Well this new page is a special request from a
visitor and it could be a good page for some and a bad page for others.
I guess it depends which person you are, the one looking for an excuse
not to have sex or the person that is not going to get any because of
the excuse. Anyway I think that this might be a funny page depending on
the excuses turned in. So if you have any 'please no sex tonight
excuses', please send them in. I think that the lady that requested
this page is desperately in need so please help here out. Her request
makes for good reading and I'll include it below.
Could you be so kind to start a new category of excuses for
married women? "No sex tonight." I just can't think of any more, and maybe there are some more
creative ones I can use.
1. Sorry dear but my lower back is still
really bothering me and I don't think that I can perform very well
2. I'm tired, your small... goodnight.
3. Dear I am sorry we cant make love
tonite because we just did it last week.
4. "Mikveh strike!!"
5. The guy I'm with now told me less than
two weeks before we started sleeping together (we've been together
for over a year) that he wouldn't sleep with me because the last
time he got drunk God told him not to... that he should be "looking
for love not lust". Well, now love there is and lust there is and
God gets the shaft :)
6. It's that time of the month dear, but
let's go ahead anyway.
7. Sorry honey we can't have sex tonight
I have my period.
8. I have a yeast infection.
9. My doctor said I shouldn't until I
have the lumps removed.
10. Sorry honey, I hate having sex with
11. Well... OK! It's probably not
12. I'm psychically linked to my brother,
if you do me you're do him too.
13. I'd rather shoot myself, thank you.
14. It's too late/early in the year for
15. No. I don't care much for you
16. Not again, we've done it already this
17. Why? You forgot the diamond you
promised me for my birthday last month.
18. You know your mother is asleep in the
19. What do you mean you haven't never
heard about crabs?????
20. Not now honey the dog is watchin!
21. I'm sorry dear my penis is still
green from last night!
22. Not tonight dear,.... my jaw aches.
23. I can't have sex with you tonight
because my feet smell.
24. I cant have sex because I think I may
hurt your belly button.
25. If I agree to have sex with you I
have to be on top because I am scared that you shall crush me!
26. I forgot to take the pill, and if we
have sex I might get pregnant.
27. Now that we are married, and I am
part of the family... that would be incest.
28. Sorry Honey But its Illegal to have
sex with a family member.
29. "Honey, I'm horney!" "No, shut up and
go to sleep!!!"
30. I just pooped!
31. I've haven't fully recovered from
doing it with your brother/sister earlier today.
32. Honey, my ass still hurts from last
33. You refused to wash dishes tonight,
that just pushes me away from you.
34. But you look so much like your
35. Your ugly!
36. The planets are not alined right
37. I have not showered.
38. You have not showered.
39. But I will have sex with you, after I
deal with my sleep fetish.
40. But I'm urging to stay a virgin.
41. I already got you a
42. I masturbated twice today, sorry
catch me tomorrow.
43. I lost a leg in 'nam.
44. I'm cut....;)
45. Football's on this Sunday, I got to
get in the mindset.
46. Sorry honey, I'm not in the mood for
47. I saw Jesus and he told me that if we
have sex tonite we shall be doomed forever. Do you really want to
put that kind of responsibility on me?
48. "You look like a truck!"
49. I respect you to much to make love to
50. I'm to drunk to do it.
51. Sorry not tonight dear! The kids are
still awake, and in the next room.
52. I have a serious migraine!
53. Not now ! My movie is on TV.
54. You just had 3 times .... that's
enough for the week!
55. The best one I've personally been on
the receiving end of, for not having sex was. I can't I have a
splinter in my thumb.
56. Sorry honey, My lover is so much
bigger than you that I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to feel it!
57. I can't have sex with you because I
think it causes your severe menstrual pain.
58. Sex is not my number one concern.
59. People are starving and you want
60. Not now, Honey, it's still light
61. Sorry, the porno video is all screwed
up, I told you we shouldn't have used it so much!!
62. Well, yesterday was fun, but I have
no more batteries for the dildo.
63. I've decided that my sexuality was
becoming a hindrance to my spiritual progress... therefore I have
decided to fore-go all sexual activity for... 6 months. There is
nothing they can say.... just Uh.... okay?
64. I don't like sex anymore.
65. You don't please me.
66. My friend girl said that's why my
behind is getting bigger, so no more for a while.
67. God understands, why you don't need
68. I have crabs!
69. This is not an excuse, more like a
counter-measure. My wife had refused me sex for about a month's
time and I was creeping up the walls. We were both around 25 and
married for just a year. There was nothing medically wrong with my
wife, but she nevertheless had a million excuses. I saw before me a
lonely life with a lot of solo masturbation, despite having a wife.
