The Mother Of All Excuses Place

Jury Duty Excuses 201 and up.


  1. I agree that jury duty should not be mandatory, even though I fell it is an honor to serve my country with this civic duty. This is one of the reasons why so many good people died for our rights fighting in so many wars throughout our American History, so that an accused can be judged fairly by the members of their equal peers. I believe that jurors should be told about and allowed to use ďjury nullificationĒ, because some laws on the books are outdated, unjust, and/or predigest, or the punishment doesnít fit the crime. I also believe that one should be excused from jury duty if they will not be compensated for lost wages due to being off work for that time, or if surviving on such jury duty would cause undo hardship in any financial, physical, or emotional manner. From my research, there are only a few methods that will either disqualify, or at the least postpone a person from serving until a later date; but the burden of proof for these methods are left to each person to find out for themselves. These ways should be brought to all peopleís attention when they first receive their summons for jury duty. To any extent, I was called to jury duty only twice so far in my life, and was excused both times. The first time I was called upon, when they asked if anyone knew the defendant or any of the attorneys, I raised my hand. The judge asked me who I knew and I said all of them. LOL He called me up to his desk with the two attorneys to speak more privately, and asked me how I knew them all. I told him that I grew up with the defendant, and knew him well as a trouble maker; I had past dealings with the defense attorney in other cases due to my ex-wife; and that I knew the processing attorney, because he was two years ahead of me in school, and had gone out with one of my sisters, and also because I had some dealing with his firm in the past. I was excused because the attorneys felt that I would be partial or bias in my opinion. The second time I was call to perform my jury duties, I was a full-time single parent of four children, working part-time, and going to a Business/Tech school as a full-time student. I just so happens that the Business/Tech school at the time was located right next to the Courthouse, and the day after I received my summons, I ran into the President Judge (who also happens to be a friend of the family, and past attorney of mine), on my lunch break, and I showed him the summons and explained to him of my dilemma with the kids, work and school. He took my paperwork, and told me to not worry about it, because I was exempt since I was going to school as a full-time student. I still look forwards to one day serving on jury duty, and since I no longer have any children at home, and am disabled: I have the free time on my hands to be able to serve. Unfortunately, because of my disability and health problems, I will not be able to sit in those hard wooden chairs for longer then an hour, before my chronic pain will get to the best of me. If my croneís disease flairs up during that time, I will have less then a minute to be sitting on a toilet when I first feel the pressure in my stomach, or I will mess myself. I also still suffer from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and anxiety attacks that being in a stressful environment or experiencing increased pain for too long can set me off into what mimics a heart-attack that can actually kill me, because my heart rate and blood pressure both go through the roof. This doesnít include the fact that I have only a few years left to live. For those of you who truly desire to avoid your civic duty to serve as a juror, because you donít feel that it is worth your time or you donít care for the justice system, or other lame reasons you have to get out of it; I will be more then willing to trade with you my physical problems for a chance to serve on a jury, be able to work again, and live a fulfilling life freed of my health issues that make each and every day a painful struggle.

  2. I was in a jury pool for an insurance case that was going to last 6 weeks. I ended up getting dismissed because I was college roommates with the CPA's daughter ( CPA was just a witness in the case). They asked if I could be fair and I said I don't know. What is ironic is that the CPA/defendant/case/ and college were all in a different city than the actual trial ( where I live) But I still knew the CPA. small world. This isn't really advice but more of a lucky break!

  3. If you are or were a convicted felon, you can be disqualified from jury service on that alone.

  4. Once I was called for jury duty, and another woman there kept trying to get out of serving, but they refused every excuse. Eventually, the woman started crying and simply could not, or would not, stop. This went on until we got before the judge. He took her into chambers for a couple of minutes for a private conversation, after which she simply was allowed to leave. Think about it -- how can they penalize you if you simply can't stop crying? You're pretty much useless to everyone at that point. (They were being real hardasses that day -- they even told one guy, whose brother was called for jury service but spoke no English, that he'd have to come along and be the guy's translator, or hire one! Another guy said he owned a business that required him to be there, and they said "too bad".)

  5. I noticed another thing back when I used to look really "punk rock". Even though I'd dress appropriately for court, I still had nose rings and stuff (which could only be removed with pliers, so I never took them out). Well, I was never chosen for duty, and during the selection process, was almost always the first one to be let go. I figure the attorneys either thought I'd identify too much with the "partiers" who were usually the defendants, or would be too extremely biased one way or another. Ironically, I finally took out my piercings precisely because I was so annoyed by being inconvenienced by being called for duty so often, only to sit there all day, then be rejected during selection. So some of your readers might try a few of those fake piercings you can buy during Halloween. Sometimes, being discriminated against for your manner of dress can work to your benefit!

  6. Before the attorneys started to talk I made them stop and said we all needed to pray. I proceeded to sing "Amen" and started praying...I caught the spirit and was excused.

  7. When asked if you could be impartial say no, because you can see that the devil is working in (pick an attorney) and you would automatically vote for the other attorney's client IN THE NAME OF JESUS!!!! rofl.

  8. I don't mind serving on a jury, it will be the ideal way to find out for sure whether I become flatulent whenever someone lies in a stressful situation. And because all lawyers lie for a living, I think there's going to be some real sound effects going on.

