Work Excuses # 1198 and up.
- Told them I was bitten by a tick while on vacation and developed a case of Lyme's Disease... the bite was on my thigh is a bright red doughnut!
Also, needed an emergency root canal and temporary crown put in because the tooth broke off...
- The house blew up and I tried to fix it! I tried Honest! (the house is completely trashed!)
- This excuse was actually used at my workplace. " I cannot come to work today. My wife and I have been trying to have a baby. The doctor said she is ovulating today and I need to stay home and impregnate her."
- I read your page and I thought the excuses you have posted were hilarious. I started reading because lately some of my colleagues have been coming up with some really funny/stupid excuses to miss work, here are a few of the classic ones at our office
- "I will be leaving the office today at 3:30 to pick up firewood for the weekend."
I thought this one was classic, the background on this one was that our friend here was going camping, but only he knew that. Regardless, it was one of the weirdest emails I've ever seen.
- " was paged out [on for a system] issue early this morning and for a [second] related issue shortly afterwards and missed my carpool this morning. I will be working from home today and will be available by phone and email."
This one has no background, my friend really just didn't want to make it in, these are two of the gems that we've had in the last couple of months.
- I love the site.. and I wanted to submit my excuses.. I didn't read them all so please disregard these if they have been used.
- Employer: You were supposed to open the store today, why are you still at home? Employee: Last night my arm was stuck in the cardboard compactor and crushed, I'm just getting to the hospital now, there was a HUGE lineup when I went last night.
- I can't come in today, my dad lost his job and the cops have been here trying to keep him from killing his ex-boss!
- I can't come in today, someone tried to break into my house and I called the cops.
- I can't come into work today because my Professor called and said I had to study.
- I don't think I can come in today, I have been told by my mom I have to drive, where I don't know. Why, couldn't tell ya, see ya tomorrow!
These excuses have been used by me.. and the first one is the only one that isn't a lie.
- If homosexuality is a disease, call in queer to work... "Hi, this is __________ . I can't work today. Sill queer!"
- I left early one day to bail my boyfriend out of jail (true) came in an hour late because my dog ran away (true) I called in one day and said I had just gotten into a car wreck and couldn't come in (just an excuse) but the next day I had to go to work I REALLY got into a car accident and had to call in and explain everything... (damn karma!) whoops!
- Cannot believe this just happened as I was browsing though the excuse list (on my break of course), but an attractive and single female co-worker phoned in three hours late from a phone number other than hers (call display) to call in sick, "Oh (insert male boss' name here), I've been up all night (I bet you have). I have a bad migraine (from your head banging off the headboard, maybe?).
- There was a girl at my work who called out sick that morning, and that evening came in to get her check when asked about it she said she was sick of working not of getting paid.
- My cat ate my contact! I was putting in my contacts this morning, I blinked and one fell out. I looked down to retrieve it and the cat was sitting there chewing. Maybe I can make it in later, I'll keep checking the litter box.
- I'm sorry I couldn't make it, its my dads birthday I can't miss it.
- I feel very nauseated after the injection of dye for the CT scan. I am planning to work from home after I start feeling better.
- This past Friday I had to call my boss and tell her I would be a little late because my cat peed, yes peed, in my purse. The worse part is; it is the God's honest truth. P.S. My purse is a Prada.
- The power's out at my house with my car trapped in the garage. (He didnít know where to find the release lever for the garage door opener.
- When my friend arrived at work he said heíd just gotten a call from his neighbor. He had left his front door open and his dog was loose. He had to return home to find Fluffy. ( Second time he used it, worked both times)
- My work excuse once for being late is the night I met my now ex-fiancť. We met online, then met in person one night, got really drunk and slept in, my co-workers knew I was meeting him and were actually totally cool about me being 2 hours late and said on the phone "WE WANT DETAILS!!" then I was fired from the same job for going to a genuine funeral. weird!
- There was a girl at my work who called out sick that morning, and that evening came in to get her check when asked about it she said she was sick of working not of getting paid.
- Seriously happenedÖ todayÖ My boss was late because he was heating up a baked potato for breakfast and when he took it out of the microwave and placed it on a paper towel it caught fire causing $2000.00 in damage to the counter. He is trying to sell his house so he had to go look for a new counter top.
- I am a female hunter and couldn't get the time off before all the guys did. So opening morning on my way to work I had a blow out and was going to late. So my brother on his way out to my house was gonna stop and change my tire for I didn't have a 4-way to remove my lug nuts. But he had a big truck and I a small car so he couldn't help me. He wasn't going to take me the 30 min to work so I went home called in and went hunting after all. When we got back with a four way my spare was flat so I just bought 4 new tires because they were bald and that is why I hydra playned and got the blow out. I took the receipt in to prove I was telling the truth but after that they didn't allow receipts to be used.
- Once I lived in the country and the roads were so icy I couldn't get up the hill to even go to work until I called the city to salt the roads I had three options and lived in a steep valley. But before they came a school bus tried to turn around in my driveway and slid off in the ditch and then I for sure couldn't get out. Then a tree fell in the same driveway just after they got the bus out so here I was still stuck I got in to work about lunch time that day.
- I live in Alaska, and I've actually had to use this excuse.... When I went to head out my door there was a momma moose and her baby between my front door and my car. You don't want to piss off a momma moose, she's stomp you to death. So, I had to call in late because there was a momma moose and her baby in my driveway and I couldn't get to my car.
- I slipped getting out of the tub and hit my head on the sink and saw stars. The doc wants me to observe for concussion symptoms for 24 hours and not drive a vehicle.
- My brother once called in to work sick. When asked what the problem was he said, "I have Dutch Elm Disease." His supervisor said, "I just mark you out sick then"
- Some guy pulled these at my place of work.
