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• 201.  I dropped my car keys in the snow and I'm waiting for the temperature to warm up so I can find them.
  
   
• 202.  I'm sorry I am late, but it was foggy and I missed the building.
  
   
• 203.  This is an actual excuse from a waitress. I have a bear in my freezer at home. If I don't get it to the taxidermist soon It will freezer-burn.
  
   
• 204.  Actually used "I won't be in today coz my hair is still wet!"
  
   
• 205.  I'm really sorry I don't think I can come in to work today. My dad parks on the street and there's a ditch in front of his house and when he went to jump it he missed, fell and thinks he has some broken ribs and I have to bring him to the hospital.
  
   
• 206.  A lady I work with always calls in with various excuses. Last spring she called in for two days saying her landlord had beaten her up. She moved over the summer. A few weeks ago she called in for the same reason.
  
   
• 207.  My co-workers and I like to laugh about the excuses this one woman always uses. One night, she had to go home early because she got an "emergency" phone call from her husband. He needed her to come home because their dog couldn't poop.
  
   
• 208.  True excuse used by my Store Manager.....I fell in the shower and hit my head, there is a 10 foot snowdrift in our driveway (only snowed 10 inches) and we cant get the truck out (its a 4x4).
  
   
• 209.  I'm calling in scared. I am "afraid" that I am not coming in today.
  
   
• 210.  I'll be in late today. My dog is really sick and I have to take it to the Vet!
  
   
• 211.  I'll be late today because I was out for my morning bike ride, and I was hit by a car. I'm in the emergency room right now. (But I did talk the Receptionist through how to do my morning tasks) I showed up in a cast, and crutches BEFORE NOON!)
  
   
• 212.  An annoying little bimbo co-worker of mine has called in sick twice to say she could not come in because she had to counsel a friend who was going to commit suicide. (It was a different friend each time, gee could this have something to do with her personality?)
  
   
• 213.  I lost my voice and can not teach today. (if you are a teacher, or need to talk for any reason at your job) Actually you can not call in sick, because you have no voice and need to take voice rest.
  
   
• 214.  I have horrible gas and I don't want my work environment to be a fire hazard due to all of the methane gas that will be coming out of me. It would not be a productive work day for anyone.
  
   
• 215.  I used to drive a truck for an agricultural firm. During harvest the hours were long. A driver got off early (he definitely didn't like the hours) by claiming he was so tired that he s**t his pants. We called him "pooper" after that.
  
   
• 216.  On early call out for a military exercise, one of my colleagues used this excuse: I had to round up a group of Giraffes on the motorway (freeway) - apparently they had escaped from a local circus....... Yeah right!
  
   
• 217.  One Friday afternoon a young, newly married Airman came up to me and asked for the afternoon off. He was famous for his excuses so I was compelled to at least hear him out. I asked him why he wanted off for the afternoon and he said, "this afternoon my wife is getting pregnant and I want to be there." Needless to say I let him go.
  
   
• 218.  When I was pregnant, and only 3 weeks from my due date, I worked in a Dr's office. Friday our schedule was already booked solid for Monday, so as we were leaving, I joking told them that I would be calling in Monday to tell them I was in labor. Because of the schedule, my co-workers laughed and told me I had better be there or they would come get me. Well, Monday morning (early) I went into labor and had the baby 40 minutes before I should have been at work. I called my boss and told him I had the baby and wouldn't be in. The only problem was 2 other people had called in sick. I had the best excuse though.
  
   
• 219.  From a 9 year old grand daughter. Grandma the reason mom has to work is you and grandpa won't give her money all the time.
  
   
• 220.  I can't come to work today. My house is burning down and the fire engine's blocking my driveway.
  
   
• 221.  For obvious reasons this is for Mondays only, "I won't be in today because I think it's still Sunday."
  
   
• 222.  LATE FOR WORK EXCUSES:
   
  1. I decided to take a short cut so I could get to work early but made a wrong turn.
  
  2. I opened the door to leave the house and the damn dog got out! The gate in the yard    was open and the damn dog ran through the neighborhood with me running after him. I finally caught him 2 blocks away from the house doing the poodle.
  
  3. PENDOT (Pennsylvania Department of Transportation [road maintenance]) decided they didn't cause enough grief and created another road project to slow down the people that found their way around the other road repair routes.
  
  4. TRAFFIC! It was unbelievable. (This person walks to work!)
  
   
• 223.  I am sorry I'm late but my left hand blinker on my car is broke and I had to make right hand turns all the way here.
  
   
• 224.  I had an excuse when I was working one time that even I had a hard time calling in with, but it was the truth.
  
  I was all ready to leave for work, when all of a sudden a bunch of fire trucks and ambulances pulled onto my street. I was parked out front. I lived in an apartment across from lake Michigan. my car was blocked, I couldn't get out. I called my boss and told him I would be late because my car was blocked by emergency vehicles. I then went down to find out what was happening. As I got down to the ground floor, I found a fireman standing by his truck watching the others searching down by the water. I asked him what happened. He said someone called in saying there was a body floating in the water. This was after the beaches were closed for the season. Everyone assumed this body was dead. After waiting for about half an hour, the firemen casually packed up and started leaving. I asked the fireman, who gave me the original information, what happened. he said, the body got up and walked away. It was a swimmer, but the lake was so turbulent, someone saw this person and thought it was a dead body. Needless to say, when I arrived at the office, I was asked what happened. I had to tell the story, without cracking up. I figured if I laughed, they wouldn't believe me.
  