  9. In Fall of 2003 I was selected for jury duty. I was going to school at the time, and told them I wouldn't be able to serve. They rescheduled me for a few months later. I sent them another reply stating I was still in school. Sadly, I made the mistake of saying I could serve in June or July, since school would be out. The sent me another letter telling me to be there at a certain date. I choose to ignore it, because there was no way I was getting up before 8am. I've had nothing happen to me. Seems like if no one can prove you got the mail, then there is no way you can be held liable. How many times has our spouse, or ourselves lost mail? If there is a way for them to summon you so you can explain why you missed I would just act ignorant.

  10. My excuse at the time before Jury Selection was the fact that our school district required a parent to pick up your child from the school bus. Since I was the only parent home at the time to do this, the judge excused me. But the funny thing was when I showed my husband the paperwork handled out on the defendant he started laughing. The guy served time in the work camp where my husband worked and knew him well. That would have excused me but I didnít know it at the time.

  11. To get excuse for jury duty in California, if you live far enough from the court house (90 mins or more by public transportation) you can claim your car is broken, or you don't have one and it would be an inconvenience to get to that courthouse. I have gotten a letter from 3 of the 4 court houses in my county and they never bother to send me to the one that is a 10 minute drive from my house.To get excuse for jury duty in California, if you live far enough from the court house (90 mins or more by public transportation) you can claim your car is broken, or you don't have one and it would be an inconvenience to get to that courthouse. I have gotten a letter from 3 of the 4 court houses in my county and they never bother to send me to the one that is a 10 minute drive from my house.

  12. Call the court office and tell them you've received an out of state job and must relocate immediately. While this was true for me, they didn't even ask me for a shred of documentation and took my name right out of the entire system just like that! This worked even after I had already returned my summons stating I could attend! If you haven't returned your summons yet, call the office first! They say you have to submit a request in writing but in this case it is not true. A phone call will suffice.

  13. Used by a man in California. When asked if he could be a fair juror, he replied no.It has been my experience That all cops lie.. Was excused right away and never was called again.

  14. Become as familiar as you can with the Wiccan church (in case they ask you questions). Then, send the jury summons back to the court with a letter telling them that you belong to the church ... and that (true) Wiccans are FORBIDDEN to "sit in judgment of others." FWIW, I was on jury duty for a civil suit. Afterward, the judge came into the jury room to thank us for our service - but mentioned this "Wiccan" excuse as one of the few excuses courts won't challenge (grin).

  15. I am 51 and have never been called for jury duty. I would say that there are hundreds of people who are in jail falsely convicted. I heard someone who was in prison for twenty years and was freed because they ran a DNA test and proved the man was falsely convicted. Almost everyone lies and I can't ever convict a person or say they are guilty knowing that information is withheld, Eye witness are not brought to testify. No one ever gets a fair trial because cops lie. Hope I never get called. I could never sleep the same putting someone down not knowing for sure.

  16. This was an excuse used by a person in Montana. (see Attachment) Apparently you morons didnít understand me the first time. I CANNOT take time off from work. Iím not putting my familys wellbeing at stake to participate in this crap. I donít believe in our ďjusticeĒ system and I donít want to have a goddamn thing to do with it. Jury duty is a complete waste of time. I would rather count the wrinkles on my dogs balls than sit on a jury. Get it through your thick skulls. Leave me the fĖk alone. Found on failblog.org

  17. Well, the one and only time I actually reported to jury duty, this is what I did. I brought a half dollar coin with me in my pocket. When we got to the point where they asked if I can make a fair and impartial decision, I took out the coin and said " Yes, I feel that I can make a fair and impartial decision. I brought my lucky coin with me just for an occasion like this. It has never steered me wrong before" They couldn't wait to get me out of there as quick as possible. PS. I've also throw one away before, and nothing happened.

  18. Of course there is no reason for me to not have jury duty, your honor.
  19. If my uncontrollable diarrhea doesn't bother you and the other jurors, it sure doesn't bother me.
  20. I am psychic, and the aliens from Arturis Prime have already told me that the accused is guilty. So why your time and mine on a trial?

  21. I object to serving juror duty as long as you are on the bench, because I voted for your opponent in the last election. I find your political views abhorrent to the point of distraction. I'm sorry, were you saying something? Because I was just thinking about your political views.

  22. If he turns out to be guilty, can I cover him with chocolate sauce and throw him off a cliff?

  23. I would definitely like to be on the jury, because I saw the accused picture in the paper and I think I've fallen in love with her. Talk about knockers, you know what I mean?

  24. Tell you what: on the day that they legalize disemboweling with a boat hook as a punishment for unpaid parking tickets, I'll serve jury duty. Until then, you wimps are on your own.

  25. I would be honored to serve on a jury with your honor on the bench. I fondly recall the stories my father used to tell me about how you and him used to go to gay bathhouses in San Francisco and get it on with Mick Jagger.

  26. Ok ok, I'll serve jury duty. Now, would you mind if I go to the bathroom and smoke a joint so I an concentrate on the trial?

  27. I bought a cheap clerical collar and wore it with a black suit. I was excused immediately. Dress up like a priest.

  28. This one works well in New South Wales Australia, loss of confidence in the system. I put together a clip to help people lose confidence. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iHFa30pD3N8


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Well friends this is all for now. I hope you enjoy this place and please go to the Submit Excuses page and send your excuses in!
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Madtbon


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