* I can't make it to work today, I was chased up a tree by a pack of wild dogs.
* I was late because I fell down an open man hole.
* I can't make it in today, I had a close encounter with a skunk this morning.
- This one really happened to me, and my boss said I was very original! My electronic garage door was jammed when it was only open 1/4 of the way, so I had to wait for a repair man to come and fix it.
- Sorry I didn't turn up yesterday (Monday) but I thought it was bank holiday.
- A co-worker used the following excuses to stay home from work.
1. I do not have enough money to buy gas to get to work.
2. I cannot come to work because the locks on my car froze up last night.
- This one is from a co-worker who has many creative excuses:
1. I fell and hurt my shoulder on Sunday so I need to take off work to go to the doctor today (Monday).
2. When I went to the doctor, I must have pick-up some illness, so I need to take off today (Tuesday).
.....We are eagerly waiting for Wednesday .....
Oh yeah! Here is another one from the past that was unforgettable:
3. I need to take off work today to do my scrap booking.
- .... . -.-- / -. --- - / -.-. --- -- .. -. --. / ... -. - --- / .-- --- .-. -.- / - --- -.. .- -.-- / .-.-.-/
.-.. --- ... - / -- -.-- / ...- --- ... -.-. . / .-.-.- / ..-. ... -. --. . .-. ... / .-- . -. - / -. ..- -- -.../
... --- / .. -- ..- ... .. -. --. / .--. . -. / .. -. / -- --- ..- - .... / .-.-.-/
Translates from Morse code to;
"Hey not coming into work today. Lost my voice. Fingers went numb so I'm using pen in mouth." Make no sounds when doing this and doing it slowly will add to the effect. If possible do it early enough to put on the answering machine. If you got a WWI vet who just won't retire then he will probably be able to translate for your boss . HA!
- I used this to skip work and go to a rock concert called PlanetFest..... Sorry I can't come into work today I hurt my back lifting my drum out of the trailer last night... It worked... Sad thing is I got in a mosh pit and ended up hurting my back and my neck was stiff from head banging and I had to go to work the next day too.
- Sorry I can't come in today, I went to a heavy metal gig last night. The pit was a bit mental and I accidentally broke this guys ribs. I'm currently in jail.
- This was actually used in front of me. An employee at my job was consistently late for work, every day! She was asked to appear at a disciplinary meeting where she was questioned about her constant lateness. Her answer was, I swear to God, "Time is not my friend"!
- Once, I called out of work because I was still very drunk from a party the night before. I never lie, so I knew this had to be something that nobody would question or talk about. I told my boss that my boyfriend and I were having sex the night before, and we had "accidental anal" and I was rushed to the hospital. Luckily, my boss and I were actually good friends outside of work, so I could say such things to him. Needless to say, it was never questioned.
- I have a friend whose mother wanted her husband to come home from work early. Thinking hard, she finally came up with an excuse. She called the company where her husband worked and told them to tell him to please come home right away, as his grandmother was dead........ (she just didn't tell them that the grandmother had died 10 years ago!). It worked, anyway!
- Excuse for leaving work early : "I bent over in the lab and split my pants. I somehow have managed to make it out to my truck...this is just between me and you, right?"
- My ex-girlfriend made me get drunk with her for a week and a half because her cat died.
- No - joke, a friend actually used this: I had a heart attack last night and was rushed to the hospital unconcious. They had to restart my heart cause I was dead on the table for three minutes. I'm ok now, they let me go home. I should be in tomorrow.
- I work for a Radio Station in the US Virgin Islands and this morning our transmitter wasn't broadcasting. I called my boss to ask if he would come in and reset it and he said......... my electric gate won't open so I can't leave the house.
- I did actually use this excuse a number of years ago. Early one morning as I got up to go to work I told my girlfriend that I really did not want to go to work that day. To which she relied "Well then don't go in, call in sick. I thought well what excuse would I use, so I told my girlfriend "call in for me and tell I won't be in today". "I don't care what you tell them, tell them I'm dead". Well that is exactly what she did as she said, "X won't be in today as he is dead". There was silence for a number of seconds and then the person on the other end said, "Will he be in tomorrow?". She replied, "Oh yes he will be in tomorrow".
- My ex boyfriend called into work using the excuse and I quote, "My friend got shot... .. ... in the face." He actually got away with it too.
- It was icy out this morning, and I fell in my driveway and got hurt and my husband has to take me to the doctor, and he fell too. It sure is a good thing I am fat, my husband said he needed a forklift to pick me up.
- I was a manager for a store quite a few years ago, when I got this phone call - "I can't come to work today because our boat ran out of gas last night, and we are waiting for the coast guard". (this was before cell phones!) when I asked how he was calling in, he said he was using a ship to shore radio.
- Sorry I can't come to werk today, I accidently got a serious paper cut. It's sooo true.
- A customer support person called in sick to me one day saying he had bit his tongue and couldn't talk. It was a convincing performance so I let him stay home. I thought it was hilarious.
- My front door lock jammed and I could not get out, I had to show my boss the work sheet to prove it another time my bath tap got stuck on full and the water was splashing all over the bathroom I was worried it would flood the flat downstairs, I had to show my boss the work sheet for that too. When I just wanted to stay home I used somthing like headache or stomach problems, he always believed boring things.
- I believe I have a ton of excuses used by my Systems Admin you would loveÖ The guy calls in sick at least 1 day a week. I hope you have time to read all of these, keep in mind that when we call in sick we must CC the owner and the HR rep - the first one is from the day of submitting these to you; enjoy!
- I still feel like absolute hell and Iím trying REALLY hard to get over this so Iím not sick on my vacation next week!!
- Iím going to work from home today so I donít get you guys sick drop me a line if you need anything.