   
• 225.  I'm sorry I can't come in today. I went swimming yesterday and my dentures fell out in the bottom of the pool, so I have to go to the dentist for new ones. (True story)
  
   
• 226.  I am going to be late for work this morning because I took the time to read all 225 work excuses at this website. Doesn't matter...I'm the only employee and the boss is at work in another city. There's no phone there, either. We use our cell phones. Of course, if she reads this she may fire me, but that's okay...I'm retired anyway.
  
   
• 227.  This really happened to me. I had to call into work and say that I was running late because the gate to my apartments wouldn't open and it was the only exit gate. Of course, my boss did not believe me.
  
   
• 228.  As you know my cat died and I need the day off to have him cremated.
  
   
• 229.  I took my new engagement ring off, put it on the counter, and believe that it fell into the garbage. So I need today off to search for the ring.
  
   
• 230.  I packed my winter clothes in a garbage bag to be stored in the basement, and my husband through them out. I need to go look for them.
  
   
• 231.  I picked up a cat on the way to work, and because of my allergies my eyes are all itchy and swollen so I can't come in.
  
   
• 232.  I have "thrush" a disease of the tongue so I won't be into work today.
  
   
• 233.  That noise that I had described to you? Well it turns out that I have a family of raccoons living in my wall. I have to wait for the exterminator so I won't be in to work.
  
   
• 234.  I won't be making it in today because I have to meet with my child's Teacher.
  
   
• 235.  I have to meet with my child's Guidance Counselor so I can't make it in today.
  
   
• 236.  I have to meet with my child's Principal so I won't be in today.
  
   
• 237.  I won't be in today because I have to meet with my child's Doctor, she's having monthly problems.
  
   
• 238.  I have to go to my GRAND Childs Graduation from Nursery, Pre-K, Kindergarten, 6th grade, dancing, gymnastics....
  
   
• 239.  I have to take my Child, Mother, Grandparent, to the Doctor, Lawyer, Dentist, Motor Vehicle Dept, Social Security Office, shopping....
  
   
• 240.  I could not come to work because my truck would not turn left.
  
   
• 241.  These are late excuses that I have used which are all true and my boss wrote them down every day that I was late.
  
  1.  A big dog was blocking the road.
  2.  I was stuck driving slow behind a backhoe.
  3.  I hate getting up in the morning.
  4.  I could not find my keys - they fell beside the bed.
  5.  I couldn't get gas last night because I got a flat tire while Christmas shopping so I had to get gas this morning.
  6.  I wanted to sleep as much as possible. 
  7.  I hit every red light. 
  8.  I had to find some stuff. 
  9.  I hit a branch and it wedge in my mirror.
  
   
• 242.  Sorry I won't be in today. My wife's going to get pregnant and I want to be there.
  
   
• 243.  I was late today because I was reading late for work excuses on my computer and couldn't shut it down until I was finished.
  
   
• 244.  We had an employee come into work at 7:00 a.m., then had to leave the jobsite at 9:45 because he shit his pants and would not be back into work that day. He quit the next day out of embarrassment. (True story)
  
   
• 245.  Well, I can't come to work today because last night I was partying and I screwed at least 35 people. So my body is pretty worn out. Maybe I will be there tomorrow, unless I do it again tonight.
  
   
• 246.  Sorry, I can't come to work today because last night I was awakened by the phone and some woman telling me my psychic's advisor's head just blew up and I should be warned.
  
   
• 247.  True excuse: A woman in our office said a crow was attacking a baby rabbit in her backyard so she would not be coming to work. She had to stay home to protect the bunny from the crow. Honest to God, that is the excuse she used!
  
   
• 248.  A teenaged guy called in for his girlfriend and told her supervisor that she wouldn't be in to work that day because her vagina hurt and he had to take her to the doctor. True story.
  
   
• 249.  True story: Someone left some batteries on my porch steps, my porch light light was burnt out, slipped on them, twisted my ankle, and when I fell, broke two of my fingers.
  
   
• 250.  I had to call in late as I was waiting for a taxi, my car had 2 flat tyres! The little Italian fella in my block of flats thought I was in his car park!! He did not even have a car, so he stuck a stake in the tyres, to teach me a lesson.
  
   
• 251.  I cannot come in today as I have really bad stigmata and I think I may be a likely candidate for the second coming.
  
   
• 252.  I cant come in today as I have an interview for a job I really want and cannot be bothered to lie, which shows you exactly how much I care about your stinking job anyway. (actually used)
  
   
• 253.  I know its the third day I've called in sick, but seeing as you're being so damn sympathetic on the telephone I may as well make a holiday out of it...SUCKER! (actually thought)
  
   
• 254.  I cant come in today as I have to go to Mozambique to do some relief work. I should have told you before that I work for the Red Cross relief in my spare time, but it didn't seem important at the time.
  
   
• 255.  I can't come in today because I've just realized I actually save money if I stay at home. Apart from the bus fare, the prices in your canteen are outrageous and I always end up drinking at lunchtime to cope with the depression of working for you.
  
   
• 256.  I am in today, but I'm feeling a bit low profile after sleeping with the boss yesterday, so don't be surprised if you don't see me.
  
   
• 257.  My children are ill with the flu and I have to take them to the doctor.
  
