1200. Told them I was bitten by a tick while on vacation and
developed a case of Lyme's Disease... the bite was on my thigh is a
bright red doughnut!
Also, needed an emergency root canal and temporary crown put in
because the tooth broke off...
1201. The house blew up and I tried to fix it! I tried
Honest! (the house is completely trashed!)
1202. This excuse was actually used at my workplace. " I
cannot come to work today. My wife and I have been trying to have a
baby. The doctor said she is ovulating today and I need to stay home
and impregnate her."
1203. I read your page and I thought the excuses you have
posted were hilarious. I started reading because lately some of my
colleagues have been coming up with some really funny/stupid excuses
to miss work, here are a few of the classic ones at our office
- "I will be leaving the office today at 3:30 to pick up firewood
for the weekend."
I thought this one was classic, the background on this one was that
our friend here was going camping, but only he knew that.
Regardless, it was one of the weirdest emails I've ever seen.
- " was paged out [on for a system] issue early this morning and for
a [second] related issue shortly afterwards and missed my carpool
this morning. I will be working from home today and will be
available by phone and email."
This one has no background, my friend really just didn't want to
make it in, these are two of the gems that we've had in the last
couple of months.
1204. I love the site.. and I wanted to submit my excuses..
I didn't read them all so please disregard these if they have been
1. Employer: You were supposed to open the store today, why are you
still at home? Employee: Last night my arm was stuck in the
cardboard compactor and crushed, I'm just getting to the hospital
now, there was a HUGE lineup when I went last night.
2. I can't come in today, my dad lost his job and the cops have been
here trying to keep him from killing his ex-boss!
3. I can't come in today, someone tried to break into my house and I
called the cops.
4. I can't come into work today because my Professor called and said
I had to study.
5. I don't think I can come in today, I have been told by my mom I
have to drive, where I don't know. Why, couldn't tell ya, see ya
These excuses have been used by me.. and the first one is the only
one that isn't a lie.
1205. If homosexuality is a disease, call in queer to work...
"Hi, this is __________ . I can't work today. Sill queer!"
1206. I left early one day to bail my boyfriend out of jail
(true) came in an hour late because my dog ran away (true) I called
in one day and said I had just gotten into a car wreck and couldn't
come in (just an excuse) but the next day I had to go to work I
REALLY got into a car accident and had to call in and explain
everything... (damn karma!) whoops!
1207. Cannot believe this just happened as I was browsing
though the excuse list (on my break of course), but an attractive
and single female co-worker phoned in three hours late from a phone
number other than hers (call display) to call in sick, "Oh (insert
male boss' name here), I've been up all night (I bet you have). I
have a bad migraine (from your head banging off the headboard,
1208. There was a girl at my work who called out sick that
morning, and that evening came in to get her check when asked about
it she said she was sick of working not of getting paid.
1209. My cat ate my contact! I was putting in my contacts
this morning, I blinked and one fell out. I looked down to retrieve
it and the cat was sitting there chewing. Maybe I can make it in
later, I'll keep checking the litter box.
1210. I'm sorry I couldn't make it, its my dads birthday I
can't miss it.
1211. I feel very nauseated after the injection of dye for
the CT scan. I am planning to work from home after I start feeling
1212. This past Friday I had to call my boss and tell her I
would be a little late because my cat peed, yes peed, in my purse.
The worse part is; it is the God's honest truth. P.S. My purse is a
1213. The power's out at my house with my car trapped in the
garage. (He didnít know where to find the release lever for the
garage door opener.
1214. When my friend arrived at work he said heíd just gotten
a call from his neighbor. He had left his front door open and his
dog was loose. He had to return home to find Fluffy. ( Second time
he used it, worked both times)
1215. My work excuse once for being late is the night I met my now
ex-fiancť. We met online, then met in person one night, got really
drunk and slept in, my co-workers knew I was meeting him and were
actually totally cool about me being 2 hours late and said on the
phone "WE WANT DETAILS!!" then I was fired from the same job for
going to a genuine funeral. weird!
1216. There was a girl at my work who called out sick that
morning, and that evening came in to get her check when asked about
it she said she was sick of working not of getting paid.
1217. Seriously happenedÖ todayÖ My boss was late because he
was heating up a baked potato for breakfast and when he took it out
of the microwave and placed it on a paper towel it caught fire
causing $2000.00 in damage to the counter. He is trying to sell his
house so he had to go look for a new counter top.
1218. I am a female hunter and couldn't get the time off before all
the guys did. So opening morning on my way to work I had a blow out
and was going to late. So my brother on his way out to my house was
gonna stop and change my tire for I didn't have a 4-way to remove my
lug nuts. But he had a big truck and I a small car so he couldn't
help me. He wasn't going to take me the 30 min to work so I went
home called in and went hunting after all. When we got back with a
four way my spare was flat so I just bought 4 new tires because they
were bald and that is why I hydra playned and got the blow out. I
took the receipt in to prove I was telling the truth but after that
they didn't allow receipts to be used.
1219. Once I lived in the country and the roads were so icy I
couldn't get up the hill to even go to work until I called the city
to salt the roads I had three options and lived in a steep valley.
But before they came a school bus tried to turn around in my
driveway and slid off in the ditch and then I for sure couldn't get
out. Then a tree fell in the same driveway just after they got the
bus out so here I was still stuck I got in to work about lunch time
1220. I live in Alaska, and I've actually had to use this
excuse.... When I went to head out my door there was a momma moose
and her baby between my front door and my car. You don't want to
piss off a momma moose, she's stomp you to death. So, I had to call
in late because there was a momma moose and her baby in my driveway
and I couldn't get to my car.
1221. I slipped getting out of the tub and hit my head on the
sink and saw stars. The doc wants me to observe for concussion
symptoms for 24 hours and not drive a vehicle.
1222. My brother once called in to work sick. When asked what
the problem was he said, "I have Dutch Elm Disease." His supervisor
said, "I just mark you out sick then"
1223. Some guy pulled these at my place of work.
* I can't make it to work today, I was chased up a tree by a
pack of wild dogs.
