401. I would also love to use this
one....I can't come into work right now because I'm busy makin
402. I won't be in to work today,
because my liver isn't up to speed yet due to last weekend.
403. A guy I work with actually called
in and said, " I'm sorry I can't make it in today. Somebody spiked
my drink last night"
404. One of the better excuses I have
ever used, came to me one day when I showed up to work 6 hours late
without calling in. I told my boss that, "this morning I woke up
only to find the 1st and 2nd floors of my house soaked and with
puddles of water everywhere. There was no way I could come into
work until I contacted the plumber, waited for him to come over, and
started to clean up the mess. Then to top it all off I had to take
another shower and find more clean clothes." When my boss asked me
what had happened? I told him that one of the water pipes had
snapped out of its socket and the water all night had dripped down
through the walls and the ceiling for what looked like 3 hours or
so. To top it all off he gave me the next 2 days off from work to
deal with the problem and get my house into order. THAT WAS A GREAT
4 DAY WEEKEND!
405. A guy that worked the evening
shift thought he would try the "honest" approach called in a said,
"my brother is coming to town and we're probably going out and
406. I can't come in today because
while I was writing a list of possible excuses I could use to not
come in, I got a writer's cramp around #98!
407. I can't come to work today, my
dog gave birth to kittens!
408. Late for work a lot, Sir I have
409. Late for work again. I crashed
the car. The car was complete with a small dent that I got pulled
out for free, and a bruise , punch for punch, with my brother.
410. Sorry, I will not be in to work
today. My car wanted to take an early morning swim and I'm still
pulling seaweed out of my hair. True story.. I live in an area were
there are a ton of lakes. One morning running a little late, and
driving to fast, I came around a curve, and lost control of my car
and ended up in the lake upside down. My co-workers never did let
me live it down, and my boss did not believe me until I had my
father call and explain what happened.
411. Here are two excuses, used at
different times, by one of my co-workers:
# 1 via telephone: "I won't be in today because my roommate came
home last night with head lice."
# 2 via email: "I'm not feeling good today. I came in today to try
to stay but I have really bad craps and there killing me, I would
really like to go home and lye down. Is there anyway that I can go
home?" [She actually meant 'cramps' but the 'm' got lost.]
412. A Co-worker once called in with
this excuse: "There is a really, really big mean dog outside my
house and I have to wait for animal control to come and take the dog
away!" She didn't come in at all that day!
413. I have a friend who told our boss
that he needed to leave work because his uncle was dying and he
needed to beat his cousin to the power tools.
414. I work in a large factory and
there was a group of women that were friends and also had a friend
that didn't work in our plant. One day the friend , who didn't work
there, called in and said her sons girlfriend had died from a drug
overdose. So the other 3 left work, and were spotted at the mall.
415. I was sick yesterday but I still
came in to work. But I'm feeling better today so I'm calling in
416. This really happened where I
work. A female worker called in and said her water bed exploded and
she needed to wash the sheets before she slept on them. (She works
the third shift)
417. I live in Florida. I had to call
in from work one Monday because there was a four foot alligator in
my driveway! True story!
418. I was ridding the world of evil
spirits- and ya know how late they stay up! Man I got like three
minutes of sleep.... and this one really big thang stunk so bad that
my nose doesn't work any more and the nasal passages have backed up
into my brain- I might have a stroke if I think too hard!
419. I was in the Navy and in Seattle
for a ship show, a fellow sailor was late for returning to the ship
one morning. His excused was his rental car went through a puddle
of water and the water must have gotten into the engine and stalled
it out. He had to call the rental company and get a new car. That
is why he was 1 1/2 hours late. The very next day he was 2 hours
late, and the excuse was, someone in front of his car slammed on the
brakes so he slammed on his brakes but then he couldn't get the
brakes to disengage so he had to call the rental car company and get
another new car. No action was ever taken because of his
originality. ( I figure being in the Navy is considered work.
420. As a working single mother of two
I rarely took a day off for myself. Saying my kids were ill was not
excusable because they knew I had a childcare who would take care of
them. Finally one day, out of exhaustion, I called in and said "My
kids had lice and I had to treat them and fumigate the house. It
worked, my boss felt sorry for me and gave me the day off with no
problem. I spent a delightful day at the beach.
421. This is a real one! A girl at
work called in one morning , 15 minutes after she was supposed to be
there, and said. "I can't come in...I forgot that I have to go to
Disney World today."
422. I would have been on time for
work today, if I hadn't gotten in front of that State Trooper, I
couldn't go over the speed limit!
423. My buddy Leon swears a guy where
he works used this one. Seems new policy was put in effect that no
longer could you just call in sick, you had to have a reason for not
coming in. His buddy called and told his boss he wasn't coming in
that day, when his boss asked his reason for missing work? His
reply was...Vaginal Dryness!!!!
424. Sorry I'm late, I've just had to
comfort an old friend who's husband has recently died from cancer.
She broke down in front of me what was I to do?
425. I can't come in today, my son
found the gun.
426. Use on when your vacation ends on
May 1, July 1, October 1, December 1 and want to take an extra day
off. I thought (previous month: April, June, September, November)
had 31 days!
427. An employee of mine was late for
work one morning and hadn't called, he had no phone so I couldn't
call him. Upon arrival, when asked why he was late he said that he
had to walk to work, but wasn't as late since he "found" a bicycle
on his way in. This actually happened twice, only several years
apart and two different employees.
