Please fell free to use any of the excuses listed below. And Employers,
please stay out of here, unless you have something to add! We don't
need you knowing how we came up with our latest excuse!
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1. I won't be in today. My fish is
sick and I need to take it to the vet.
2. My neighbor's daughter got a round
hair brush stuck in her hair and I need to help her get it out.
3. I won't be in today because I have
come down with Spring Fever.
4. I fell off a ladder fixing the roof
on my house and I landed on my elbow.
5. Last night in San Francisco I was
attacked by a guy who didn't like the remarks I made about him and
he hit me in the face and broke the windshield of my car with a
small bat that I tried to hit him with.
6. I have a head ache.... #
22...actual times someone at work has called in with this excuse!
7. I don't think I'll be in work for
awhile. Yesterday I was riding my son's BMX bike and I fell and
broke my ankle it two places and I'm in the hospital.
8. I won't be in today. I'm still
drunk from last night.
9. I'm not coming in because I need a
10. Last night we had a party and I
woke up with a strange man in my bed!
11. My car caught on fire on the way
to work so I can't make it in.
12. My car ran out of gas on the way
to work. I was pushing it to a gas station and I got a stomach
hernia and I have to go to the doctors.
13. My cat got ran over by a
motorcycle and I need to take it to the vet.
14. My boyfriend hit me over the head
with a speaker and I'm kind of messed up.
15. I was stepping down out of my
trailer and I missed the step and when I landed on the ground I
messed up my back.
16. Called in on Tuesday I won't be
able to come to work for the rest of the week. My shrink put me on a
depressant pill yesterday and I was up all night wired. I'm in
zombieland right now and I don't want to drive in fear of an
accident, or run the machines in fear of getting hurt or
dismembered. I need the rest of the week off cause my body needs to
adjust to the medication. So I need the last three days as vacation
days because I've missed too much time already and I can't afford to
miss anymore .
17. I won't be in today or Ever Again.
I've found a way to earn money by staying at home working on my
puter. I'm tired of getting paid for punching a time clock, working
my but off on a J.O.B (Just Over Broke) 9 to 5 and retiring with $ 0
in my bank account, forced to live of the Government and taxpayers.
If you want to know what I'll be doing, send an email to:
Cookie18@SmartBot.NET Hooray! Freedom at Last!
18. Tom Robbins says: "any one who
goes to work everyday... everyday... IS sick! so, 'call in well' to
19. Had to be rushed to hospital for
coffee burns on my lap be in tomorrow!
20. I cant come to work today because
the city is paving my street and I cant get out!
21. A graphic artist I once knew told
me of a person who called in and said his house had burned
overnight. He was caught in the lie when word got out because
co-workers took up a collection and the guy had to come clean when
they gave it to him. He said it's just so much easier to say you've
got diarrhea. They can't argue with that. (Imodium hadn't been
22. My wife is too sick to get out of
bed, so I'm staying home to take care of her.
23. A lady took a leave of absence to
cavort with her boyfriend. The supervisor looked the other way when
she said she had to go to Arizona to get her stuff out of storage.
After her return, she transferred to the front office. When her
paramour again desired her companionship for travel, she said her
father had a stroke. She was quietly dismissed when the office
manager called the mother to ask how the allegedly ailing father was
doing and was told the truth.
24. Back in the olden days, female
employees were not required to report their pregnancies, and she was
one of the damnedably lucky ones that never showed. Her boss found
out when she called to say she couldn't make it that day because she
was in labor.
25. I wont be in today I ran into a
car and need to go to the doctor's I cant find my shoes I cant find
my Son!!! There is a good show on T.V. I need to donate blood today
I'm Drunk I left rubber cement next to my bed why I was sleeping and
got really High I fell on a flashlight " Butt First " My dog ate my
car keys and went to sleep and when I woke up found my self in
26. I won't be be coming in
today, I've spent my last cent playing
and I don't have any money left for the bus. Don't worry, I'll try
to win it back today while I'm off!
27. Excuse me sir, but I won't be in
today. My home is flooded and I'm currently standing on my dresser
in my second story bedroom. Thanks and have a nice day.
28. Can't make it in. I have a chance
of filling in for someone on jury duty.
29. Hello, I've used
all of my sick days and I'm calling in dead.