* I was late because I fell down an open man hole.
* I can't make it in today, I had a close encounter with a
skunk this morning.
1224. This one really happened to me, and my boss said I was
very original! My electronic garage door was jammed when it
was only open 1/4 of the way, so I had to wait for a repair man to
come and fix it.
1225. Sorry I didn't turn up yesterday (Monday) but I thought
it was bank holiday.
1126. A co-worker used the following excuses to stay home
1. I do not have enough money to buy gas to get to work.
2. I cannot come to work because the locks on my car froze up
1227. This one is from a co-worker who has many creative
1. I fell and hurt my shoulder on Sunday so I need to take
off work to go to the doctor today (Monday).
2. When I went to the doctor, I must have pick-up some
illness, so I need to take off today (Tuesday).
.....We are eagerly waiting for Wednesday .....
Oh yeah! Here is another one from the past that was
3. I need to take off work today to do my scrap booking.
"Hey not coming into work today. Lost my voice. Fingers went numb so
I'm using pen in mouth." Make no sounds when doing this and doing it
slowly will add to the effect. If possible do it early enough to put
on the answering machine. If you got a WWI vet who just won't retire
then he will probably be able to translate for your boss . HA!
1229. I used this to skip work and go to a rock concert
called PlanetFest..... Sorry I can't come into work today I hurt my
back lifting my drum out of the trailer last night... It worked...
Sad thing is I got in a mosh pit and ended up hurting my back and my
neck was stiff from head banging and I had to go to work the next
1230. Sorry I can't come in today, I went to a heavy metal
gig last night. The pit was a bit mental and I accidentally broke
this guys ribs. I'm currently in jail.
1231. This was actually used in front of me. An employee at
my job was consistently late for work, every day! She was asked to
appear at a disciplinary meeting where she was questioned about her
constant lateness. Her answer was, I swear to God, "Time is not my
1232. Once, I called out of work because I was still very
drunk from a party the night before. I never lie, so I knew this had
to be something that nobody would question or talk about. I told my
boss that my boyfriend and I were having sex the night before, and
we had "accidental anal" and I was rushed to the hospital. Luckily,
my boss and I were actually good friends outside of work, so I could
say such things to him. Needless to say, it was never questioned.
1233. I have a friend whose mother wanted her husband to come
home from work early. Thinking hard, she finally came up with an
excuse. She called the company where her husband worked and told
them to tell him to please come home right away, as his grandmother
was dead........ (she just didn't tell them that the grandmother had
died 10 years ago!). It worked, anyway!
1234. Excuse for leaving work early : "I bent over in the lab
and split my pants. I somehow have managed to make it out to my
truck...this is just between me and you, right?"
1235. My ex-girlfriend made me get drunk with her for a week
and a half because her cat died.
1236. No - joke, a friend actually used this: I had a heart
attack last night and was rushed to the hospital unconcious. They
had to restart my heart cause I was dead on the table for three
minutes. I'm ok now, they let me go home. I should be in tomorrow.
1237. I work for a Radio Station in the US Virgin Islands and
this morning our transmitter wasn't broadcasting. I called my boss
to ask if he would come in and reset it and he said......... my
electric gate won't open so I can't leave the house.
1238. I did actually use this excuse a number of years ago.
Early one morning as I got up to go to work I told my girlfriend
that I really did not want to go to work that day. To which she
relied "Well then don't go in, call in sick. I thought well what
excuse would I use, so I told my girlfriend "call in for me and tell
I won't be in today". "I don't care what you tell them, tell them
I'm dead". Well that is exactly what she did as she said, "X won't
be in today as he is dead". There was silence for a number of
seconds and then the person on the other end said, "Will he be in
tomorrow?". She replied, "Oh yes he will be in tomorrow".
1239. My ex boyfriend called into work using the excuse and I
quote, "My friend got shot... .. ... in the face." He actually got
away with it too.
1240. It was icy out this morning, and I fell in my driveway
and got hurt and my husband has to take me to the doctor, and he
fell too. It sure is a good thing I am fat, my husband said he
needed a forklift to pick me up.
1241. I was a manager for a store quite a few years ago, when
I got this phone call - "I can't come to work today because our boat
ran out of gas last night, and we are waiting for the coast guard".
(this was before cell phones!) when I asked how he was calling in,
he said he was using a ship to shore radio.
1242. Sorry I can't come to werk today, I accidently got a
serious paper cut. It's sooo true.
1243. A customer support person called in sick to me one day
saying he had bit his tongue and couldn't talk. It was a convincing
performance so I let him stay home. I thought it was hilarious.
1244. My front door lock jammed and I could not get out, I
had to show my boss the work sheet to prove it another time my bath
tap got stuck on full and the water was splashing all over the
bathroom I was worried it would flood the flat downstairs, I had to
show my boss the work sheet for that too. When I just wanted to stay
home I used somthing like headache or stomach problems, he always
believed boring things.
1245. I believe I have a ton of excuses used by my Systems
Admin you would loveÖ The guy calls in sick at least 1 day a week. I
hope you have time to read all of these, keep in mind that when we
call in sick we must CC the owner and the HR rep - the first one is
from the day of submitting these to you; enjoy!
∑ I still feel like absolute hell and Iím trying REALLY hard to get
over this so Iím not sick on my vacation next week!!
∑ Iím going to work from home today so I donít get you guys sick
drop me a line if you need anything.
∑ Iíll be in around 11-ish and not sure how long Iím going to hang.
∑ I am feeling better than I did yesterday, but if I was to describe
my over all condition, the best I could say is ďmehĒ. Iíll be
working from home today, so I will be online all day. IM/email/call
if you need me.
∑ Rather than sit there in the incubator at work, I'm going to stay
home today and rest (and see how much Vitamin C the human body can
∑ Im not feeling well today so I'll probably stay home and be
offline so I can sleep and rest my mind as well.