428. I couldn't come into work
yesterday, my girlfriend broke up with me and I needed to move my
429. One day it was raining really
hard and this girl I used to work with actually called in and said
that a tree had fallen down on her street and she couldn't get to
work. (She lives in Queens six blocks from the subway)
430. I had about 3 hours before I had
to be to work. I was on the interstate heading for a haircut
appointment. Traffic stopped completely due to construction. I was
rammed from behind and immediately had neck and back pain. I
grabbed my cell, called my employer, and said "I am currently
sitting in my car on I-5 and was just rear-ended. I am having neck
and back pain and wont know anymore till I call 911 and get my ass
to the hospital. I will be in if I'm allowed to walk again." I
then called 911 and reported the accident. After an ambulance ride
and a series of x-rays, I actually made it to work right on time.
431. Sorry boss I'll be late for 2
hours. When I woke up this morning and my lady was making tea in
her new silk pajamas, the call of nature became to strong for me!
432. Hi, I'm going to be late. I was
talking to my mother. (used this excuse twice in one week)
433. Actually used: I can only work a
couple of hours today because lightning struck the utility pole
during the storm last night near my house and power is out. I
couldn't take a shower, so I have to leave early because I can't
work if I don't shower. This was after this person told one of the
colleagues the day before she would leave early the next day.
434. Sorry I can't make it in today.
I have intestinal problems.
435. I had worked for a temp agency
and I was supposed to have an assignment to do. I had gone out
drinking all night and I stayed out at my new boyfriends house and
he didn't have a phone he had just moved in. I stayed there all day
and didn't call in, so when I got home I called and said I was on my
way home the night before, and had gotten pulled over. I said I had
warrants and went to jail and that is why I didn't call in cause I
436. I actually showed up once for
work 2 hours late. When asked why I was late I said to my manager,
it was cold outside and my bed was warm, so I got back in. Yes, I
still have the same job too. :)
437. I am a foreman where I work. I
had an employee that had been bragging about finally getting a
phone. He missed two days in a row and when I asked why he didn't
call, he said he didn't know the phone number.
438. I can't come in to work today, we
went shopping yesterday, I left my purse in the truck, my husband
went fishing took his truck and my car keys are in my purse, no
spare keys, and he is the middle of the lake with no phone or anyway
to get a hold of him. This actually happened.
439. I called in sick one day, and
told my boss this story: Last night I was outside in my yard, I saw
this strange black thing on the ground, so I bent down to pick it
up. Well it bit me. I captured it in a mayonnaise jar and it turned
out to be a fruit bat. Of course I had to take it and myself to the
hospital to make sure it didn't have rabies. Thank goodness it
didn't. So I should be in tomorrow, or the next day. ( a bat
actually did bit my brother months before, which gave me the idea)
I wrapped my hand up a little and went to work a few days later. Of
course everyone believed it, it was so outrageous.
440. I can't come to work today
because I've got really bad shits and we've run out of toilet paper.
441. I will be late as there is a man
laying in front of my door and I'm not sure if he is dead or not, so
I'm waiting for the police to come.
442. Really used by coworker! I will
be late for work because I have locked my keys in my running car in
the middle of the intersection.
443. I am constipated from the food my
boyfriend cooked me last night.
444. I called in to work saying I
wouldn't be in that day because I had leaned against the gas heater,
my skirt caught on fire, I burned my ass and I was in the hospital.
It was an entertaining injury in spite of being 2nd and 3rd degree
burns. One of my favorites was telling people I just had to prove I
was a flaming asshole.
445. I can't make it to work today
because there is a bowling ball stuck under my car! (True Story)
446. A good one for the day of
presidential elections is: "I had to go an do my duty as an
American and VOTE!
447. One night a group of six girls
went out to celebrate a birthday. Instead of a few drinks and
dinner, it turned into a very late night. So all six decided that
they were going to play hooky the next day and had the most
responsible and serious sounding of the girls call each girl's boss
and give the story that everyone, except this girl had food
poisoning and she was at the hospital waiting for everyone to get
their stomach pumped and that none of them would be in including
her. Of course it worked, but now as I think back, if I were a boss
and got this message at 3:45 am I would be a little suspicious. (Oh
what a night though!)
448. I have this on a pin that I
occasionally wear to work. "Sorry I'm late but f**king off takes
time". With luck the boss will laugh and forget their question.
449. This one got me a week off - I
got drunk on Friday night and fell asleep on a football field with
no top on. I woke up extremely sunburned and now I am passing
450. A good late for work excuse, if
you drive to work..... A Porta John truck, the kind that looks like
a flat bed for cars, had hit a massive pothole and some of the johns
fell off blocking off all the lanes on the highway when they
451. I was actually out in the parking
lot the last two hours. A rabid dog wouldn't let me get out of my
452. A guy once called into work and
said, "I can't come in to work today, my hand is still asleep and I
can't seem to wake it up!"
453. I've only used two excuses that I
got away with. My boss was really easy going and I had already
submitted my leave for another job. I decided not to go in one day
and he called and I said, "Look, I can't come in today. My hair is
on fire.", he said, "Well can you come in soon?", I said, "I'll see
if the grape juice in my fridge will put it out." The next day I
didn't go again, and he called me, I said, "I'm not coming in today,
I slept in." He said, "Are you ever coming back?" I said again, "I
don't feel like it, but since you're paying me, maybe I'll be in
tomorrow." I never got fired :-)
454. I had an employee call in on a
cold day, with full sunshine and a breeze and tell me he couldn't
come in because his tires on his car were froze to the ground!!