30. Actually used (and believed) when
I was working in Toronto. "You'll never believe it! I said with a
straight face, I was heading here with plenty of time to be on time,
when my car tires got stuck in the streetcar tracks! Now, I could
drive forward and backwards but I couldn't turn off the tracks. I
continued. Now I knew I couldn't safely stay there, so I did the
only thing I could. I said, I had to drive all the way down to the
rail yards and (finally) drive out free at the barns. Just to top it
off, I continued, I'm sure you know how far away the rail yards are
from work. I took me an extra half hour just to drive back! That's
why I was late for work."
31. I can't come into work today
because of eye trouble.... I can't see working today.
32. If it is all the same to you, I
won't be coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns
33. When I got up this morning, I took
two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I
feel good about it.
34. I can't come in to work today
because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not
showing up for work. OK?
35. I am stuck in the blood pressure
machine down at Wal-Mart.
36. Constipation has made me a walking
37. The dog ate my car keys. We're
going to hitchhike to the vet .
38. I had missed a lot of work and my
boss made me promise I would not be late, but I woke that day to
find my cat bleeding. The poor cat had a hole in its belly where an
abscess had burst. I called the boss and she said, " Sure it
does..." The vet was very accommodating and wrote me an official
excuse, and it hung on the boss's bulletin board for a very long
time. It read, "Please excuse Sheryl being late to work today. Her
cat had a hole in it.
39. I am calling in because I do not
feel up to par today.
40. I am not coming in because I tried
to dye my hair blonde, but it came out green!
41. I'm not going to work today, I
spent my paycheck on lottery tickets, and I'm out of Gas 'till
payday. (actually used by a security guard)
42. I have a bit of a problem. I got
the end of a Q-tip stuck in my ear and have to go to the doctors to
get it out.
43. I was already at work for this and
wanted to leave...Tell the boss I called home a few minutes ago and
gotta go, my girlfriend went out to sunbathe naked in the back yard
and locked herself out of the house and needs the door opened.
44. Actually used and they will know
me but it was 15 yrs ago.... my roommates horse overate and he has
been walking it since midnight, I need to walk the horse so it
doesn't lay down and die.
45. Yesterday I Caught a bad cold
while vacationing in Miami, Florida. Sorry!
46. A man I worked with once called in
with... "My wife's breasts are sore after her breast enlargement so
I need to stay home and massage her tits."
47. My husband had a vasectomy
yesterday and his balls are enlarged, so I need to stay home and
help him ice them.
48. This really Happened to me, I was
on my way in to work and fell down the back steps of my apartment
and I had my cell phone I phoned my work to tell them I wouldn't be
in because I fell and hurt my back and also asked them to phone my
husband so he could come help me and take me to the hospital .
49. A SWAT team closed off a part of a
street after a disgruntled ex-employee shot several people at a
printing firm. A worker for a different a company called to report
he couldn't finish his service route on that block that day (before
the event was reported on the news) because there were snipers on
50. I'm not coming to work to day
because my computer has got a virus. And my computer means more to
me then this job
51. When I lived in Mesa, AZ, I was
living in a 4-plex that wasn't exactly living in the best area of
town (it was a little pocket of not-so-great neighborhood,
actually). It shared a common parking area and driveway with the
building behind us. I was working as an event planner for Motorola
for the WORST boss... (She later was sued by Motorola and my former
co-workers for creating a hostile workplace...heh heh) Anyway, one
day I got up and got dressed for work, went out to my car, and
immediately had to go back into the house to call in... Uh, Boss,
I'm gonna be late today... there's about 30 police officers across
the street, and I'm blocked in my driveway by a HAZMAT TRUCK!!! The
Police had discovered that the tenants in the place directly across
the street had built secret "tunnels" from one apartment to another,
and the Police were in the process of busting the Meth Lab the
tenants were running, it turns out... and there were about 15 police
cars and 4 fire trucks in the way! If that's not a GOOD excuse, I
don't know what is! *laugh*
52. This is the mother of all "calling
in" excuses. The other day, I went to work. And one girl didn't even
show up or even call. So the supervisor called her and she was still
sleeping. She said that I forgot I had to work today ....I mean
53. I needed a good excuse for missing
work, and I have always felt that the more ridiculous (while still
believable) the "reason" was the better. This is my favorite.
Imagine me on the phone with my boss: I was playing fetch with my
dog and the ball took a bad hop and broke a back window. When I went
out to check out the damage, I stepped on a big piece of glass and
cut my foot really bad. I had to go get stitches, and I don't think
I can be on my feet a lot today. The trick to making this excuse
stick -- I put a pebble in my shoe for the next couple of work days
that I attended to remind me to walk gingerly due to my "stitches."