∑ Hi guys Iím still running a fever and was told by the doctor that
I should stay home till it breaks. Iíll be out tomorrow Tuesday 28.I
can be reached on my cell if need be.
∑ Hey guys, Iím not any better today (actually my mom sayís I sound
worse). Iím going to work from home today so I donít get you guys
sick either. Iím online all day, so drop me a line if you need
∑ SO I just went out to start up my truck to head into the office
and I got NOTHING. Not even trying to turn over (the first hint
something was wrong was when I tried my door opener and it didnít
work, so I had to open it manually) Anyways, Iím online. As soon as
my step-dad gets back I will try and jump it and see if that brings
it back to life.
∑ After going to Vegas - Just want to let you know that I need one
more day to recover. I'll be at home sleeping all day but my cell
will be on. Call me if you need to.
∑ These next ones occurred on a MON TUES WED in the same week
∑ I have a Dr. Appointment at 9 a.m. and then I am heading to the
(The CEOís House) to setup their new PC. I will be in after that. -
∑ The day before the previous excuse - I have a Dr. appointment at
8:30, then I will be heading to(The CEOís House) house to setup
their new desktop. I will be in the office there after. - TUES
∑ And the day before the one above as well making it three days in a
row - Actually I do have a Dr. appointment at 8:30. Be there after.
∑ An email sent to me because I was left alone in the office for the
day - I know you are flying solo tomorrow, so I will try and be
there asap (need to get a little sleep).
∑ Iíll be working from home tomorrow. I will be back on the phone
with Microsoft and itís hard enough to understand them, let alone
hear them while Iím there. You can reach me via IM or email if you
need to reach me.
∑ Iím at home today. Iím watching the Exchange serverís queue to see
if I need to call Microsoft or not.
∑ So my niece was born tonight at 7:11 p.m. tonight! Iím heading to
the hospital first thing in the morning. I donít know how long Iím
going to stay, but Iíll have my laptop with me so if Iím needed for
anything I can jump online.
∑ I'm not feeling at all well today. I'm going to stay in bed and
try and sleep it off before it gets the better of me. I'll have my
laptop up to address things as they arrive (and send out some emails
for things I need to address),
∑ I just want to give you a heads up. My sisterís water broke last
night. I will probably be taking a day off to go and visit her and
in the event the baby does come, then I will definitely be taking a
day off to visit my new niece. Itís a day-by-day situation right
now, so I will update you all as I know more.
∑ Looking at my calendar tomorrow I have a few ďon goingsĒ. I have
an 11:30 meeting with (Our ISP) to review a new possible monitoring
software for us. I then have an 1:15 hair cut appointment, in which
I plan on leaving around 12:40 so I can stop and get something to
eat beforehand. I plan on then after heading to the court house to
file my divorce papers. I will return home and finish my day there.
∑ Hey guys, I'm here. I'm waiting for a very important package
*divorce papers*. I'll be in as soon as they arrive.
∑ I am going to be taking off a few days next week. My 6 month
pregnant sister has to go to L.A. for a few days for work. Since she
cannot fly, she needs to drive. I do not want her to do this drive
alone, so I will be accompanying her on this trip. We will be
leaving Monday morning and be back Wednesday night. I will be
returning to the office on Thursday.
∑ Iím hanging at home until 9 a.m. because I have to swing by the
bank and address an issue. Iíll be in shortly thereafter. IM or call
me if you need anything.
∑ Hey guys,
∑ Just want to give you a heads up on what my week looks like thus
Monday: I will be in the office until 10:30. I will then be heading
to the colo to rack the new Store2 server. I will be coming back to
the office once itís ready. If all goes well, I will be making the
cut over to the new server next Monday night (I will begin
announcing the downtime tomorrow afternoon once the server is racked
and ready for the data transfer).
Tuesday: I have a hair cut at 2:30, so I will be leaving the office
around 2:15 and will finish my day at home.
Wednesday: I have a meeting at 12:30 with the management team to
discuss the current distribution list permissions and how to address
them going forward. I then have a 4 p.m. meeting with a Tattoo
artist to discuss my re-design of my current tattoo and the cover-up
of my old one. I will be leaving the office around 3:30.
Thursday: I will be out of the office this day as too I will be
heading out of town to spend the weekend with my sister. I will take
my laptop with me, but I would appreciate it if you guys would not
break anything while Iím gone J
Friday: We are all off this day!
I am hoping to get a lot accomplished during this short week, but
please let me know if there is anything I can do to assist you guys.
∑ Stopping to get some food and I'll be there.
∑ It has just been brought to my attention that (Our website is
down) Unfortunately I am out of town with very limited access to a
computer I will be home later this evening and will look into the
problem as soon as I can.
∑ Iím going to work from home the first part of the day. I have a
hair cut in *********. I will be working on auditing all of our
Cisco hardware so for our SmartNet renewal. Iíll be in the office
after my haircut (around 1:30).
∑ Iíll need to work from home next week 6/13 as they are painting
the doors in my house and I need to keep them open while the paint
∑ I have a Dr. appointment at 3:30 p.m. so I will not be in the
∑ Sorry for the short notice, but I kept forgetting to tell you
guys. I am dropping my car off tomorrow to have a bunch of work done
to it. I am going to work from home tomorrow since I am dropping it
off here in C*****l. It MIGHT not be done tomorrow, so in the event
itís not, I will just work from home on Tuesday as well until it is
done. Usual, email, cell, IM contacts apply.
∑ Next day -Just got the call that my car will not be done until
tomorrow afternoon (again, lots of work; replacing my gas tank,
fixing a crack in my radiator, among other things). Iíll be at home
and online tomorrow as well.
∑ I dropped a 45 lb. plate on my foot at the gym yesterday L My foot
is ok, but the toe next to my big toe is f-ered (itís the same size
as my big toe). I canít even get on a shoe at the moment, so with
that said, Iíll be working from home today (foot up with ice on it).