455. One day a coworker at a grocery
store showed up three hours late, and nobody answered when the boss
tried to call his house. When he finally got there, he said that he
had overslept and hadn't heard the alarm clock or phone because he'd
been in line all night trying to get concert tickets. It worked!
456. THIS IS 100% TRUE I am a lazy
person and one day a number of years ago I took a day off from
work. On returning to work the following day I was asked why I had
been off. To which I replied; "I slept in and didn't wake up till
3pm," I lied. "I had a headache the night before last and I took 2
of my wife's sleeping pills by mistake instead of a couple of
painkillers." My boss said that I must be telling the truth because
no-one could think of an excuse like that.
457. I can not come in today, because
my cat ran away.
458. One co-worker, when asked why he
didn't call when he didn't show up for work the previous day said,
"I couldn't remember the phone number." He'd only worked for us for
459. On his first scheduled Saturday
to open the office by himself, he called another co-worker and
explained he'd gotten arrested for jumping off the Riverwalk in San
Antonio the night before.
460. Another co-worker asked me to
"please tell the boss I won't be in today - my flesh-eating bacteria
is acting up again." He really just had a bad case of athlete's
461. A woman that I work with is
chronically late and usually will take off early. Those are on the
days when she decides to show up at all. One of her excuses for
being late was, "Well, I had to finish my daughter's homework.... "
I have kids....I've done homework, but I don't DO MY KIDS'
462. To the boss for missing a days
work: I'm sorry I wasn't here on Monday but I got so busy with
things to do that when Monday came I thought it was Sunday, and
since Sunday is my day off, I missed work!!
463. Several years ago I worked for
the U.S. Postal Service as a supervisor. While I was overseeing the
work several male mail handlers, one of the young men asked to be
excused for the rest of the day. I asked him why. He said it was
personal. I told him that if it was so personal that he couldn't
tell me, no, he couldn't leave. He thought about this for a minute,
then said " OK, My girlfriend is in the hospital. She just had my
baby and I would like to go shopping for some things for the baby."
I said well fine, that's nice, but you can do that anytime. He
said, "Oh no, you see if I go now, when I'm suppose to be working,
my wife won't find out about it." True or not? I don't know. I
did let him off for originality anyway.
464. I won't be in to work today
because my electric is off, and it's cold here without a furnace or
lights or hot water. So I have to stay home till they fix it.
465. This actually did happen to me
and I was not very happy about it and charged the offender for lost
revenue. But I can recommend it for anyone and this is how it
went. I walked round to my garage, which is about a 20 meter walk
from my house, and this fool had parked his car in front of my
garage preventing me from going to work. I phoned work and
explained the situation and they didn't believe me. I started to
kick the car impeding my getting to work and they then believed me
and said it was fine.... great huh???
466. (*Over the Phone*) I won't be
able to make it into work because I lost my voice.
467. I live with my sister and she
uses my car to go to work. So I had arranged for a friend of mine to
pick me up, only he forgot, so I had to call into work and tell them
that he forgot to pick me up and since everyone was already at work
I had to take a taxi.
468. Me: "Hi, Benny? I can't come in
today." Benny: "Why not? You sick?" Me: "No. I just can't come
in." Benny: "Okay." Inspired by "Office Work", a transcendental
work of art.
469. I am sorry I can't come in to
work to day for my wife/husband is a bitch/asshole!
470. Boss.... sorry can not make it
back to work. I was driving down the street and a wall of water
overtook me, my car floated away from me.
471. A guy used this one to leave work
early: My wife left the window open and there was a beehive right
next to the window and now she is freaking out because there are a
bunch of bees in my house. I need to go home and take care of the
472. My lock broke on my door and I
can't come in today. I need to wait for the locksmith!
473. My kid threw something in the
toilet bowl and it's all backed up. I need to wait for the plumber
to show up and fix it.
474. One day an employee called out
saying she had to have surgery for an ingrown toenail...the next day
she called out because her toe was sore and she had to see the
doctor.... the next day she came to work with a doctors note stating
she could not work for 6 weeks..... all of this for an ingrown
475. I am going to be late because I
have car trouble. My car isn't fast enough to get me there on time.
476. I can't sort fruit on the sorting
table because I suffer from motion sickness.
477. I can't work today because I have
a sore back.
478. I'm in the military and excuses
are not tolerated but they like to hear what people come up with,
one fellow worker has a little habit of being late(22 times in 2
years) well one day he had drove out in town (were in Tokyo) and he
was far away and his car broke down on the highway ( he doesn't own
a car) and he had to get it fixed. Well they were going to take to
long so he rode the train at 4 a.m. to come to work ( trains don't
start till 6 a.m.) and he got on the wrong train and fell asleep and
woke up realizing he went the wrong way ( this man knows the trains
like clockwork) and when he was asked why he didn't call on his cell
phone he said it was disconnected. Well as he was leaving the
office his cell phone rang, needless to say all the discrepancies
got him into a little trouble. You'd think after 22 times he could
come up with some kind of proof.
479. I didn't get my work done because
I was too busy reading all of the excuses!
480. This kinda is pathetic and I am
not joking, but this really happened to me. I had to call in sick
one morning and tell my boss that I had a Grand Mal seizure that
morning and was completely wasted, so I wouldn't be at work that
481. I'm going to be late today, my
windows were iced over on my van and I got in and started it and got
the windshield wipers going. Then I got out and picked up the
garden hose to break up the ice. When I tried to get back in my
van, the doors were locked and my extra set of keys are in backpack
in the van. I have to call Triple A to get my door unlocked!