   
• 258.  I am the manager of a convenience store in a little town. We sell gas, grocery items and have a kitchen. One of the shifts is from 4-11 pm. On a Friday night (most busiest), an employee didn't show up or call in. His roommate, who also was an employee was called to find out where the missing employee was. He was supposed to be there at 7pm. The roomie said that he had left at 6pm to come to work. I fired him the next day. The next week I get a phone call at work from I'll call him Bill. He asked me if he was fired. I started laughing, and confirmed it. He had told me that he had been in jail all week in a state that was was 3 or 4 states away. He had the ticket to prove it, he just had gotten back and called. I told him to bring me in the ticket and we'd discuss it. Ten minutes later I came running out of my office screaming, I had realized on the day he had pulled a no call/no show that I had given him his paycheck only 7 hours earlier!!!! The other state was at least 6 hours away. So he either didn't plan on coming to work or he thought that he would get back in time. I then found out 3 days later that he had in fact been in jail for two hours the following day. He must of forgot like I did that I had given him his check, and I guess he had also forgot that he had to sign for his check. I haven't heard from him in a week.
  
   
• 259.  My favorite excuse came from one of our laborers who live in his van on our construction site. When he didn't show up we spent the entire day knocking on his van door, calling his cell phone, worried he might be laying in there dead. He showed up the next morning, and told me "the whores kept him up all night and his knees hurt". Took me 3 weeks to find out our local police had a "sting" operating; he was watching from a concrete deck.
  
   
• 260.  I can't make it to work for the next couple of days , my leg's in Kentucky. (He has an artificial leg)
  
   
• 261.  After many years as a career consultant, I thought I had heard every excuse possible from employment applicants who missed their job interviews. Until one day I heard the "mother" of excuses for a missed appointment. I called an applicant and said, "Well, I just heard from the employer that you didn't make your job interview today. What happened?" Here's the reply: "My mother fell down the elevator shaft."
  
  True? No idea. I couldn't bear to ask for details.
  
   
• 262.  I worked as a corporate trainer for a large company for four years training their new co-workers.  This excuse was left on my voice mail from a co-worker in his FIRST week of work about three hours after the class had started: I was out late last night and after the bars closed I came home and started to do the homework you gave me (just filling out some order forms for practice).  So in order to stay up, I took some PILLS.  Anyway I just woke up and I'm sorry I'm not going to be in today.
  
   
• 263.  This is an actual excuse given on April 13, 2000 to go home early. After 1.5 hours at work an employee was pissed off and said he was going home because there was pidgins on his balcony and he had to tell his landlord right now. Not only did the lead hand let him go, but the boss picked him up 2 blocks away, talked to him and gave him a ride home. Now there's intelligence.
  
   
• 264.  I can't come to work today because I have the brown bottle flu. (Actually used as an excuse)
  
   
• 265.  I thought that I'd be more productive if I didn't come in today.
  
   
• 266.  I'm going to be late today, my car battery died on the way to work and I had to wait for someone to give my car a jump start.
  
   
• 267.  This was an excuse actually used on board my ship when I was in the Navy. "Sorry Chief, I was laying in my rack sound asleep and I was dreaming I was at home, well, I forgot I was in the Navy."
  
   
• 268.  Can be used on January 8th any year...Call in to work and say you don't work on the King's birthday. (The King being Elvis)!!
  
   
• 269.  Uh....Boss? Your not going to believe this, but the faucet on the side of the well house broke and water ran down and puddled around the tires. As you know, it was below freezing last night, and now my tires are frozen to the ground. And to make matters worse, my uncle punched a hole in the front driver side tire with the ice pick he was using to help me get the truck loose. I'll be in as soon as I get the truck loose and replace the tire.
  
   
• 270.  I won't be in work today, I can't undo the knot in my shoelaces.
  
   
• 271.  I won't be coming in today, my fish has respiratory problems.
  
   
• 272.  I can't come to work, someone put acid (LSD) in my drink as a joke. Now I'm tripping.
  
   
• 273.  IT snowed last night. Pow for now!!!!!
  
   
• 274.  A coworker of mine called in because her 27 year old married daughter, who is a registered nurse, was sick & she had to take care of her. This same person also called in one time because her dog had a sore leg & she had to take it to the vet.
  
   
• 275.  I actually used this. There was a severe thunderstorm one night, and hundreds of trees were knocked down. I headed to work the next morning, but kept having to turn around, no matter what road I took. "Hi, this is so and so, I can't come in to work today because all the roads are blocked by trees. I guess if I got a front loader and a chainsaw, I could move them out of the way. But by the time I did that, the shift would be over. So I won't be coming in.
  
   
• 276.  Sorry I was late but there was a power cut and we couldn't get the car out because we have an electric garage door! It works and it's true!
  
   
• 277.  I can't come in to work because I broke the key to my husbands car trying to unlock the door...no spare key available!!!.(true story)
  
   
• 278.  I once worked with someone who called in VERY frequently. Here are two of his "gems". I can't come in today because: * I have a belly-button infection (and subsequent supposed same-day surgery). * The dog jumped on me and got me all dirty, so I had to take a shower. While shampooing, I ran out of water and had to rinse my hair with flavored club soda, and now I'm all sticky and my hair looks too bad to come to work. 
  
   
• 279.  I will not be in today because my power is cut off, I have no gas in my car and my telephone is cut off and my wife bounced $700 worth of bad checks.
  
   
• 280.  I will not be into work today because all my clothes were stolen off my cloths line.
  
   
• 281.  True story. A Registered Nurse working as our Staff Development Trainer went home early two different days, called in sick four days and was late to work three days because she had the "hiccups". Actually happened and she got paid for it because she was salaried.
  
