The Mother Of All Excuses Place

Breaking Dates and Relationships Excuses 2 #'s 101 and up.

1. Sorry Linda, I can't go out with you tonight. I'm too busy playing roulette at online casinos.


2. Jenny, I'm sorry, but I can't go out with you on Saturday. Unfortunately, I'm getting married.


3. Sorry I can't go out with you, but me and my parents are taking the feathers off some chickens we bought.


4. An excuse for boys: Sorry I cancelled the date, I was gelling my hair.


5. To leave a date early: I have to go home now coz one of my anal boils just popped.


6. I can't come out tonight coz I'm trapped in a small dingy off the coast of Paraguay.


7. Ladies........ Don't want to give up your number? Try this. No matter what your name is, always tell them Jenny. Then write down 867-5309. Tell them its your cell/pager, whatever. Then laugh as they walk away to brag to their buddies! Hahaha! Or even better, just write your name on a napkin. All the guy knows is that you're writing and it'll take him until he tries to call you that you left off the number! Hahaha!


8. This actually worked!! This 6th grader called me up and asked me out, I said, "Sorry, I don't go out with 6th graders".


9. I'm really sorry but I cant go out with you because I have just turned gay.


10. This was used and bought: I'm sorry I can't go out with you tonight, see there's a documentary on styrophome on TV tonight. Fortunately the guy that bought this had the IQ of a wastebasket.


11. I can't go out with you because my gay lover is actually straight and is cheating on me with my sister, whose husband I had an affair with two months ago. I need time to think. Sorry!


12. For trombonists: I'd rather play with my bone all night than go out with you.


13. To an unwelcome suitor: I can't talk right now. I'm busy sorting M&Ms.


14. Say you have a bladder control problem.


15. I'd love you to but I .... hit my head and I can't love no more.


16. I'd love to go out with you. Do you like kids? I have four. It works really well! They all disappear immediately whether you like them or not.


17. My cell phone battery died so I couldn't call you.


18. The lady's former husband, just back in the country, had come to visit the kids. She was not interested in sex (with him) and looked for an excuse. She mixed clinches and came out with, "Not tonight -- I have a headache this month."


19. My ex broke up with me after Prom, while everyone else was partying at the hotel. His excuse-he was going to start College, and he was gonna be busy at work. The funny part is that he doesn't start College until September, (it's June) and he DOESN'T HAVE A JOB!!!


20. Problems with an ex-girlfriend who only came back into my life when she was single or having problems with her current boyfriend so one day I looked her in the eye and said "Wow, you must be really hard up if are resorting to talking to me." Haven't heard from her since.


21. One of my friends is a female bartender in San Francisco. When guys ask for her number, she writes down the number for the local STD (Sexually Transmitted Disease) hotline.


22. Sorry, I can't give you my number; that'd put me in direct violation of the Data Protection Act of 1987.


23. If a ugly guy comes up to you, or any unwanted male attraction come along, pretend that you don't speak English. Je ne parler pas englais. If they try to talk back, give them a weird look like you don't understand and walk away.


24. The following excuse was actually used against me. I t's one of the more interesting excuses for breaking a date. "I have to cancel our date tonight because I'm giving blood tomorrow morning."


25. One guy just wouldn't get the hint. He asked me after class one day if I wanted to have lunch together. I said that I had to study. HIM: Dinner then. ME: No, I'll be studying all day. HIM: Well, lunch tomorrow. ME: Still studying. HIM: Well, you've got to eat sometime. ME: Nope, I don't eat during exams... HIM: Okay, when's your last exam? -- That's when I grabbed my floor-mate from rez and ran.


26. I once had coffee with this guy who spent the whole time hinting that we should go back to his room to be "more comfortable". I managed to extract myself, but the next time he called, my roommate was prepared and told him that I didn't want to talk to him. When he asked why, she told him simply that I didn't like him.