482. I'm sorry I can't come in early
at any time, because when I get up early my hands and feet swell!
483. I woke up really late so I was in
a rush to go to my bus then my sprinkler system when on and I got
all wet. So then I had to change and then my mom goes to work
before I wake up so I called my grandma to pick me up but she didn't
come till 11:00.
484. One of the ladies that works with
my Husband wears a t-shirt to work I think is so cute..."I was out
of sick days so I called in Dead..."
485. I'm calling in ugly today because
if I come in I'm going to get really ugly with you.
486. We have a guy that we keep a list
on and as of 1/16/01 we have 148 reasons he has had to miss work or
take off early.....Some of his recent antics are.....He has to pack
because he is leaving for Las Vegas....Then when he came back he
took the day off because he overdid it in Las Vegas.
Other excuses include: Watching paint dry. His front door fell off.
Someone at work coughed on him. He actually call in with an excuse
of "Not that kind" we have yet to find out where this excuse is on
487. I have a mate who is late
everyday, and he has different excuses. One of them was, "Sorry I'm
late, a tribe of Red Indians attached my car in the middle of a busy
488. Years ago when I was running the
floor of a buffet this one girl called in. Her excuse was "I can't
come in to work today. I got in a fight with my boyfriend, he
punched me in the face and I was in short term comma. "They want to
keep me over night." Later that night I went to a party and saw
her there. Her knowing that I am in the position to have her fired
or keep her job. She approached me and said to me. "If you tell
that you saw me here I will beat you up so bad that you will want to
kill your self with how ugly you will be." Well, needless to say
she did lose her job. If she wouldn't have made the threat I
wouldn't have said a thing, I was 16 once...LMAO
489. I can't come in to work today
because of illness and fatigue. I'm sick and tired of my job.
490. I am not late; I am in fact 23
hours early. I did not come in yesterday because of diarrhea, I
expect 23 hours of overtime!
491. My father (or pick a relative you
don't care about) had an asthma attack last night and I had to take
him to the ER. We were there all night and I just got in this
morning...I'm in no condition to come in.
492. I'm running late because I'm
locked inside my house. The doorknob on my front door broke and
while trying to replace it I broke it even worse and now I can't
open it at all.
493. I won't be in today because last
night my roommate's ex-boyfriend kicked down my door and I have to
watch my apartment until the landlord comes to replace the door
frame because my door won't close.
494. A woman called in and said that
her pastor would not allow her to work in an office with
non-Christians. The owner was Jewish and the manager was pagan. No
one bothered to try to talk her out of staying home (for good).
495. (Late for work for a second
day) Sorry I was late again, but I bought a new alarm clock last
night, plugged it into the wall and electrocuted myself. I past out
and didn't regain consciences until now.
496. I used this one when I was young
and daring (but I'm still creative): Well, I woke up late because
I couldn't hear my alarm clock over my roommate screaming at me to
wake up. Then, I was in such a hurry I forgot to call you to let
you know I was going to be late. Then, still in a hurry, I got on
the wrong bus, and now I have no idea where I'm at. I'll call back
when I find somebody around here who speaks English.
497. This are a couple of work excuses
that a coworker of mine used & got away with! "I won't be able to
come in this week. I have to help my husband find a job." Funny
thing is that we all knew that her husband had just walked off of a
job (He was written up for going to the restroom). He had spoken
with a lawyer who told him to file for either workman's comp. or
The same woman missed a day of work the week before saying that she
couldn't come in because her husband had diarrhea, so he couldn't
watch their two year old. She uses her mother for her childcare
498. My boyfriend got put in a drug
rehabilitation in another state and I have to go to that state. No,
I can't visit him but I want to be near him, so I can't work for
499. I won't be at work today,
actually I don't need any excuses. I'm an adult ain't I ?
500. I can't come in today. There was
a terrible storm last night and it blew sticks all over my back
yard. I have to clean them up. (this was an actual excuse made by
a co-worker of mine.)
501. (This really did happen) I
started my monthly, and was embarrassed to admit it to anyone so I
asked my husband to call in for me, believing he would come up with
a good one. He called and said, "Hi I am calling in for my wife,
she is on her monthly and is bleeding, so she wont be in today."
Needless to say I was fired the next day.
502. Actually used: "I couldn't come
to work because I was cycling to work but fell down. Then somebody
hit me in the eye and stole my bike." This person goes to work
every day by bus!
503. A colleague of mine, who lives in
a farm, called work one day and said that she was coming in late
because someone let out their drove of cattle over night and she had
to chase them back to the paddock!
504. I was late for work because the
train had flat.
505. For being late: This actually
worked. As I was leaving the men's room 10 minutes before starting
time, my foot slipped on some organic matter and wouldn't you know
it my foot got hopelessly stuck in the bottom of the urinal.
Finally the foot came out and then the shoe came easily. I was
yelling in there, didn't anyone hear me?
506. I wont be able to come to work
today as my refrigerator door fell off its hinges last night and
damaged my kitchen floor! And I will not be able to get it repaired
507. My car is stuck in the snow with
a flat tire.
508. I'm stuck at the mall with out a
ride. (I would always use this excuse, and each time they would ask
me, "How did you get there?".
509. I wont be able to come in to work
today. I was masturbating while I was driving and I waved at a
trucker and then I accidentally spilt burning hot coffee on my
510. This one is from Scotland and has
worked on many occasions and it was, "I just could not be arsed!"