   
• 282.  I know I was supposed to be at work at 5pm, but I got out of school at 4 and by the time I showered, ate and went to visit my friend who is in the hospital it was 7pm. This was the excuse given by a boy who's mother works in our company home office in Arkansas. 
  
   
• 283.  I'm sorry I won't be in today. I have to rescue my friends and save the world (again).
  
   
• 284.  I can't come to work today. My car's airbag deployed while I was driving. I think it was because I was going about 85 and abruptly hit a speed bump. there fore, I am semi paralyzed but the doctor said I should be better in a week or two.
  
   
• 285.  Ok, this is really bad but I swear this is true. I was working when the girl who was already late for work called in saying she was going to be late. She had overslept, not feeling too well and asked if I could handle things on my own for a couple hours. About two hours later, she called in again and said she's not going to be able to make it till later this afternoon. Her excuse was that she had been at a party the night before and had too much to drink, so her boyfriend drove her home and now she doesn't know what he did with the car keys.
  
   
• 286.  I won't be in to work today because my brother Ryan, my cousin Cam, and my best friend Lisa were all arrested yesterday and I have to go see a lawyer and take them some items to the jail. 
  
   
• 287.  This one is true: I was asleep many years ago when my phone rang at 6 in the morning. I answered it and someone that sounded familiar to me. But half asleep I could not recognize the voice. They said to me, "I will not be in to work today. On my way in I got into a car accident and am in the emergency room hurt pretty badly". I was very confused as I did not have any employees, and I was a teenager at the time. So after I told them this, I hung up and thought about it for awhile and realized the voice was one of my family members. She sounded very ill so I went and woke my mom. We called and got her mom out of bed who also was worried. We found her in her bed asleep. After checking all the local emergency rooms we later found out she was drunk and had accident and dialed my number.
  
   
• 288.  One of my co-workers calls in with this excuse pretty often and gets away with it. She tells whoever happens to answer the phone to tell our boss that she wont be in today, because she is having a "dark day" and tell the boss not to bother calling because she is taking the phone off of the hook, closing the blinds and locking the door. She's gonna be in trouble if we ever change managers.
  
   
• 289.  I really don't ever call off of work. But the old, I was coughing so hard my chest muscles hurt, so I took Nyquil at 4 am and slept till 2 in the afternoon is a good one. That really happened to me. And once, I didn't show up or call off, and when my boss called, I told her that I think I had shot my boys father, because I couldn't find the bullet hole in my walls or furniture, so I must have got him. (True Story)
  
   
• 290.  I cant make it in to work today because I have the Hershey squirts...lol
  
   
• 291.  As summer approached several workers in the office took days off to attend graduations for their family members...one guy (who had no kids or grandkids) also took a day off for a graduation. When asked who was graduating he answered , with a straight face, My dog is graduating from obedience school, and I have to be there!
  
   
• 292.  TRUE excuse used by me in the past year. 1) My ride had a flat tire coming to pick me up from work and on the way home we got another flat. So we had to call for a ride because we had 2 flat tires. All the tire places were closed by the time we got a ride and so we have to replace the tire, get a ride to the car, and change the other flat tire and then get it fixed. 2) 6 months later... remember when we had 2 flat tires, well, we never got a new spare and now I have another flat tire and need to get it fixed. I ended up buying 6 new tires within 8 months due to punctures from gravel... 
  
   
• 293.  True story: Sorry I am late. My alarm went off and I hit the snooze and when I woke up (a couple hours later) I was cradling my alarm in my arms. This really happened twice! I ended up buying a different clock and putting it across the room. Fortunately I am the type of worker who always shows up early and works late so no one did anything other than tease me...
  
   
• 294.  I was late because my dog died and I had to wait for the S.P.C.A. to pick her up.
  
   
• 295.  My car has a flat tire....The employee lived 3 houses down from work....she thought a manager from another store was working that day.
  
   
• 296.  I was working shift work and we would do a set of days, a set off and then a set of nights; well on the first day of a day set one of the employees did not show up so we called him and he said he forgot we were working days. Another time when he was late for a night shift we called him and he told us he over slept. Well the boss thought that was impossible and was making fun of this guy till the next night the boss overslept for the night shift.
  
   
• 297.  I have a cold and don't think it best to spread my germs around. (with a fake cough and a sneeze and a sound of gagging, as in throwing up) 
  
   
• 298.  One year, a few days before Christmas, a girl I worked with called in to say that she couldn't come in to work because her grandpa got run over by a Greyhound bus. Playing on the radio at the time was "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer."
  
   
• 299.  I am behind in child support payments and X wife can not afford baby sitter today. So I must stay home and take care of my kid, and it worked better than I thought it would.
  
   
• 300.  This one guy I worked with, who had over 30 years on the job, used to drink a bit and he used to call in with some novel excuse. One time he used this one:.."I can't come in to work today because the Martians landed in my back yard and I got radiation poisoning.." This guy even called in sick AFTER he retired. Another guy I worked with called in one time with Zambeesey (Zam-bee-see) crotch rot.
  
   
• 301.  I actually had a girl call in that she could not come in to work because she had to stay home and help shell peas!!
  
   
• 302.  We can't come to work because our house has gotten dirty.
  
   
• 303.  Not one, but two of my employees called in and said that they had been out near the river fishing, and that they had been sprayed by a skunk, and that they would not be in. But the only problem was that another employee saw them both exiting a bar less than two hours later.
  
   
• 304.  I was a supervisor for a fast food restaurant in the Chicago area and received a call from one of my "managers" at 2:00 AM one night informing me he would not be in for his shift at 9:00 AM the next morning "because he was in the hospital in a coma."
  
