Well I received a request for a new page for excuses to tell an unwanted house guest to leave or you know, like when someone you barely tolerate calls and asks if they can come visit, or worse ... stays for a few days.  I glad to make this page, I'm sure many of you out there has had this problem.  So let's get busy and send in your excuses, people are in need of your help.
 

• 1.  Here's a good way to get ride of house guests. Scream, "Get the f**k out of my house!"
  
   
• 2.  Here's a great way to get ride of an unwanted house guest.  Get them to go out in the backyard and then lock them out.
  
   
• 3.  This is really good for scaring away houseguests.  Come out in a robe with a knife and say, "Now it's time to find a virgin to sacrifice, are you a virgin?"
  
   
• 4.  When unwanted guests show up act like you are doing a pagan ceremony in the living room and they will leave.  Works better if you really are a pagan.
  
   
• 5.  Sorry you will have to leave, we are having the house exorcised.
  
   
• 6.  When unwanted guests show up pretend like you are not home.
  
   
• 7.  You have to leave because you are driving me crazy.
  
   
• 8.  When unwanted guests are around just say "please leave me alone because I really don't like you!"
  
   
• 9.  Last night I had to put my pajamas on and brush my teeth just so the guy would get the hint that it's time to go home!  He had already said good night ten times.
  
   
• 10.  For unwanted females:  You can't stay my son is in puberty!
  
   
• 11.  "Oh I'm sorry, how could I forget!  I'm letting the house to a friend to film a movie!  And they're using your room.  You'll have to leave for now."
  
   
• 12.  Tonight my grandmother/father and her/his friends are coming to my house for their annual orgy.  You have two options:  Leave now or have sex with them.  There's no way they'd let you not participate, I know this.
  
   
• 13.  For guests that don't know the way home, take the guest out somewhere crowded (mall, the movies) and when he/she's not looking run away.
  
   
• 14.  To get someone to leave your house. You have 10 seconds to leave, or I will call the police.  If they leave do not call the police, if they do not leave call the police.
  
   
• 15.  Tell the person they have to leave because the exterminator is coming that day to fumigate the apartment to get rid of the cockroach infestation.
  
   
• 16.  Look at your watch and say, "Boy, if I were visiting, I would be thinking of leaving about now."
  
   
• 17.  I've used this once and has actually worked.  When a houseguest would not leave, I suggested we should watch a movie.  I played "Tron" Houseguest left.
  
   
• 18.  I've found when you have unwanted guests, just start talking about a religion they don't believe in and go on and on about it.  They will soon decide they left the coffee pot on or the cat in the house.
  
   
• 19.  If a house guest won't leave, tell them they will have to leave because your expecting a house guest.
  
   
• 20.  I have a 40 year old persistently unemployed, dysfunctional alcoholic houseguest who has been here for 6 weeks.  Each week, when I say I can't do something for her, she says "I am leaving next week, come on!"  I live with my uncle, and he's the only one who can get rid of her.  He keeps buying her beer and smokes, while she eats my food.  My excuse was: I CAN'T AFFORD TO FEED YOU.  It didn't work.  I (with my two cats who hate each other) moved out of the house and into a guest trailer on the property after I overheard my uncle telling her she should permanently move up here.  He could get rid of her easily by saying I CANT AFFORD TO BUY YOUR BEER AND SMOKES.  But alas, apparently I am the houseguest now.
  
   
• 21.  Honey, we have to go to bed, these good folks want to go home.
  
   
• 22.  Just had an uninvited unwanted house guest who after two weeks showed no sign of leaving so eventually I overcame my good manners and told her she had to go as I needed her room back and we needed space as a family so she had to go.  Actually I just wanted to scream "fuck off and never contact me again"  She replied that she did not know there was a problem but did not know if she could pack by tomorrow!  I just said "you have to go" and eventually she went.  It has been one of the most stressful two weeks of my life!
  
   
• 23. When you have an unwanted house guest, and they want to stay for dinner say: oh gee your really going to like tonight's dinner, it's fresh meat. Say, where IS my dog? It scared my guest out!
  
   
• 24. If annoying guest are coming to my house, (I very seldom do this) I turn down the thermostat to 62 degrees, set the room light timers to turn off early, serve food on cold plates. Works every time, they go home early.
  
   
• 25. If you want to get rid of an unwanted guest say "Leave or I will throw my feces at you." If they don't leave, throw your feces at them.
  
   
• 26. When I had to get rid of an unwanted house guest at one time, I told them I just got the results of my medical tests back today. They found I had pin worms. It is very contagious and I have to take the whole house apart and clean and wash everything. It's going to be a big job, could you help me with this? All of the sudden, they had several excuses to leave, because of something urgent they had to do, etc.
  
   
• 27. We would love to have you stay but the guest room just go fumigated and the man said stay out of it for a week sorry.
  
   
• 28. "I just remembered, I have to go pick up my dry cleaning! You can wait here, I'll be back soon." Leave, and go see a movie or something. Hopefully they'll be gone when you get back five hours later.
  
   
• 29. Start walking around naked and leaving porn in every room of the house. Do not bath. Have a talk with the potted plant about the house guest when they are there.
  
   
• 30. We told our house guest of eight weeks. The landlord said he would raise the rent if she continued to stay. Our house guest was unemployed, with no friends, family or money. We managed to con a con artist. We live in our own house. We don't have a landlord.
  
   
• 31. If you have unwanted house guests for over a week, start eating out & stop buying groceries.
  
   

Well friends this is all for now.  I hope you enjoy this place and please go to the Submit Excuses page and send your excuses in!

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Madtbone