Editor's Note: The 1st four excuses are for not paying a medical debit.

• 1. I was taken to the hospital against my will, they just put me in the ambulance and took me, I told them I did not need to go so I'm not paying this.
  
   
• 2. I only went to the hospital for an aspirin."
  
   
• 3. The feds are after me.
  
   
• 4, My son is in the federal witness protection program, I can't let you talk to him, it may cost
  him his life.
  
   
• 5. This one was used by a gentleman from whom my employer was trying to collect a debt:  "I only spent $500 so I only repaid you the $500.  That is fair." The man had borrowed $1,500.
  
   
• 6. Yes I know I owe this debt... but it isn't as important as paying for my cigarettes.
  
   
• 7. It's such a high amount why bother paying one or any of the first installments isn't going to help. (Gov't is going to freeze the account) The debt is always there (when there are no payments made at all only in thought).
  
   
• 8. Take a number wait in line.
  
   
• 9. Usually when the collectors start calling, I just look at my caller ID (thank goodness for the person that came up with that, lol), anyhow, if just by chance I pick up the phone, and they say may I speak to LC, I just tell em she's not here, she stepped out (FOREVER), try back...
  
   
• 10. I would love to pay you but my wife keeps me locked up in the basement. It was only by good fortune that she happened to drop her cell phone and I answered your call. If you will come over here and pick the locks on my chains, I will be more than happy to pay you.
  
   
• 11. Wow, did you hear that? It sounded like a huge fart! Did you do that?
  Well I sure didn't do it. I think you did it. Wow, there's another one. Do you ever light them? I lit one of mine once, and it blew me through a wall and into the next room.
  
   
• 12. I owe you how much? Huh, that much, huh? Well, I suppose I should pay you. Sorry, how much did you say it is? That much? Well, I supposed I will have to pay you. How much did you say it is? Here, let me get my credit card. How much did you say it is? Could you possibly lower the amount by ten cents? You can? That's wonderful. Can you lower it by ten thousand dollars? Ok, how about five thousand dollars? Well surely you can lower it by twenty-five cents. You can? That's wonderful. Can you lower it by $296.78? Oh, good, that's good, we're really getting somewhere now, aren't we? This is a great negotiation. Can you lower it by $100?
  
   
• 13. Ok, ok, I'll pay you. But only if you talk real nice to me. Tell me how much you want me. What color underwear are you wearing? I don't like that color, call back when you are wearing a different color.
  
   
• 14. Sure I'll pay you. first thing next week. But until then, could you loan me a few dollars so I can get drunk enough to forget the sound of your voice?
  
   
• 15. No problem, I have my checkbook right here, I'll tell you the check number and you can take the entire amount electronically. But first I want to talk with you about your soul. Have you accepted the Lord as your savior? You haven't? Well then forget it, there's no point in me paying you if you're going to hell. But if you decided to accept the lord as your savior, call back and tell me about it, and if I think you are being real sincere, I'll pay you.
  
   
• 16. I will pay you. But only if you go out with me. What do you mean you're not gay? You sure sound gay. I mean, really, really gay- no offense. So, tell me about your first time sleeping with a guy. Oh come on, don't play coy with me, we both know you do it. Tell you what, you ask the guy in the next cubicle if he thinks you're gay, and if he says he thinks you aren't, I'll believe it. What, he really said that? Look, I'm sorry, I know I said I'd believe you, but I just can't. So, you gonna go out with me or not? And bear in mind that you'll have to wear black leather.
  
   
• 17. Excuse For Debt Collectors:
  
  Of course I have the money to pay you. Would you like me to pay you? Ok, but you're going to have to make it worth my while. Tell you what, you give me phone sex and I'll pay you... I'm sorry, but that was a very unsatisfying imitation of a horny pit bull, but I will give you one more chance: try to sound like a penguin with a cleft palate would sound if it really wanted to get it on with me. Oh come on, that was horrendous, there is simply no way I'm going to get off if you can't do better than that. And if I don't get off, you don't get paid. Now come on, grunt for me, you know you want to do it.
  
   

Well friends this is all for now.  I hope you enjoy this place and please go to the Submit Excuses page and send your excuses in!

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Madtbone