   
• 305.  My cousin had worked in a nursing home for many years in the same one I worked in and one night he decided to skip. We do have bad weather in Maine but he called up to say that he could get to work because there was a tree a crossed the road. There sure was. Still standing a crossed the road but not in the road.
  
   
• 306.  I can't come in today. When I got home from work yesterday, I received bad news of the death of a family member. To get over the shock I went to this bar downtown, and had a little to much to drink. I took a taxi at the end of the evening, feeling quiet intoxicated, with an upset stomach. I told the taxi driver that I had gas pains and he brought me to the greyhound station and put me on the bus to Gasbai. I am a little low on cash so I'm not sure when I will be in.
  
   
• 307.  I was not able to report to work, newspaper delivery agent, on a rainy Friday morning because, a man drove his car into my living room.
  
   
• 308.  I once used this excuse not to go to work one day because it had snowed: I can't come in today because I left my boots at work. My boss had a great laugh that day!!
  
   
• 309.  My kitten was underfoot all the time. When getting ready to leave the house for work I stepped on something. Thinking it was my kitten I tried to immediately back up. Unknowingly my kitty had been playing in a bag of potatoes & I happened to be there to step on one. When I tried to get my foot off (my kitty) I slipped & fell down twisting my ankly & called work from the hospital. "I can't work today because I slipped on a potato & sprained my ankle." Stupid story, but true. Was on crutches for 2 weeks.
  
   
• 310.  I won't be in because:
  
  I have to take my dog to the vet.
  
  My cat fell asleep on my keys and I didn't want to wake her up.
  
  I have a class to go to. 
  
  I have a job interview. 
  
  My other boss needs me and the pay is better there anyway.
  
  I have to bury my pet canary that just died. 
  
  The plumber was late.
  
   
• 311.  "Sorry Sir I can't come in to work today. I have a roach in my ear and I have to go to the hospital to have it removed." While waiting at the hospital a woman came in with a roach in her ear. After removing the bug she asked the Doctor for an excuse for her boss at work. After a few questions we found out she had put the roach in her ear and used a Q-Tip to push it in to get out of work. This is a true story!
  
   
• 312.  The reason I didn't come to work is that I spilled coffee on my dress, so I went to the closet and no other ties matched. So I went to the mall and couldn't find a parking spot. So, I ran home because my car broke down, and all my clothes were at the dry cleaner. I ran back to the mall (I was very pooped out), and I found an outfit and bought it. I brought it home and it didn't fit. Realizing that it wouldn't be smart to go to work naked, I stayed home.
  
   
• 313.  My Ex used to tell me this all the time. "Call Work and tell them I can't come in cause I slammed my balls in the dresser drawer."
  
   
• 314.  I don't know if I'll be able to make it in today. The hamster is loose in the house somewhere and if I don't find it and put it back in it's cage before I leave, the cat will get it and the kids will be broken-hearted.
  
   
• 315.  I wont be in work today because yesterday I threw out my knee and took my friend's medication for the pain. I had an allergic reaction to it and my entire body is broken out in hives, itches all over and my ears have swollen shut. So if you need me, I can be reached on my cellular because the volume is much louder.
  
   
• 316.  My son really used this for being late. His shoe string broke. My sister worked with him and it was a big laugh. So all the employees after that used that excuse anytime they were late.
  
   
• 317.  This was a fellow nurses' excuse for being 1 1/2 hr late for work. " The guinea pig that we've got that had cerebral palsy, died this morning and we had to bury it and have a funeral for the kids." We all still laugh about that six years later.
  
   
• 318.  We live very close to Canada. One Saturday we went to Montreal for dinner. On the way back across the border I realized I had left my driver's license at home. The border patrol would not let me back into New York, so my fiancé had to leave me at a hotel while he drove the 3 hours back to our house and another 3 hours back to pick me up at the hotel. (True Story!! ) I was supposed to be at work on Sunday, called the boss and he believed me.
  
   
• 319.  The street I live in is flooded due to the heavy rains and blocked drains not coping with the run off from high ground; the water level is too high for me to drive or walk through to make it to work.
  
   
• 320.  Johnny was absent to work on Monday the 15th because it took him longer in the whore house than he thought it would.
  
   
• 321.  I can't come to work today, I was brushing my dentures and dropped them on the floor and they broke in half. (actually happened to me)
  
   
• 322.  This one really happened to me, and it work's. I took my car to an automatic car wash. During the night the door lock's froze, so Ill be unable to make it to work today.
  
   
• 323.  I can't come in to work today. I went skydiving over the weekend and my chute didn't open.
  
   
• 324.  Once on my way to a crappy convenience store job, my car caught on fire! (TRUE!) When I called in to tell them I could not make it in, they offered to come and pick me up and bring me into work, and I could get my car later! I ended up quitting that job!
  
   
• 325.  I was late for work one day because I had let our dog out in the morning while preparing for work, and when I went to let her in, she had shredded the garbage all over our lawn, and in our neighborhood, you cannot leave that or you are fined. Imagine the laughter I faced from my coworkers when I made it to work that day!
  
   
• 326.  I had to call in sick one day because my husband accidentally slammed our cat in the door on his way to work, and she had taken off so I had to find her to bring her to the vet! (She was fine!)
  