27. I would go out with you except that I'd rather be horribly ravaged by wild apes.


28. This happened to me..: I'm sorry I don't things are gunna work. I want to break up because I love you too much.. So really what I am tryin to say is that I am a gay ass named Stephan and I made out wit your friend last nite!!! Well I make the last part up but really, lamest excuse I've ever heard. I don't wanna go out cuz I love you too much!!


29. I'm sorry, I don't like you and you can't come over!


30. I can't see you for a while because my sex change operation is regressing and I'm back on hormone supplements that mess with my head!


31. Yes, I do kiss on the first date.... but this is our last.


32. I can't go out with you because you are crazy!


33. I can't go out with you because I am joining the priesthood.


34. I can't go out with you because the voices in my head told me not to.


35. I can't go out with you because I don't have any nice clothes to wear, and I'd rather make you upset by me not going out with you then by making my self upset if I go out with you in ugly clothes and make a fool of my self.


36. I cant date you because I only date guys from my same religion.


37. Him: "Will you go out with me?" Her: "Yeh only if my boy friend can also come along with us lol". Him: "Cool! do I also get to kiss you?" Her boy friend then comes from behind and hits him on the head.... he falls out cold then gets up after 5 minutes forgetting what he had said then goes hmm my head hurts I have to go home and rest... This excuse really works lol!


38. I once had a guy pester me for a date for well over a month. I finally agreed, then he called me that night to say he had to cancel. His reason? He had to help his brother change the hot water heater in his house. Needless to say I never talked to him again.


39. This is an excuse to ditch a date at a restaurant. Order a dish that has jalapeños or hot peppers then ask your date to dare you to eat the hot pepper. (or just eat it) Eat the pepper or pretend to. Then make a huge scene -- freak out, hyperventilate, chug water, and fake an allergic reaction to the extremely hot pepper. Run to the bathroom splash water on your face to look like your eyes are watering and stay there for a little while, an tell your date that you threw up and you must leave. Now you are Free!!! *If he or she argues tell him/her that it is their fault for daring you to eat the pepper. :)


40. I'm Really sorry Brian, I know how much I loved you on the internet and it was all fun and games, but then I met you and you didn't tell me you were fat and had a small penis! I mean you tried to put it in my ear for god's sake, Bloody, You'd get excited by a hole in a bloody fence mate! IT'S OVER


41. I'm sOo SoRrY bUt I hAvE tO BrEaK Up WiTh yoU BeCaUsE I JuSt FoUnD OuT ThAt My X-BoYfReNz HaD aLL BeEn KiLLeD SloWlY By A StALkEr AnD I'M aFrAiD yOu'LL Be NeXt....NoT LiKe I'LL MisS YoU Or N-E-tHiNg BuT I JuSt waNt YoU GoNe BeFoRe He DoEs AnOthEr SeCreT AttAcK!!!


42. This one isn't exactly an break up excuse. More like a begging-for-a-date excuse. There was a guy who was apparently madly in love with me. I had made it quite clear that I wasn't interested in that way. One day he came up with a theory: "In the olden days they never really loved each other when they got married. Why don't you try to go out with me and fall in love with me as time goes by?"


43. I've stepped over better guys than you to go play with myself in a corner.


44. I'm Sorry I cant go out with you tonight, because I'll be playing with myself in front of porn on my computer.


45. Ok, this is one that was used my mate once, and I was standing next to him: I won't go out with you because not only would you drive me insane, but I'd probably end up killing you by the end of the night, and then I'd climb to the tallest room of a block of flats and throw myself out of the window, to rid myself of the horrific memory of me going out with you. Sorry


46. This is how I broke up with two of my boyfriends. Me: I don't think we should go out anymore. Him: Why not? Me: Because I think you make a better friend and I don't want to lose our friendship. You understand right. Him: I guess. Me: Great! It totally works but sometimes you really do want them just as a friend like these 2 boys.


47. I had been dating a girl for 3 months (we were sophomores in high school, when one day she calls me up and tells me out of nowhere that she doesn't want a boyfriend, when asked why she did it, she said that she needed more than our high school relationship.