511. This is the easiest: "Oh, I'm
sorry' I just didn't want to go that day." It doesn't make you
guilty, and it's honest!
512. I wont be in to work today
because on the way out the door this morning I tripped on my tackle
box and fell on a case of beer...........sssoooooooooo!
513. Worker did not show up for three
days. He did not call as required. Finally came to work saying
that he had taken a new medication for high blood pressure which had
caused his body to swell up so large that he could not get through
his bedroom door. He was unable to call because his telephone was
in the living room. He was able to come to work now because the
swelling had gone down.
514. I cannot come to work today
because while shaving my pubic hair I cut myself and am suffering
extreme pain. Thank you for your understanding.
515. I was late for work one day and
decided to tell my boss that the car wouldn't restart after fuelling
it up. Because I work for a Motoring organization I knew she'd
expand by wanting to know the problem so I'd say the Earth strap had
loosened off. As I got out of the car I realized that if I'd
repaired the car my hands would be dirty, and that the boss would be
sharp enough to ask to see them, so I lifted the Bonnet (Hood - I'm
Scottish !!) and rubbed my hands over the rocker cover to get muck
on them, and went into my office and offered my excuse. Sure enough
the boss asked why I was late and I told her - Earth strap loose,
car wouldn't start. No problem. After about 10 minutes she came
over and said, "If you'd been fixing the car you'll have dirty
hands!?" To which I held them up and smiled. Yes! some times they
really do have to get up out of bed earlier don't they! That's why
SHE'S the Boss - the superior intelligence!!.
516. "I didn't call in yesterday
because squirrels got in my attic and ate the telephone wires. I
had to wait for the repairman to come and fix it, that's why I
didn't come to work yesterday." That was a real excuse from an old
co-worker. She was eventually fired!
517. To miss a day of work... "I had
chapped lips." This one really worked, the foreman laughed so hard
he spit his coffee. I didn't get fired.
518. I didn't go to work one day, the
next day however when the boss asked me where I was I said that my
wife was going to get pregnant last night and I wanted to be there
when it happened.
519. We had a guy that would only work
4 days a week, the boss called him into the office and asked him why
he was only working 4 days a week? The guy told him, "I can't make
it on 3 days".
520. They were painting the lane lines
in the street, and I could not make a left turn.
521. A co-worker who I thought had
already used every excuse possible to miss work, came up with one
I'm sure is an original and never heard before. She was on her way
to work and the ashtray in her car fell out and cut her leg and she
was not able to stand, but the good part is she did not call in just
for one day but three!
522. I need the afternoon off because
my one armed brother is flying in and he has two suitcases.
523. When I was working for the
railroad, sometimes a crewman would call in to lay off for whatever
reason. The best one I recall was early one morning an engineer
phoned and said he had to lay off, "my sister just got hit by an
airplane!" That is what I wrote down. That receive quite a comment
from the supervisor later that morning!
524. I won't be in to work today
because I took the wrong turn off the expressway and I am at Jones
525. I wanted to go on vacation for
two weeks. During tax season at my accounting firm. So I called
the owner and said I had been arrested and taken for tax fraud, and
that they will release me in about 2-3 weeks. He felt so bad he
gave me a bonus to cover lawyer fees.
526. I can't come to work because my
cat died and I have to get the ashes from the vet. Also, my bird
527. "I'm late for work because my son
is wearing a tux to school today." This really happened! "I
swapped cars with him because mine is nicer. When I started his car
up the blinkers were stuck on. I wiggled the switch until they
turned off. Then I couldn't get it to shift into reverse. Once I
got it to shift, the brakes were grinding so bad that I didn't dare
to drive very fast. I didn't want to drive very fast anyway because
his gym shoes are in the back seat and they smell like the cat peed
on them so I had to drive with the windows down all the way and if I
went fast the wind would mess up my hair . It's the honest truth. I
should sell the car. Want to go for a test drive?" My boss just
smiled and shook his head.
528. My favorite excuse I used once;
one day I missed work because my dog died. I came in the next day
and said there was a death in the family. My boss say's to me who
died? I said my dog died. Everybody started laughing in the
office, then the big boss said, it's not funny, because you get
attached to your pets, they are a part of your family. So if you
want to miss a day of work, just say there was a death in the
529. I can't come to work today,
because I had to go to the hospital last night after I blew my
muffler and burned my lips.
530. A former co-worker of mine
actually used this excuse. Needless to say...she doesn't work there
anymore because of her lack of tact and the fact that she thought
she was going to have a mental breakdown. But here was her excuse,
which she left on her supervisor's voicemail: "I can't come into
work today because I don't have any clean underwear." I wouldn't
have wanted her to come in either!
531. Co-worker called in and claimed
that the spring on his garage door was broken and he was trapped in
his house. Consequently, he said would not be in that day,
532. An ex-colleague of mine didn't
turn up for work one morning. When his supervisor calls him up to
see where he is, and why he hasn't phoned in, he simply replies,
that he thought he had but must have just dreamt phoning in.
533. A man at the printing plant
where I work called in once with the excuse that while he was
getting ready for work, his dog grabbed his hairbrush and somehow
managed to escape his house and ran away with the hairbrush. He
called in about 10AM-work starts at 7AM-and said he was still
looking for the dog and/or the hairbrush. I never quite got that
one. However, exactly a week later he called in saying he couldn't
get there because he had painted the trim in the bedroom and it had
not fully dried when he went to bed, so the door was stuck closed
and he could not escape. No reason was given for why he had not
succumbed to the fumes in the night, although they had obviously
made him too weak to throw himself at the door in an attempt to free
534. True story: I had to call in
late to work one morning because I fell asleep with my glasses on.
