Work Excuses # 601 to 754.
- I used to commute to work (an hour each way) for 7 months over a mountain chain and I had been complaining of ear aches from the constant pressure changes. So one Wednesday night my friend and I got smashed and made out with a couple of American navy boys and didn't get home till after 6 am. I called my boss to tell him that I had to go to the clinic to have my ear's checked.With the same job I had another job interview, called my boss and left a message saying I wouldn't be in the next day as I was feeling fluish. I showed up the day after, played the company messages and heard him on the line saying he was going to be gone that day as well. So he never knew I was gone and I never let on.
- I'm calling in with stomach problems, I can't stomach working today.
- Took this call from a co-worker on a 10-hour shift: He called two hours before the shift, "I'll be in two hour late." Three hours later, same employee, I'll be another two hours late." Then called in half way through shift, "I'm not coming in tonight." The person was at a BBQ two hours distance from work and kept deciding to stay. Supervisors never did do anything about it.
- A co-worker called off because her horse was ill and she had to take care of it, even though she was a co-owner of the horse with three other people.
- I worked with a woman who lived a bohemian lifestyle on a farm. She often called in sick but her best excuse was: She said her horse had been bitten on its penis by a snake and she was therefore far too traumatized to come to work!
- I used this one last summer when I wanted a few days off: "Sorry I can't come in today and cook, I was standing on my bed trying to reach my shelf and I lost my balance, fell off the bed and landed onto the rounded metal end of the TV cable cord and I had 10 stitches put into the bottom of my foot."
- True story.... A girl I use to work with called in sick one day because her butt was burned. She said she went tanning naked and couldn't sit on it.
- I had a guy come into work one day for about 30 minutes. Started his job, decided to walk across the street to the gas station and proceeded to call me at work and say that he couldn't come in - he was sick! Needless to say - I fired him!
- Say Your stepmother's uncle passed away and you have to be there for your dad in another state.
- Sorry boss, I won't be in tomorrow. Last night I ate chicken at the local KFC store and contracted food poisoning. I have had diarrhea and have been throwing up all night and I'm sure I won't be in any shape to come to work tomorrow.
- A former coworker called in to say that he had a strange reaction to his acne medication which was preventing him from coming to work. He was in his late 20's.
- Actually Used And Worked... "I cant come in to work today... its Friday the 13 and I'm really superstitious."
- Well... right now I feel like ass... I went home and ate a couple of hamburgers in the fridge that I thought my roommate had grilled out for dinner... turns out he cooked them three weeks ago and had just rearranged the refrigerator..... to clean it out today.... so .... food poisoning on top of a hangover is a lot of fun!
- I worked in a produce section of a supermarket, and called in sick saying the I hurt my back yesterday, so I can't come in to day!
- A coworker of mine didn't show up for work one day when the boss called to find out if he was coming in he said hold on one minute let me ask my mom after a few second he state "my mom said no" and hung up.
- I once worked at a car dealership where we had a manager who was notorious for being late and/or not showing up at all. Over time he became very creative with his excuses, but as he ran out of ideas he became sloppy. One day he was calling in late, or sick (I can't remember which) and while he was on the phone with my manager giving his excuse he screamed a four letter word related to dung and then there was the sound of aluminum cans clanking around. A few seconds later he came back on the phone and said, "OH MY GOD! Did you hear that?!" My manager asked him what happened and the man replied that a bolt of lightning came through the phone line and knocked him back about six feet into a bunch of empty cans. (beer cans I assume) I am not a scientist, but I would assume that if that were to really happen, a.) There would have been a loud cracking sound of some sort that both parties would hear. b.) He wouldn't be able to hear within the next 1/2 day or more much less the next 3 seconds. c.) the phone line would have been dead. Oh yeah not to mention he would probably be dead or unconscious by getting struck from lightning. To my amazement he showed up to work the next day and no reparation was given.
- I had an employee give a whopper of an excuse after being gone for almost 2 weeks. He came into work with a bandage on his head. When questioned he stated that he was in a very bad car accident, and his brain had swelled. He stated that he had a hole drilled in his head to relieve the pressure. When asked about the lack of IV marks in his arms he stated that they did not have to give him an IV while he was in the hospital. He informed me that his doctor told him that he needed to take three weeks off to heal. I told him to take his tools with him and not to come back. I called him at his new job the following week to request his uniforms back. He sounded fine.
- When I was in college I worked maintenance for the dorm I lived in when I wasn't in class. One morning I was getting ready to leave for work when my door wouldn't open. I called my boss and told him I couldn't get out of my dorm room. He didn't sound like he believed me (can you blame him). He came up 15 minutes later and got my door open. Seems someone had put pennies in the space between my door and the door jam putting so much pressure on my door it wouldn't open. He finally got them dislodged and apologized. Seems I wasn't lying after all.
- I actually (and honestly) used this one: Boss called in wondering why I hadn't shown up for work. I told him that I forgot I was working and was having a huge party at my house. "I cant work because no-one else will make sure the carpet stays clean," was the cherry on top of the cake. (probably wouldn't work for a 9-5er. Also Australia has very worker-friendly termination of employment laws!)
- I am a staff worker in a hospital. I've heard a lot of excuses over the past 18 years. One of the best (worst?) excuses came from a woman that called frantically to say, "I won't be in to work today because my dog has to have emergency cataract surgery!" I said "Cataract surgery isn't even emergent in people!" She said "I know, but he also has glaucoma!" Another good one... Employee calls to say that they have a flat tire. I say, "Why don't you just change it and then come to work? Employee retorts, "My battery is also dead!!!" Lastly, Employee calls in, "I can't get my car started. It won't even turn over." I ask, "What are you going to do?" Employee states, "I'm calling AAA". I say, "Well, give me a call when you find out when you will be here." She says, "What? I can't hear you?" I repeat it. She then says, "Wait a minute, I still can't hear you. Let me turn the car off." I say (with large question mark over my head!) "I thought you said the car wouldn't start!?" She replies, "It won't, but I have to turn the radio off." I say, "Well, if it won't turn over, the radio shouldn't be working." At that point she exclaims, "Oh, it's a miracle. The car just started!"
- A co-worker of mine has more excuses for not coming in or leaving early. The latest one was that she had to drive to Chicago to bail her brother out of jail. Seems he was on a lay over there (he drives a truck) and he went to the bar and got drunk. He went back to the truck and left it running because it was hot and he needed the A/C to sleep. The cops knocked on the window and when he got out of the truck they arrested him for being drunk and impounded the truck.