When I finally couldn't take it anymore I threatened with this, and
it worked: "If it's such a God damn pain for you to lay on your
back and play dead for 20 minutes, then I won't be the one to
pressure you. I will go out and find someone who WILL have sex with
me instead!" Later that same evening she finally gave me some. I
think that every guy in the world should do the same if in the same
situation. And you must mean it.
70. I was fighting an asthma attack, and
my hubby wanted some. I told him, sorry honey, I can't breathe!
71. Sorry honey, sweetums may have a bad
dream and walk in on us, then it really would be his worst
72. Not today hunny you tore me up last
73. But it isn't Saturday!
74. We can't have sex because it hurts
when I think about it. Now go to SLEEP!
75. My Husband has not shaved for a week
or almost a week and his face feels rough when he is cuddling me.
76. You can't make it up to me with sex
because you forgot my birthday!
77. We Can't do it because my mom is
coming over for dinner and I haven't even started THAT yet, and I
will be to tired afterwards.
78. I can't have sex with you because I
am already having sex with 12 other guys, so tata you are the
79. Your too drunk, so I'm gonna pass
80. "At that time I was all the things he
said I was. I was fat, big. I was not going to have a good time
having a sexual relations [sic] with a man who thought that."
[Testimony in divorce case: Norma Gerard v. Ronald Gerard, Sup. Ct.,
Richmond Co., Index No. 5610/2002, reported in New York Law Journal,
5 April 2004, p. 19, col. 1(Sup. Ct. Richmond Co.).].
81. I've got a headache. I've got one in
my stomach too.
82. But we already had sex. Why do you
keep forgetting these things after having sex with me? Maybe we
should see a doctor tomorrow.
83. I donít want to do it because itís
sin, since we are not yet married.
84. I corrected a girlfriend's
misconception that 'sodomy' referred ONLY to anal penetration during
sex between two gay men. Actually, any time the equipment is
misused, if Tab A is inserted anywhere but Slot A, it's sodomy. If
anything other than Tab A is inserted in Slot A, it's sodomy. This
would include oral sex. She then refused to perform oral sex
because it was against God's Law. I pointed out that we were both
atheists. She refused because it was against the law. I pointed
out that we were not in a state that had such a law. Then she
refused because she was still hung up on the whole 'sodomy' thing,
and felt that someone would think she was gay... ON the concern that
someone could construe heterosexuals performing heterosexual as a
sign of homosexuality, I broke up with her.
85. Below is an excuse for not having sex
Sorry, my birthday suit is out for dry cleaning.
86. Sorry Hunny can't have sex right now
because I just painted my toe nails and my finger nails.
87. I'm sorry but I ain't horny and trust
me, you ain't helpin!!!
88. I was going to go to sleep when my
boyfriend said "you know I'm feelin' a little horny" so I said
"honey I want a baby" he just shut up and went to sleep . Trust me
it works!!! (unless he says he wants one to but that hardly ever
89. Well I used sorry love my tampon got
stuck up me last week and I'm still feeling uncomfortable and you
will just make it worse.
90. I can't have sex because my mommy
said that hugging leads to kissing, kissing leads to sex, sex leads
to marriage, marriage leads to a baby and, babies lead to a family
and I'm damn sure not ready for a family! are you? And if you are
then I want about 9 little juniors instead of just one. Besides
bigger is always better!!!
91. Good little angels like me don't have
92. Not tonight Honey I just washed the
93. One night my ex-husband wanted to
have sex, so I told him, "Well, hurry up. I have to get some sleep
so I can get up for work in the morning." He turned his back to
me. I asked him what was the matter. His reply was, "You sure no
how to kill a hard-on." It worked once but I never tried it again.
94. Honey, I am so sleepy. Go find a
95. When I don't want to, I tell him I
have gas and its at his own risk.
96. Linda and Kurt's first holiday
together was a short visit to the city of Copenhagen. They arrived
at the motel without pre-booking and where forced to rent out 2
singles for the first night, with the promise that they may move
into a nice double room for the rest of the trip. To make such an
arrangement possible, they had to vacate the rooms early in the
morning, a fact which would immediately ring alarm bells for anyone
that knew this extremely procrastinating (and very horny) couple.
Well Kurt woke up with a "morning glory" after snaggling all night
long on a single bed and Linda was not about to pass up starting the
day with an orgasm - hence they decided vacating the room could wait
20 minutes. Apart from being extremely horny and procrastinating
they are also a rather imaginative couple, especially when it comes
to sex. They proceeded their early morning shag with one of their
favorite but slightly immobilizing position Ė the backwards crab !