Being very near sighted, I couldn't drive to work (or anywhere for
that matter) It took me well over an hour to find them on the floor
under the bed!
535. Please excuse Andy from missing
work this week. The reason was that he had a sinus infection and
gave him medicine for it. So please excuse him for his absence.
536. I have two...both of which I have
personally used successfully.
1.) I called in scared, "I'm afraid I can't come in today."
2.) I was hypnotized by a calendar. (it was hanging loosely on a
537. I'm sorry I'm 10 minutes late
getting to work today. It's because I was two hours late going home
538. I used this excuse when I worked
in a salon. While getting ready for work I managed to get four hair
brushes stuck in my hair. I called in and explained what happened
and said I'll be late getting in. My boss told me to come in and we
will try to get them out. I said it will be hard for me to drive
because they were in my face. Now women will understand how I could
get four brushes stuck at the same time. Men just think of it as
hair science gone way way wrong. MY girlfriend owned a salon down
the street from my house and I told them I would call. She got the
brushes out in minutes so she and I went to breakfast and caught a
early movie. I called in five hours after the whole brush drama
started and said I'm on my way. I walk in the salon and everybody
turned to look at me and gasped, "oh my god what the hell happened"
.I said, "sshheee ccoouullddnn'tt ggeett tthheemm oouuuttt. I had
cut my waist length hair to about two inches off my scalp. My boss
felt so bad for me he gave me my Friday pay and the weekend off.
What they didn't know was that I had planned to do something drastic
anyway. I was nineteen and six months pregnant and didn't give a
damn. This really happened.
539. This is a good one if your
female: "I'm not coming into work today I have my period and I
might kill you." (works well if the boss is male!!)
540. I had an employee call in with
the excuse that her tongue was too swollen to talk. She had had her
tongue pierced and it was too painful to come to work. My other
favorite is an employee who called in with vaginal spasms. I
laughed for a week with this one-sadly, she considered it a serious
541. Well I live in Arizona and we
have lots of spiders here during the summer. One day when I really
really didn't feel like going to work I decided to tell my boss that
I had gotten a spider bite on my foot in the middle of the night and
couldn't walk. It was the perfect excuse because by the time I had
to go to work again the spider bite (if it was real) would have
gotten better, and my boss had never heard that excuse so of course
they believed it!!!
542. If my boss ever reads this he'll
know who it came from, but it's just too funny not to share. My
boss's excuse for not coming to work: "I stepped on toothpick this
morning and will not be able to make it in today." .....(I can't
make up things like this!)
542. I could not come in/ was late for
work today because I was filling out some applications for better,
543. I have to leave early today
because my socks won't stay up. (true story used by my boss)
544. I am a female and I work with
about 50 guys. I didn't want to come in one day so I called them and
told them I had sprained my UTERUS, they didn't know any better.
545. I'm calling in because I won't be
in today do to lack of sleep you see I just got married and we
partied all night and I'm just a bit worn out and don't want to fall
asleep on the job.
546. For the disgruntled employee:
To Boss/Supervisor: I can't come in today because I will kill you
if I do.
547. When my husband attended U.S.C.,
I used to leave work and take him to school during my lunch break.
After I dropped my husband off at school, and I got back to the car,
the car would not start. I ran back to school and brought my
husband back. He lifted the hood of the car, and noticed our brand
new battery was missing. My husband walked up to the guard in his
little house and demanded that he tell us who stole our battery. He
pretended not to have seen anything. My husband then threatened to
throw over his little wooden house. He got nervous and told us that
a few rows down we would find some guys who had our battery.
Indeed, they were there and they let us have the battery on the
condition that we would not tell the police. Naturally, after all
this, I came back late from lunch and the above was my excuse for
548. (Phone call from airport) Sorry
I can't come in today as the airline overbooked my plane and because
they are busy over the long weekend the earliest they can fly me
back is Tuesday evening.
549. Is it ok that I take the day
off? I want to spend the day with my girlfriend. I need to spend
some time with her.
550. Someone from work called this
Day 1: While cleaning one of my contact lenses last night I
accidentally tore it. Unfortunately I have no spares, but they
called a couple of days ago with my order. I am going to stop by
and pick them up on my way in. They open at 10am so I will be in
shortly after. (she did not make it in and no one heard from
Day 2: As luck would have it after 3 hours at the eye doctors
yesterday I have to put antibiotic drops in my eye and wear a patch
for the remainder of today. It appears I scratched my eye while
taking out the contact lens. As a precaution the doctor looked at
my eye when I went in. I have been advised to keep putting the
drops in for the remainder of today, every 3 hours and keep the
patch on until tonight. She recommended staying home in order to
avoid any strain on the uncovered eye.
551. I saw my mother's new boyfriend
on America's Most Wanted and can't come in because I have to warn
her and the FBI.
552. I'm sorry I am late, I was trying
to come up with a good work excuse.
553. Hey boss...you wont ever believe
why I'm late! This huuuuge hippopotamus, and his family were in the
middle of the road and there was no way to move them so we had to
make detours and go miles out of our way. I'm sorry sir, I will
never be late again.