- My boyfriend and I both used this one to get out of work in the same day. We can't come in because our cats got on to the microwave, knocked over our utensils, and turned on one of the burners, the container that had the utensils on it landed on the burner and as it heated up it, our wooden spoons, and plastic spatulas caught fire. If my boyfriend didn't come home when he did, he found major smoke in our apartment. There was extensive smoke damage. The whole apartment building could of gone up in fire. It really happened got the pictures to prove it. Also both our bosses believed us, we needed the day to clean all of our stuff. What a mess, still cleaning.
- I'm not coming in today because yesterday I was helping a farmer chop some wood and I got into a nest of spiders.
- A female called her French boss Jacques at work and told him. "Hi Jacques, I am sorry but I will be running late today, the cat puked on top of my car and now I have to wash it. Sorry." :o)
- Actual excuses used by a coworker: Couldn't get my taxes done because my computer broke down. He had been out of work 6 months prior to that date. Food poisoning, cap fell out, headache, sprained thumb and I'm not supposed to travel on the medicine. Best of All: I'm emotionally drained.
- I can't come into work today because I just stared new medications for my insomnia yesterday and they made me really dozy so when I got up this morning I accidentally amputated my finger in the coffee bean grinder, so I have to go to the hospital before the ice melts which is keeping my finger alive.
- I got some goop in my right eye and I rubbed it and now I can't open it, so I won't be in today!
- The electricity is off at my place and my car is in the garage and I can't open it, so I'll be in after the electricity comes back on.
- My kitty hasn't pooped in 5 days and is very constipated and I need to take it to the veterinarian to give it an enema!
- I was in the service when this one happened. Mind you I was the king of excuses in my time and this was the Air Force. If I didn't have a 3 day weekend at least every other weekend I wasn't doing my part. On Monday this Airman did not show up to work. He did not call in either. Everybody wondered what had happened. His parent lived about 100 miles away so when he showed up on Tuesday he gave the Sargent a note from his mother asking that they excuse him for Monday, as he was not feeling well. All they did was yell at him for a little bit and let it go.
- A lady I work with had to leave work because a large thunderstorm had hit her neighborhood and had caused a lot of damage. She calls in 30 minutes later and says that their neighbor (who works at the same company) needs help, so she will not be coming back to work. About a half-hour after the phone call the neighbor comes into work to get ready for her shift and is surprised to learned the she needs help. (The neighbor did not need any help!)
- When I was 17, I worked at Burger King. My parents went on vacation to Hawaii, leaving me and my younger sister at home. I was out of school for Spring Break, and didn't want to miss any party time, so I had my sister call work and tell them that I had been arrested for DUI, that I was in jail in a neighboring town, and since my parents were out of the Continental United States, we had no money to bail me out! This worked for about four days, until a co-worker saw me driving down the street and told them, which led my boss to call all the jails in the county to see if I had really been arrested. Needless to say, I got fired!
- "Please excuse me from work yesterday due to a vision problem. I just couldn't see myself coming to work." My chief actually gave me an excused absence due to my creativity.
- Both me and my friend were working one day and we really wanted off so we told the supervisor that we gave each other herpes and we needed to go to he doctor.
- True Story: I am in the Navy stationed in Italy and a few of my fellow sailors went up north to go skiing and so much snow had fallen in the night before they were to leave and come back to work that the only road from the small village was closed. Needless to say they missed 5 days of work while they were having the time of their lives skiing.
- I would come in to work today, but I just don't like you.
- A new guy at work walked out one day and said his dog died and he had to go burry it, he never returned.
- On my way to work I had a car accident. This wasn't just any accident. I was running late so I had to hurry. I had to yield at the end of a street, a big bush was in the way so I couldn't see very far down the road. (There was no stop sign there.) Just my luck a big old pickup truck comes barreling down the road and hits me just as I barely yield. If it wasn't for the last very light snow on the street (just in that one spot) he wouldn't have hit me. He lets me use his cell phone to call into work. A hire-up employee comes out to the accident scene to see if I'm alright and I'm sure to see if it really happened. After all that I still can't go to work until my insurance agent opens up. That day I was about an hour and half late for work. This happened to me about 2 years ago.
- I came to work at a 7-11 store late one day and told my manager that an airplane landed on the road and I stopped to help the people get out before fuel tanks exploded, then I asked if she had heard anything about it on the radio. She knew I was joking, but was not mad. The next night, I was working the 11PM - 7AM shift. My car broke down and my sister stopped by and picked me up at my house, we drove to her house and I used her car to go to work. On the way to work, there had been a car accident and the police stopped traffic in order to land a helicopter to take one of the drivers to the hospital. This caused a delay of about 35 minutes. When I got to work, I told the manager (yes, the same lady) that I had to stop for the helicopter to land, but she didn't buy it. (It really was true!)
- I can't come to work today because my car Key broke when I turned it. I have to call the key makers to get another one. Works especially well in the winter.
- After "working" all night, a co-worker told us, "sorry I didn't do anything last night, I got my nails done for a wedding next weekend and can't do ANY work for the next three days".... It worked and we had to make up the work that she didn't do.
- My retired parents have taken a road trip to
. Their car broke down near . They've cancelled their road trip and urgently need me to pick them up as the car is in the garage being repaired in .
- Actually used: I won't be in today because I was out fishing and fell off a bridge, I think my arm might be broken.
- Entirely true story - last month it was really hot here where I live, about 100 degrees. I went on my lunch break and right before going back in I thought I would put a little extra deodorant on. I kept the deodorant (the gel kind) in my glove box, and from the intense heat of my car being out in the sun all day it had melted to pure hot wax. I popped off the lid and spilt hot wax all over my arm and my pants. I rushed home and called in to tell them I would be late. They did not believe my story until one of my co-workers told them she had really seen me do it and speed out of the parking lot.
- I had A real bad hang over, and had to be at work at 7:00am. I work in a nursing home their was no way I would be able to make it through the day. I had to have a doctors excuse or get fired. So I went to the doctors gave him all my symptoms which were vomiting, diarrhea, and a head ache. I just didn't tell him I was drinking. He gave me an excuse for food poising. Two days off work and a prescription. ALL FOR A HANG OVER!!!!!