- Iíll be in around 11-ish and not sure how long Iím going to hang.
- I am feeling better than I did yesterday, but if I was to describe my over all condition, the best I could say is ďmehĒ. Iíll be working from home today, so I will be online all day. IM/email/call if you need me.
- Rather than sit there in the incubator at work, I'm going to stay home today and rest (and see how much Vitamin C the human body can consume).
- Im not feeling well today so I'll probably stay home and be offline so I can sleep and rest my mind as well.
- Hi guys Iím still running a fever and was told by the doctor that I should stay home till it breaks. Iíll be out tomorrow Tuesday 28.I can be reached on my cell if need be.
- Hey guys, Iím not any better today (actually my mom sayís I sound worse). Iím going to work from home today so I donít get you guys sick either. Iím online all day, so drop me a line if you need anything.
- SO I just went out to start up my truck to head into the office and I got NOTHING. Not even trying to turn over (the first hint something was wrong was when I tried my door opener and it didnít work, so I had to open it manually) Anyways, Iím online. As soon as my step-dad gets back I will try and jump it and see if that brings it back to life.
- After going to Vegas - Just want to let you know that I need one more day to recover. I'll be at home sleeping all day but my cell will be on. Call me if you need to.
- These next ones occurred on a MON TUES WED in the same week
- I have a Dr. Appointment at 9 a.m. and then I am heading to the (The CEOís House) to setup their new PC. I will be in after that. - WED
- The day before the previous excuse - I have a Dr. appointment at 8:30, then I will be heading to(The CEOís House) house to setup their new desktop. I will be in the office there after. - TUES
- And the day before the one above as well making it three days in a row - Actually I do have a Dr. appointment at 8:30. Be there after. Ė MON
- An email sent to me because I was left alone in the office for the day - I know you are flying solo tomorrow, so I will try and be there asap (need to get a little sleep).
- Iíll be working from home tomorrow. I will be back on the phone with Microsoft and itís hard enough to understand them, let alone hear them while Iím there. You can reach me via IM or email if you need to reach me.
- Iím at home today. Iím watching the Exchange serverís queue to see if I need to call Microsoft or not.
- So my niece was born tonight at 7:11 p.m. tonight! Iím heading to the hospital first thing in the morning. I donít know how long Iím going to stay, but Iíll have my laptop with me so if Iím needed for anything I can jump online.
- I'm not feeling at all well today. I'm going to stay in bed and try and sleep it off before it gets the better of me. I'll have my laptop up to address things as they arrive (and send out some emails for things I need to address),
- I just want to give you a heads up. My sisterís water broke last night. I will probably be taking a day off to go and visit her and in the event the baby does come, then I will definitely be taking a day off to visit my new niece. Itís a day-by-day situation right now, so I will update you all as I know more.
- Looking at my calendar tomorrow I have a few ďon goingsĒ. I have an 11:30 meeting with (Our ISP) to review a new possible monitoring software for us. I then have an 1:15 hair cut appointment, in which I plan on leaving around 12:40 so I can stop and get something to eat beforehand. I plan on then after heading to the court house to file my divorce papers. I will return home and finish my day there.
- Hey guys, I'm here. I'm waiting for a very important package *divorce papers*. I'll be in as soon as they arrive.
- I am going to be taking off a few days next week. My 6 month pregnant sister has to go to L.A. for a few days for work. Since she cannot fly, she needs to drive. I do not want her to do this drive alone, so I will be accompanying her on this trip. We will be leaving Monday morning and be back Wednesday night. I will be returning to the office on Thursday.
- Iím hanging at home until 9 a.m. because I have to swing by the bank and address an issue. Iíll be in shortly thereafter. IM or call me if you need anything.
- Hey guys,
Just want to give you a heads up on what my week looks like thus far.
Monday: I will be in the office until 10:30. I will then be heading to the colo to rack the new Store2 server. I will be coming back to the office once itís ready. If all goes well, I will be making the cut over to the new server next Monday night (I will begin announcing the downtime tomorrow afternoon once the server is racked and ready for the data transfer).
Tuesday: I have a hair cut at 2:30, so I will be leaving the office around 2:15 and will finish my day at home.
Wednesday: I have a meeting at 12:30 with the management team to discuss the current distribution list permissions and how to address them going forward. I then have a 4 p.m. meeting with a Tattoo artist to discuss my re-design of my current tattoo and the cover-up of my old one. I will be leaving the office around 3:30.
Thursday: I will be out of the office this day as too I will be heading out of town to spend the weekend with my sister. I will take my laptop with me, but I would appreciate it if you guys would not break anything while Iím gone J
Friday: We are all off this day!
I am hoping to get a lot accomplished during this short week, but please let me know if there is anything I can do to assist you guys.
- Stopping to get some food and I'll be there. and for the pdf you just sent me, showing chaise-now and normal version all together so where to implement?
- It has just been brought to my attention that (Our website is down) Unfortunately I am out of town with very limited access to a computer I will be home later this evening and will look into the problem as soon as I can.
- Iím going to work from home the first part of the day. I have a hair cut in *********. I will be working on auditing all of our Cisco hardware so for our SmartNet renewal. Iíll be in the office after my haircut (around 1:30).
- Iíll need to work from home next week 6/13 as they are painting the doors in my house and I need to keep them open while the paint dries.
- I have a Dr. appointment at 3:30 p.m. so I will not be in the office today.
- Sorry for the short notice, but I kept forgetting to tell you guys. I am dropping my car off tomorrow to have a bunch of work done to it. I am going to work from home tomorrow since I am dropping it off here in C*****l. It MIGHT not be done tomorrow, so in the event itís not, I will just work from home on Tuesday as well until it is done. Usual, email, cell, IM contacts apply.