It worked like a charm. Hell, it even got me some good sympathy --
stitches and a dog lover, who can resist that?
54. One of the guys in my department
phoned at 11:30 on a Tuesday to explain why he hadn't come into work
that week: " I went to a party on Saturday and met a girl, we've
been in bed ever since. I'm getting tired now and will be at work in
an hour or so .
55. I am sorry but I will be unable to
come in to work today. My agoraphobia (fear of leaving the house) is
kicking in and I am afraid to drive today.
56. I got an excuse from the wife of
one of my employees once -- he was fixing up an old school bus for
them to see the world in. In order to fix it the way he wanted, he
had to raise the height of the roof. This is what she said: Daniel
won't be into work today. He fell off his sawhorse while cutting the
roof off the bus. He landed on a pile of two by fours. It's ok tho,
the saw wasn't hurt a bit. Believe me, that is only the beginning of
the cake mix that Daniel went thru!!
57. Can't come in today, the springs
on the garage door broke and I can't get the car out cause the door
58. My coworker Wilma Martinez called
in and said " The snowplow was stuck in front of her driveway ". It
took three days before they could get back to tow it away. Chicago
January blizzards. She brought in pictures the next week.
59. Sorry Boss I can't come into work
today...my spirit guide says work is for losers!
60. Well, you see, my boyfriend's
friend's cousin, her mother is a total flake and her three kids are
getting taken away by CPS and she is going to jail, and my boyfriend
is working, his cousin is out of town and so you can see that I have
to stay home and watch them.
61. There has been an urgent family
emergency, which I can't talk about lest I endanger any innocent
bystanders. (This one could be good for a few days).
62. My dog is having puppies and I
need to help her.
63. Someone smashed in my windows this
morning with a large blunt object.
64. (If you have a friend you want to
skip work with) "At our potluck yesterday, there must have been
something bad. I am so sick, I think I have food poisoning"....(a
few moans for effect)... (then have your buddy call & do the same
65. I sprained my wrist cooking dinner
in the microwave last nite.
66. I slipped in the shower and torque
my knee. I can't walk on it at all.
67. I have extremely bad diarrhea. I
mean REALLY bad. I am stuck in the house for a LONNNNNNNG time. A
68. True Story ---- A fellow employee
showed up 2 1\2 hrs late because he couldn't open the trunk on his
car so he drove to 3 different auto shops then on the way back from
the 3rd his trunk popped open. The reason he needed to get in his
trunk he had a tire low on air and wanted to change it.
69. This one was actually used by one
of my employees. "Sorry I did not show up yesterday, I locked
myself in the bathroom."
70. I won't be able to come to work
next week . Were trying for a baby and the doc says next week is the
71. These aren't excuses. They're
signs at Phil's Oyster Bar in Baton Rouge. One says " In case of
death in the family, please call in before 11:AM on the day of the
game! " The other says " New Employment Policy: Work or Get Fired! "
72. I'm calling in blind - just can't
see myself working for you today...!
73. This one has worked for me every
time I used it, but the only issue is not to use all the time. And
now the excuse. I can't make in to work today, I ate bad sushi last
74. I will not be into work today
because my parents dog died.
75. Someone dumped a truck-load of
sand in front of my driveway and I won't be in today.
76. A friend I hadn't seen for years
came round just as I was setting off for work, I couldn't leave
77. I actually used this. It did
happen. I was late yesterday because my cat was alarmed at my
sleep-talking and jumped off the bed, knocked my alarm off the
dresser, of which the batteries fell out; And I over slept.
78. I won't be in today because I
can't find my clothes.
79. I'm calling in sick - of working
for your company...!
80. I won't be able to make it to work
today due to my Aunt flying in from ______________, you see, she has
one arm and two pieces of luggage and really needs me to be there
81. Employee....Sorry I didn't come to
work yesterday. Boss....Why didn't you call off. Employee....I had
to take my grandmother to the hospital and they didn't have a phone!
A TRUE STORY
82. I wont be in any time soon, I
just can't stop playing
online. If I'm not finished by tomorrow I'll just play from the
83. Last night a friend I haven't seen
in a long time came over and gave me a bear hug and broke one of my
ribs, so I won't be in today.