- A: I can't come into work today because the tranquility fountain I bought isn't working and is rreeaalllyyyy pissing me of right now. B: Or I can't come in to work today because the tranquility fountain I bought is overflowing and flooding my house.
- This was used by my boss: "My power went off at home so I have to go home and try to fix it."
- I used to drive semis hauling lumber in Southern California. I came back late from a delivery one time and the dispatcher asked me why it took so long. I told him that my left turn signal didn't work, so I had to make all right turns. He never questioned me again. This is a true story.
- Actual one given by a coworker: Have to leave now, I just remembered I left the iron on (on the floor) and I have to go and turn it off. (had been at work only 2 hours that day). Another coworker started a weightlifting program the other day, and I think I pulled some muscles, my entire body is sore, and I can't get out of bed!
- I couldn't come into work today due to the fact that my eye lids were stuck together because of so much cold in them. By the time I got them open it was already 10am and I'm due at work at 8:30am, so I just took the rest of the day off.
- "I won't be into work today because I have a broken finger nail and a sprained eyebrow."
- My co-worker put in a request to take a couple of vacation days or at least not work nights because his parents are going out of town. He is 20 years old and has no siblings, why does he need off? His dogs, he has to baby sit his dogs. They sleep all day but he has to be there at night to be sure they don't tear the house up. The bad part... we are the managers of a fast food joint, so he is a boss and never accept an excuse from an employee.
- I used this one AND it's true. Not being an American citizen I have a green card (they're actually blue), and, as anyone who travels a great deal knows, you MUST have your green card on you to re-enter the country, but not to leave. Simple enough, until I went to Puerto Rico. Knowing that Puerto Rico is an American colony, I foolishly assumed that I wouldn't need my green card on this trip. Upon arrival at the airport, to return home on a Sunday, someone noticed that I have an accent and asked if I was an American citizen. The rest is pretty obvious, I answer no, get asked for my green card, I answer no again, then get told I'm not allowed on my flight back to America. I soon realize that I'm stuck in paradise, so I'm not too upset. I call my boss on Monday and tell him what's happened, explaining that my brother has now got to get my green card, mail it to me and I have to find another flight home, so it'll probably be 3 or 4 days before I'll be back at work - let's just make it next Monday to be on the safe side. Don't know, or care, if he believed it. This excuse WILL be used again.
- I can't come in work today as my Gran has taken a turn for the worst and keeps on calling me Rupert, I am very upset!
- I lost my American Express card and just can't leave home without it. (an old AM commercial)
- A women I work with called in sick because she had a pimple.
- A man I work with called in one day saying that while driving to work he realized his shoes were to tight, so he turned around and went home. Once he got home he noticed that his armpits were really sore.
- I won't be in to work today, someone stole my steering wheel last night and I have to call the police.
- I used to have a tiny little yap-dog who would dart between my legs while I was trying to walk. One day I was late and ran down my hallway in two-inch heels. The stupid dog, of course, ran between my feet and I stumbled trying not to step on him. My foot didn't stay on the sandal when it fell sideways, and I broke my foot. I had to call in to work saying that I fell off my shoes.
- My boss of the time was the biggest excuse inventor of all times. He always had an excuse for not coming to work: He was waiting for a repair man, his car wouldn't start, his roommate's car rolled into his in the drive way, his back hurt, his knee hurt, etc, etc. So one Tuesday I called in to work to take the day off because I had rolled my car over the night before, spent 6 hours in the emergency room getting X-rayed and having fifteen staples put in my head, and so couldn't make it in today because of all things I had to get done. He said if I rolled my car how come I was out of the hospital yet? Obviously he didn't believe me so that Wednesday when I came back to work, I had great satisfaction in showing him the pictures of my upside down, smashed in car, the really gross staples in my head. It was a few months before he called in with a hurt this/hurt that excuse for himself.
- This is totally true. I called in one morning to tell my boss I wouldn't be in because during the night a tree limb had fallen off the oak tree right outside my kitchen window and was leaning against my trailer. I had to cut the limb in pieces before I could get it off. That thing was over thirty feet long and it took me and my dad all day to cut it up and move it. It was within inches of smashing my trailer! If you think this was just an "excuse", believe me going to work would have been easier!
- I met my best friend at the gas station one morning on the way to work, and since I know she starts work an hour earlier than I do, I just had to know her excuse. She said she has her alarm clock set to a radio station and when it turned on that morning the radio station was off the air, so there was nothing to wake up by!
- Sorry I'm late my dog got eaten by an alien jelly fish and we had too go too the flying saucer too get it back. (I have actually heard this one used)
- (To be used when you want to leave work early or stay home and preferably used by a teen.) I'm having some relatives over and my parents are going out and they said if I don't stay home/go home and watch their kids while they're gone I get my car taken away. It works really good trust me!
- I will not be in to work today as I am taking my cat in for a sex change operation.
- I couldn't come in to work I had 24 hour cancer/aids.
- I actually heard this from an employee in 1988 while working in Wisconsin. It is the best excuse I have personally heard in my career: "My pig died last night and I have to dress it out before it rots."
- "I will be two hours late today. I have taken a laxative and I must wait for it to cool off."
- One employee of mine no showed and when asked the next day why he didn't show up, he claimed to have left a message on our answering machine which would've been great if we had one!!!
- Here's one I used jokingly but the boss actually took me seriously! "Sorry I'm late for work. I witnessed an accident and had to give a statement."
- I once had an employee tell me that the reason she was late was because she got almost to work and realized the cat was on top of the car and she had to turn around and take it home.
- An excuse I have actually used.... I missed work without calling in (a big no-no) and when confronted I told my boss (a female) that I woke up and found a rash on my testicles and that I was freaked out that I had a disease that I went to the doctor and I was too embarrassed to call in with that reason. Her face was so red after I said that, no one questioned why I wasn't there!