- Next day -Just got the call that my car will not be done until tomorrow afternoon (again, lots of work; replacing my gas tank, fixing a crack in my radiator, among other things). Iíll be at home and online tomorrow as well.
- I dropped a 45 lb. plate on my foot at the gym yesterday L My foot is ok, but the toe next to my big toe is f-ered (itís the same size as my big toe). I canít even get on a shoe at the moment, so with that said, Iíll be working from home today (foot up with ice on it). Usual contact methods apply.
- So I havenít been able to leave my house since I got the call that (One of our main offices) is down and I havenít eaten lunch yet, so I guess Iíll just stay here for today. Iím online and doing stuff, so just IM/email/call me if you need anything.
- This week I have a few things going on.
- Monday: I have a physical therapy appointment at Kaiser at 10:30 for my neck. It is at the C*******l location, so I will work from home.
- Tuesday: I would like to ask for a P.T.O. day. Due to my wife and I not getting along right at the moment, I need to find time work on the house (i.e. paint, repair, etc) when she is not around. Since she will be at work, I will come to the house and get as much done as I can during the day. I will probably need a few Tuesdays or Thursdays off during the course of May so we can have our house ready to put on the market by June.
- Wednesday: I am meeting (a group of people) for lunch in Pleasant Hill at noon. We are going to discuss the rebuilding and consolidation of the (company website) server farm. I will work from home in the morning and probably finish the day at home as well.
- Friday: I have an appointment with my psychologist at 8:30 a.m. I will be in the office there afterwards (around 10 a.m.). I would also like to have an offsite I.T. meeting at either 10:45 a.m. or 1:45 a.m. to discuss the implementation of new more advanced technology *cough*Iron Man*cough*
- Week of 5/5 Ė 5/9 I will be watching my momís dog (Corey the Corgi). I will be working from home some days and bringing her to the office the days I come in; she does not do well left alone for long periods of time.
- I will be working from home Monday morning. I have a 11:30 a.m. physical therapy appointment for my neck. The appointment should take an hour.
- Iím running over to Kaiser to have an X-Ray of my neck as too I still have pains from that crash several weeks back. Iíll be in the office there after. (Referring to a snowboarding trip)
- Afternoon gentlemen,
- Just want to give you all a heads up for my week.
- Monday I have a chiropractor appointment at 9 a.m., then I will be heading to the colo to work on two old Colorado servers I will be there all day.
- Tuesday I will be heading straight to ********* 2 to pull out the networking equipment then heading back into the office in the late afternoon.
- Wednesday I have a hair cut at 3 p.m. so Iíll be leaving around 2:45.
- Thursday is the Bocce ball game at 4 p.m., so we will all be heading over to ******* around 3:45-ish.
- Also, as of Tuesday I will be house/puppy sitting for a friend, so I might in and out at odd times (OR there will be a black lab puppy hanging out in our office with us J And of course Iím accessible via my cell, email or IM.
- My refrigerator stopped ďrefrigeratingĒ last night. Iím going to put a call in to have someone out here today to take a look at it before I have to throw everything away. Iíll be online. Catch me anyway you need to
- Iím expecting a call from Microsoft. He is going to call the Admin line. Please forward him to my cell when he does I will be working from home all day today
- will be working from home tomorrow morning. I have a Dr. Appointment at 10:30, so I will be online from there until my dr. appointment then I will head into the office after lunch. Call/IM/Email/Text me if you need me.
- Just got my results back from my blood draw yesterday and I have to go back for another round of test tomorrow. I will be in the office after I stop by the dr. in the afternoon
- So I was up at Kirkwood today getting in some runs. The good news, I love my new boots, board and bindings and that I didnít break my nose! The bad news is that I took a REALLY good dive and I look like I got my ass kicked, suffered a mild concussion, tweaked my neck and wrist, destroyed my goggles and I might need to buy a new jacket because itís COVERED in bloodÖI swear Iíve been boarding for 15 years now, but I went down like a rookieÖya, it was one of those days. But beyond that drama, the snow SUCKED! So hereís to hoping we get a few more feet before it turns to spring!
Anyways, Iím going to be laying low for the day here. I will be on the phone with ****** FIRST THING Monday morning, so IM or email me if you want to reach me.
- Iíll be at the colo this morning, then heading into the office by no later than noon. (The colo is the location where the servers are stored, there is no way to monitor attendance, so basically you show up when you want)
- I havenít been able to shake this headache for a few weeks now and my Dr. could give me no insight. So I have scheduled an appointment with the optometry department for this Friday at 10:45 a.m. to have my eyes examined so I will not be in on this day.
- F.Y.I. I have a Dr. Appointment at 11:30 on Wed. so I will not be in
- Wednesday I have an appointment at 9 a.m. with a CTA for my taxes. I should be in by noon
- Thursday I have a dentist appointment at 11:30 a.m. My dentist is walking distance from my house, so Iíll probably just work from home that day.
- Looking at my calendar for tomorrow I have a Dr. appointment at 10:30 in Campbell. Iíll work from home until after my appointment, then I will come to the office (should be there around 11:45). I also have a 2:00 conference call with EMC to discuss our current design and any future growth so I will be unavailable during this time.
- Iím going to take(his ex wife) to her work because she really needs to be there today. After I drop her off Iím going to head home and clean up and will be in as soon as I can.
- (During a Ski trip to Lake Tahoe ) Tried to go home twice tonight. 50 is closed due to ďhigh wind and possible avalanche conditionsĒ. Here is a picture from the Raleyís Super Market. What the picture doesnít capture is the CRAZY wind blowing; near white out conditions when driving. (Attached picture showed no snow falling just a night time pic of snow on the ground)
- Looking at my calendar I have a hair cut at 3:45, so I will be leaving at 3:00. I will be going home for the day after this.
