) I turn down the thermostat to 62
degrees, set the room light timers to turn off early, serve food on
cold plates. Works every time, they go home early.
25. If you want to get rid of an unwanted
guest say "Leave or I will throw my feces at you." If they don't
leave, throw your feces at them.
26. When I had to get rid of an unwanted
house guest at one time, I told them I just got the results of my
medical tests back today. They found I had pin worms. It is very
contagious and I have to take the whole house apart and clean and
wash everything. It's going to be a big job, could you help me with
this? All of the sudden, they had several excuses to leave, because
of something urgent they had to do, etc.
27. We would love to have you stay but the
guest room just go fumigated and the man said stay out of it for a
28. "I just remembered, I have to go pick up my dry cleaning!
You can wait here, I'll be back soon." Leave, and go see a movie or
something. Hopefully they'll be gone when you get back five hours
29. Start walking around naked and leaving porn in every room
of the house. Do not bath. Have a talk with the potted plant about
the house guest when they are there.
30. We told our house guest of eight weeks. The landlord said
he would raise the rent if she continued to stay. Our house guest
was unemployed, with no friends, family or money. We managed to con
a con artist. We live in our own house. We don't have a landlord.
31. If you have unwanted house guests for over a week, start
eating out & stop buying groceries.
Well friends this is all for now. I hope you enjoy this place and
please go to the Submit Excuses page and send your excuses in!
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