- Really good excuse for New Mexico residents, Southern Colorado residents, Southeastern Arizona residents or Southwestern Texas residents. (excuses intended for the no call in, no show, couldn't call to tell you reasons.) I went to Roswell, N.M. on a mini vacation, and was abducted by aliens. I had no control over my ability to function, for I was at the mercy of aliens and couldn't call or contact you. (1 or 2 day excuse, not calling in to inform boss.) Then, I was admitted into a mental hospital/ institution for a couple of days and they do not allow any outside calls. Then I was released, but the FBI got involved and you know them, they won't allow you to contact outsiders or talk about sensitive top secret info with anyone but them. (3 to 7 day excuse, no call in excuse. Usually good to use this excuse if you were planning to not go back to this job, got other employment or was looking for other employment, and then for your own reasons, decided you wanted to work there again (other job didn't work out or couldn't find another one in enough time ? huh?.)) I probably won't be in tomorrow either, or most likely never, because once the Feds. find out I told you, they will take me back into custody and hold me for sometime for leaking top secret info to you, and then I probably will be placed in prison or they will force me to change my identity and place me in some other state so their top secret secret of aliens really do exist, will not get out, for the USA could not handle this magnitude of reality, and our country would fall into total panic and hysteria, if they found out!!!!!!!! (permanently gone, never coming/going back to job.)
- I am the manager of a Network Operations Center that is open 24 x 7 x 365. I am on call all the time, so if someone calls in sick... I'm lucky enough to get a phone call in the middle of the night. The best excuse I ever heard for not coming in to work came from a guy we were about to fire anyway. I answered the phone from a sound sleep and heard a frantic voice on the line. " I can't come in to work tonight because I was actually on my way to work and I had to pull over to the side of the highway because I saw a UFO. Really, I saw a UFO! And it's still here and I think it's coming after me." I informed UFO-boy that unless they abducted him, he better get his butt into work. He didn't come in that night because he was "too upset." But he did come in the next day... to be promptly let go. I haven't seen him since so I'm hoping they came back for him.
- A friend of mine had a rather bovine excuse; "I can't be in at work today because I have to help the state troopers get my cows off the highway!"
- I used to work with a girl who was always calling in for some reason or another. Here are three of my favorites, several times during the course of a month she hit a deer on the way to work (never in her own car). She also called in to say that her hot water heater had blown through the roof (her husband is a plumber, remind me never to hire him). Her neighbor's niece is sick (huh??).
- There's a sinkhole in my driveway and I can't get out.
- I'm pinned down by gunfire and I can't make it in.
- Actually used by a female employee of mine. "I can't come to work today because I wiped myself with colored toilet paper and I got a yeast infection. I don't want to be at work scratching my crotch all day.
- My husband probably has kidney stones and I need to take him to the hospital because he is in a lot of pain.
- I work at pottery barn as a sales rep and I always need to keep up my appearance while working there to make the best impression on customers. Well, one night I wanted to go to a concert instead of working so I called in and said that while I was walking my dog I got sprayed by a skunk and that they probably didn't want me to come in that evening.
- This actually happened: A girl was late for work and her excuse was her husband took the alarm clock jogging.
- (For a job that drains you): "I'm sorry, but I sprained my spirits and need to stay home and keep them elevated!"
- (True story) We found a baby deer in our driveway and I had to stay up all night taking care of it.
- While managing a restaurant I had a waitress call in to tell me that she would not be in. Being the concerned boss I asked her why.
She told me that her ovaries were swollen and very painful. About a week later I found out the truth. Her boyfriend had just come back after being out to sea for 6 months.
- I live in Alaska and a co-worker who liked to backpack into the mountains to camp during the winter gave this excuse for being late on Monday morning: "The weather changed last night and I had the wrong wax on my cross-country skis."
- I got sprayed by a skunk and I can't come in to work today.
- Years ago I worked in lower Manhattan in a Federal Government office. Best excuse for not coming in I heard was from a man who said; "I can't come in today because my monkey died during the night and I need to arrange for his funeral. " About 3 or 4 days later the same man; " I can't come in to work today because my cat's acting crazy and I think my monkey might have bitten her before it died."
- I have actually used this one on more than one occasion: My security alarm company called and said my alarm is going off at my house. I have to run home and wait for the police to fill out a report. It works especially well if you don't live near your office.
- My boss left work one day (after being there for about 45 minutes) saying that his girlfriend just called. Their dog had fallen into the lake and didn't know how to swim. It was true, and he was obviously freaking out, but we all had a good laugh.
- A girl from work called in Friday and said, "I won't be in Saturday and Sunday due to my arthritis not letting me even sit down.... but I will be well enough to come back Sunday.
- " I won't be able to come in today. I took my hair off to wash it and my daughter picked it up while it was drying. Unfortunately, she went to school already and I can't imagine where she put it."
- Once an employee of mine chose a really unique way of quitting--she vanished. After a few days of not hearing from her and not getting any answer when calling her, I went to her apartment and knocked on the door. No answer. I got really worried and even phoned the police. They told me I couldn't report a missing person unrelated to me, but they went and knocked on her door anyway--no response. About two months later she came in to my store and explained. She'd been too depressed to get out of bed for three weeks. I didn't rehire her.
- I didn't wake up on time this morning--I had a dream that I was running from my alarm clock to my cell phone to my watch, because I heard this annoying alarm sound going off, but none of the three was actually going off; as I'd get to one it would sound like one of the others was going off. Then when you called my house phone it woke me up and there was my alarm clock buzzing away. I'll be in as soon as I can. --True story, and it worked because I'm NEVER late and NEVER miss a day.
- I can't come in today, because my 2002 Nissan Altima won't start.
- If your alarm goes off in the morning and you realize you haven't slept well, the morally correct thing to do is start fresh right then and there and do it over. Just stay in bed and keep at this sleep thing until you're sure you've gotten it right. If this makes you late for work or school, you should tell the person in charge, "Hey, I was trying to sleep last night, but between 3 a.m. and 4 a.m. I just didn't get the job done. In order to make up for that non-productive sleep hour, when it got to be 7 a.m. I forced myself to stay in bed and go the extra mile to make up for lost time. It wasn't easy, but it seemed like the responsible thing to do."
- This is one I used about 2 weeks ago when I called in late for work. I get out of school about 30 minutes before my start time at work and I am at least 30 minutes from work. One day the line at Starbucks was bad (I know we didn't have to stop but I was in major need of caffeine) and so we were running a little bit late. My mom (who is the queen of excuses), called up the lady who does scheduling and told her this story: "Sorry we are running late but I couldn't get on Amanda's school campus. They had a planned gang confrontation so they had a full lock down for 15 minutes with police cars and everything! They wouldn't let me on campus or her off campus without i.d." and the woman my mom was speaking to believed it!! Not only did I get excused for being late... but I got my extra incentive bonus that I would have gotten for being on time!! I love mom!