Usual contact methods apply.
∑ So I havenít been able to leave my house since I got the call that
(One of our main offices) is down and I havenít eaten lunch yet, so
I guess Iíll just stay here for today. Iím online and doing stuff,
so just IM/email/call me if you need anything.
∑ This week I have a few things going on.
∑ Monday: I have a physical therapy appointment at Kaiser at 10:30
for my neck. It is at the C*******l location, so I will work from
∑ Tuesday: I would like to ask for a P.T.O. day. Due to my wife and
I not getting along right at the moment, I need to find time work on
the house (i.e. paint, repair, etc) when she is not around. Since
she will be at work, I will come to the house and get as much done
as I can during the day. I will probably need a few Tuesdays or
Thursdays off during the course of May so we can have our house
ready to put on the market by June.
∑ Wednesday: I am meeting (a group of people) for lunch in Pleasant
Hill at noon. We are going to discuss the rebuilding and
consolidation of the (company website) server farm. I will work from
home in the morning and probably finish the day at home as well.
∑ Friday: I have an appointment with my psychologist at 8:30 a.m. I
will be in the office there afterwards (around 10 a.m.). I would
also like to have an offsite I.T. meeting at either 10:45 a.m. or
1:45 a.m. to discuss the implementation of new more advanced
technology *cough*Iron Man*cough*
∑ Week of 5/5 Ė 5/9 I will be watching my momís dog (Corey the
Corgi). I will be working from home some days and bringing her to
the office the days I come in; she does not do well left alone for
long periods of time.
∑ I will be working from home Monday morning. I have a 11:30 a.m.
physical therapy appointment for my neck. The appointment should
take an hour.
∑ Iím running over to Kaiser to have an X-Ray of my neck as too I
still have pains from that crash several weeks back. Iíll be in the
office there after. (Referring to a snowboarding trip)
∑ Afternoon gentlemen,
∑ Just want to give you all a heads up for my week.
∑ Monday I have a chiropractor appointment at 9 a.m., then I will be
heading to the colo to work on two old Colorado servers I will be
there all day.
∑ Tuesday I will be heading straight to ********* 2 to pull out the
networking equipment then heading back into the office in the late
∑ Wednesday I have a hair cut at 3 p.m. so Iíll be leaving around
∑ Thursday is the Bocce ball game at 4 p.m., so we will all be
heading over to ******* around 3:45-ish.
∑ Also, as of Tuesday I will be house/puppy sitting for a friend, so
I might in and out at odd times (OR there will be a black lab puppy
hanging out in our office with us J And of course Iím accessible via
my cell, email or IM.
∑ My refrigerator stopped ďrefrigeratingĒ last night. Iím going to
put a call in to have someone out here today to take a look at it
before I have to throw everything away. Iíll be online. Catch me
anyway you need to
∑ Iím expecting a call from Microsoft. He is going to call the Admin
line. Please forward him to my cell when he does I will be working
from home all day today
∑ will be working from home tomorrow morning. I have a Dr.
Appointment at 10:30, so I will be online from there until my dr.
appointment then I will head into the office after lunch.
Call/IM/Email/Text me if you need me.
∑ Just got my results back from my blood draw yesterday and I have
to go back for another round of test tomorrow. I will be in the
office after I stop by the dr. in the afternoon
∑ So I was up at Kirkwood today getting in some runs. The good news,
I love my new boots, board and bindings and that I didnít break my
nose! The bad news is that I took a REALLY good dive and I look like
I got my ass kicked, suffered a mild concussion, tweaked my neck and
wrist, destroyed my goggles and I might need to buy a new jacket
because itís COVERED in bloodÖI swear Iíve been boarding for 15
years now, but I went down like a rookieÖya, it was one of those
days. But beyond that drama, the snow SUCKED! So hereís to hoping we
get a few more feet before it turns to spring!
Anyways, Iím going to be laying low for the day here. I will be on
the phone with ****** FIRST THING Monday morning, so IM or email me
if you want to reach me.
∑ Iíll be at the colo this morning, then heading into the office by
no later than noon. (The colo is the location where the servers are
stored, there is no way to monitor attendance, so basically you show
up when you want)
∑ I havenít been able to shake this headache for a few weeks now and
my Dr. could give me no insight. So I have scheduled an appointment
with the optometry department for this Friday at 10:45 a.m. to have
my eyes examined so I will not be in on this day.
∑ F.Y.I. I have a Dr. Appointment at 11:30 on Wed. so I will not be
∑ Wednesday I have an appointment at 9 a.m. with a CTA for my taxes.
I should be in by noon
∑ Thursday I have a dentist appointment at 11:30 a.m. My dentist is
walking distance from my house, so Iíll probably just work from home
∑ Looking at my calendar for tomorrow I have a Dr. appointment at
10:30 in Campbell. Iíll work from home until after my appointment,
then I will come to the office (should be there around 11:45). I
also have a 2:00 conference call with EMC to discuss our current
design and any future growth so I will be unavailable during this
∑ Iím going to take(his ex wife) to her work because she really
needs to be there today. After I drop her off Iím going to head home
and clean up and will be in as soon as I can.
∑ (During a Ski trip to Lake Tahoe ) Tried to go home twice tonight.
50 is closed due to ďhigh wind and possible avalanche conditionsĒ.
Here is a picture from the Raleyís Super Market. What the picture
doesnít capture is the CRAZY wind blowing; near white out conditions
when driving. (Attached picture showed no snow falling just a night
time pic of snow on the ground)
∑ Looking at my calendar I have a hair cut at 3:45, so I will be
leaving at 3:00. I will be going home for the day after this.
∑ I decided to take a little mini get away. Iíll be out of the
office on Wed, but I have a GSM card now, so if you guys need
anything, call my cell and I can jump on from hereÖerr, here being
South Lake Tahoe.
∑ I am not feeling so well, so I am going to be working from home
today. Please feel free to call me on my home phone should you need
to reach me.