48. This is how I got rid of a girl who was bothering me for a few months, I just went on vacation for two weeks and never told her. she never wanted to talk to me again.


49. "I have to break up with you, not because I want to, but because God is drawing me closer to him, and he wants you out of the way so he can work on me." I guess this excuse might work for someone who is in a religious cult or something!


50. Listen (name) I don't think we can be friends anymore, it's not you it's me, no wait...... it is you!


51. I wish that I could come over for a visit, but my husband fell out of the van this morning and I'm still trying to find him.


52. Sorry, I can't go out with you tonight, I have a cult meeting.


53. Well... my English boyfriend left me with the following excuse: I am sorry Erika, I just joined a secret spy fellowship and it takes so much mental and physical effort, I would be thinking of you all the time and it would keep me away from what I really have to do at work, so that's it (and then put on this face like thinking (did I say it all like I had planned?))


54. Not going to dance: I couldn't go because you see my grandmother is real sick and I had to go visit her just to make sure everything was alright and besides if I didn't visit her what kind of granddaughter would I be?


55. I'm sorry, its not you its me. Specifically, I would like to sleep with your brother.


56. Welcome to Dumpsville. Population one... you!


57. Listen, [friend's name,] I'm really sorry that I can't go over your house on [whatever day you are discussing.] My parents said that it was a "family night."


58. When He asks for you to go to his house, reply with: I would love to but I'm not bathed, dressed, made-up, AND I haven't cleaned my room, washed my kitchen floor, studied or taken my dog for a walk. And that will all take awhile. After.. walk away, hang up the phone, close the conversation on AOL/MSN. Leave. That's All You have to Do. Just Leave.


59. I can't go out with you anymore because I'm afraid of my bloodlust and I don't want to hurt you.


60. I can't go out with you because your mere presence causes me to get killer flatulence in my cerebral cortex.


61. I can't go out tonight, I have to go weight lifting.


62. This is a good one for if you don't want two go on a date or see someone. "I'm sorry but my dog is being put down tonight." Trust me it WORKS!!!!


63. "I would love to go out with you... but, I went on this date last night and while I was nibbling on the guys ear, I accidentally swallowed his 1/2 carrot diamond earring. Now I have to stay at home for a few days and wait for it to pass. Thank you for asking though."


64. Sorry I cant go out with you tonight. I'm too busy looking on the internet for an excuse.


65. For a guy who doesn't want to go out with a blonde. I just remembered I have an allergic reaction to blondes they make me smart.


66. I'm sorry I can't go out with you tonight, but I've just contracted an exotic strain of the flu and we wouldn't want anyone else getting sick now would we?


67. I lived with my boyfriend/fiancé for 8 years, loved him unconditionally. Well, 6 months ago said he had been thinking about it for awhile but he didn't want to be together anymore. His reason, "I love you, but I want to start a family with someone younger." He is 9 years younger than I am and for the record I am perfectly capable of getting pregnant. Talk about a knife through the heart! I suggest that no man ever use this one!! I'm still plotting his demise.


68. I failed all my classes so I'm grounded until my grades get pulled up.


69. There's a Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids marathon on television tonight and must tape every show so I'll have to take a rain check and we'll go out tomorrow tonight.


70. But....your starting to look like your mother!


71. I'm sorry only date ladies with great legs.


72. I'm sorry I only date ladies who wear Dresses and Skirts.


73. I'm sorry but we can't go out tonight because have to take my kids to my sisters house.


74. This is what a Girl said to me once, I feel the same way you do but every time you ask me out I make up excuses because I'm Gay.


75. You're a very sweet guy but I'm looking for someone who's a bad boy.
76. I'm sorry but we can't go out tonight the E! True Hollywood Story of Aaliayh Haughton will be on television

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77. Sorry, I just realized I'm gay.


78. Sorry, I can't go out with you because I don't date outside my species.


79. I used to get a lot of unwanted advances when I was a waitress. I used this a lot. Sure, I'd love to go to dinner with you. Would it be all right if I bring my husband and two kids?