- Um, Um, I can't come in today, because my windshield wipers flew off while I was driving and it was raining and then the heat went out and then my steering wheel caught fire..
- Our receptionist called in to say that she had shaved her privates the night before and now had such a bad rash that she couldn't make it in that day.
- I used this one and it worked. I told my employer that my hamster was in the middle of giving birth to her babies and that I had to take her corpse to the vet to remove any remaining babies she may still have inside her. The funny part I I don' own a hamster.
- I have used this one... I had some back problems and got some Perocet. Well I got off it fine. I just wanted some time off from work I told them that I was addicted to pain killers and had to go for a month rehab. It worked...
- I have pink eye-and it is contagious for a few days so I can't come in.
- We work with this woman (and I use that term lightly) who is absent and late all the time (we think to an expensive drug problem) and has finally run out of boring excuses. Her latest one (from yesterday) is that her Rottwiller dog killed her neighbor's rabbit so the neighbor and her daughter came over and beat the crap out of her and she was all shaken up and didn't get to work till lunchtime. Wait ... it gets better. She called this morning to say that she thinks her ribs are broken from being battered yesterday by the owner of the dead rabbit and must go to the emergency room for x-rays. Well she calls an hour later to say that she's home, has two hairline fractures in her ribs and will be in tomorrow. Doesn't anyone besides us realize that nobody, I repeat nobody, goes through the ER at a local hospital, has x-rays and gets the result and returns home all within ONE HOUR, especially when the nearest hospital is 30 minutes away!!! Can't wait to hear her excuse tomorrow!
- I had to be quick on the draw one Saturday morning when I was hung over and out of excuses. I called in and told my boss that I was bitten by a camel while at the zoo with my girlfriend.
- This was from a co-worker and should get an Oscar. It was, in fact, all bullshit. In fact, it brings the art of B S ing to a whole new level. "Hello all, Monday evening at 6:30 p.m. I received a frantic call from my mom detailing how my closest aunt, and second mom, had been rushed to the hospital in a fight for her life. Out of pure panic, fear, anxiety and love I immediately left for Fresno to see her. When I arrived at the hospital at 10:00 p.m. I was not allowed into her room, but spent the entire night in the waiting room with my parents, my uncle and several other family members. It was one of the longest nights of my life. There were practically no words spoken as we leaned on each other for support, only tears of fear and hopelessness. I finally was able to see her yesterday morning and when I walked into her ICU room it was all I could do to not break down sobbing. There were more tubes in her than I could count, everything around her was beeping, she needed a machine to breath for her and she kept slipping in and out of consciousness. And the crazy part is that no one knows what is wrong with her. As I approached the bed I said a silent prayer when I grabbed her hand. It was not until that point that she lifted her eyes to me. Thankfully I still found love and life in her eyes. That was the last time that I saw her. I spent the remainder of yesterday and yesterday evening at the hospital. I am very blessed for the family that I have and amazed at how we have come together for this. Several of my relatives just arrived this morning into San Francisco from New York and will hopefully be by her side soon. She is still in ICU and hopefully I will receive some good news soon about her. I called Emma Monday evening on my frantic drive home, but don't know if she received the message. I apologize if this caused any inconvenience, but there was not a choice in this decision. Family has and always will come first in my life, especially if I believe that it may be the last time that I ever see them. Thank you for understanding."
- Could I come in later? It's too cold to come in to work now. This guy lives in California and at the time it was only getting around 30 degrees Fahrenheit.
- This is true and it happened to me. My son's hamster got out of his cage and managed to chew the cord on my new refrigerator and I had to call in late to wait for the repairman to come over and fix it.
- Had a co-worker call in one day saying that the new airport they were building sucked all the power out of his apartment. This same man called in to reschedule his interview with our work because he stepped on his cat and messed up its back and had to take it to the vet.
- Late... I'm sorry I'm late. I got in the car and noticed I had 2 different shoes on. (She lives 5 minutes away, and was 1/2 hr late!) I questioned another employee about being 1 1/2 hrs late, and she said her panty hose twisted, so she had to go home and fix them. When she got back to the bus stop, the next bus didn't come for another 1/2 hr.
- For people who have pissed off their boss and are looking a few days off work: Falsetto voice over phone: "Hello, may I speak to the senior manager? Yes, I am afraid my son was knocked off his bike by a reversing car... no, no... nothing serious. A slight concussion, but he is very badly shaken, poor lad. Are you his boss? Yes, he speaks very highly of you... Well, thanks. Bye!
- Sorry I wont be in today because last night my next door neighbor brought over some pot and we smoked it all up now I'm having an out of body experience. Mentally I will be there but my body will be in bed.
- I live next to a lunatic asylum, and there was an escape last night, and the sirens were blaring out all night and kept me awake. When they eventually stopped I fell asleep and didn't wake up until mid-day.
- My flat mate won't be in today cause I gave her a couple of Panadene Forte for period pain and can't seem to wake her.
- This really happened, but it sounded so lame... I had a garage that was made out of wood, and when it would rain the garage soaked up water and wouldn't open. So I had to call in to work and let them know my car was stuck in the garage, and I cant get it out.
- I have to take tomorrow off I have to go to the embassy and prove that I was born. Actually used.
- I won't be into work today because I woke up with my eye swollen shut, and it appears I have contracted a case of pinkeye. (The advantage to THIS excuse... pinkeye doesn't heal for days)!
- On my way to work, I was already on I-5, well my mom called me she was crying and so I turned around and went to her house and I cant come in to work today, my mom (age 58) was on a chair cleaning a chandelier and she slipped and fell and hit her ribs on the table so that is why I am not coming in, I had to take her to the hospital, she has 2 broken ribs.
- One of my co-workers used this a couple of days ago: "I can't come in to work tonight, I went to the county jail to bail out a William G. Smith and they let out a William "J" Smith. I have to go get my friend out and then find the other guy to get my money back."
- I took a sleeping pill last night and I just can't wake up enough to drive to work. I will try to be there in a couple of hours. This was an excuse I received from a nurse just before her shift was to start.
- I can't come to work today because the people in the apartment next to mine are moving out. They have the moving van parked right in front of my living room window and the dog doesn't like all this activity. I have to stay home and keep him quiet so we don't get evicted because of all his barking.