∑ I will be working from home on Tuesday and Wednesday since I am
working tomorrow night. You can reach me by all the usual methods.
∑ I will be taking my wife in for her lasic eye surgery today so I
will not be able to make it in.
∑ If you need to reach me tomorrow, just call me at home
∑ I have been informed that my 100,000 service on my Blazer is a two
day process (?), so I have changed the appointment to Thursday so I
can have my car for the weekend. I will be working from home those
days. My desk phone will be forwarded to my cell phone. I am
reachable via email, IM, cell phone or home phone.
Hope you enjoyed them, they are all from this year aloneÖ
1246. I used this in a while back. Sorry boss I cant make it
to work, this morning I woke up in a ditch sticky, broke, and
1247. The power was out so the house was too hot and I
couldn't sleep. I'm too tired to work.
1248. I had a coworker who was supposed to come in late after
his Dr's appointment. The appointment was to have a Spider bite
looked at. well he went to the dr and they told him they wanted him
to have blood work done. Because he has veins that "roll" he had to
go have it done at lab. Well when he went to the lab to have the
blood drawn the nurse jabbed the needle in and turned it around 180
degrees while in his arm (because of the rolling thing) well he got
light headed and passed out and fell out of the chair and hit his
head 3 times on their concrete floor.... so he could not come to
work. needless to say when he did show up the next day there were no
visible bumps on his head or bruising from the needle.
1249. I just had an employee, a 17 year old who happens to be
pregnant, text message me with the following.
"I can't come to work today because I don't have any pants that fit
my fat ass."
She was at work the day before wearing perfectly acceptable pants.
Sorry to say, but neither myself nor the owner thought it was a good
enough reason, and she's no longer with us.
1250. I can't come in today as I have a tick.
1251. This guy at work told the boss, Hey I need to go back
to my house, I think I left the Coffee Pot on... Boss said well how
will that take the rest of the Day? Guy said, well I also want to
check up on my wife, I think She may be Layong out of work...
1252. On Christmas Day I had a fight with my Mother and my
blood pressure went up and I got sick to my stomach and had to
vomit. I need to throw up so I sat down to use the toilet and I grab
the garbage can to vomit and I blacked out, fell off the toilet
hitting my head on the floor causing a concoction. I will be out of
work for a month or so according to my doctor. (True Story)
1253. Two fake excuses my colleague has used successfully,
one fantastically complex, the other fantastically simple:
1. "My friend was driving me home so I could get changed for work
(we have a uniform) but a motorcyclist hit the drivers side of the
car, and I'm currently in hospital. I'm ok, only whiplash and
somebruises, but my friend's got glass in his eardrum so I'm waiting
here while he's being operated on. If it's a short op then I might
be able to cover the second half of the shift if I rush" - It wasn't
a short op :P
2. My nan had a fall so I'mm looking after her.
1254. A co-worker changed the color on both her fonts &
background to black. She screwed off for 3 days before tech support
finally figured out why her computer wouldn't "boot up."
1255. True story but my boss didn't believe me. In my first
apartment, I lived on the top floor. After a heavy rainstorm one
night, the ceilings started to sag. Somebody called the fire
department because they were afraid of getting electrocuted from the
water that was obviously getting into the ceiling. The fire
department evacuated the building and wouldn't let anybody return
until some city building inspector got there that afternoon. We were
all out on the street in the rain, in our pajamas half the night and
all morning. I had forgotten to grab my purse on the way out so I
had no money, no car keys, and couldn't get back in to get dressed.
Maybe my boss didn't believe that one because I had already called
in three times because a guy I had refused to go out with kept
slashing all of my tires. Also true.
1256. I've recently started looking at your Work Excuses
pages and they are great! I wanted to submit 2 of my own, in the
hopes that they can be put up!
1. My dad worked for a water plant in Chicago. One day, as on many
days, he just didn't feel like going in. So, he called up the boss
and said "I can't come in today. A tree fell through my window." We
don't have any trees around our house!
2. I am a college student and work at our university library. My
supervisor told me he had to leave early to get his hair cut.
1257. I actually told my boss that I was late to work because
a hobo jumped in front of the train tracks and wouldn't move until
the cops arrived.
1258. A few hours before, call into work and tell them that
you are going to an intervention for your alcoholic reletive. i.e.
uncle, aunt or cousin.
1259. "My neighbor was getting mulch dropped off in his
driveway, but the guys took it to the wrong house and now I have a
huge pile of mulch and I cant get out of my driveway. I won't be
into work today"
"A water main broke in front of my house, so not only do I not have
water, my driveway is blocked by the Public Works Depatment's
1260. Hello, (insert name here) here, I am sorry that I
missed work yesterday without phoning in and that I am going to be
late for work today but the truth of the matter is that despite the
fact that I am embarrassed to say so I am currently and have for
quite some time been on medication to help me sleep. Seven years ago
I was heavily addicted to GHB and have been unable to sleep without
ativan since this time. Unfortunately I got drunk on the weekend for
the first time in over ten years and lost my prescription. This led
to an incrediabley difficult situation that led me to be not only
hung over but unable to sleep at all. As I hope you can imagine this
is very embarrassing for me as I take great pride in my ability to
be counted on and reliable, The long and the short of it is that I
had to go to my doctors and explain this to him, get another
prescription, knock myself out, catch up on my sleep, leading me to
over sleep and be late for work today. I am extremely sorry to have
let you and myself down and I hope that you will give me the
opportunity to make it up to you so that I can forgive myself and
get on with being a better me sooner than later.
1261. I was walking my Husky this weekend and I pulled a
1262. My co-worker had to go home early and has not returned
in weeks because "The new guy had an affair with her husband and
almost broke up her marriage".
1263. My friend crashed and her family won't answer and I'm
heading to the hospital right now so if I go I'm goin to be
late...it worked for me.