84. True Story .... A co-worker
called in to work 2 hrs. late and said. I can't come to work today,
sometime during the night, a reindeer broke it's leg and died,
blocking my driveway, so I have to wait for the State Ranger to
arrive and perform an investigation and remove the reindeer before I
can get my car out of the garage.(this guy actually lives near the
N.J. Shore Area). He also called in two weeks later with this one
.... (five hours late for work, he called in and said). I'll be late
for work today because the train had a flat tire and I had to help
85. This is a phenomenally effective
excuse, for reasons which escape me: "Sorry I'm late; I had to buy a
lottery ticket." If someone points out that you are, in fact,
several HOURS late, say "oh, yeah, there was a line."For some
reason, no one ever questions you. If you are working some crap
minimum wage job, "poverty" excuses are always good: "Sorry I'm
late, I had to pawn my alarm clock." or more elaborate ones
involving having the gas cut off and hypothermia, and the like.
This will instill such a feeling of guilt in your boss that he may
not even dock your pay for the several hours in which you were not,
in fact, at work!
86. I won't be in today. I was up all
week-end with this new girl I met and I didn't get any sleep....if
you know what I mean!
87. My name is Susan I live and work
in Lexington, North Carolina. I work for a place called LampCrafters
and my co-workers went out for lunch with some of her friends and
smoked marijuana. After she returned from lunch another co-worker
was teasing her and told her he had put a voodoo curse on her. She
ran crying to the boss and said some one put a root?? on her and it
had her head all messed up and she had to go home. Believe it or not
it worked! (Oh this was suppose to be her first time smoking pot)
88. I called into work a few weeks ago
and told my boss that the filling in my tooth had come out and I was
in Excruciating pain and that I couldn't see a dentist till the end
of the week!
89. I can't come in today because my
daughter's asthma was really bad all night and I had to take her to
the hospital for a treatment and I didn't get any sleep !
90. I lost my car keys skiing and I
can't leave until I find them!
91. An employee who was a half hour
late for work was asked (by me) why she was so late. She responded
that it was Friday the 13th and she was afraid if she drove over 20
mph, she'd get in a wreck. Since she had to take a major four-lane
highway to work, she was a little ticked off at me for doubting her
word at driving 20 in a 55.
92. Actual employees record. Names
have been changed to protect the guilty. This was only a few days of
a 6 page list for two years of employment. 8/16 Sat. 8:15 Joe called
and said he was sick and probably wont be in on Monday because he is
so sick today. 8/17 I called Joe's house and His mom said he went
out with his friend. 8/18-8/19-8/20 Joe still stayed out sick. 9/6
10:30 Joe called in sick. I asked why he did not call me earlier and
he said he was sleeping. 10/13 Monday Joe did not show up at all.
10/18 Sat. Joe asked to show up at 9:00 on Monday 10/20. 10/20 Mon.
Joe showed up at 10:30 am. I spoke with him as to why he showed up
later than he stated. He had no reason at all for being 1 1/2 hours
late. 10/25 Sat. Joe asked to show up at 9:00 on Monday 10/27. I
spoke with him in regards to not doing the same thing as the week
before and he said that he would be in on time and he was sorry for
being late. 10/27 Mon. Joe did not show up so I called him at 3:15
to find out where he was. Joe showed up at 3:30 p.m. with no excuse
or remorse for being 6 1/2 hours late.
93. My boyfriend can't come to work,
today. He's sick and has 111 degree temperature (hope you're going
to the funeral, lady). Note: This really happened and the guy was
fired. Gee! Wonder why?
94. My dad, Larry Taylor, won a radio
contest in Seattle WA with this great excuse for not coming back to
work from vacation... Don't call, don't write, don't let anyone know
what's going on - take an extra week, or two. Then when you are
ready to go back to work, just call up your boss and say.... " Don't
pay the ransom - I escaped! "
95. I can not come to work today
because I do not have any shoes.!!!
96. An employee phoned in at 9:00 am
with the following. "My sister stole my money and I am out looking
97. I supervise a group of truck
drivers who are paid by the hour. One of their tactics for getting
more time is to give excuses for being late returning from a run.
Flat tires and mechanical break-downs are too easily documented, so
they often come up with excuses such as " there was an accident that
closed the highway" or "the bridge at BigTown was open to let a
barge pass." My favorite is: "I saw and alligator on the side of
the road (we operate in Louisiana), and I stopped to help the game
warden capture it."
98. I am unable to come to work today.
I tried lifting our baby daughter out of her crib and twisted my
99. I can't come in to work today, my
sister tripped over the dog, fell off the porch and broke her wrist.
I have to take her to the hospital.
100. I'm sorry I was late, I forgot to
look at my watch!!!
101. My co-worker once called in this
excuse to me and asked me to tell our supervisor. " I have ants." It
was later explained that she had ants in her basement apartment and
had to call an exterminator in.