- This is a true story. When the new lady missed her first day on the job, I asked one of her co-workers what happened. She replied that the new employee called in and said that she "dropped her false teeth, and they broke." I replied to the co-worker, "I wish I had a nickel for every time I heard that excuse."
- This excuse is old, for it is for those who feel guilty for lying. Take a small ball, like a tennis ball, go to the phone to "make your call", and when you are talking to your boss... take the ball and toss it up in the air as you are saying... "I'm sorry, but I can't come in work today because I am throwing up!" This is not a lie because you are "throwing up" the ball. (get it)
- Why I was late 4 work: I was driving round the round about when this lady in front of me gently bumped the guys car that was 2 cars in front of me. This man slumped on the wheel and the horn went off there was bloody everywhere. As it turns out he was picking his nose and when the lady hit his car his finger went rite up his nose and caused him to pass out.
- Someone who worked for me once told me she was late because she had slept late and didn't realize it because she was having a dream about being at work.
- "I can't come in today. I was mowing the lawn and spilled gas filling up the mower, my cat got in the way and when my wife picked it up her cigarette dropped on the cat and started little Mew Mew on fire. My wife threw the cat and it landed in the bushes in front of the house. The fire trucks are here right now!"
- My boss was trying to keep me busy, so he told me to clean out the supply closet. I told him that I was locked up in a closet for 8 months as a child and that small places sometimes give me violet flashbacks.
- Sorry I did not come into work yesterday. I woke up late and went on the internet to try and find some good excuses for not coming in. Since I knew that the real reason: I took some sleeping pills last night and didn't wake up until 2 pm, wouldn't work.
- The route that I take to work every day was closed due to an accident. The nice police officer pointed me in a unfamiliar direction. Since I am not familiar with any other route to work, I got lost. I eventually found someone to give me directions back to work. However, by then I was late.
- I won't be in today, my dog puked on my uniform, and I haven't got any clean clothes.
- I've called out of work so many times with so many excuses, it's hard for me to think of a decent, but believable excuse anymore. The last time I called out I told my boss I had been stabbed in my side outside a bar by some drunk punk. It wasn't so much as a stab as it was a slice. Well, to be honest, it wasn't so much a slice as it was a scrape that pool tables sometimes inflict on me when I fall after too many tequilas. An oversized bandage and some dried ketchup from the top of the bottle make for a very convincing wound. I called out that day to heal, later that month I called out after they apprehended the perp for identification, then again for the prelim hearing. And I still have to take off for the trial. Get a lot juice outta this excuse. I think I convinced myself that I've really been stabbed. Thank you pool table, Thank you tequila.
- I cant make it in today because I sprained my back which prevents me from bending over and sticking my head up my ass so I can be on the same level as everyone there.
- My wife works with a girl that used this excuse. "My mother-in-law slipped in the bathtub and there is nobody to watch my son except his father."
- My boyfriend got tired of being at work one day so he had me call and say a family member had been in a wreck so he could get off early that day. He said his mom (mama) was in the hospital. The next day someone he worked with just happened to know his mom and dad so they called to check up on her and see how she was doing. His mom told her, no that she had not been in a wreck and didn't know what she was talking about. After my boyfriend talked to his mom and found this out, he had to think up another lie to cover up his first lie. So he called work to talk to his boss, lying saying that he said it was his grandma (mama) instead of his mom. He made it all sound like it was just a misunderstanding. The funny thing is they believed him and he still has a job.
- True story - I just started a new job at a buffet place (the easiest job in the world) one of my co-workers called in and said she had made a bet with her boyfriend, and lost, she had to reward him, so she wouldn't be in to work. the reward.... a blow job!!!
- Really Happened: I used to drive a limousine in the Chicago area, and one day I went to get a haircut at a salon that was located in a strip mall. There was a bank about three doors down from the hair salon and there was a possible hostage situation, which meant that I could not return to my limo because it was in the possible line of fire of the perpetrator inside the bank. The hostage situation lasted about six hours. It turned out that there was no hostage. It did get great coverage from the news media, though.
- I once worked with a girl that called in late because her best friend was going out of town and needed her to baby-sit his sick snake. She claims he did not come over till the nite before it took all nite to set up the habitat. She was 4 hours late to work. The very next day she called claiming she had to take the sick snake to the vet and since she did not have an appointment would have to wait for an opening. She did not make it to work that day. The very next day called in late because she had to pick the sick snake up from the vet by a certain time or be charged an additional daycare fee. Later that day she called and said that on her way home from picking up the snake the snake peed on her and now she had to go to the cleaners and hope that she had something clean to wear to work. Yep you guessed it no clean clothes and could not make it into work that day either. This girl did not get fired or disciplined.
- My boss uses these excuses when he doesn't want to come into work or go home early.
- I stepped on a nail a year ago and my foot still hurts.
- The nose of my 1999 truck fell off when I hit a bump so I won't be coming in today.
- I took my dog to the vet to be neutered and he has diarrhea really bad so I am going to stay home to take care of him.
- I won't be in today I have to go buy a new mattress the one I have I cannot sleep on.
- My wisdom teeth are hurting me (at age 26) and I am gonna be useless today so I am going home.
- My girlfriends tooth hurts so I am gonna stay home and take care of her.
- I got caught behind a slow driver.... that's why I am late.... this happens like 3-4 times a week.
- My license is suspended so I am not gonna risk driving to work. This guy is the king of excuses... and the funny part is he comes up with them almost instantly.
- And the best one yet from my boss as to why he will not be in today. "My daughters babysitter's mom may have been exposed to Hepatitis, so I cannot leave my house till the hospital confirms that we have not been infected" Now that's original.
- Hello, this is _______________ I can't go to work today since they placed my father in the hospital and they want all the family to be there.
- I am so sorry, I am not going to be able to make it to this weekend. My boyfriend and I have to go to his parents' house. My boyfriend's mom found their cleaning at the bottom of the basement stairs. She's old and they were gonna operate but they couldn't. (?) Enough about that, I really feel bad, but I really need to be there for them as things have been bad between me and the family.
