The Mother Of All Excuses Place

Tall Stories

I received a request the a little while back for a new category for Tall Stories. This person says she has tons of them that she has heard. Maybe with this section started she will send some of them in. And maybe you all have a few to contribute.

  1. Background: Construction of the Washington Monument began in 1848. Due to political and financial squabbles, construction was halted in 1854, when the structure was about 150 feet tall. The construction work would not resume until 1876. After a hiatus of over two decades, the the marble mined from the quarry was a slightly different color than that supplied for the original construction work. The different shades of marble are visible on the Monument, showing where construction was halted between 1854 and 1876. While visiting Washington, D.C., the guide on the tour mobile bus told the passengers the story of why the marble in the Washington Monument changes shades about 150 feet up. I told her that this was not correct! What REALLY happened was there was a flood, and the waters of the Potomac River rose 150 feet, leaving their mark on the Washington Monument!

  2. I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the Poison Control Center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter in to the Emergency room right away.

  3. Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the field decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on the river, they were quite surprised by a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator that is activated when the raft is inflated. They are no longer employed there.

  4. Drug Possession Defendant, Christopher Jansen, on trial in March in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher's jacket could have been a gun. "Nonsense," said Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in court. He handed it over so the judge could see it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five-minute recess to compose himself.

  5. R.C. Gaitlan, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were showing their squad car computer equipment to children in a Detroit neighborhood. When he asked how the system worked, the officer asked him for identification. Gaitlan gave them his drivers license, they entered it into the computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlan because information on the screen showed Gaitlan was wanted for a two-year-old armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri.

  6. A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

  7. Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, California, a woman new to boating was having a problem. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't get her brand new 22-ft Bayliner to perform. It wouldn't get on a plane at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power she applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, she putted over to a nearby marina. Maybe they could tell her what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything was in perfect working order. The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. (wait for it........ remember, this is supposed to be true.......) Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!

  8. A massage parlor had opened down the road from a church and the locals were outraged. The massage company had paid the church to place leaflets advertising their business in the church. The catch-line was "Play before you pray..." I read this in a magazine.

  9. Master at Arms is conducting a drug awareness course for Navy Officers. Gets to the Marijuana unit. Starts the unit by passing around a cigar box. Tells the officers to crack it open, take a sniff, then look to see what it is, so they'll recognize the scent if the smell it in their divisional spaces. T here are three joints in the box when he starts to pass it around. At the end, he finds only two in it. "Ha, ha, very funny. Now, I'm going to pass the box back around, put the damned thing back." Box whips around the class, now there's only one joint in it. "Okay, now I'm getting ticked" he says. Has everyone put their heads down on the desk, and pass the box around, so no one will see who has the joint. Comes back with two joints. Now the instructor is really pissed. Makes everyone go out in the hall. "Okay, one at a time, you will enter the classroom, walk to the cigar box, open it, and shut it. I hope that whoever has the controlled substance puts it all back in the box, because the next step is to go down the hall where they train drug dogs, and whoever has it will be processed for possession!" Next time the instructor checked, there were five joints in the box...

  10. This one would qualify as a "Tall Tale" (I came up with it myself, and had several people convinced that I was right about it): Many people know and use the word "incognito" - it means to be in disguise. What many people don't know is the 'true' origin of this word. Many years ago there was a small village in Venezuela called Cognito. The village became infamous as a place where drugs and weapons were traded, along with many other dangerous activities. People in other parts of South America learned of the place and began to use it in part of their excuses - "If you can't find me next week, it's because I'll be in Cognito". When people in other countries heard this, they assumed they were hearing that someone would be "incognito", and this has become how we know this word now.

Send mail to Madtbone with questions or comments about this web site.

This is all we have so far. If you have any to contribute please go to the Submit Excuses page and send me your Tall Stories.
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