- I decided to take a little mini get away. Iíll be out of the office on Wed, but I have a GSM card now, so if you guys need anything, call my cell and I can jump on from hereÖerr, here being South Lake Tahoe.
- I am not feeling so well, so I am going to be working from home today. Please feel free to call me on my home phone should you need to reach me.
- I will be working from home on Tuesday and Wednesday since I am working tomorrow night. You can reach me by all the usual methods.
- I will be taking my wife in for her lasic eye surgery today so I will not be able to make it in.
- If you need to reach me tomorrow, just call me at home
- I have been informed that my 100,000 service on my Blazer is a two day process (?), so I have changed the appointment to Thursday so I can have my car for the weekend. I will be working from home those days. My desk phone will be forwarded to my cell phone. I am reachable via email, IM, cell phone or home phone.
Hope you enjoyed them, they are all from this year aloneÖ
- I used this in a while back. Sorry boss I cant make it to work, this morning I woke up in a ditch sticky, broke, and confused.
- The power was out so the house was too hot and I couldn't sleep. I'm too tired to work.
- I had a coworker who was supposed to come in late after his Dr's appointment. The appointment was to have a Spider bite looked at. well he went to the dr and they told him they wanted him to have blood work done. Because he has veins that "roll" he had to go have it done at lab. Well when he went to the lab to have the blood drawn the nurse jabbed the needle in and turned it around 180 degrees while in his arm (because of the rolling thing) well he got light headed and passed out and fell out of the chair and hit his head 3 times on their concrete floor.... so he could not come to work. needless to say when he did show up the next day there were no visible bumps on his head or bruising from the needle.
- I just had an employee, a 17 year old who happens to be pregnant, text message me with the following.
"I can't come to work today because I don't have any pants that fit my fat ass."
She was at work the day before wearing perfectly acceptable pants. Sorry to say, but neither myself nor the owner thought it was a good enough reason, and she's no longer with us.
- I can't come in today as I have a tick.
- This guy at work told the boss, Hey I need to go back to my house, I think I left the Coffee Pot on... Boss said well how will that take the rest of the Day? Guy said, well I also want to check up on my wife, I think She may be Layong out of work...
- On Christmas Day I had a fight with my Mother and my blood pressure went up and I got sick to my stomach and had to vomit. I need to throw up so I sat down to use the toilet and I grab the garbage can to vomit and I blacked out, fell off the toilet hitting my head on the floor causing a concoction. I will be out of work for a month or so according to my doctor. (True Story)
- Two fake excuses my colleague has used successfully, one fantastically complex, the other fantastically simple:
1. "My friend was driving me home so I could get changed for work (we have a uniform) but a motorcyclist hit the drivers side of the car, and I'm currently in hospital. I'm ok, only whiplash and somebruises, but my friend's got glass in his eardrum so I'm waiting here while he's being operated on. If it's a short op then I might be able to cover the second half of the shift if I rush" - It wasn't a short op :P
2. My nan had a fall so I'mm looking after her.
- A co-worker changed the color on both her fonts & background to black. She screwed off for 3 days before tech support finally figured out why her computer wouldn't "boot up."
- True story but my boss didn't believe me. In my first apartment, I lived on the top floor. After a heavy rainstorm one night, the ceilings started to sag. Somebody called the fire department because they were afraid of getting electrocuted from the water that was obviously getting into the ceiling. The fire department evacuated the building and wouldn't let anybody return until some city building inspector got there that afternoon. We were all out on the street in the rain, in our pajamas half the night and all morning. I had forgotten to grab my purse on the way out so I had no money, no car keys, and couldn't get back in to get dressed.
Maybe my boss didn't believe that one because I had already called in three times because a guy I had refused to go out with kept slashing all of my tires. Also true.
- I've recently started looking at your Work Excuses pages and they are great! I wanted to submit 2 of my own, in the hopes that they can be put up!
1. My dad worked for a water plant in Chicago. One day, as on many days, he just didn't feel like going in. So, he called up the boss and said "I can't come in today. A tree fell through my window." We don't have any trees around our house!
2. I am a college student and work at our university library. My supervisor told me he had to leave early to get his hair cut.
- I actually told my boss that I was late to work because a hobo jumped in front of the train tracks and wouldn't move until the cops arrived.
- A few hours before, call into work and tell them that you are going to an intervention for your alcoholic reletive. i.e. uncle, aunt or cousin.
- "My neighbor was getting mulch dropped off in his driveway, but the guys took it to the wrong house and now I have a huge pile of mulch and I cant get out of my driveway. I won't be into work today"
"A water main broke in front of my house, so not only do I not have water, my driveway is blocked by the Public Works Depatment's trucks."
- Hello, (insert name here) here, I am sorry that I missed work yesterday without phoning in and that I am going to be late for work today but the truth of the matter is that despite the fact that I am embarrassed to say so I am currently and have for quite some time been on medication to help me sleep. Seven years ago I was heavily addicted to GHB and have been unable to sleep without ativan since this time. Unfortunately I got drunk on the weekend for the first time in over ten years and lost my prescription. This led to an incrediabley difficult situation that led me to be not only hung over but unable to sleep at all. As I hope you can imagine this is very embarrassing for me as I take great pride in my ability to be counted on and reliable, The long and the short of it is that I had to go to my doctors and explain this to him, get another prescription, knock myself out, catch up on my sleep, leading me to over sleep and be late for work today. I am extremely sorry to have let you and myself down and I hope that you will give me the opportunity to make it up to you so that I can forgive myself and get on with being a better me sooner than later.
- I was walking my Husky this weekend and I pulled a muscle.