1264. I didn't do this. A friend of mine did, but it worked!
He told the boss that he was at a birthday party for his nephew at
the beach the day before and everyone put their keys into a bucket
so no one would be driving home drunk. One of the kids at the party
got a hold of the bucket and some of the keys were lost in the sand.
Everyone looked but they couldn't find all of the keys, so he needed
to get a new key made and had no way to get to work. I mean really,
how could they get mad at him for being responsible and putting the
keys in a bucket to avoid driving drunk? Of course, then he had to
actually go to the beach to get a tan... Genius!
1265. This actually did happen.. I was laying out on the roof
sunbathing and fell asleep. I was so sunburned that I couldn't put
any clothes on! I told my boss I could come in, but I would have to
come in wearing my bathing suit or a little nightgown. The boss just
laughed and said while that might be ok for some people, it wasn't
appropriate for work, so to stay home and take care of myself!
1266. I had a girl working for me who called on Monday and
said she wouldnít be in this week because her Mom passed away.
Normally this is not funny,but itís the second time her Mom passed
away in 6 months.
She also called in a couple weeks earlier and said she wouldnít be
in because her Dad was driving down the highway when a drive shaft
flew off a truck, crashed thru the windshield and he is now in the
hospital with a drive shaft sticking out of his chest.
1267. Hey just thought I would add a couple of good excuses
from some of the empl;oyees I have had in the past. Names will be
changed to protect the guilty.
Had an employee that was late and always used some sort of medical
excuse. here are a few of them.
+ Hey Boss, sorry I'm late, but I bought a new bedspread last night
and it must have contained a new special microfiber. I say this
because it must have aggravated my Extremely bad asthma and I just
could not wake up on-time because I couldn't get the proper oxygen
level to my lungs.
+ Boss called same employee above 2 days later...when employee was
supposed to be at work at 2pm. Here is how it went. Hey Ron this
Jake from work. Wondering why you haven't shown for your shift. You
were due in at 2 pm and it is now 5:45 pm. At 8:15 pm Ron finally
calls back. "Hey Boss", " Sorry About missing my shift, but I have
been in an Asthma attack since about 1 pm today. I haven't had
enough breath to call you until now...(he was breathing heavy)....I
believe it is this winter pollen that has me so messed up. I'll try
to be in tomorrow for my shift......By the way boss what is my shift
tomorrow? (winter pollen......yeah right)
+ Same employee calls into work a month later telling me....Hey Boss
I am going to be late today because I can't find my car keys....I
believe I left them at a club last night. I am looking for my extra
set here at the house right now. (this one was funny because it
wasn't but a few seconds later that I here screeching tires and a
"oh Sh#$@t" followed by the sound of two cars hitting each other.)
Then in his next breath tells me. Well boss I'm going to be out
today because I have had an automobile accident. I said, " Ron You
just told me you were at home looking for your spare set of keys".
His response was "did I".
1268. I haven't used this one yet, but maybe one day..... I
got sprayed by a skunk last night while jogging in my neighborhood.
Have to take a tomato juice/gasoline bath.
1269. Mostly directed towards females, this works until at
least noon!; "I was feeling cramped or I wanted to lose a couple
pounds of water weight and a friend suggested I take a laxative. I
didn't realize that it would be in effect so long. I'll come in as
soon as it stops coming out!"
1270. I canít come to work today because my wife has been
home sick all week and she is finally going back to work so I can
have the house to myself!
1271. I am a manager and I get excuses for missing work
everyday but this has to be the best ever. An employee came to me
and said that he had to leave early because he could not find his
nuts. Apparently while he was sleeping the night before they had
disappeared. (This is exactly what he told me)
1272. Once I came into work the day after missing a day and
the boss said" Where the hell were YOU yesterday?" I was at my ends
with this job anyways so I didn't care if I got fired. I said, "What
time?" He replied, "What the F**k do you mean, what time?! All day!
Where were you yesterday?!" My reply went something like this,
"Well, at 6am when you guys were starting work I was in a deep
slumber. Then around 11am when you guys were flocking to the break
truck to get some toxic grub, I was at Outback Steakhouse taking my
time ordering a nice 10oz steak and sipping on a Sam Adams. By 2pm
while you guys were dirty and ready to go home from this dark
depressing hellhole, I was at the theater watching the new Spiderman
and eating popcorn. Somewhere in between all of this I took a nice
quiet stroll through the county park and reflected on my life and my
wonderful job. Then I just kinda laid around the rest of the day" He
was FURIOUS!!!! Then he tried to get me to quit, but that would mean
losing all of that FREE un-employment money, no way dude, not
happening. So a few weeks later he found an excuse to fire me and I
had 1 year of free money on them. Yay! -- The only things you live
to regret are the risks you didn't take.
1273. When asked the reason for his late arrival to work he
stated that his house had no rear door and that his large dog became
very aggressive when asked to move from behind the front door.
1274. I am a manager for a local pizza chain in North
Louisiana. The best excuse I have ever heard was from a delivery
driver that called in 2 days in a row because he didn't have a car
(he has 2-3).
1275. Actually Used (And not Accepted) I have only taken one
sick day before so this is not something my boss should expect. I
called an hour before my shift started and my boss answered. I faked
it very well with sadness when i said, "My dog had eaten fertilizer
and I am taking him to the vet." My boss the continued to tell me
how they would vacuum his stomach and keep him overnight and then
said, "See you at 11:00."
1276. I was absent last week because I was misdiagnosed with
the Bubonic Plague.
1277. I can't come in today, I burnt my head on a light bulb.
1278. I can't come in today, I haven't got any trousers.
1279. I hit my head on my car bumper and cracked the bumper.
1280. My ex-girlfriend told me that she would call in sick;
"Sick of work." She said that most of the time here managers weren't
paying enough attention to realize what she had said... they would
buy it, no questions asked.
1281. A guy I used to work with called in the morning before
work with this excuse. I was mowing the yard yesterday and a tree
branch fell on my head, I have to lay down and recoup today.