This was the exact position that the hotel cleaner found them in as
he barged in, ready to clean the room ! He was surprised, but
unfortunately he was pleasantly surprised as he did not leave !
Instead he starting yapping about how they where meant to vacate the
room, whilst poor Kurt tried desperately to cover his girl friendís
(rather large) breasts with one hand whilst furiously stretching to
try close the door with the other - no mild task when you still have
a naked girl arching over you in crab ! Moral of the Story : Always
pre-book your motel ! Reprinted with the permission of
97. This one worked for me three
years ago. (I'm still sleeping on the couch!!)"I'd rather have a dead rat in my mouth."
98. Me and my boyfriend were lying in bed
on night and he turned to me and said he was horny, and I said "Sex
can wait, I wanna talk" and he turned over and turned off the light,
and I said "Fine just roll over and deliberately hurt my feelings
cause I wanna talk and not have sex for once!" and then I faked
cryed into my pillow. Its great for when you wanna get out of sex,
but it also makes your boyfriend/fiance'/husband feel bad while you
give them this excuse so you can win 2 ways :)
99. Here are months worth of No Sex ideas
from my wife. For maximum celibacy rotate your favorites, or combine
1. I am on my period, I have cramps.
2. I have green discharge.
3. Pick an argument about money then say, "Not after the argument we
4. I have a headache.
5. My hips hurt.
6. I have a yeast infection.
7. I have a urinary tract infection.
8. My back hurts.
9. I'm too tired.
10. The kids are awake.
11. I want to watch tv.
12. Your hands are stained.
13. It hurt / burned the last time. 1
4. My boobs hurt, Don't touch me.
15. I just changed the sheets.
16. You make me feel guilty every time you ask.
17. My legs hurt, feel restless, or have cramps.
18. Double over and say, "I feel sick."
19. Put the baby to sleep between you in bed and say, "He will wake
up if I move him."
20. I feel fat / ugly / depressed.
21. My hormones are out of wack, can't orgasm, or no fluid.
22. If it is close to Christmas time say, "How about next year."
23. I have brown discharge.
24. I just had a baby 2,3,6 or 8 months ago.
25. You only want my body.
26. Blow out the candles and turn off the music, and say, "you just
expect me perform?"
27. Big huff, then say, "Let's just get this over with."
28. No, You will get "stuff" all over the bed.
29. Put on Thelma & Louise, Sleeping with the Enemy, or War of the
Roses and he will get the hint.
30. We are out of lotion, KY-Jelly, message oil.
31. But that lotion, KY-Jelly, message oil burns.
32. Take sleeping pills before dinner, so as to be asleep by the
time your head hits the pillow.
33. Put on some heinous red old man long johns before going to bed.
34. Throw away all your lingerie.
36. If you get new lingerie, throw it on the ground and say, "You
want me to look like a whore?"
37. Use the romance / Sex / relationships book as a coaster, then
throw it away once ruined.
38. Always take a bath with the kids.
39. Put on a kid movie and have the kids fall asleep in your bed.
100. This is for those who have a pregnant
wife: Sorry honey, we can't have sex tonight. My penis will poke the
baby in the head and cause brain damage.
101. My husband's no
sex excuses are : not tonight honey, I've just had a full bag of
cookies or not tonight honey, I've had too much pot.
102. I just had sex with your best friend and I think I've
fallen in love.
103. My baby's father used this one on me last night... ALL
3! You should have called me earlier..... I don't feel like driving
tonight I drove all week! (He lives an hour north of me) I'm
enjoying being horny....
104. I am sorry honey, but we can't have sex anymore, because
you are starting to sound/look/ act like your mother/ father, and
for us to have sex would just be way to creepy.
105. Can't grans comin over to get my work clothes to wash
106. Using Daylight Savings Time as an excuse for not doing
well in bed: What do you expect, honey? The damn clocks sprung
107. Was promised different things for weeks. Final straw
"bi-lateral leg cramps" Worst part, she came down two flights of
stairs to tell me, then wanted a back rub, which I gave, then went
back upstairs to bed.
I win, top that one!
108. The best excuse for not having sex is to act as though
you're really really kinky, this works best if it's going to be the
first time, just get out the furry hand cuff and maybe a riding crop
and they'll back off, that or you can just cuff 'em to their bed and
leave them! :)
109. What do you mean, we haven't had sex for six months? I
have sex with you several times every night. I thought you were just
pretending to be asleep because you know it turns me on.
110. I'm sorry but until I find my nose plugs, dark glasses,
and pirate hat, you're not getting laid again.
Well friends this is all for now. I hope you enjoy this place
and please go to the Submit Excuses page and send your excuses in!
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