   
• 327.  This is a true story! While attending college, I was also working 2 jobs, one late at night and one on the days I did not have school. Needless to say I was VERY tired, and one morning when I was supposed to work, I overslept. For some reason, though, I knew that I should have been at work because when the boss called, I could not figure out why, you see, I had dreamed that I had called her and told her I was sick! She laughed, and I got a stern lecture, but I was not fired. TRUE STORY!!
  
   
• 328.  A pregnant woman: "I can't come to work the rest of the day. I have morning sickness. Maybe it will last the rest of the week!!"
  
   
• 329.  Reason for not going to work. I have lost my American Express Card and I cannot leave home without it.
  
   
• 330.  I didn't want to go to work for my afternoon shift and it had been raining. My car had been in the shop for a few days and I had been using my friends brand new car. I called and said that I had been on the way to take that friend to his job but on the way I got in an accident and ran into a ditch. Not only that, my friend was also carrying a vial of LSD and it spilled on us when we were in the accident I was now feeling funny and my friend was tripping so neither one of us could go to work. My manager believed this cuz I was supposed to give him some when I got to work!!
  
   
• 331.  I can't come to work today, the house across the street from me was on fire and now I can't take a shower cause the water is all dirty. This one is actually true, my neighbor and I both work at the same job, we both called off that day! It helps if the fire is on the news though...lol
  
   
• 332.  I'm sorry I came to work late. I would have been on time, but I picked up a hitch-hiker on the way and he didn't want to be dropped off in the middle of the city (Richmond, VA), so I had to drive way out of my way to leave him at a truck stop. [The supervisor cracked up and asked me if I was SURE I wanted that excuse to go on the record -- but it was true!!]
  
   
• 333.  I had to apologize for coming back from my lunch break an hour late because I wasn't used to that part of the city and I got totally lost trying to come back from the Taco Bell when I had to detour around some St. Patrick's Day parade. When asked why I didn't consult a map, I had to admit that mine had holes on all the creases, which blotted out the street where my job was located. Well, jeez, things like this wouldn't happen if they didn't make me work holidays.......
  
   
• 334.  I won't be coming into work today, there is a cat in my drive way and I can't get the car out of the garage.
  
   
• 335.  I'll be late today, I'm spending a "quality" breakfast with my children.
  
   
• 336. I won't be in today, I have a flat tire. (it was the 5th flat that month)
  
   
• 337.  Sorry, but the electricity has been out since 4:00 this morning and I can't blow dry my hair.
  
   
• 338.  Sorry I'm late, but I hit a mud puddle and I had to wait until the car wash opened.
  
   
• 339.  To the equestrian lover in all of us, this unfortunately, REALLY happened to me: "Hello 'boss', I have to take a sick day today, a horse stepped on my foot last night; its numb, is as big as a balloon, I can't get ANY shoes on, and I have to go get an x-ray to see if its broken!" (I've never lived this one down)
  
   
• 340.  I can't come to work today because my father is dying on Friday.
  
   
• 341.  I can't come to work today because my father did not die on Friday, he's waiting until Monday.
  
   
• 342.  I was a Lieutenant in the navy and I had a Chief Petty Officer that was an exceptional leader, but like the bottle. He used to call in and tell me that he had had a tooth removed and would not be in the following day. four years later he sobered up. As his six months of came he evidently began to feel some guilt for all of the dental visits. He came to my office and apologized, and explained that he was an alcoholic. I responded with: I was glad to hear that he was an alcoholic, because I had never heard of anyone with 71 teeth. (TRUE STORY)
  
   
• 343.  I work at a grocery store, one of my employees called in on Super Bowl Sunday and said, "I accidentally drank a six pack, and don't want to drive to work" Of course, I let her take the day off. I would have felt guilty to be part of yet ANOTHER accident.
  
   
• 344.  I am sorry I can't come to work anymore. My psychic told me this job sucks.
  
   
• 345.  This excuse was really used by a co-worker. He called in he said he was calling to see if we were busy. While I was on the phone with him he said "Whoa did you hear that?" I said what. He said, "Lightning just came through the phone and knocked me across the living room into a pile of beer bottles! I guess I won't be in today." This was on a sunny day and he had no burn marks on his ear and the phone kept working.
  
   
• 346.  When I used to do shift work I was constantly late. So my boss was fed up and said if you are ever late again just don't bother turning up for work. (that was an idol threat) The next day was a Friday and I was at a party the night before and I ended up sleeping in. So I didn't ring or didn't even bother turning up for work. My next roster day was a Sunday and I didn't show up then either. Sunday afternoon I got a phone call from my boss asking me where I was and I told him that I thought I was fired. To the amusement of my workmates I started back on Monday morning with no problems and a nice long weekend behind me.  :-)
  
   
• 347.  I can't come in to work today cause while I was washing the dishes I cut my finger and when I bent down to get a Band-Aid out of the cabinet I wrenched my back, fell twisted my ankle and busted my lip.
  
   
• 348.  A fellow worker got married and took a week off for his honeymoon and was due in on a Sunday night, He didn't show up until Tuesday saying he was at the airport getting ready to leave Saturday night and his plane got a flat. Also a few months ago after talking all week about trying to find a way to bring a TV into work to watch the super bowl. No Call No Show on the night of the super bowl that it had snowed so bad he couldn't make it to work. Even though he had a 4X4 and I made it to work twice as far away with a 84 Trans Am.
  
   
• 349.  Sorry but I cant make it in today because I just don't FEEL like it!!!!!!
  
   
• 350.  I ran into a cactus and had to go under extensive surgery to remove all the thorns so I couldn't make it in.
  