1282. True: I called my boss from the hospital ER informing
him I might be late as I had just been brought in by ambulance after
being discovered unconscious from a low sugar reaction. My boss'
reply - Not to worry.
1283. "I am waiting for my drug dealer to re-up. Lord knows
that I need drugs to be a good worker guy!"
1284. I have herd the mother of all excuses while we were
about 4 hours into a 12 hour shift a computer operator who worked
for me pulled me aside and said she had to go home when I questioned
her as to why she would need to leave she said she had zipped her
female lips up in her zipper and needed to go to the doctor me being
female I found this hard to believe but I wasnít going to
investigate and figured if she took the time to come up with that
she needed a day off lol.
1285. I worked on camera for a video company and had an
allergic reaction that caused my face to swell, so - "I am calling
in ugly today"
1286. I found an unauthorized payment on my account this
morning and the bank clerk informed me I'd have to come in and file
the necessary paperwork to have it removed.
1287. If you're already at work: I just received a
complementary call reminding me that I have a dentist appointment
today that I completely forgot about! And there is a fee for
1288. I cant come into work today, I have nausea, heartburn,
indigestion, an upset stomach and diarrhea.
1289. The guy that breaks down our grocery truck had his
mother call in to tell us that he would not be at work because he
went skinny dipping over the weekend and a spider crawled into his
shorts. When he put them on the spider bit him in his crack and he
could not walk at the moment.
1290. I just found the reason to why we always traffic
accidents in Dallas. An employee sent this one to his team mates. "I
ran out of my medicine over the weekend and they could not refill it
without the doctorís ok. It is causing me to have very bad vertigo.
I tried coming in and almost wrecked on the highway. So I will be
staying home today."
1291. I am a plant manager in Maine, and I had to submit an
excuse that my Office Assistant gave me last week. She texted me one
morning last week and said she wouldn't be in because " I fell off a
cooler and hurt my neck" She was going to a Chiropractor to have it
looked at. Ha! Ha!.. She is only 26 yrs old by the way not 86! It
happened to be on a beautiful Friday as well. Maybe a coincidence.
1292. In my second year of college, doing horse management,
we had to be at the stables at 7am. I got onto the yard at 8.45 one
morning wearing a very short skirt and heels, my excuse..."I went
out drinking last night with a few friends, and woke up in someone
elses house, who had already gone to work, I had to walk to the
local shop to find out where the taxi should pick me up" true story!
Was given a disciplinary and made to muck out my horses in my going
out clothes. Lesson learnt: don't get drunk and go home with
1293. Here is an excuse that I used just a week ago, (this
actually happened) I started up my car and noticed that it was
behaving strangely, I thought that it was the lack of oil so I drove
it to the gas station, purchased some oil and proceeded to open the
hood when to my surprise, a chinchilla like animal, or a pack rat
was sitting atop of my engine, after I scared it away it to me ten
minutes to find out why my vehicle was still acting weird, then I
noticed my spark plug wire was slightly chewed through and was
causing it to miss fire, so I called into work and told my boss that
some chinchilla like animal had chewed through my spark plug wire
and I'm going to be late....
1294. My boss is habitually late or doesn't end up coming in
at all even after she says she will. Here are a few doozies she has
used the latest being.
My dog has bloody stools I need to take her to the vet... later calls the
dog ate rocks and needs emergency surgery ( her 25th High School
reunion is tomorrow) she won't be in at all.
I bent down to get the dogs water bowl hit my head on the stairs, fell
backwards, hit my head and it knocked me out.
Some strange funny looking bug bit my forehead and made me sick.
My dad fell between the toilet and wall and got stuck I needed to help him
My dog fell in the pool and almost drowned I need to take her to the vet.
Keep in mind most of these are Monday morning calls with a few
exceptions like today's with her reunion being tomorrow and all.
Some boss huh?
1295. I canít come to work today because my dog chewed my
tail light wires.
1296. I have worked for a staffing firm for 10 years have
hear almost everything some of my favorites are:
I cannot go to work tonight (11 PM) My wife and I have been trying
to have a baby for a very long time and all the doctors agree today
is the day. This was at about 2 in the afternoon. This employee
ended up having triplets.
I wonít be in, I was in a car accident and I am waiting for the jaws
of life to extract me from my car.
I had a girl who was late to her job interview because her dog was
in labor. 2 weeks later she called off her very first shift because
her dog was in labor.
I canít come in today my dog is very sick and my cop friend is
coming over to shoot my dog and help me bury him.
I am sorry I didnít call in or go to the last 3 shifts, my kids were
on the bus that almost went in to the Mississippi river when the
bridge collapsed.( We are in Ohio)
I wonít be in today I was driving behind a truck on the highway
carrying furniture and a piece of furniture flew off the truck and
went through my windshield.
I canít work today my orthopedic shoes are broke and my feet will
I canít work tonight there is a man standing outside my house with a
gun and I canít go outside.
I could go on forever but those are some of my favorites.
1297. "I'm really sorry I'm late, but I was driving to work
when the thingy that holds up my muffler and tailpipe broke. I had
to knock at almost 20 houses before I found someone who was home and
who could give me a coat hanger to wire it back up so it wouldn't
drag." This really happened to me once, but could probably be used
several times (provided you really DO have it wired up) because,
even if the boss checks, he can't prove it isn't a different coat
hanger than last time. It helps if you have a little grime on your
hands and/or your knees when you get to the office!
1298. Due to our dog hurting itself over the weekend I have
to stay home today to "dog-sit".. I am on email and phone all day so
if you need anything please do not hesitate to contact me.
1299. My co-worker e-mailed the following excuse this
"I'll be in later this morning, I have to find a chicken...seems all
of Saskatchewan is out of fresh chickens and I need one for the
midnight meal I am preparing. Sobey's and Safeway are expecting
their truck this morning so hopefully this won't take long. I'll
keep you posted on the chicken hunt..."