80. Sorry but I cannot go out with you because; the first time we when out, I had food poisoning and I must take that as a sign.


81. I am sorry, but I cannot go out with you. I have to stay home and apply cream to my new rash.


82. She actually broke a date with me... because her cat was peeing blood.... never found out if it was true or not... but since she stopped returning calls. I had to assume it was a lie


83. Sorry I can't go out with you any more I just got engaged to the other guy I was dating while I was dating you.


84. (For a relationship break up) I'm sorry, it's not you, it's me.


85. I just haven't had the heart to use this one. There's this girl who's after me who won't go away. Every now and then I feel like telling her, "There are many men out there who find overweight women a turn-on, but I'm afraid I'm not one of them."


86. A great excuse for breaking a date is telling the potential boyfriend that you would really love dating him, if he's ok with the fact that your pregnant with your last boyfriends baby. Believe me it really works!


87. Well this one was used one me. I don't know if she was lying or not.. very strange girl. Anyways: I cant go out on Saturday because I have to paint the garage, get a physical, baby-sit my little brothers, and go to my fathers house. YoW!


88. This ugly girl in high school kept hounding me for a date. Finally in a moment of weakness I said I'd take her to some sorority dance. But, on that day, the new Led Zeppelin album came out and I wanted to stay home and listen to it with my buddies. So that afternoon, just a few hours before the dance, I called up the girl and told her I had food poisoning and I was even mimicking throwing up while she was on the phone. So we hung up and about five minutes later one of my friends called and said that this girl had called and asked him to go and he said yes. So I immediately called her back and said I was feeling much better and that I could be over to pick her up soon. After listening to her stammer and stutter for a minute I just laughed in her face and hung up. Zeppelin was especially righteous that night.


89. I can't go out with you. My dog has an over active bladder and he peed on all my clothes so I have nothing to where.


90. The voices in my head tell me your crazy.


91. Ok this one was from my ex boyfriend (after about 2 weeks of dating) - I'm sorry to have to say this but you made me realize that girls are annoying and also my friends think your weird... so I'll see you at school k?' (*jerk*)


92. This is for any ladies/gentlemen who have already to committed to a date ( or formal dance in my case) and after further thought have decided that it's for the best to ... NOT GO! Excuse: Hi (name), I'm sorry but I can't go out with you because my grandmother broke her hip when I pushed her down the stairs and I scheduled her surgery on the day of our date! sooooo sorry!


93. I one time excused myself from the movie we were at and went to the bathroom... only to never return. But the worst thing about it was, the guy called me a few days later wanting to know what had happened! Needless to say I hung up and never heard from the guy again


94. I'm sorry I can't go out tonight, it's my turn to bring the doughnuts to our STD support group, how about tomorrow? If he says yes run.


95. Hi, Sue um, I can't pick you up tonight, see I was driving down a dirt road and I hit a skunk, so I have to go use tomato juice to wash my truck. - Please?!


96. I have used this and MEANT IT several times: You're far too nice for me, and I've got issues you couldn't possibly be ready to deal with. And for fun: Sure, but can we stay in? I've got this great bondage gear I think you'd just look fabulous in, and my new whip just arrived... how do you feel about ball gags? As to everything else on here -- what doesn't make me laugh out loud I'd probably fall for, since usually I'm bluntly honest to folks myself, I unconsciously expect the same.


97. I was recently going out on a second date. I got a phone call to confirm, and about 10 minutes later I received another call canceling, because, he had to pick up a dead body..... true story.


98. While on a foreign exchange trip to Germany, a friend of mine managed to start going out with two girls, one German, and one American. I warned him about having two girls at once, and he then told me that he had a girlfriend that he had been seeing for a year back home. Realizing that he would have to lose at least two girls before returning to the US he decided on two excuses; with the German girl he explained that he was going into the Air Force (true) and they wouldn't let him talk to anyone was not a US citizen, not surprisingly she cried for a long time and then moved on with her life. The American girl proved a trickier, she clinged to him, no matter what he said. Finally at the airport, just as we arrived he put his arms around her and said "baby... my test results came back...I'm gay." and walked off into the crowd until she left, he then went to his girlfriend and told her that he had been stopped in customs. It worked terrifically for him, but man, I would feel like a bastard after doing something like that.