   
• 351.  I lost my keys so I can't come to work.
  
   
• 352.  I woke up late, and I broke the lens of my glasses, so I won't be coming into work.
  
   
• 353.  I'm hung over... again!
  
   
• 354.  Here's one a girl where I work used a FEW times in one month, "I have bad cramps.
  
   
• 356.  I was working for a casino on the graveyard shift in the coin room and Albert didn't show up for work and wouldn't answer the phone. The next day the boss asked him why he didn't come in or call into work? Albert's reply...."My eyes wouldn't open." True story. The boss had never heard that excuse and laughed so hard that he didn't reprimand him.
  
   
• 357.  I was on the way to work, feeling a little run-down, when all off a sudden, I sneezed with my eye's open trying to watch the car in front. Instead, I could see the apple crumble & custard on my shirt I had last night, after tea. Got rushed to Hospital, where they placed my eyes back into their sockets, then sent me home in a Taxi wearing patches. I will be off for 4 weeks at least, my mum will send in the sick note when I'm able to see her.
  
   
• 358.  We have a guy that any vacation time just burns a hole in his pocket. We have a list of 130 reason he has used. Some of them are:
   
  Ants in his house.
  
  I am having my house painted by members of my church and I have to watch the paint dry.
  
  I just bought a new bed and have to try it out.
  
  Kid had a bomb at school.
  
  Kid had a bodily discharge.
  
  Not that kind of time off.
  
  Someone coughed on him and made him sick.
  
  Taking his mother-in-law on a picnic.
  
  Had a bill to pay.
  
   
• 359.  We have a guy that every year uses up 4 weeks vacation before May. Earlier this year he used a week up because his foot had a rash and he couldn't wear socks.
  
   
• 360.  We had just gone through the hiring process and had hired this new employee. She called in on her second day and said that she wouldn't be able to work here due to the seating arrangements. (We work in cubicles). Thinking that there was more to the story than this, we asked our boss later that afternoon after she had actually spoken with this person. She really couldn't handle the cubicle, even when she was offered a different one. Trouble is, she was given a tour of the office prior to accepting the job !(TRUE STORY!!)
  
   
• 361.  This really happened to me. On the way to work, a drive of 40 miles, the front driver side wheel came off my truck. Even though I was doing 70 m.p.h. I was able to maintain control. I managed to get side of the road. A small flat spot was rubbed into the rotor. I could not find my wheel and my spare was flat. I hitched a ride to the nearest town, couldn't find # to call in to work. no garages were open and I was worried about my tools and CD's left in the truck. Walking the several miles back on the opposite side of the four lane interstate I found my wheel. Two of the lugs were still in the hubcap. I jacked up the truck, used a file to smooth the rough edges off the rotor, stole one lug from each of the other wheels, and went on into work three hours late. I don't think my boss believed me.
  
   
• 362.  'Sorry I can't come in for work today, I can't find my glasses and therefore I can't see. I need them in order to find them!'
  
   
• 363.  I thought Columbus Day was a work holiday.
  
   
• 364.  True story: "I can't get my car out of the parking area because I think one of my neighbors put glue in the lock on our gate and it won't open." I used to live in a 4-plex building where only half the tenants were allowed to park in a gated, locked area. I was among the lucky ones. One morning I came out to go to work and found the padlock on the gate had been sabotaged by being filled with some sort of glue, which I believe was done by a neighbor, jealous because he couldn't park in there too. It took over an hour to get the gate open, even an electric hacksaw wouldn't cut through the lock and we ended up having to cut part of the metal supporting the holes the lock went through to open the gate. That lock is probably still hanging there today! My boss bought the story and even empathized.
  
   
• 365.  True story but I'm sorry I asked: one of my co-workers told me she was late because "My car is in the shop and my boyfriend was taking me to work this morning. He was sick and we stopped at a McDonalds. I had to wait there for an hour while he was sick in the bathroom!"
  
   
• 366.  Diarrhea, no questions asked, never fails!
  
   
• 367.  I can't come in to work today because I can't pee.
  
   
• 368.  Ok, here's the deal, I got home around 10:30pm and decided to sleep early for work the next morning, at around 2:00am I woke up [sleepwalking and naked as usual] and drank a whole gallon of orange juice and to my dismay I could not urinate, I tried everything mediation, shower, running water and even some other highly unusual methods which should remain nameless and I stayed up near the toilet until 5:47am, the sun was up and I had to be in at work by 9:00am, I called up and gave them no reason, but the next day I explained myself fully and this is the reason why I am I writing this to you, my friend Nicole thought it would be a worthy excuse for your site!
  
   
• 369.  The first time this was used by myself it was genuine. The latter times, I used it because I thought it was a cool excuse: "Sorry, we put the clocks forward instead of back last night, and I woke up two hours late."
  
   
• 370.  I won't be into work tomorrow... I took apart my carburetor and can't get it back together.
  
   
• 371.  I left work during lunch and decided to take the rest of the day off. I called in at the end of the day to say that I had been arrested, and I'll be in tomorrow.
  
   
• 372.  I'm running three hours late because I woke up watching the west coast feed of NBC... I thought I woke up extra early! 
  
   
• 373.  I thought it was 6am, but it turned out to be 8am... one of the LED lights was out!
  
   
• 374.  I woke up extra late... it was my first time experiencing sleeping pills. 
  
   
• 375.  Some neighborhood prankster chained my car to a tree.
  
   
• 376.  I knocked over my neighbor's mailbox. I'm scared of my neighbor. I need to stay home and fix it somehow.
  