1300. Here are some of the excuses I've heard from 2 very
creative women in my company:
I have Irritable Bowel, and no one can use the bathroom, so I can't
come in (Ewwww)
I was cleaning with new Vim with bleach, and my hands are a mess, I
can't go out with my hands looking like this.
My ex-husband had a heart-attack.
My son has a headache (he's 18 years old).
I can't work because I just found out my boyfriend is having an
affair. (When I ask her about this a couple of weeks later, she
tells me someone was playing a trick on her!)
I have to fill in for someone who is vomiting blood.
I have to take my son to hospital because he is vomiting blood.
My cat's sick, so I have to take her to the vet.
It's my son's birthday party today. (She's organizing it, so she
Her son calls in to say his mom broke her toe, so can't work. In the
background she's yelling "Ow! Ow!". So we schedule other people to
fill her jobs for the next 2 weeks. Then she complains that she has
no work for the next couple of weeks. "But don't you have a broken
toe?". "Oh, I'm okay, I can work" We find her some shifts. Before
the week starts, she calls to say her grandmother died. This is all
in less than 2 weeks!
1301. True story, Can't come into work today, Dads dead and
Mums got the shits, oh and I'm sick.
1302. First of all, I only began keeping track of this one
colleague's excuses on 4/7/2008. As of today 10/30/2009, I have
collected 99 separate and original different excuses from this one
The all time favorite has to be this.
Subject: Wife burned popcorn real bad, house full of smoke. WFH rest
Another worker helpfully suggested the following: "Recommend opening
the windowsÖ.and all should be fine. "
His reply: "Of course we did that but the damage is done, everything
we own, in our condo is ruined by the smell. Sorry, but all is not
fine. Thanks for your concern."
1303. A guy who once worked for me said he had not come in
the day before because he had been in an accident after falling
asleep while riding his bicycle. I had to believe him because no one
could possibly invent a story like that.
1304. I was walking out to my truck today and, like always, I
lock the garage door, open the car door, and hit the button and run
out so I don't have to mess around with my keys. Halfway to my truck
I realized I didn't have my cell phone so I turned around but the
big door had already shut so I was walking to the door and realized
I didn't have my keys either. I was locked out of my house and my
truck without my phone and had to wait for my (parents, or GF, or
whoever) to get home and let me back in.
1305. Someone from work did this one today, its a real joke!
"I can't come in today because the fire alarms in my building went
off all night and I couldn't sleep!"
1306. I'm Planning on useing this one come this summer ... so
please don't submit .. but it really happend to me and I'm waiting
for the last minute I need to call in for a fake excuse... I was
putting Hair removel (Nair) on my face and my face started to burn
and blister SSOOOO BAD I looked like a freak!! It went away after
about 12 hours ..It WAS Nair For the LEGS ) which I think is the
perfect excuse. YES?! Editor's note... this was
submitted a couple of years ago so I'm sure it's safe to post.
1307. These are actual excuses our office received from temps
while working at a Temporary Job Placement Agency in Fairview
Heights, Illinois years ago:
"I can't come into work today because I woke up in a hotel room this
morning and I can't breathe."
"I can't come into work today because the lock on my car door is
frozen shut and the chord from my blowdryer is too short to thaw it
"I can't go to work today because my neighbor is stealing my
"I can't go to work today because I gashed my head in."
"I can't go to work today because I locked myself inside my house."
"I can't go to work today because yesterday I had an abortion and
I'm still bleeding".
"I can't go to work today because my woman kept me up all night".
(This one was for a temporary job working in one of the River Boats
in St. Louis, MO)
"I can't go into work today because yesterday I found the Lord and
He told me not to work where there is gambling".
(This was a temporary job working in the hospital laundry)
"I won't be going into work today because while I was doing the
laundry yesterday, something icky and unrecognizable fell out of the
sheets and got me sick".
When calling an employee why he didn't show up for work on Tuesday,
he said, "Tuesday??? I thought it was Sunday!"
1308. I gotta tell you -- you stole my idea. EDITOR'S NOTE...
This website has been here since 1999 so I really doubt it!
For years, my friends and family have been calling me to formulate
their excuses because I am the best at it. In fact, whenever my
phone rings prior to 9am on a workday, I usually answer as "Good
Morning Workbusters, how may I assist you this morning?". I may or
may not have actually fabricated obituaries using copyrighted
insignia from the Philadelphia Inquirer Newspaper (one must be
careful as to what they commit to writing). I may or may not have
also submitted them to the web such that if you performed a google
search on the persons name, their obituary from the Philadelphia
Inquirer would appear. Indeed, I am hardcore!
Here's a solid excuse for being late to work:
"I was house-sitting for a friend last night. I even brought my own
alarm clock so I would get up for work on time. Turns out that the
outlet into which I pluggged my clock is one of those outlets that
is controlled by a lightswitch. So when I turned off the lights to
sleep, I also inwittingly turned off the alarm clock and that is why
I'm late -- sorry."
Here is a really weak one that my mother told me that one of her
co-workers used: "I didn't have a clean towel for when I got out of
the shower." Can you say LAME?
I need a really solid excuse that will enable me to be gone and
completely inaccessible for 3 weeks. Any ideas?
President and Founder of Workbusters
1309. I won't be in work today because my cat tried to commit
suicide off a bus curb.
1310. I am calling off work today... have a brain tumor!
1311. To Whom It May Concern:
Mr. ____________ did not show up at work the other day because he
was seeking psychiatric treatment with me for masochistic behavior.
Please do not punish him for whatever he does or does not do at
work, because punishment causes him to feel extreme sexual pleasure
and he will only misbehave even more in hopes of getting more
punishment. In my opinion as his psychiatrist, the only feasible way
to handle his behavior is to promote him to a position of more
authority in your company.
Yours Very Truly,
The Medical Offices of Doctors Piled, Higher, and Deeper
Well friends this is all for now. I hope
you enjoy this place and please go to the Submit Excuses
page and send your excuses in!
If you like this web site, please
Email a link to your friends.
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