- This is a true story that got me out of work for two weeks! "I'm sorry, but I'm on my way to the hospital because I just dislocated my knee while I was catching a water balloon at my friend's party." Too bad it wasn't an excuse, and it really happened! Two months on crutches and physical therapy! :( Good luck
- I used this one when I tried to dye my hair blonde and it turned out uneven. "I'm sorry, but I can't get to work today because my aunt and uncle went to Miami today, and I just got a call from my aunt saying that my uncle was in the hospital of a heart attack. Since my mom is out of town, and I'm here alone with my cousins, I have to drive them to Miami (two hours away) to see their father or their going to be hysterical. I'm sorry" Needless to say it worked! :)
- I plan to use this one tomorrow! "I'm sorry, I can't come to work today because I went out to eat Chinese food last night, and woke up in the middle of the night with terrible food poisoning, and I can't stop throwing up. " I hope it works! :)
- This is a true story! I left for work early one day so I could B.S. in the break room before work. On my way there, I met a donkey in the middle of the road. I got in the passing lane to go around him. He in turn got in the passing lane. I swerved back into the other lane and he did to. This went on for about a mile and I ended up 5 minutes late for work. When asked why I was late (I should've lied) I told them and of course no one believed me. They all laughed at me and I never did get into trouble.
- I am so sorry I will not be in work today. I have a bone in my foot.
- I used to work for a large technology company in the northeast. Here is a list of actual excuses that I collected in a month. I took the names out of the emails. Needless to say a month later this Internet Consulting company was bust.
I have to leave today around 1 o'clock. I have matter that I have to take care of. I should be back in the office before five. I can be reached at my interactive pager.
He will be working from home. He will also be doing a lot of errands. He can be reached on his cell phone all day.
He has some personal things to take care of and will be in after 11:30.
He will not be in today due to a personal matter.
She will not be in today as she is having a bad allergy attack.
She is not feeling well today so she will not be in today.
He will not be in for the next few days.
I will be leaving at 3PM today. If anyone needs anything from me, please see me before then.
I originally planned on being out of the office on vacation starting Aug 23. Due to forecasted weather conditions, and to several pending deadlines, I will be here on the 23 and 24, out Friday the 25th. I will be in the following week, up to an through the 31st. I will plan on taking Sept 1 off, if all is going well.
It is a Hindu festival today commemorating the birth of Krishna. I'll be leaving by 4 pm with the hope of catching the festivities later in the evening.
He will be in the office at approx. 10:30 am, this morning.
He will be in sometime this afternoon as he has a personal matter to take care of.
Hi, I just wanted to let you all know that I wont be in on Tuesday, Aug. 29th. Please feel free to contact me thru interactive pager if needed.
I will be leaving the office at 3:30pm today to take my daughter to a doctors appointment, nothing serious just a pre-enrollment physical. Please address any requests in my absence. I can be reached via pager.
He is not feeling well so he will not be in today.
I plan on being out of the office tomorrow (attempt at vacation). I can be reached with the usual remote means (pager, RIM, cell phone).
I will be out of the office tomorrow while I have my cable modem installed, but will be working most of the day from home (except for the time Comcast kicks me off my computer). He will be taking over just for tomorrow. If you have any questions, please either call me or see him.
I will be leaving the office this afternoon at 3:15 due to some personal matters. I will return to the office tomorrow morning. Should anyone need to contact me, please leave me either a voice or email message.
Just a reminder that I will be out of the office on Thursday and Friday. I will also be leaving at 4:00 today), so if you need to see me, please do so before then. Otherwise, I will be available via pager
I plan on (i.e. try) taking a second vacation day on Friday. I will be in the area, and can be contacted in an emergency.
I'll be leaving the office early (about 4pm) on Friday. Hope everyone has a great weekend.
I have to leave early today due to an emergency.. nothing sort of medical..
I will be out of the office from 11-2. I'll be attending a sonogram and trying to convince my wife that Gartner isn't the wonderful name we first thought it was. Barring my wife going into labor I'll return between 1:30-2:00.
He is having car trouble so will be in later today.
Please be advised that I'll be leaving the office early today (between 4 and 4:30 pm).
I will be in around noon on Wednesday September 6. I am going to school with her for her first day of school. I will reachable via pager.
I will be out of the office tomorrow (09/6/2000), all day. Sorry, I don't have contact number for tomorrow.... If anyone want to see me please see me before the end of the day...
He had car trouble and will be in later this morning.
I will be leaving in the late afternoon for a couple of hours. I will leave around 1:15pm and return around 4:00. If you should need to reach during that time, please page me at the address below.
I just wanted to let you all know that I wont be in the end of next week. I will be away on 13th, 14th & 15th of September. If you guys need me feel free to contact me thru interactive pager
I will be out of the office on September 27th. The usual contact methods apply (pager, cell-phone, etc.)
He is having plumbing problems at home and will be out of the office today. He will be stopping in quickly around lunch time though.
I just made a Dentist appointment for tomorrow, sorry for the short notice, but my tooth just started hurting last night. I will need to leave at 3:45. I will have my cell phone and pager with me at all times in case of any emergencies. I will log back in from home once I get home (approx. 6:00). I can receive my work e-mail, and log in to TeamSite from home. The only time I will be unreachable is from 5:00 to about 5:45. Thank you.
I have to leave earlier today around 4:45 due to home emergency.
I will be leaving the office this afternoon at 4:00 p.m. If you need to see me please see me before then - after 4:00 you can reach me on my cell phone
My dog has managed to chew a big hole in his tail, so I have to leave early to give the vet lots of my money. I am beepable P.S: In lieu of flowers and gifts, Max has requested that everyone try to take out a squirrel or two on their way home from work.
Due to a bug in my cars interface (broken headlight) I need to leave early before the QA people (police) take exception. My apologies for the short notice.
Need to take a trip to the dentist at 1PM for a quick fix of a crown. Will return on completion.
He will be leaving around 2 today as he has to take his in-laws to the airport. They are going back to India today.
He called in this morning. He is running late and estimates that he will be in around 11.
He is not feeling well today so him and his daughter who is not feeling well either are going to the doctor. So he will not be in today.
I will be taking a floating holiday today (Wed 6/28) to attend to some personal matters. If you need to reach me, you can do so. The home phone is the best bet, as I rarely keep the cell phone on, won't check my e-mail until later in the day and the pager is temperamental. I have forwarded my extension.
I will be off on Monday & Tuesday. Due to my injury to my finger, I will be leaving around 1 PM today. Thanks!