   
• 377.  I was absent yesterday because I was passing a kidney stone, and I didn't give a squat about calling in to work. (great pain, pee was purple {yellow and red make purple}, took some muscle relaxants...)
  
   
• 378.  I ate a bag of those fake-fat potato chips, and now something is oozing from my butt. 
  
   
• 379.  I hurt myself having sex this morning... I won't be in until the pain goes away.
  
   
• 380.  I can't come to work today because I am getting mono.
  
   
• 381.  Hello, I am writing this one because I called in sick today. Sorry, I can't come to work today because I think I am pregnant and I have to wait until my boyfriend gets off work so we will have money to go get a pregnancy test. And one that my mom used when she got married for the third time...Sorry, I am going to have to quit working for a while, I am going to Mexico to marry my boyfriend and we aren't going to be back until after we finish building our house...Loves ya, Rainey70
  
   
• 382.  We had a contractor working for us once who lived quite a distance away (for the UK!) and was usually late in because of traffic problems. However, one day he phoned in at about 11:00 AM to tell us that he would not be in at all because his only pair of trousers were in the washing machine and it would not open!
  
   
• 383.  I am sorry I was late for work today, I would have been in earlier but I was asleep.
  
   
• 384.  I am going to call in work today for the next 2 days. Excuse: My uncle came down from Baltimore yesterday, and my mom and sister got into a huge argument, my sister decided she's going back to live with my Uncle, and they are leaving today. I have to follow behind them in my car with the rest of her things. Since it's such a long drive, I am just going to stay the night to avoid the risk of an accident.
  
   
• 385.  When I was eighteen (I'm 43 now and don't drink anymore), I had to work the graveyard shift. I was at my favorite night club and half smashed. I called my job, from the club, loud music and all, and told my boss I wouldn't be in that night because I was sick. Believe it or not, I didn't get fired.
  
   
• 386.  I can't come in because my boiler is broken and I can't shower and my stink is starting to offend even me so I won't make you all repulsed...I'll stay at home today.
  
   
• 387. I'm not late, your just early!
  
   
• 388. This is, sadly, a true story: I was a delivery driver in Charlotte, North Carolina. I lived about 17 miles from the store I worked at and I had several cats as pets. Well, I was running real close, if I drove really fast I could've made it there on time. Well, I got about a half mile from the store when I heard a howl coming from the back of my mustang. I pulled over and looked and I'll be damned, the stupid cat had fallen asleep in the hatchback of my car (in the sun) So I had to drive all the way back home to bring the cat back to the house. I was almost 2 hours late, because I was supposed to be to work for 4:30 and now I hit rush hour traffic and it took me an hour to fight traffic to the office. My boss just looked at me and shook his head.
  
   
• 389. True story: I was working as a delivery driver (me again, I used a million there), and I was at work when my boyfriend called me and proposed to me. I said yes, of course, and he asked me to elope with him the next day. I turned around, looked at my boss and said," I won't be coming in to work tomorrow, or the rest of the week, as I will be getting married and going on my honeymoon" I actually had to bring him the marriage certificate after the wedding before he would let me have the weekend off without being fired!!!! LOL.
  
   
• 390. I will not be to work today as I have a headache and do not want to give it to anyone else.
  
   
• 391. I'm sorry I was late. The dog shit on the stairs. 'why did this make you late?' Have you ever had dog shit between your toes at 5 am in the morning? 
  
   
• 392. I'm sorry I'm late. Someone stole my windscreen.
  
   
• 393. I worked at a treat store, popcorn and other treats, and I had a horrible sore throat. I called off work and my boyfriend asked me to go to the beach. We did and who do I see but the manager of the store....oops....I really was sick! I just wanted to kick back at the beach. (true story)
  
   
• 394. I called off work due to getting prescribed a new medicine and it made me very groggy (true story)...I got teased about that but it was true.
  
   
• 395. I called off work, my husband has used this too, because I had to run to the hospital. My husband's daughter was having a bad diabetic reaction. This really did happen, but I've used it more than once...it works great...no questions asked)
  
   
• 396. My husband and I were having a rough time financially and we couldn't afford to pay our car insurance. Our lender that we bought the vehicle from got wind of it and took our van until we got coverage. I had to call off work and didn't want to face the embarrassment so I said my husband's daughter is in the hospital and we've got to run.
  
   
• 397. My husband and I went to the Twin Cities to pick up a friend of ours that was flying in from Texas. His flight was late and it was very very late by the time it came in. I was supposed to work the next afternoon and we were all exhausted and we were about 3.5 hours from home. I called in to say our van's computer "brain" went out and we have to wait to have it repaired. It worked like a charm, no questions asked. This one is excellent if you're nowhere near home, just make sure you own a newer vehicle that has computer components!
  
   
• 398. My husband had to go to court and it was a rough time. His ex was there and it was a trying ordeal. Instead of busting my ass and running into work I said my husband fell down the stairs and I had to take him to the doctor. He already has a broken hip he's recovering from so it worked like a charm, no questions asked.
  
   
• 399. I once lived in a rough neighborhood in Southern Cal. I went to get into my car and the window was smashed out and my front wheels were GONE! Not just tires but the whole wheels were gone and my cheap stereo was ripped out of the dash. I had to call into work and tell them what happened. (true story) The cops came and did a report and said that I should move, also true, I did!
  
   
• 400. I would love to use this one....I can't come in right now because my husband is having his annual erection and I don't want to miss it.....lol!
  
   

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Madtbone