554. Please excuse me from missing
work today. You see, I was driving home from the gas station and
McDonald's last night and I guess I forgot to put the gas cap on my
tank and it was leaking on the road...well I had my window down and
I was lighting my cigarette and I threw the ash out the window...so
I guess you know what happened then? Well...the gas got on the car
behind me and so did the ash and it started a huge fire so I slammed
on my brakes...(my brake lights are out and I need some new ones) so
the guy behind me didn't know I was going to stop and we had a
collision and now we are both here in the hospital chatting...so
maybe I can come into work tomorrow. Sorry for the inconvenience.
555. "WELL I was out having some
drinks with old buddies when I took a sip of Gin & tonic and
accidentally bit down on a piece of ice and chipped my tooth". "I
have to go to the dentist to get it repaired cause it hurts when I
556. This is the dumbest excuse ever,
I can't believe he thought this would be convincing...especially
when he sounded just fine. I'm not sure who this guy was, he didn't
work for our company, but I had a voicemail from him saying he
wouldn't be coming into work since he drank a whole bottle of cough
syrup. He said he didn't know he was only supposed to take a
tablespoon of it, and realized it after the fact. He also said he
went to the doctor and the doc said he would be fine, he just needs
to sleep it off for a while.
557. "Sorry, but I won't be able to
make it in today. My girlfriend's former bi-sexual lover just
called, and is on her way over. You don't expect me to work today,
when I can stay at home and watch them, do you?"
558. l work nights and my girlfriend
called and said that she was really horny and asked if l could come
home early. So l acted like l crapped my pants and my boss sent me
559. Sorry I'm late this morning
boss. Last night I gave my girl friend a break from her dogs and
they spent the night at my house. Well this morning while I was
getting the dogs in my van, one of them bolted out of the open door
and started running up the street. I got in my van and chased him
around the block three times before I could get him back into the
van and to my girl friends house.
560. A co-worker phoned in to say she
would not be in to work because she could only find one of the shoes
she wanted to wear that day. She did admit to owning over 30 pairs
of shoes. She got away with it too.
561. Phoned in late because Psycho
ex-boyfriend got in my garage and let the air out of all four tires!
562. I had too many late days on my
record so I had to miss the whole day instead. I phoned in 2 hours
late and said my suicidal uncle that is living with me is a diabetic
and did not come home all night. I needed to be out looking for him
and did not have time to stop and phone in earlier. This really did
happen. I just did not know about it until I woke up late. The
missed day was not counted against my attendance, counted as FMLA
instead. I did not know this until a month later. I could have
phoned in an extra time if I knew that one did not count against me.
563. I will be late for work because
my automatic garage door opener broke and I can not get my car out
of the garage. (this really did work) The next day when I did
finally show up, I said I could not get the garage door company over
to my house until it was too late for me to work my shift.
564. If you're late, just say, "Sorry
I was late, I was having my period." If you're a girl, no one will
ask. If you're a guy, NO ONE WILL ASK!
565. This one was actually used by my
friend: "Sorry I'm so late, a squirrel got into a power transformer
and knocked out the power on the whole street causing my alarm clock
to lose it's time."
566. I am calling in blind. I can't
see myself coming in to work today. Didn't work, I was reprimanded.
567. A co-worker of mine once called
on a Sunday afternoon and explained that he Wouldn't be there for
his evening shift because he had to get a shirt tailored.
568. My friend who now lives in
California always seem to come up with the best excuses. She would
actually get away with them, too!! She was always, always late.
Every day she was late but this particular morning she had a good
excuse which was completely untrue. She came in to work and told
her boss that when she went out to unlock her car the key broke off
in the lock and she had to wait for a locksmith to come out. She
was 5 hours late to work. She was also the type who would call in
sick and tell you every gory detail about her extreme diarrhea or
her heavy period or the puss oozing from an infected sore. She had
no pride. Whatever it took to get out of work she'd say it or do
it. She's my hero!!
569. I had a coworker who called in to
say he would be late to work because he had an appointment to have
his dog washed and coifed at the local pet store. From that time
on, any time some one would call in late we would say, "Oh, having
your dog washed?"
570. "I can not come in. The
barometric pressure is too high."
571. I called in with this once after
a night of $1 shots (Canadian) and 10 cent wings, in retrospect
guess I was still tanked. "I can't come in today...my roommate got
drunk, locked himself in the bathroom and drank a bottle of
nightquil (sleep inducing cough syrup). I gotta drive him into the
hospital now that we found him". They didn't sound like they
believed me but I didn't get in trouble.
572. True story. I called into work a
few times saying that I couldn't hear and wouldn't be into work
today. Only works if you got hearing aids =) (True Story).
573. Due to lack of interest, I will
not be in today.
574. I was late this morning cuz, "I
ran after an injured squirrel for 1/2 block on the street. The
squirrel darted up a tree when I got within 2 feet of it, so the
squirrel must have been ok:"
575. I will be late today because it
is raining and I don't have a hydroplane.
576. I am too sad to work today!
577. I am an employer, but I really
enjoyed your page! My favorite excuse that I have ever heard from my
employees is: "I can't come in today because I ran MYSELF over with
my car last night!" Is that possible? 'Ya know what- it sure was!
It really happened somehow!
578. Received a call from our company
delivery driver stating that he could not report to work. He stated
his reason, "My uniforms are in jail and I have nothing to wear."
Apparently the evening before his girlfriend had gone to do laundry,
was stopped for a traffic violation, had a warrant out, was arrested
and the car impounded. His clean uniforms were in a basket in the
579. I can't make it in, I went out
last night, I don't know where I am and I can't find my teeth. This
was an ACTUAL call from an old drunk burned out woman at work. I
have witnesses and can provide statements! *laughs*
580. I can't come to work today... I
can't find my shoes.