- My co-worker had to go home early and has not returned in weeks because "The new guy had an affair with her husband and almost broke up her marriage".
- My friend crashed and her family won't answer and I'm heading to the hospital right now so if I go I'm goin to be late...it worked for me.
- I didn't do this. A friend of mine did, but it worked! He told the boss that he was at a birthday party for his nephew at the beach the day before and everyone put their keys into a bucket so no one would be driving home drunk. One of the kids at the party got a hold of the bucket and some of the keys were lost in the sand. Everyone looked but they couldn't find all of the keys, so he needed to get a new key made and had no way to get to work. I mean really, how could they get mad at him for being responsible and putting the keys in a bucket to avoid driving drunk? Of course, then he had to actually go to the beach to get a tan... Genius!
- This actually did happen.. I was laying out on the roof sunbathing and fell asleep. I was so sunburned that I couldn't put any clothes on! I told my boss I could come in, but I would have to come in wearing my bathing suit or a little nightgown. The boss just laughed and said while that might be ok for some people, it wasn't appropriate for work, so to stay home and take care of myself!
- I had a girl working for me who called on Monday and said she wouldnít be in this week because her Mom passed away. Normally this is not funny,but itís the second time her Mom passed away in 6 months.
She also called in a couple weeks earlier and said she wouldnít be in because her Dad was driving down the highway when a drive shaft flew off a truck, crashed thru the windshield and he is now in the hospital with a drive shaft sticking out of his chest.
- Hey just thought I would add a couple of good excuses from some of the empl;oyees I have had in the past. Names will be changed to protect the guilty.
Had an employee that was late and always used some sort of medical excuse. here are a few of them.
+ Hey Boss, sorry I'm late, but I bought a new bedspread last night and it must have contained a new special microfiber. I say this because it must have aggravated my Extremely bad asthma and I just could not wake up on-time because I couldn't get the proper oxygen level to my lungs.
+ Boss called same employee above 2 days later...when employee was supposed to be at work at 2pm. Here is how it went. Hey Ron this Jake from work. Wondering why you haven't shown for your shift. You were due in at 2 pm and it is now 5:45 pm. At 8:15 pm Ron finally calls back. "Hey Boss", " Sorry About missing my shift, but I have been in an Asthma attack since about 1 pm today. I haven't had enough breath to call you until now...(he was breathing heavy)....I believe it is this winter pollen that has me so messed up. I'll try to be in tomorrow for my shift......By the way boss what is my shift tomorrow? (winter pollen......yeah right)
+ Same employee calls into work a month later telling me....Hey Boss I am going to be late today because I can't find my car keys....I believe I left them at a club last night. I am looking for my extra set here at the house right now. (this one was funny because it wasn't but a few seconds later that I here screeching tires and a "oh Sh#$@t" followed by the sound of two cars hitting each other.) Then in his next breath tells me. Well boss I'm going to be out today because I have had an automobile accident. I said, " Ron You just told me you were at home looking for your spare set of keys". His response was "did I".
- I haven't used this one yet, but maybe one day..... I got sprayed by a skunk last night while jogging in my neighborhood. Have to take a tomato juice/gasoline bath.
- Mostly directed towards females, this works until at least noon!; "I was feeling cramped or I wanted to lose a couple pounds of water weight and a friend suggested I take a laxative. I didn't realize that it would be in effect so long. I'll come in as soon as it stops coming out!"
- I canít come to work today because my wife has been home sick all week and she is finally going back to work so I can have the house to myself!
- I am a manager and I get excuses for missing work everyday but this has to be the best ever. An employee came to me and said that he had to leave early because he could not find his nuts. Apparently while he was sleeping the night before they had disappeared. (This is exactly what he told me)
- Once I came into work the day after missing a day and the boss said" Where the hell were YOU yesterday?" I was at my ends with this job anyways so I didn't care if I got fired. I said, "What time?" He replied, "What the F**k do you mean, what time?! All day! Where were you yesterday?!" My reply went something like this, "Well, at 6am when you guys were starting work I was in a deep slumber. Then around 11am when you guys were flocking to the break truck to get some toxic grub, I was at Outback Steakhouse taking my time ordering a nice 10oz steak and sipping on a Sam Adams. By 2pm while you guys were dirty and ready to go home from this dark depressing hellhole, I was at the theater watching the new Spiderman and eating popcorn. Somewhere in between all of this I took a nice quiet stroll through the county park and reflected on my life and my wonderful job. Then I just kinda laid around the rest of the day" He was FURIOUS!!!! Then he tried to get me to quit, but that would mean losing all of that FREE un-employment money, no way dude, not happening. So a few weeks later he found an excuse to fire me and I had 1 year of free money on them. Yay! -- The only things you live to regret are the risks you didn't take.
- When asked the reason for his late arrival to work he stated that his house had no rear door and that his large dog became very aggressive when asked to move from behind the front door.
- I am a manager for a local pizza chain in North Louisiana. The best excuse I have ever heard was from a delivery driver that called in 2 days in a row because he didn't have a car (he has 2-3).
- Actually Used (And not Accepted) I have only taken one sick day before so this is not something my boss should expect. I called an hour before my shift started and my boss answered. I faked it very well with sadness when i said, "My dog had eaten fertilizer and I am taking him to the vet." My boss the continued to tell me how they would vacuum his stomach and keep him overnight and then said, "See you at 11:00."
- I was absent last week because I was misdiagnosed with the Bubonic Plague.
- I can't come in today, I burnt my head on a light bulb.
- I can't come in today, I haven't got any trousers.
- I hit my head on my car bumper and cracked the bumper.
- My ex-girlfriend told me that she would call in sick; "Sick of work." She said that most of the time here managers weren't paying enough attention to realize what she had said... they would buy it, no questions asked.