102. I won't be into work today
because my plane that was going to leave on Sunday didn't leave
103. I work in a Medical office and
have to open the place at 5:30 am. well, I overslept that morning
(really overslept) and didn't get there until around 10:00 am. Well,
the boss shows up at 8:00 am and I can imagine was wondering where I
was for all this time. When he asked I replied..." I was here, you
know how the copier is out again? Well, I was under the desk trying
to fix it. I don't know how you couldn't see me, my legs were
sticking out far enough to trip you." He replied," we'll have to
call the repair man for that I cant have you under the desk for 4
104. On my way to work today, my tooth
cracked. I'll be going to the dentist.
105. I'm going to be 20 minutes late,
but I'll be there. 2 Hours later. . . You'll never believe this, but
I fell asleep. I'm on my way now. The next day . . . I never did
wake up, now I'm not feeling well so I'll see you tomorrow. Maybe it
was too much sleep!
106. I am going to be late because
this morning the soul came off of my sons tennis shoe. I have to
wait until the mall opens at 10:00 to buy him some more shoes. The
Boss: Well can he wear another pair of shoes to school? ME: On what
you pay me, he doesn't have another pair. The bank opens at 9:00 I
have to go by there and take out a loan for the new shoes. Be there
as soon as I can.
107. Late For Work.... I'll be a
little late today. I washed my car yesterday and then parked it
right away (and since this has happened before I should have
remembered) but I set the parking brake and now one wheel is stuck.
I would drive my wife's car, but the last time this happened, I just
drove the car 'till the wheel broke free, but this time it stayed
stuck and now my car is in the middle of the road, so I really need
to fix it before I come in.
108. I can't make it to work today,
because the fan belt broke on the van, the brakes went out, and it
has a flat tire.
109. I can't come into work today,
because the hot water tap broke on the bathtub.
110. The pharmacy is making up some
cream for me today - so I won't be in to work.
111. I left the windows open in my
room all night and when I woke up I had a stiff neck. I can't
coming in today.
112. A friend of mine and her brother
went to Florida for a week to see her ex. She called and said she
was going to be a few days late because her brother was stung by a
jellyfish...of course I started laughing. She says "really, there
were 3 stings on that beach in 2 days..." and went on to embellish
further. Finally I said "yeah right". There was a short pause, then
she began laughing. "They bought it at work!" she replied.
113. I'll be in later today. I
accidentally through away my jewelry, that was in a zip lock bag,
away in the dumpster after I got back from vacation. I have to try
and find it.
114. When I was an evening manager at
a grocery store, I would receive a variety of excuses for tardiness
or absences. My favorite was one that was called in by a
sixteen-year old carryout. He called five minutes before his shift
was supposed to start and said that he would be unable to work that
night because his girlfriend's house had almost caught on fire the
night before, and he was tired.
115. Work....I didn't want to be late
for work again today so I called in sick instead!
116. This excuse has been used by
myself several times. I'll be out today or late, I woke up dizzy (I
suffer from vertigo).
117. Please excuse Henry for being
late. He was stuck in the bathroom without any toilet paper.
118. I can't come into work today.
There is a cat sitting on the fence outside more door and he won't
let me out. It looks like he will attack me if I go outside!
119. I'll be in a little late today.
During the night the power must have gone off because when I woke up
my alarm clock time was flashing. And of course I over slept.
120. My assistant called in with this
one. "I cant come to work today because my cat is lonely and
stressed out and if I don't spend quality time with him, he will
keep peeing on the furniture!"
121. A girl I worked with called in
with: "I wont be in today because my dog has a headache, and I need
to take it to the vet.."
122. I won't be in to work today. My
wife said she is going to conceive today, and I want to be there
when it happens.
123. I can't come in today....I found
a stray cat by my home this week-end and it has really bad diarrhea
and I have to take it to the vets.
124. I'm going to need to take a
couple of day off Thursday and Friday, because the city said I have
to clean up my back yard before Monday or I'm going to get a big
125. I can't come in today because I
feel sick and I can't breath because of all the smoke in the air.
126. A girl that I used to work with
said she couldn't get come to work because she'd been abducted over
the weekend and needed to recover.
127. Sorry, won't be in for 3 days.
Went to see my sister off on her cruise to Bahamas...darn ship left
with me still on it.. Captain refuses to turn back.
128. I'll be in late this morning. I
have a possum in my backyard and it's freaking out my dog. I have to
get it out before I can leave.
