Debt is called the 'American Way' and it seems that a bunch of us are a
big part of it. Well I guess we all have debt in one way or another and
now and then we need an excuse for getting caught up in it or just not
having the money to pay it on time. So here we are with another excuse
category and I hope that some of the excuses here help you out in your
desperate time of need.
Note: The 1st four excuses are for not paying a medical debit.
1. I was taken to the hospital against my
will, they just put me in the ambulance and took me, I told them I
did not need to go so I'm not paying this.
2. I only went to the hospital for an
3. The feds are after me.
4, My son is in the federal witness
protection program, I can't let you talk to him, it may cost
him his life.
5. This one was used by a gentleman from
whom my employer was trying to collect a debt: "I only spent $500
so I only repaid you the $500. That is fair." The man had borrowed
6. Yes I know I owe this debt... but it
isn't as important as paying for my cigarettes.
7. It's such a high amount why bother
paying one or any of the first installments isn't going to help.
(Gov't is going to freeze the account) The debt is always there
(when there are no payments made at all only in thought).
8. Take a number wait in line.
9. Usually when the collectors start calling, I just look at
my caller ID (thank goodness for the person that came up with that,
lol), anyhow, if just by chance I pick up the phone, and they say
may I speak to LC, I just tell em she's not here, she stepped out
(FOREVER), try back...
10. I would love to pay you but my wife keeps me locked up in
the basement. It was only by good fortune that she happened to drop
her cell phone and I answered your call. If you will come over here
and pick the locks on my chains, I will be more than happy to pay
11. Wow, did you hear that? It sounded like a huge fart! Did
you do that?
Well I sure didn't do it. I think you did it. Wow, there's another
one. Do you ever light them? I lit one of mine once, and it blew me
through a wall and into the next room.
12. I owe you how much? Huh, that much, huh? Well, I suppose
I should pay you. Sorry, how much did you say it is? That much?
Well, I supposed I will have to pay you. How much did you say it is?
Here, let me get my credit card. How much did you say it is? Could
you possibly lower the amount by ten cents? You can? That's
wonderful. Can you lower it by ten thousand dollars? Ok, how about
five thousand dollars? Well surely you can lower it by twenty-five
cents. You can? That's wonderful. Can you lower it by $296.78? Oh,
good, that's good, we're really getting somewhere now, aren't we?
This is a great negotiation. Can you lower it by $100?
13. Ok, ok, I'll pay you. But only if you talk real nice to
me. Tell me how much you want me. What color underwear are you
wearing? I don't like that color, call back when you are wearing a
14. Sure I'll pay you. first thing next week. But until then,
could you loan me a few dollars so I can get drunk enough to forget
the sound of your voice?
15. No problem, I have my checkbook right here, I'll tell you
the check number and you can take the entire amount electronically.
But first I want to talk with you about your soul. Have you accepted
the Lord as your savior? You haven't? Well then forget it, there's
no point in me paying you if you're going to hell. But if you
decided to accept the lord as your savior, call back and tell me
about it, and if I think you are being real sincere, I'll pay you.
16. I will pay you. But only if you go out with me. What do
you mean you're not gay? You sure sound gay. I mean, really, really
gay- no offense. So, tell me about your first time sleeping with a
guy. Oh come on, don't play coy with me, we both know you do it.
Tell you what, you ask the guy in the next cubicle if he thinks
you're gay, and if he says he thinks you aren't, I'll believe it.
What, he really said that? Look, I'm sorry, I know I said I'd
believe you, but I just can't. So, you gonna go out with me or not?
And bear in mind that you'll have to wear black leather.
17. Excuse For Debt Collectors:
Of course I have the money to pay you. Would you like me to pay you?
Ok, but you're going to have to make it worth my while. Tell you
what, you give me phone sex and I'll pay you... I'm sorry, but that
was a very unsatisfying imitation of a horny pit bull, but I will
give you one more chance: try to sound like a penguin with a cleft
palate would sound if it really wanted to get it on with me. Oh come
on, that was horrendous, there is simply no way I'm going to get off
if you can't do better than that. And if I don't get off, you don't
get paid. Now come on, grunt for me, you know you want to do it.
Well friends this is all for now. I hope you enjoy this place
and please go to the Submit Excuses page and send your excuses in!
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