- A guy I used to work with called in the morning before work with this excuse. I was mowing the yard yesterday and a tree branch fell on my head, I have to lay down and recoup today.
- True: I called my boss from the hospital ER informing him I might be late as I had just been brought in by ambulance after being discovered unconscious from a low sugar reaction. My boss' reply - Not to worry.
- "I am waiting for my drug dealer to re-up. Lord knows that I need drugs to be a good worker guy!"
- I have herd the mother of all excuses while we were about 4 hours into a 12 hour shift a computer operator who worked for me pulled me aside and said she had to go home when I questioned her as to why she would need to leave she said she had zipped her female lips up in her zipper and needed to go to the doctor me being female I found this hard to believe but I wasnít going to investigate and figured if she took the time to come up with that she needed a day off lol.
- I worked on camera for a video company and had an allergic reaction that caused my face to swell, so - "I am calling in ugly today"
- I found an unauthorized payment on my account this morning and the bank clerk informed me I'd have to come in and file the necessary paperwork to have it removed.
- If you're already at work: I just received a complementary call reminding me that I have a dentist appointment today that I completely forgot about! And there is a fee for rescheduling!
- I cant come into work today, I have nausea, heartburn, indigestion, an upset stomach and diarrhea.
- The guy that breaks down our grocery truck had his mother call in to tell us that he would not be at work because he went skinny dipping over the weekend and a spider crawled into his shorts. When he put them on the spider bit him in his crack and he could not walk at the moment.
- I just found the reason to why we always traffic accidents in Dallas. An employee sent this one to his team mates. "I ran out of my medicine over the weekend and they could not refill it without the doctorís ok. It is causing me to have very bad vertigo. I tried coming in and almost wrecked on the highway. So I will be staying home today."
- I am a plant manager in Maine, and I had to submit an excuse that my Office Assistant gave me last week. She texted me one morning last week and said she wouldn't be in because " I fell off a cooler and hurt my neck" She was going to a Chiropractor to have it looked at. Ha! Ha!.. She is only 26 yrs old by the way not 86! It happened to be on a beautiful Friday as well. Maybe a coincidence.
- In my second year of college, doing horse management, we had to be at the stables at 7am. I got onto the yard at 8.45 one morning wearing a very short skirt and heels, my excuse..."I went out drinking last night with a few friends, and woke up in someone elses house, who had already gone to work, I had to walk to the local shop to find out where the taxi should pick me up" true story! Was given a disciplinary and made to muck out my horses in my going out clothes. Lesson learnt: don't get drunk and go home with strangers!
- Here is an excuse that I used just a week ago, (this actually happened) I started up my car and noticed that it was behaving strangely, I thought that it was the lack of oil so I drove it to the gas station, purchased some oil and proceeded to open the hood when to my surprise, a chinchilla like animal, or a pack rat was sitting atop of my engine, after I scared it away it to me ten minutes to find out why my vehicle was still acting weird, then I noticed my spark plug wire was slightly chewed through and was causing it to miss fire, so I called into work and told my boss that some chinchilla like animal had chewed through my spark plug wire and I'm going to be late....
- My boss is habitually late or doesn't end up coming in at all even after she says she will. Here are a few doozies she has used the latest being.
My dog has bloody stools I need to take her to the vet... later calls the dog ate rocks and needs emergency surgery ( her 25th High School reunion is tomorrow) she won't be in at all.
I bent down to get the dogs water bowl hit my head on the stairs, fell backwards, hit my head and it knocked me out.
Some strange funny looking bug bit my forehead and made me sick.
My dad fell between the toilet and wall and got stuck I needed to help him get out.
My dog fell in the pool and almost drowned I need to take her to the vet.
Keep in mind most of these are Monday morning calls with a few exceptions like today's with her reunion being tomorrow and all. Some boss huh?
- I canít come to work today because my dog chewed my tail light wires.
- I have worked for a staffing firm for 10 years have hear almost everything some of my favorites are:
I cannot go to work tonight (11 PM) My wife and I have been trying to have a baby for a very long time and all the doctors agree today is the day. This was at about 2 in the afternoon. This employee ended up having triplets.
I wonít be in, I was in a car accident and I am waiting for the jaws of life to extract me from my car.
I had a girl who was late to her job interview because her dog was in labor. 2 weeks later she called off her very first shift because her dog was in labor.
I canít come in today my dog is very sick and my cop friend is coming over to shoot my dog and help me bury him.
I am sorry I didnít call in or go to the last 3 shifts, my kids were on the bus that almost went in to the Mississippi river when the bridge collapsed.( We are in Ohio)
I wonít be in today I was driving behind a truck on the highway carrying furniture and a piece of furniture flew off the truck and went through my windshield.
I canít work today my orthopedic shoes are broke and my feet will bleed.
I canít work tonight there is a man standing outside my house with a gun and I canít go outside.
I could go on forever but those are some of my favorites.
- "I'm really sorry I'm late, but I was driving to work when the thingy that holds up my muffler and tailpipe broke. I had to knock at almost 20 houses before I found someone who was home and who could give me a coat hanger to wire it back up so it wouldn't drag." This really happened to me once, but could probably be used several times (provided you really DO have it wired up) because, even if the boss checks, he can't prove it isn't a different coat hanger than last time. It helps if you have a little grime on your hands and/or your knees when you get to the office!
- Due to our dog hurting itself over the weekend I have to stay home today to "dog-sit".. I am on email and phone all day so if you need anything please do not hesitate to contact me.
- My co-worker e-mailed the following excuse this morning.
"I'll be in later this morning, I have to find a chicken...seems all of Saskatchewan is out of fresh chickens and I need one for the midnight meal I am preparing. Sobey's and Safeway are expecting their truck this morning so hopefully this won't take long. I'll keep you posted on the chicken hunt..."