99. Breaking a date A guy I hadn't seen in 2 years seemed excited when I got in touch with him. We made a date to go to the theater. On the morning of the date, I called him he said "My brother is in town and I have to go with him, it's an emergency, we are going to the NASCAR races"


100. I started vomiting at this this restaurant, I'm pretty sure it was the soup. I'm so sorry do you think we could re-arrange it for next week.


101. I broke a date by telling the guy I was unexpectedly put on grandma sitting duty for the evening. I explained that my mother had a party that evening and I was the only one to get grandmother settled in after a weekend at an Aunt's house. :)


102. Sorry I cant go out with u your breath stinks!!


103. Sorry I can't come out 2 night my dad just called me up and said he was taking me out for dinner 2 celebrate that he found out he never had cancer even though he never got told he had he just went 4 a check and he hasn't got it!!!!!


104. I'm ashamed to say I did this, but I'm happy to say it worked. I was dating this guy who started out pretty cool and after a few dates just started to seem a little desperate. So, when he asked me out again, I told him I was going out of town. We made plans to get together the day I was scheduled to arrive home, but instead, I called him, pretended I was at the airport and had just missed my flight and wouldn't make it back in time. I ignored his calls after that. The catch to the whole thing, of course, is that I was never out of town in the first place and I successfully avoided bumping into him while I was suppose to be away.


105. Honey, I'll tell you why I won't take you out to dinner. You're like a moped. You're fun to ride, but I wouldn't want to be seen in public with one.


106. Sorry I want to get drunk and hook up with other chicks so sorry I don't want a serious relationship with anyone at this young age sorry. Then start dating another chick!! It's sure to work, its been done to me before!


107. I can't see you tomorrow because I swerved my car away from hitting a dog and ran into a ditch. I now have no car and a concussion!


108. I've had this one told to me so we would break up... she went through and told me the history of our relationship and then told me how she had gone to a Christian convention with her church in Ohio... After telling me this she then said that God had spoke to her and said that my work was over and that the relationship should end... Now we call her Cybil amongst other names that simply she's crazy...


109. Him: You look Like you need a real man in your life. You: (Look him in the eyes for added effect) I think you're right, know where I can find one?


110. If it's someone ya just not attracted too, just start moving around and say, "damn I sure be glad when this itching clears up", but I got a good doctor, he cleared the bumps up last week...


111. My excuse is a classic among my friends now. I told my ex girlfriend that my mother got a new job and we had to move to iowa, and that I had to break up with her to make things easier for the two of us. and now everytime I say I'm moving to Iowa, my friends know it means I'm going to break up with someone.


112. I had a pop quiz today and I don't think it went well so I can't see you tonight (even though I know you have reserved tickets to the theater and two other couples are going).


113. Well here's a good one!!! My ex boyfriend and I met over this internet dating site, and had never seen each other before when he decided to take it to the next level. We had been going out for 3 fucking days!!!! He said said he was ready for a kid!! Well I wasn't so I told him that I was 4 months pregnant with another mans baby!!! He fell for it and asked me if he could name it!! At that point I hung up!! He didn't ask again!!!


114. This is a really really sick excuse, damn near garenteed to get you going out with someone under 20, and might work if there over 20 and think you're trying to blow them off, when they ask you out, just ask them if the're still in high school, and they'll probally back off, or call the police, so use at your own risk.


115. You have two choices: You can pack and leave or you can come home tomorrow and find your stuff on the lawn and the locks changed.


116. Oh sorry, I couldn't call you because my cell phone went through the washing machine again so I'm waiting for my new cell phone to arrive that I just bought online. It got backordered at the last minute and they won't let me cancel the order.

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