129. I'll be in late today because my
cat is sick again. (This is the same person from excuse # 123)
130. I'm going to be late today. I was
taking out the trash at my girlfriends apartment this morning when
the bag ripped open and spilled garbage on my clothes. I'll have to
go home and do my laundry because this was my last clean shirt.
131. True: from a workmate to our
boss, who showed us the letter after the chap had left our
employment. "Dear Ken, Sorry I was late again yesterday, I got your
note, but what really happened, is, I was having porridge for my
breakfast, when our pet budgie fell into it, I couldn't leave the
poor thing like that! It took me over the hour to clean the porridge
132. Over the week-end my boyfriend
and I ate raw oysters at a restaurant in Half Moon Bay, California
and we both have food poisoning. My boyfriend had to go to the
hospital because he was throwing up blood and I have extremely bad
diarrhea! I won't be in for a few days.
133. "I'm not going to work today
because if the government can sit on their behinds and get paid, so
can I!! Who wants to work to support them anyways! Not I !!! I think
I will sit on mine for awhile and make my own money with my favorite
buddy, my computer!! Hail to technology!"
134. "I can't make it to work today,
my keys are locked in my car, my car is locked in the garage, and my
husband is away for the week with the key to the garage....Sorry..."
135. "I can't come to work today, my
chain came off my bicycle."
136. My dog dug a hole through the
wall trying to get to a rabbit under my trailer. I have to get it
patched because the trailer is for sale and someone is coming to
look at it tomorrow. This excuse was from one of my co-workers!!!
137. I cannot come into work today
because I came down with a bad case of something or other.
138. I was taking a shower and I drop
the soap, as I reached down to pick it up ,I slipped an fell in the
shower, which caused me to bust my lip ,twist my ankle, strain my
back, stub my finger, and get soap in my eyes.
139. We have a horse and it has a
habit of escaping, one morning I was running late as it was I leave
my driveway, get on the road what do I see but the family horse
trotting down the road. Well this is a stubborn horse and took me
quite a while to get the horse back home. After this I called work
and told them what had happen, the laughter was overwhelming, but I
do think they believed me.
140. Friends of mine were performing
in a band. They had a really important gig one Friday night. I knew
this date and told my boss that I could not work late that night.
Well me asked me that night to work late. I told him with a straight
face. Sorry sir I have to go to a bar tonight and listen to some bad
141. Since some people still consider
homosexuality a sickness it stands to reason that we can call into
work "gay"...as in, I can't come in to work today, I'm gay.
142. I won't be in today....my hair
143. This excuse was called in by an
employee one Friday morning where my stepfather was working about 20
years ago. " I won't be able to come in today. It seems that I have
some unknown contagious disease; but I'll be fine on Monday". (true
144. I have to leave work early my
kotex string broke.......I really used this one it works!
145. My husband called in work to tell
them he couldn't find his cat and they took that excuse. We did find
the cat though and my husband took the rest of the day off.
146. A work mate failed to turn up to
work one day. Finally in the afternoon one of the managers rang him
at home. He had only slept in until 10:00am but his clock had
incorrectly displayed 5:00pm, too embarrassed to ring work he went
back to sleep.
147. Over the years I have missed work
or been late due to various illnesses, cars breaking down, sick
horses and dogs, emergency babysitting, and even power outages
causing the alarm clock to fail. My favorite story is the time my
husband and I were late to work at a horse show where we were
volunteering. We were over an hour late because the lock on the
bathroom door in our hotel room broke, locking my husband inside!
Everyone laughed when they thought it was a cute excuse. They
laughed even more when they were persuaded it was true!
148. Late for work. Boss: Why are you
late? Man I went to have my hair cut. Boss: What during works time?
Man Well It grows during works time. Boss: Hey listen it doesn't
all grow during works time! Man Well that's why I didn't have it all
149. This was actually used when I
worked at Dairy Queen. I was out of town with my friend and we had a
flat tire so I will not be able to come into work. Her friend that
she claimed to be out of town with came though drive through within
150. A former coworker called in with
this one: After a bad storm, her electricity was off. She called to
tell us she couldn't come to work because she couldn't get her car
out of the garage because she had an electric door opener and no
electricity. She lived too far out to catch a ride with someone
151. I didn't come to work because I
152. I'll be late because I'm having
car trouble. The trouble is that I'm not in it yet. (I actually used
this one day when I over slept...it worked.)