I have to go to the doctors and I may return depending on the time I finish with the appointment.
I have a 4:30 PM Doctors appointment, so I will be leaving at 4:05 PM.
He might be in at 1:30 PM or may not be in today. (He will call in later with a status).
I will be leaving by 3 PM today. Please see me prior if you need me.
He will be in late around 11am. His parents came in this morning.
He had to take his sister to the hospital for checkup, he will be in by 11:30
He is still sick and will not be in today. If you need him you can reach him on his cell. He will be going to the Doctor at 1pm
My car is taking them longer to repair than expected (understatement), so I will not be in till about 11-11:30
I will be leaving today at 4:30 PM for the Jewish holiday (Rosh Hashanah - Jewish New Year). Thanks!
He is stuck in ez pass traffic and will be in soon. Apparently, EZ Pass is not too EZ
He will not be in today as he has to baby-sit his son, while his wife is at the hospital with her sister who is having a baby.
I won't be in on Friday 20 October, Monday 23 October to Attend a family gathering.
I will be out of the office on Monday, October 9th for the observance of Yom Kippur.
He is having brake problems with his car, and advises he should be in the office around 10:30 today.
I need to leave at about 3:00 pm today, to take care of some family business.
I'm going to see the dentist later this afternoon so I'll be leaving the office at 12 today.
We will be leaving early this Friday (About 3:45). Questions??? Comments???
I will also (hopefully, depending) be leaving early (around 4) on Friday.
He won't be in today. He's going to have some blood work done at the hospital.
He is also out ill. He won't be in until later today (if at all).
Due to a medical appointment, I need to leave at 4:15PM today. If anyone needs to see me, please see me before that time...
He is stuck in traffic and will be here soon.
Paranoid about water still boiling I will be going home to turn it off. I will be back by 4:00pm
He has a stomach virus and will not be in.
He is not feeling well either and will not be in today. He is off tomorrow so he will see everyone next year. If you need him for anything see me with numbers.
Drank some fluids saw my friend the Doc he said it was not virus, maybe nasty fish. I'm here.
I have been waiting to see what the volume of work is this week. If there is no pressing emergency, I plan on taking this coming Friday off (Dec 29) to take care of some personal business. As usual, I can be contacted via cell phone, pager, etc.
I wish to thank Steve H, A., Ryan K. and Nick for all offering help with a ride back to South Orange. Fortunately, I do not need to head back to South Orange. The repairs will be okay without me.
All, I have an emergency at home to which I must tend immediately. I will get back to the office ASAP. Thanks!
He is having car trouble so may be in late or he said maybe not at all.
He drives a Toyota!!! What's this world coming to?
He will be in late today as when he went outside to get in his car it is missing.
In case anyone is looking for me, Iíll be out all day Thursday, no not from the hangover but unfortunately taking a final exam.
I will be out next Tuesday and Wednesday, December 12 & 13th. I'll have the usal contact means on me.
He is out sick today but will be calling in today. He still has a congested lung that he is trying to take care of.
He will not be in today his daughter is sick.
I will be staying home today, as the sore throat I received yesterday, transformed itself in to the common cold today. I can be reached at home at 555 617 1881, or via e-mail. I will contact those individuals I need to speak to separately in just a few moments. Thanks.
Due to things finally settling down, I will be on Sabbatical with my N-64 and Playstation tomorrow and Thursday.
I will be leaving a little early today for a dentist appointment.
He will be in the office by 11:00.
He is with his daughter at the pediatrician, he will be in the office between 12:30 & 1:00.
- I've worked in the circulation department of our local newspaper for many years, and I've noticed that our young carriers have become much more creative with their excuses for not delivering the paper in the morning.
My favorite was a young girl who always seemed to have an excuse that left me speechless: "My goldfish is sick and I have to stay home this morning to make sure it doesn't die."
"My brother broke his arm, and my mom says she's too worried about me now to let me leave the house."
"I'm too sick!" (I phoned her back an hour later) "Can I do it later?
My dad is taking me to McDonalds."
And my all time favorite: "My grandfather is going blind, and he's worried about me going blind too. He says it's too bright out this morning, and I might hurt my eyes." I ask you, how do you argue with that??
- While waiting for a interviewee to turn up, I received a phone call from him, saying he couldn't turn up as he didn't want to get his expensive suit wet in the rain and a brolly would spoil his image.
- HI. I submitted excuse number 741... and it didn't work because my boss had overheard me say the day before I planned to call in sick that I wanted to go out on the boat. BUT then next day my friends wanted to go to the pool with me, so I talked this woman into calling in sick for me, saying she was my mother, and telling my boss that due to the fact that I was sick the day before, but still had to come to work anyway and stand for 9 hours, that I had been up all night throwing up, and wouldn't be able to make it into work. It worked, and I got a wonderful tan to go with it! Good thing I was off the next day! :) Also, the same friends (who I work with) were all off at the same time (well, everyone except me of course!) and I wanted to leave early so we could go out, but couldn't think of an excuse, so I sat in the office in front of all three managers on duty, and called my cell phone and pretended to talk to my mom. I suddenly started sobbing and freaking out. When my managers asked me if I was ok, I told them my cousin had been in a terrible car accident in Miami, and was in ICU and they thought she might not make it. My mom had already left for the hospital, and I had to drive myself up there. Needless to say, I was wished a safe trip, told not to drive while I was so upset, and had a great night! :) That one works!
- Can't make it Friday night, I'm going to the town Lightning Bug Catching Tournament, only happens at night, therefore I am unavailable.
- My wife is too sick to get out of bed today and I am too useless to take care of myself. So I won't be in to work today.
- My 1 year old locked himself in the car, and me out of the car and couldn't figure out how to unlock the car. I had to call the police to get them to call someone to unlock the car for me.... TRY EXPLAINING THAT TO THE POLICE AND THEN YOUR BOSS.
- This worked FIVE times for me over a two year period at the same job. "The power went out in my building/house, because my landlord/roommate was doing some electrical work, therefore, my alarm never went off!" It works, numerous times, trust me.
- This is true! Many years ago my best friend and I decided to drive to Dallas, Texas from Oklahoma. While on our way back, the window fell out of the driver's side door! I don't think my boss believed me, though.
- True story One morning in Kenai, Alaska, I went out to my truck to go to work and a bull moose wouldn't let me into the cab of my truck. I called in and was excused.
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