581. "I have to leave work early
because my mothers bad knees locked up on her in the middle of a
busy intersection and she is stuck in her car in the middle of
582. This was used on the Friday
before mothers day: "I'll be late for work because today is
"Mexican Mother's Day" and I have to call my mom and a bunch of
Aunt's in Mexico."
583. I used this for not starting a
new job at a restaurant. I had a friend call in to the new job and
say she was my sister. She said that I had to be committed to a
mental hospital and that I couldn't start the job. However, I would
be out in a few months and if they wanted I could come work for
them, but they would have to keep me away from knives. :)
584. This excuse is to go home early.
I have been using it since High School days. I got my period so bad
that it gone through my clothes and I have a huge mess.
585. I had a woman call me with this
excuse: "I'm not going to be at work tonight, because I'm just too
Bitchy." If you knew her, you would know why I excused her. I also
overheard my friend call in stupid once. He said, "I can't come to
work because I'm just stupid." He was fired.
586. Diarrhea is always a great
excuse, but I have found that spicing it up can be even better! "I
have the most awful diarrhea, with unbelievable cramping, but the
worst of it is, I'm passing huge amounts of blood!" This is
guaranteed to get you loads of sympathy.
587. I can't come in today. My car
was repossessed while I was sleeping! (true story)
588. I have an employee that never
seems to run out of excuses for missing work. But I think the best
one I ever got from him was when his wife called me and told me that
his dog was in the Vets office and that he was just to grief
stricken to make it to work the following day. This man is 40 plus
years old, I know we all love our pets but to me this was a little
over the top, I would have rather had him lie and told me he was
589. I have been having repeating
problems with my garage door opener not closing and as I was getting
ready to leave today it won't close at all. I have tried to use the
manual pulley but it won't come loose either. I really don't want
to leave the house with it open like that. I have placed a call to
the company that installed it and they are going to try and get a
tech out here today. With this in mind would it be okay if I
telecommute today? She never made it in and didn't telecommute as
e-mails and pages went unanswered.
590. "Remember when I called out all
of last week to go out of town due to my cousin being in the
hospital because of a car accident? Well I need this week off
because I came home and got a call to find out that as they
bay-flighted my cousin to the hospital, the helicopter crashed and
now he really needs me. He is in real bad shape." ( My cousin
actually used this to play hooky for almost two weeks!)
591. The front door lock to my
apartment has been sticking for a while and today I can't get it to
work at all. I can't leave the apartment unlocked until building
management's handyman gets here to fix it.
592. I had just started with a new
electric company and woke up so late for work once, I decided rather
than calling in sick this late, I'd come up with a real good story.
Here goes: I told my supervisor that I was very ill all Sunday.
When my room mate came to wake me Monday morning for work, I told
them to call in for me because I was still ill. Well, not knowing
what company I worked for... they went to the laundry basket and
pulled out one of my old company shirts from my previous job. In
turn, calling my old boss and telling him I wouldn't be in and to
call if they needed to speak to me. Meanwhile I assumed everything
was ok. This explains my not calling or coming in to work and not
thinking anything was wrong on Tuesday morning when I returned to
593. I called in from a parkway rest
area. Me: I won't be in to work today. Boss: What's wrong? Me:
Car trouble. Boss: What's the matter with your car? Me: It's
going to Wildwood (an amusement park) and I'm in it. I went to work
the next day like nothing happened, the boss never said anything.
594. I can't come to work today, I've
got an atomic toothache.
595. I can't come to work today
because I am suffering from ergophobia. (fear of work)
596. I went on a beach vacation and I
am unable to come in because I have Sand Ticks (huh??). This is an
actual excuse used TODAY!!!
597. A dishwasher at the restaurant I
worked at called in work and he said his dog bit his girlfriend's
kid, and he shot the dog in the head. He had to stay home to clean
its head off of the kitchen floor.
598. On a Friday night my friends and
I were at a bar toasting happy hour. At about ten o-clock being
pretty toasted we decided to bring some girls back to my house
(fully knowing we had to work on Saturday) so we are in the Jacuzzi
still drinking the night away when I look at my watch and it's 3:35
am. I made it to work at 10:00 am (3 hours late still drunk from
the night before) and I get the you need to grow up speech. My
friend makes it in about 11:30 and and she asks him what happened.
He looks directly at her and says, as excuses come, I know you heard
them all and I ain't goin to lie to you. I Got abducted by
aliens. She just cracked a smirk and that was it.
599. This actually happened to me. I
slipped and fell in the shower and banged my jaw against the tile
ledge and had to go the emergency room. Nothing serious, but I
couldn't talk 'cause it hurt like hell. I was working in customer
service at the time, so my job involved talking on the phone. My
wife had to call in for me. No one believed me the next day.
600. I used to commute to work (an
hour each way) for 7 months over a mountain chain and I had been
complaining of ear aches from the constant pressure changes. So one
Wednesday night my friend and I got smashed and made out with a
couple of American navy boys and didn't get home till after 6 am. I
called my boss to tell him that I had to go to the clinic to have my
With the same job I had another job interview, called my boss and
left a message saying I wouldn't be in the next day as I was feeling
fluish. I showed up the day after, played the company messages and
heard him on the line saying he was going to be gone that day as
well. So he never knew I was gone and I never let on.
Well friends we have many more work excuses
to go. The
Work Excuses 4
page has excuse 601 thru 800. Enjoy
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