153. Miss an entire day of work, do
not call in, do not do anything that is work-related, then when you
go in to work the next day and are asked where you were, just simply
say that you do not want to fucking talk about it. If you are
pressed for an answer, just shake your head in disgust, and walk
away. Remember to mumble all day, something about 'bitches and
154. A Guy in our IT department was
very late for work today because he said he couldn't get his garage
door open, it took him two hours to dismantle it to get his car out!
155. My former supervisor once called
in sick because she said she had a yeast infection! A few weeks
later she called in sick again and said that she had hemorrhoids!
156. I used this excuse and there's
not a whole lot they can do. I called in and told them my front door
fell off my house!
157. A friend of mine called into her
work and told them she had amnesia and wasn't even sure if she
worked there to be calling in sick.
158. I'm sorry that I'm late for work
today boss. I stayed home to wait for the cable guy. Then I
remembered that you don't pay me enough for me to have cable. So
here I am.
159. Employee: Sorry I'm late, but I
couldn't get my car started. Boss: Why not? Employee: I was asleep.
160. I can't come in to work today.
When I woke up, I looked in the mirror and I saw a gray hair.
161. I can't come in today. I looked
in the mirror and I saw wrinkles. Ugh!
162. I wont be in to work today, my
cat hid my car key because he gets lonesome when I'm gone.
163. One of my employees called in
last year with this excuse, and she was serious: I have a boil on
the hair line of my pubic hair and it is sore.
164. I am a manager of a hardware
store and I have heard the best ones !!! I once called an employee
at noon who was supposed to be in at 8. He stated that he would not
be in because the day before he was putting ladders away in the
lumber department and he came down with hemorrhoids !!! Needless to
say his pain in the ass is good for a lot of laughs !!!
165. I have a co-worker who had to
miss work because she was breaking the ice in her freezer with a
knife and hit the whatchamicallit (official name) that gives the
freon to the freezer and her fridge was leaking freon. As this is a
hazardous substance, she had to stay home and wait for the HazChem
people to arrive.
166. Overheard @ a Taco Bell " I have
to go home, my baby has worms...." (unknown what baby means, human
or animal).... "My baby has worms coming out of her mouth".
167. We were late to work because we
had to pull off the road to watch the whales while they were
168. I felt so sick that I didn't feel
like getting out of bed to get to the telephone to call in sick.
169. I got my truck stuck in the car
wash yesterday and messed up my back and cut my hands pushing it
out, so I wont be in to work today I broke the straps on my
prosthetic leg and I have a bad sore on my stump and cant walk.
170. The babysitter didn't show up
today so I cant come in to work.
171. My radiator has a leak in it.
(employee routinely drives more than one car)
172. I wont be in to work today my
girlfriends husbands dieing and I have to be there to console her.
173. I'm sorry I was late for work,
but when I was getting ready to brush my teeth I squeezed to much
toothpaste out of the tube and it took me a long time to get it all
174. We had a girl call in with this
excuse......"I can't come in to work as a skunk sprayed me last
night!" Now how's that for an excuse?
175. The blankets were too heavy for
me to lift so I was stuck in bed all day.
176. (Monday Morning) I won't be in
today, I was cleaning my shower yesterday morning, and the fumes
from the cleaner made me a little nauseous. (Tuesday Morning) I
won't be in today, I am still feeling a little nauseous, you
know...the fumes. (Wednesday) I am just going to take the rest of
the week off, those fumes were really strong.---Someone actually
used this in my office.
177. I work for a company that makes
and sells UPS systems for computers. We have a tech here who does
not like her job and has pretty much used every excuse there is.
Like, "I'm having menopausal hot flashes," and she's only 32 years
old. The best came to us on a Tuesday, which happened to be the
first day of the Consumer Electronic Show in Vegas. The bosses were
gone. She comes in at 11:30, instead of 8:00 like she's supposed to
and gives me the old "I-thought-it-was-Saturday!" HA! On a Tuesday?!
I think NOT!
178. I was really horney last night
and I had my thumb in my ass when I sneezed!! I clinched up so
violently that I broke my thumb and will not be able to return to
work for at least two weeks! OOOPS
179. I was trying to find an excuse
for work in the morning. I work Friday, Saturday and Sunday 12 hours
a day. My Boss knows I like to drink alot! I wanted to watch
football on Sunday since I work Sunday during the day. But, I once I
left a message he never got. So I might use it tonight. " Sam I just
met this great Lady"....I'm single 40.... I knew he would
understand." I think I'm going to get lucky....so I hope! I won't be
at work in the morning!" He never got the message and I didn't get
lucky, but I did get drunk and didn't get into trouble, even if he
180. Sorry for not coming into work
yesterday. I had the making up for everyone else but me taking time
off from work flu!