- Here are some of the excuses I've heard from 2 very creative women in my company:
I have Irritable Bowel, and no one can use the bathroom, so I can't come in (Ewwww)
I was cleaning with new Vim with bleach, and my hands are a mess, I can't go out with my hands looking like this.
My ex-husband had a heart-attack.
My son has a headache (he's 18 years old).
I can't work because I just found out my boyfriend is having an affair. (When I ask her about this a couple of weeks later, she tells me someone was playing a trick on her!)
I have to fill in for someone who is vomiting blood.
I have to take my son to hospital because he is vomiting blood.
My cat's sick, so I have to take her to the vet.
It's my son's birthday party today. (She's organizing it, so she just noticed?)
Her son calls in to say his mom broke her toe, so can't work. In the background she's yelling "Ow! Ow!". So we schedule other people to fill her jobs for the next 2 weeks. Then she complains that she has no work for the next couple of weeks. "But don't you have a broken toe?". "Oh, I'm okay, I can work" We find her some shifts. Before the week starts, she calls to say her grandmother died. This is all in less than 2 weeks!
- True story, Can't come into work today, Dads dead and Mums got the shits, oh and I'm sick.
- First of all, I only began keeping track of this one colleague's excuses on 4/7/2008. As of today 10/30/2009, I have collected 99 separate and original different excuses from this one employee.
The all time favorite has to be this.
Subject: Wife burned popcorn real bad, house full of smoke. WFH rest of afternoon
Another worker helpfully suggested the following: "Recommend opening the windowsÖ.and all should be fine. "
His reply: "Of course we did that but the damage is done, everything we own, in our condo is ruined by the smell. Sorry, but all is not fine. Thanks for your concern."
- A guy who once worked for me said he had not come in the day before because he had been in an accident after falling asleep while riding his bicycle. I had to believe him because no one could possibly invent a story like that.
- I was walking out to my truck today and, like always, I lock the garage door, open the car door, and hit the button and run out so I don't have to mess around with my keys. Halfway to my truck I realized I didn't have my cell phone so I turned around but the big door had already shut so I was walking to the door and realized I didn't have my keys either. I was locked out of my house and my truck without my phone and had to wait for my (parents, or GF, or whoever) to get home and let me back in.
- Someone from work did this one today, its a real joke! "I can't come in today because the fire alarms in my building went off all night and I couldn't sleep!"
- I'm Planning on useing this one come this summer ... so please don't submit .. but it really happend to me and I'm waiting for the last minute I need to call in for a fake excuse... I was putting Hair removel (Nair) on my face and my face started to burn and blister SSOOOO BAD I looked like a freak!! It went away after about 12 hours ..It WAS Nair For the LEGS ) which I think is the perfect excuse. YES?! Editor's note... this was submitted a couple of years ago so I'm sure it's safe to post.
- These are actual excuses our office received from temps while working at a Temporary Job Placement Agency in Fairview Heights, Illinois years ago:
"I can't come into work today because I woke up in a hotel room this morning and I can't breathe."
"I can't come into work today because the lock on my car door is frozen shut and the chord from my blowdryer is too short to thaw it out."
"I can't go to work today because my neighbor is stealing my electricity".
"I can't go to work today because I gashed my head in."
"I can't go to work today because I locked myself inside my house."
"I can't go to work today because yesterday I had an abortion and I'm still bleeding".
"I can't go to work today because my woman kept me up all night".
(This one was for a temporary job working in one of the River Boats in St. Louis, MO)
"I can't go into work today because yesterday I found the Lord and He told me not to work where there is gambling".
(This was a temporary job working in the hospital laundry)
"I won't be going into work today because while I was doing the laundry yesterday, something icky and unrecognizable fell out of the sheets and got me sick".
When calling an employee why he didn't show up for work on Tuesday, he said, "Tuesday??? I thought it was Sunday!"
- I gotta tell you -- you stole my idea. EDITOR'S NOTE... This website has been here since 1999 so I really doubt it!
For years, my friends and family have been calling me to formulate their excuses because I am the best at it. In fact, whenever my phone rings prior to 9am on a workday, I usually answer as "Good Morning Workbusters, how may I assist you this morning?". I may or may not have actually fabricated obituaries using copyrighted insignia from the Philadelphia Inquirer Newspaper (one must be careful as to what they commit to writing). I may or may not have also submitted them to the web such that if you performed a google search on the persons name, their obituary from the Philadelphia Inquirer would appear. Indeed, I am hardcore!
Here's a solid excuse for being late to work:
"I was house-sitting for a friend last night. I even brought my own alarm clock so I would get up for work on time. Turns out that the outlet into which I pluggged my clock is one of those outlets that is controlled by a lightswitch. So when I turned off the lights to sleep, I also inwittingly turned off the alarm clock and that is why I'm late -- sorry."
Here is a really weak one that my mother told me that one of her co-workers used: "I didn't have a clean towel for when I got out of the shower." Can you say LAME?
I need a really solid excuse that will enable me to be gone and completely inaccessible for 3 weeks. Any ideas?
President and Founder of Workbusters
I won't be in work today because my cat tried to commit suicide off a bus curb.
- I am calling off work today... have a brain tumor!
- To Whom It May Concern:
Mr. ____________ did not show up at work the other day because he was seeking psychiatric treatment with me for masochistic behavior. Please do not punish him for whatever he does or does not do at work, because punishment causes him to feel extreme sexual pleasure and he will only misbehave even more in hopes of getting more punishment. In my opinion as his psychiatrist, the only feasible way to handle his behavior is to promote him to a position of more authority in your company.
Yours Very Truly,
The Medical Offices of Doctors Piled, Higher, and Deeper
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