181. Sorry....I over slept and I
forgot to come in for the first day of work at my new job. Is it OK
to come in tomorrow?
182. I once told my boss that I had
converted to Krishnaism and since it was the Maharishi Guru's
birthday I couldn't come in because I had to go to the temple to
worship. It worked.
183. I can't come in today because the
lady at the end of the road has just hung her wash out to dry and I
don't want to drive down the road, cause dust, and she'll have to do
her wash again.
184. Man does not show up to work, the
boss calls and he says where are you. The man says I'm sick and
won't be in. The boss asks why didn't you call? The man replies that
the squirrels ate through his phone line. The boss mentions that he
was talking to him this minute on the phone. The man replies that
the squirrel only ate through the outgoing line.
185. A girl at work who always seemed
to miss work a lot came up with this good one. She lived with her
parents and her parents were on vacation. She told the boss she had
to leave early because her parents were out of town and the dogs,
the cats, and the bird did not like to be left home alone. So, the
boss let her go home.
186. This one is true! A co-worker
called in and said her dog ate her underwear and she didn't have any
clean ones to wear. She said she would be in after she did some
187. I cannot come into work today. I
have nausea, dizziness, body aches and vomiting. These are secondary
symptoms brought on by the birth of my child yesterday.
188. A co-worker of mine used all of
these in the same month: I'm sick...My girlfriend is sick...My
girlfriend is pregnant and I have to take her to the doctor...My car
broke down (he has three)...It's too windy...There's too much snow
on the ground (he has a four-wheel drive, and the co-worker who
lived two blocks away didn't but still made it in. I had a co-worker
at a beef plant who's paternal grandfather died in September three
years in a row.
189. I won't be in until later. I'm on
Hawaii time during the morning, so it's only 6a.m. In the afternoon
I'll revert back to local time.
190. I won't be into work today, or
anymore. I just got a letter saying that I may have won 20 million
191. I was late for work because the
night before my boyfriend and I were having sex and he decided to
handcuff me to the bedpost and he forgot to bring the key so I had
to wait till he came back with it and it was late the next day he
loved it ...I did for awhile...true lol my boss laughed and that was
192. I live in a major metropolitan
area, and my co-workers and I take public transportation to work.
Living in the north we get our fair share of winter storms and snow
accumulation. One day it had snowed about 12" of snow and I and
another coworker started out to work walking the three blocks to
catch the bus and then after the bus dropped us off, walking another
10 blocks through all the snow to the store. Boy were we amazed when
a co-worker, who lives two blocks from the store, called to say she
could not make it in because there was too much snow and the
sidewalks were not shoveled!!!!
193. I once told my secretary not to
expect too much from me this morning as I was suffering from from a
mild case of mushroom poisoning following a trip overseas. I had a
remarkably easy day one!
194. The boss demanded I submit to him
in writing the reason I had been late two days in a row. True story,
and I didn't get fired. I had to walk to work, because my car has
four flat tires. I couldn't leave my apartment until the landlord's
son went to work, because I owe two months rent and I think he was
the one who slashed my tires. He was late leaving. I tried to walk
here as fast as I could, but my calves are still very sore from
dancing this past weekend, and my shoes don't fit right. That's why
I was late yesterday, too.
195. I went to Mexico last night with
some friends and on the way back across the border we got detained
by the police. They took us to the station and questioned us and
kept us up all night, but they finally let us go in the morning.
196. One of my co-workers called in
and said that she could not make it in because she had to take her
nephew to the doctor. When she was asked shy she couldn't come in
afterwards she said that he had cheap insurance and he had to go to
a doctor that was in the ghetto and she'd be there all night.
197. My husband received this excuse
from a young woman who had just started working for him when we had
a cold spell in Charleston, SC. "My boy friend left the bedroom
window open last night and it was too cold to get out of bed this
198. I won't be in to work today. My
brain is full.
199. I can't came in today as I was
flying back from the Super Bowl and the door I thought led to the
bathroom, was actually the exit door and I'm calling on my cell
phone on my way down from 30,000 feet.
200. One day, a co-worker failed to
show up at work. As the day progressed, people got increasingly
concerned, as he never called in. Finally, around 2:30 or 3:00,
someone called him to find out where he was and what had happened.
His story: his toilet had exploded and he was waiting for a plumber!
Well friends we have many more work excuses
to go. The
Work Excuses 2
page has excuses 201 thru 400. Enjoy.
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